A Burning Sky
by Affoler la Reine
Summary: Two years before their fifteen year contracts were to expire, the knights come across a Sarmatian girl living as a servant in a Roman house. Once they liberate her, it is discovered that she is the sister to one of them. Eventually Tristan/OC.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer I: **It is quite obvious that I do not own King Arthur. I actually do not even own the DVD at the moment because my brother stole it from me.  
**Disclaimer II:** This, again, takes place before and during and (possibly) after the battle of Badon Hill. I own the storyline, a few characters, this laptop, my iPod, and my seemingly endless supply of coffee.  
**Disclaimer III:** I have a creative license, which is funny because I don't even have a driver's license (I'm almost 19, btw). Does this mean that I will keep the characters that died in the movie alive? Well, you'll just have to see.  
**Disclaimer IV:** The characters, again, are out of character. Hopefully not too much, but honestly, I'm not sure how they would react to different things and am just going with the flow.  
**Disclaimer V:**I really like odd numbers... sorry. ENJOY THE STORY!

**A Burning Sky**

When I was ten years old, I watched as two young boys of our Sarmatian village mounted the same horse and rode away, without looking back. One of those young boys was my older brother. I watched as he rode off, clutching onto the little fence around our village, straining to see a glimpse of them as they were lead away. How long I stayed at the fence, fingers clenched tightly and painfully around the posts, eyes straining beyond their ability to see over the long waves of grass, past the horizon. How long I watched, begging myself to have one last chance to say goodbye, to tell my brother that I was sorry I pestered him and his friend always, to ask him to come home safely.

At eleven years old, I bothered some of the older men in the village, men that had served their fifteen years already, to teach me to fight. At first it was a way to feel connected to my brother, and then a way to protect myself if ever needs be. I was a studious pupil, eager to learn anything the men could teach me, however I was young and limited as to what they were willing to teach. I learned to shoot a bow and arrow, though I was not the best. Out of ten arrows, only three or sometimes four would even strike the target. I was too small for a blade, it hindered me more than helped and I did not have the strength to swing it. Finally the men were able to teach me with a dagger, which I became exceedingly better at with time.

My thirteenth year, on the exact day of my birth, I watched in horror as my home was attacked by a group of barbarians. My father had begged me, pleaded with me, and threatened me to hide under the bed while they fought the attackers. That was the day that my father was killed, infront of my eyes as I stood outside of the door, one sweaty hand clutching my tiny dagger. The murderer looked at me, holding onto the sword that he had plunged into my father's chest, and simply walked away. The man's face, scarred and scraggly, would stay with me forever.

My mother, a beautiful woman with a kind voice, often told me that some Sarmatians went to the Wall, to be near their knights. After my father was killed, she would lay in my bed with me, my younger brother pressed between us as he slept, and would often talk about finding her missing son, staying with him until his contract was up. She would clutch onto my five year old brother, kiss his brow, and rub her fingers over my cheek. In a fit of fear, she had once asked me to never have sons.

As a tradition it seemed, a group of barbarians came on my sixteenth birthday. This time, the group was larger than our village could handle and as the men fell to their death, my mother had pressed my eight year old brother to my side and told me to take the horse, to ride to the woods on the far side, not to stop until we were safe. That in a days time, we should return and if it was safe, we would start to rebuild.

My greatest regret is putting my brother behind me on the horse. I had not been sure that I could guide the horse with him infront of me and had told him to hold onto my waist behind me. When I felt his arms go slack and slump sideways, I did not want to turn around to look. We weren't far enough away from the village for me to stop the horse and find out what was wrong, so I clutched onto his arms and the reins and rode harder. Once in the woods, I turned to see if he was okay. Seeing the furrowed arrow sticking out of his back, his eyes closed and his heart stopped, had me feeling weak.

A day later, my brother's body wrapped in the cloak that I had had wrapped around my shoulders, I rode back to the village to be in awe that the entire thing had been burned down, not a single alive soul in sight. I struggled to bury the bodies that I could find, knowing each of their names, but didn't bother marking their graves. No one would be back here, no one would ever know about this place. It was destined to be forgotten.

For the first time in years, I begged in my head for my older brother to be alive, to be safe, and for me to find him.

How long I walked, how often I cried, or how much my heart broke over my long trip, were insiginicant numbers. However, I soon found myself surrounded by men dressed as soldiers, swords pointing at me while I lay on the ground after tripping, my tears wetting the dirt underneath me. A large man nudged me with his foot and I whimpered, not caring that I was supposed to be Sarmatian and frightening, praying for a swift and not drawn out death. I waited, and the wait felt like an eternity before the man hauled me up, tied my hands lightly infront of me and put me on a horse. I asked, half in fear and half in awe, where we were headed and he said simply, "Away."

The lord of the house, Grent Rivarus, met us at the door. He looked at the people that his soldiers had dragged in, tiny things and weak. Then he noticed me, sitting atop a horse by myself, holding onto the reins and looking around me in that same fear and awe that I had when I was first placed on the horse. Where was I, was I near my brother, had I really made it?

"What is your name, heathen?" My eyes snapped forward at the harsh voice with the accent like the soldiers, only sounds more important. At least to himself.

"Irissa." My voice cracked, as I hadn't spoken in such a long time. He sneered at my name, my voice, my very appearance and then turned to the soldiers.

"Bring the heathen to the rooms to bathe her and prepare her for kitchen duties. The rest will work in the fields."

If I should ever be thankful for Grent sending me for kitchen duties, I would find myself on a double edged sword. One side sat the fact that I was not in the fields, but that made the others think I was being favorited and therefore was shunned. The other side was that I was in the kitchen, but only for a while longer before I was assigned to be Grent's personal food tester, and his favorite whipping post for whenever he was in a foul mood.

The years went by slowly, with me counting down slowly to figure out how long I had been there. I arrived around my seventeenth birthday and if my countings were correct, it was close to my twenty-third birthday. Six years, six long and agonizing years. I often worked in the kitchen with Chauce, the polite cook who seemed to be the only one that did not hate me for my Sarmatian background. He would save scraps for me, bread or meats or sometimes vegetables that were unappealing to lord, days from going to waste. I would hide them in the folds of the simple gray dress that I wore, fraying at the edges and torn in places since I only got a new dress once a year, and this one was already showing age.

During one of my kitchen duties, while Chauce worked to prepare a meal to break the fast, I wondered on my brother. I had counted multiple times, seeing as how my twenty-third birthday was coming up, that he would be, if he was still alive, in his thirteenth year of his fifteen year duty. Chauce screamed at me to pay attention while I worked, seeing that I had been daydreaming, and it snapped me from my thoughts. Pushing all thoughts away besides what I as doing, I worked quietly and quickly.

Being Grent's personal food tester was a dangerous job, even if it did not seem like such. I had to try a bite, that he specified, of every meal and take a sip of every drink, using a tiny spoon that I always kept on me. He always swore that if his food was poisoned that I should pray that it would kill me instead of just making me sick because if I survived the poisoning, he would kill me. As if I would be the one to poison him. Not that I hadn't thought of it on multiple occasions, but I was not stupid. Where would I go, if his soldiers didn't kill me before I got through the doors?

Grent was pacing nervously in the dining area when I arrived with his tray, to which he glared at me and snapped twice, pointing to the seat he always occupied.

"I have guests coming, where are their trays?" Keeping my eyes on the floor, I bowed my head lower.

"They-" My voice was cut off as the others walked in carrying trays. Chauce sent me a look that clearly said I shouldn't have left so soon and I nodded barely noticably. Chauce was reaching fifty years of age and he looked after me as his daughter, though we both agreed it would be best if Grent did not know of this. He could use it against either of us in seconds if he wished.

Chauce left the room and the rest of the workers, plus one that had not carried a tray and myself, all moved to the far way, bending our head. We waited in silence for the guests to come, though we were not sure how long it would be. Finally the doors opened and the messenger said his guests had arrived.

The men moved into the room and my heart stopped for a split second before almost shattering my rib cage. The stories that had reached even the slave quarters of Grent's house were enough to tell us that these men were the famed, the infamous, Knights of the Round Table under Arthur Castus. The knights under him were of my own heritage, Sarmatian. I forced myself to look back down, not to look at their faces to determine if one of them was my brother. They were there for two nights, three days. I had plenty of time to find out where my brother was, if he was still alive.

Grent greeted his guests and ushered for them to sit at the table, Arthur closest to his right side so that they may speak. There were no introductions but Grent snapped twice and the workers and myself stepped forward, pulling our small spoons from our pockets, and tasting first the food of each man and then after cleaning the spoon, we tasted the wine. We moved back towards the wall and Grent eyed each of us, though me the most. Once satisfied, he rasied his goblet which the others did after Arthur shot each of them a look.

"To your health." Though he was toasting the men, I could feel his eyes on me for some reason. I struggled not to raise my eyes and prayed that no one else noticed. I was lucky, for once, because no one did.

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**A/N: **Phew, this was short. I have four parts (including this) written right now and to be honest, they are all kind of short.  
However, it's only the beginning.

Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading. Reviews are awesome!


	2. Chapter 2

**A Burning Sky**

They probably had sensitive topics to discuss that lowly workers should know nothing about, for the other testers and myself were dismissed. I made my way into the kitchen, eyes still no the ground and telling myself was not the time to scan the faces of each knight, and then slumped into a chair near Chauce.

"You feeling alright, Mute?" I cast a small glance to Chauce, as he always asked me that question and always called me that because I rarely ever spoke to anyone, and nodded. I fiddled with the simple white scarf that covered my hair, as all of the females had to wear that worked here.

"For now." He laughed and touched his nose in a cheeky fashion. He had always joked about putting a drug in the wine that would take a while to act, and be able to administer an antidote before it hit me. No longer laughing or joking, he sighed and rested his head in his hands.

"So, who were the esteemed guests this time?" We had had many guests throughout the time I had been at the household, each one just as useless or boring or cruel or ignorant as the first. Or, more importantly, as much as the lord himself. However, with the thought that the Sarmatian knights, perhaps my chance for freedom, maybe even my brother sat so close to me, I could hardly contain my excitement... nor could I contain the fear.

"It's Arthur Castus." One of the other testers glared at me before returning to his work. Chauce's eyes grew large as the focused wearily on me, knowing my story.

The silence that enveloped us had my skin crawling for the rest of the morning. Finally, when I was sure that the men would never retire, I heard the bell signal from the inside. The workers and myself walked back in to collect the trays and I was surprised to see that only Arthur and Grent occupied the room now.

I worked quietly, cleaning the area where Grent had eaten, keeping my eyes down and trying not to notice the silent man beside me. Though I was used to not being seen, having made it almost a talent of mine in the time I had been there, I could feel Arthur's eyes resting on me. There was no reason for me to feel the way that I did, with his eyes on me, as if he knew who or what I was. There was no reason for my hands to shake while I worked to clear the table. There was absolutely no reason for my hands that clutched the half-emptied goblet of Grent to slip and fall, spilling on the table and a few drops making it to Arthur's lap.

Before I could even think of apologizing, before I could pull the cloth from my pocket to offer him, there was a shout from beside of me.

"You stupid girl!" The back of Grent's hand, the one adorned with a few rings, flashed across my cheek and I fell over, my legs tangled in themselves and my body crushing to the ground without my arms being able to stop me. I was sure I screamed, or at least whimpered, but I quickly curled into a ball so that I could protect my head. I felt a foot come down onto the middle of my back and I screamed this time, biting into my knee which was pressed against my lips. I waited for another to fall, I could hear the air rushing towards me, could feel it as well. I waited, biting my knee to the point of drawing blood...

"Stop!" The voice, distinctly Roman and rough, commanding, yet nicer and more comforting than I was used to, made me cower further into myself. Arthur had stopped Grent from hurting me so that he could do it himself, of that I was sure when his hands came to my shoulders. Would he make me stand and then hit me? Would I have to face him as he kicked and hit me?

He pulled me up and into his arms, though he cradled me and did not let the feeling seem harsh. Part of me wanted to lash out, wanted to scream at the man holding onto me to let me go, but his presence was calming somehow.

"She is but a heathen, a burden on my house. I should have disposed of her when she first came!" I felt a rocking, making me think that Arthur was carrying me somewhere. The sound of a door swing open, and then another, and the familiar sound of the kitchen made me glance around. The kitchen silenced once they saw who had walked in the room, and who he was carrying. Chauce rushed forward, barking orders for everyone else to go about their business and gathered me from Arthur's arms, placing me in the chair I ususally occupied.

"Oh, oh Mute, what did you do this time?" He pulled the cloth from my pocket and dabbed at the cut that had formed from one of the rings under my eye, surrounded already by a bruise. The chair, which usually comforted me, ached against my sore back.

I didn't speak, not trusting my voice, and looked around until my eyes landed on Arthur still standing silently beside me. His eyes were soft, not hardened or scary as I thought, though they were deep with a sadness I felt a relation too for some reason.

"She accidentally dropped Grent's drink." He moved to wipe discreetly at the few drops that may have landed on him but Chauce and I both saw. I turned red, burying my face into my hands and trying to make myself as small as possible. The action caused my back to twinge and I violently threw my arms to the seat of the chair, gripping it so tightly that my knuckles popped.

"What's wrong? Mute?" I gestured towards my back and Arthur conveyed that Grent had stomped on me.

"One of my men is a good healer. He might be able to help you?" I shook my head, slowly releasing my hands from the chair I had clutched onto for dear life.

"I will be fine. Thank you for your kindness, it was undeserved." And with those words, the most I had spoken to a stranger in years and making Chauce's jaw drop to the floor, I made my way into the slave quarters.

"Who is that girl?" Chauce sighed and stood up, realizing that he was in the presence of a very important person but worrying over the young girl that would probably not be crying in the room she shared with twenty other workers, but definitely deserved to.

"Mute? She's just a girl that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She's the nicest girl you can know, but Grent has broken parts of her that no healer can fix." Arthur gazed at the man beside him lightly.

"Her name is Mute? Where is she from?" Chauce stiffened only slightly, barely noticable except that Arthur did notice it.

"Her name isn't Mute, but her name is not important. Neither is where she's from. She's here now, isn't she?" Arthur glanced from the older man to the door the young woman had gone through. She was strange, and something about her reminded him of someone, but he just couldn't figure it out. And he hated not knowing what it was chewing on the back of his mind.

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**A/N: **So I don't really like changing points of view, but I will be doing it a couple of times, usually only a few lines like this. I don't know how to do it elegantly, so I'll just do it the way that I do.  
Thanks to anyone who has read this, to my reviewer, _.discord_, and to anyone who favorited or alerted already. You're all 10s, thanks!

Reviews are awesome, as always. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Burning Sky**

The little broken bit of mirror that I had long ago stashed under the thin padding that pretend to be my pillow showed me that the cut on my face from one of Grent's rings was not as bad as I feared. Pulling my scarf from my head, I ran my fingers through my hair and winced as it pulled. I didn't own a brush, like a few of the lucky girls here, and of course they never let me borrow their precious items. I rubbed my hand over my sore back, where I would no doubt have the bruise of a foot for a while, and fought the urge to curl up and go to sleep. I did not have that kind of luxury, not here.

After tying my scarf back over my hair, I made my way back up the stairs and into the kitchen area. Chauce was preparing the meal for the slaves and when he offered me a bowl, I declined it and moved towards the back doors, leading into the guest quarters. I usually cleaned the rooms once a week, unless there were guests in them. At that point, I was not permitted to be in the room unless I was specifically ordered to enter. I walked past the doors, counting as I did so, of how many were occupied.

Arthur would be housed in the largest guest room, further back, but I counted six doors occupied in the front. Seven men in total, new to the house. As I walked through the hall, aimlessly as I really didn't have any chores since the rooms were occupied or already cleaned, I let my mind drift back to my brother. The more I thought about him, the more I thought that he could be behind one of these doors, the more I realized that I could no longer conjure his face. He would have grown, it having been thirteen years since I had seen his face, but I could not remember his face as a boy.

I had stopped walking, one hand clutching my dress and the other at my mouth, to cover the sobs that I felt rippling under the surface. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, that my brother may have been ripped from me already, without me having even known anything about him.

A door opened and I nearly threw myself against the wall, at a decent distance, and bowed my head as I had always been told to do. There was silence, no movement, but I could feel the presence of the person, the knight, standing infront of me. I wondered if I should excuse myself, or maybe take a peak at the knight. If I met his eyes, would I be able to keep a hold of myself or would I start to tell him of my brother?

"No need to bow to me." I glanced up sharply at the voice, low and soft that I barely heard it, and immediately regretted it. The knight infront of me had long dark hair that fell infront of his eyes, a few braids sticking out, and an array of black markings on his face. The female part of me associated him with the word attractive, however the slave part of me associated him quickly with the word frightening. This association was made more prominant when I noticed that his hand was resting lazily on the hilt of a sword.

I fell further onto the wall, hoping that the support from it would keep my knees from just letting out. He must have recognized that it was fear in my eyes and not awe, for he moved his hand from where it was resting and raised both hands so that the palms were facing me.

"I'm not going to hurt you." I blinked rapidly, trying to will myself to speak or run, whichever came first, but I ended up just pressed against the wall, my hands clutching at my dress as if I could disappear into the folds.

The knight eyed me curiously, his hands still up and facing me. I found myself not as scared, the longer I stared at him. His eyes seemed unmoving, as if it was a mission to make me believe that me meant me no harm. We stayed in our positions for a while longer before he spoke again.

"My name is Tristan. I mean you no harm." He spoke slowly, as if now assuming there was a chance I could not understand him. Tristan, it was a fine name. The female part of me crowed that it fit his appearance, the slave part admitting that he probably did mean me no harm. Arthur had saved me from a potentially brutal beating from Grent, had offered to have his healer knight take a look at my wounds. Surely the knights would take after their leader?

"Beg pardon." My voice came out as a bit of a chirp, as it often did when my nerves were wrapped in bundles and being tossed around. I bowed my head to him before heading out of the hallway as quickly as my feet could take me. Once out of eyesight, I stopped walking as fast as I had been, leaning my forehead against the wall and wincing with the pain that erupted through my back again. How had I let myself get almost literally cornered, made such a fool of myself, and treat the knight so rudely?

I pushed from the wall with that thought. I was rude to Tristan; would he take offense? Would he complain about me to Grent? I hadn't given him my name, and all of the servants wore the same outfits, but I had a distinguishing mark on my cheek thanks to Grent himself.

Torn between wanting to go back to find the knight, to apologize and potentially beg forgiveness, and with wanting to get as far away from the quarters as possible, I was saved when the bell to signal the next meal sounded. I rushed back to the kitchens, wondering how much time had been wasted between breakfast and now if the next large meal was now. Half of the day, maybe more, was gone.

Chauce shot me a look when I entered the kitchens, scolding me and asking if I was okay in the same glance, and then directed me to grab the first tray to bring into the hall. One of the other cooks glared at me, then smirked as I grabbed the tray and made my way towards the doors, this time waiting for the other workers. He must have been one of the workers that enjoyed the treatment I recieved, being Sarmatian.

The knights were seated at the table, with Arthur to the right of Grent again. I placed my tray infront of Grent, trying not to look at the knights, before moving back to the wall while the other workers followed suit. I could feel more than one set of eyes on me. I knew that Grent would be looking at me, as well as probably Arthur after what happened in this very room hours earleir. Then there was probably Tristan, watching me after my strange performance not too long ago. I inwardly cursed at myself for being so foolish as to drawing so much attention to myself in so little time.

Grent snapped twice and all of the testers moved forward, pulling our spoons out. We all tested the food and then wiped our spoons. As I raised the spoon to my mouth with the wine, I realized that it tasted a little bitter. Some of the wine would be left open for too long, gaining that taste after a while. We all moved back to the wall and waited as Grent eyed us all. Right as he was about to touch his on goblet, a few of the testers started to cough and choke, clutching at their throats as they started to fall. I watched in horror, realizing that I was probably next. Grent was furious, yelling as each of the testers besides myself fell down. Was someone trying to kill the knights?

The thought barely registered when I felt my throat begin to close, the contents of my stomach seeming to set fire. I fell to my knees, clutching my neck and willing myself to purge the poison, whatever it was. I could see through the tears that had gathered that all of the other testers were dead, or at the least unconscious. Would that be my fate in mere moments?

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was pushed to lean back, my head resting on someone's shoulder. I couldn't make out faces or voices, though I could hear multiple people yelling. My hands were grabbed and held to my sides and someone pinned my legs so that I would stop thrashing. Something was poured down my throat, burning as it did. Yet the burning sensation gave way to a cooler sensation, and the fire in my stomach seemed to be doused.

I fought to stay conscious, feeling myself pulling at the hand that was wrapped around my shoulders, but not to get it off of me. I was trying to keep myself busy, to keep myself awake, but I could not. I slipped, and slipped further, until I gave into the dreams that were dancing on the edge of my mind.

In my dreams, for I knew what they were, I could see my brother again. He was thirteen, he was smiling, but his features seemed distorted, as if I was viewing them from under water. I tried to touch his face, but there was nothing there, his image dispersed as if like smoke. Did this mean my brother was dead?

Much like I had been doused with water, I sat up sputtering. My chest was heaving and my stomach felt like I had been throwing up for hours on end. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked around the room. I was in one of the guest chambers, but it did not look lived in so I assumed it was not one of the seven that the knights were housed in.

I slowly stood up, grasping on the furniture to keep from falling over. I made it to the door and turned the knob, grateful when it gave away without trouble. Some of the doors could get stuck if not used very often. I stepped into the hallway and was shocked to see Arthur and another knight, with curly brown hair and the facial hair to match, waiting outside of the door.

"You're awake." I would have mentioned that that much was obvious, but I stayed silent, rubbing my throat.

"How are you feeling?" I turned to face the nameless knight, praying to whatever diety could hear my heathen soul that I would not be punished for actually looking annoyed at the question, before trying to limp down the hall. I had no idea where I was going though and had to stop my leaving.

Grent had always sworn that if there was ever an incident with poison, that I should pray that it kills me because if it didn't, he would. The fear that struck me like the sword had struck my father, in the middle of my chest, caused me to sway backwards. The knight reached forward to steady me before releasing me quickly.

"Dagonet says that you are lucky that he happened to have a simple mixture on him to counteract the poison. We were able to save three others from death. Arthur, does her face look paler now than it had before?"

Both sets of eyes were trained on me, as if ready to jump in case I fainted or swayed on the spot again. However I was still and upright, hands shaking only lightly.

"D-Dagonet?" Arthur eyed his nameless friend before turning back to me, nodding slowly.

"Dagonet, one of my knights." I let myself lean against the wall, shaking more than I had before. They both noticed and Arthur told "Lancelot" to run and get Dagonet, to make sure I wasn't still ill. At hearing that Dagonet would be there, infront of me in mere moments, I fell to my knees before Arthur could grab me. He bent down, raising my head to look into my eyes, asking me over and over if I was okay and if I could hear him. The tears in my eyes may have given him the wrong impression, but I did not speak.

Dagonet... my brother.

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**A/N: **Well there you go, her brother is Dagonet. I've tried to keep you in suspense as to who her brother was and... there ya go!

Also, to my anonymous reviewer on_ Freedom and Faith_, **Elena**. I want to thank you for your amazingly kind words. Though I do believe that_ Freedom and Faith _was a good story, I'm not so sure it was worthy of such praise. But I thank you, none the less, and I hope that if you ever find this story, that you like it just as much, if not more, than _Freedom and Faith_. Thank you Elena!

Thanks for reading/reviewing/alerting/favoriting this story/me. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**A Burning Sky**

The man that stood infront of me resembled the blurred images that I recalled in my poisoned dreams before. He had a few scars, his jaw was set in a frown, but his eyes seemed caring and not as touched by his harsh life as everything else about him. He was tall, so much taller than I expected, and his shoulders were wide. I suspect that he probably resembled our father, though our father's hair was never cut so short.

My brother stared down at me, as I had not gotten up from the floor yet, repeating his question for the third time. Though the words didn't register, his voice did. My brother's voice carried down to me and swept into my ears, swimming in my memories. He slowly bent down on one knee to be closer to my level, him still being taller than me in this position. He raised a hand and touched my chin, shaking me from my memories and trance.

"Girl. Are you well?" I heard Lancelot murmur to someone that maybe the poison had damaged me, but one of the other knights that had gathered around us, a shorter and more hefiter man with a boisterous laugh, had said that the other survivors were well enough.

"What's her name?" Dagonet had glanced up at the knights around us, as if expecting any of them to know the name of a slave girl in the Roman household that none of them wanted to be in. After the initial silence, Arthur spoke.

"The cook called her Mute." Lancelot gave a sigh, throwing his hands up and turning away.

"Great, we're expecting a response from a mute!" He seemed to have forgotten that I had uttered one word, the name of the knight still kneeling infront of me. I glanced at the other knights around us. Arthur was the only one that I had spoken to before that was present. It seemed that Tristan was presently absent. I lowered my eyes back to the eyes of my brother. He didn't recognize me, even without the cloth that had been on my hair. The brown curls fell in a matted heap on my back, creating an almost pillowed sensation as I leaned back against the wall.

"D-Dagonet?" Everyone seemed to snap focus back to me except for Dagonet, who had still be staring at me when I had spoken. His eyes widened only a little at my word, his name. My voice was harsh, still. In the back of my mind, as I formed a sentence, I wondered if my voice would ever be normal again.

"Yes. That's my name." I nodded, my eyes searching his face for any sign of him remembering me. Or anything that seemed familiar. He was so distant from what I remembered. What was he now, but a memory? What if he didn't remember me at all, or want any connection to me? How would he react to hearing that our family was killed, that it was just him and I now. I bent my neck so that I was looking down at his hands which were now perched on his knees, waiting for me to either speak or make some sort of action. He was waiting.

"My... my name is Irissa." My voice was shaking so hard that I must have sounded like I was frozen, the words choppy and low. However the words seemed to resonate in the hallway and there was silence as the other knights watched their healer pale and almost topple over himself. Then the knight with the boisterous laughter bent down, putting an arm on his friend's shoulder and staring at me in wonder. Had my brother mentioned his family to the knights? Did my name mean anything to any of them besides a name?

"Irissa?" Dagonet had moved forward, as if wary of frightening me with his closeness. I nodded, my body starting to feel weak, and we fell into one another. My hands clutched onto my brother's shirt, my face pressed against his chest. I cried, for the first time in a long while, my silent sobs shaking the body I was grasping so tightly to. My brother's arms were around me, holding onto me as if he was afraid of losing me again. The boisterous man's voice reached my ears as he mumbled an explanation to the other knights, the word "sister" being uttered by each knight as if the word was more foreign than it should have been. It had been thirteen years since any of them had seen home, it might have been a very foreign concept.

How long we stayed on the floor, clutched to one another as if we were molded that way from clay, would never make up for how long we were apart. He slowly pulled himself away and lifted himself, plus myself, into a standing position. I was still weak, from the poison and the excitement of finding my brother at last, that I swayed a bit. He turned to face the knights, pulling me slowly infront of me, still giving me support that I didn't fall.

"This is my sister, Irissa." The knights acknowledged me with bowed heads, but seemed to understand that bombarding me with questions, stories, names, or anything right now would be the opposite of what I needed. So he opened the door behind me and lead me back to the room I had been in before. Once I was seated on the bed and no longer threatening to topple over in a faint, I was able to face my brother again.

"There is so much I wish to hear, so much time I want to be caught up on. You need your rest first." I nodded, pulling my legs up to my chest and running my fingers over the bite mark on my knee, from when I had bitten down earlier when I had been beaten. Had that really only been this morning? It felt like years ago.

"Grent-" Dagonet shook his head, putting a rough finger to my mouth to quiet me.

"Do not worry about him. He will be dealt with." I shook my head and then feeling a rush of dizziness, I leaned back onto the bed. I was comfortable, I was safe, I was with my brother. Could this be happening, or was this some dream? Was this a continuation of the distorted dream I had been having earlier? Would I wake from this? Or did the poison kill me, and this is some sort of heaven?

"Go to sleep, sister. I will be back when you wake." If I had any sort of protest, it was taken away from me as my long lost brother kissed my forehead and turned to leave the room. I curled in on myself, ignoring the ache in my back and the dull burn in the pit of my stomach, the soreness of my throat. The dreams that I had while I slept would never come close to the dream I was living, with my brother.

* * *

Dagonet stood facing Arthur in the hallway. The other knights had left, saving Bors who stood behind his closest friend, his face still stretched in awe.

"He beat her, probably often. I don't know how long she's been here, but the cook said that she was broken more than a healer could fix. You must understand that she may not be the sister you remember." Dagonet looked down at his hands, blood caking the sleeves of his shirt just like every other knight he fought beside.

"I am not the brother she remembers either. We will have to work on knowing each other again." Arthur nodded, turning to face the door that the girl slept behind. Dagonet faced it too, but then turned back to his commander.

"I will not leave her here." Arthur nodded again, showing both his understanding and approval, before turning and making his way out of the hallway. Bors turned to his friend who stared at the door.

"She'll be fine, Dag. She just needs time." Time was something they still had plenty of.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry for the short chapter but I've been hanging out with friends that I haven't seen since I went off to college. To my American readers, hope you had a good 4th of July!  
Thank you everyone for the reviews/favorites/alerts. I'm enjoying watching my email blow up because of you all!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's still kind of slow right now, but it'll pick up in a few chapters. There is a brief Tristan/Irissa interaction in the next chapter, but I'm building it. Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**A Burning Sky**

When I woke up, there was a moment that I was confused as to why I was waking up in a bed. I had sat up so fast, worrying that I had fallen asleep while cleaning, when the memory of what really happened hit me so hard that I fell back down onto the bed. Moving slowly, unsure of what my body could handle, I stood up and moved to the door. When I opened it a crack, I noticed that it was dark in the hallway save the candles that were lit when the sun had set.

Stepping out, I realized that I wasn't wearing any form of footwear, but I kept moving. As I moved down the hallway, I could see the candlelight from inside of the other rooms flickering, telling me that people were still awake. I moved as quietly as possible, keeping one hand out to the wall incase I got dizzy. Not knowing exactly where I was headed, just knowing that I didn't want to be in that room anymore. My feet were getting cold on the floors but I was used to the cold here.

I scurried sideways when one of the doors opened and a knight stepped into the hallway, almost stepping onto me in the process. Though I wasn't entirely frightening of the knights anymore, I was still wary of them. When glancing up from my spot on the wall, I could make out the outline of the knight I had run into in this same hallway before. His name escaped me for a moment but I turned to face him straightly, trying to keep my spine straight even when I wanted nothing more than to curl up.

"Well enough to be walking?" His voice wasn't kind or caring, though it wasn't harsh or cruel either. It was the same low tone as the time before, however it wasn't soft this time. His voice was rough, as if he had just woken up.

I nodded, not knowing what else I could do. He was staring at me oddly, as if trying to figure out what I was. Or perhaps as if he was looking for something that was hidden on me, maybe a resemblence to Dagonet. I remember when I had stared at his face at first, sitting against the wall, trying to find a shred of myself in his image, but not finding it. The knight took my silence as an ending and moved to go down the hall.

"Tristan." I hadn't meant to speak the name out loud when I remembered it and could not think of an excuse as to why I did when the knight turned around to face me in the hall, him standing tall and broad and I, shied against the wall as if I was a dog about to be scorned.

"Your brother's room is two doors down." And then without another word, without him questioning as to why I had said his name, he turned around and continued to walk. I waited to move until he had turned the corner, watching his back the whole time. Once he was out of sight, I moved two doors down and raised my hand, letting it hang infront of the door for a moment before knocking. A rough "Come in" was spoken from the otherside of the door and I pushed it open.

At first I wondered if there had been a mistake, if either I or Tristan had miscounted or if maybe Tristan had tricked me. Sitting on the chair next to the bed was the louder knight, the larger boisterous one. I bit my lip, about to turn and leave without an apology, when I noticed my brother at the window. He had turned when I had entered, or maybe even before, but did not move forward. The knight in the chair stood up, murmured a goodnight to Dagonet, and then walked past me, patting my shoulder with a smile before disappearing and shutting the door behind him.

We stood in silence for a few moments, his back to the window and my back to the door. And then, as if everything had started to move faster, Dagonet had swiftly made his way towards me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him. My hands were stuck between us and he pulled away when he realized I was trapped, but once I timidly wrapped my arms around his shoulders, he pulled me back to him. I pressed my face against his chest, barely into his shoulder. He was so tall.

Standing like that for a while might have been awkward, seeing as how we did not know one another very well anymore, but it was soothing. When we finally parted, he pulled me towards the bed and sat me down before seating himself in the chair beside the bed, facing me.

"It has been a very long time since I last saw you, Irissa. To imagine, finding you in a Roman house as a servant. How'd you get here?" Here, his voice which had been so calming, became a little harder. His anger towards the Romans wasn't unfounded.

Starting my tale was difficult, since my voice was still strained and scratchy. By the end of my story though, retelling of the past thirteen years, my voice was fluid again. However, fluid also fell from my eyes. I hadn't cried so much in such a long time.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that alone. I'm sorry it happened at all." His face hadn't changed much when I had told him about our family falling, our entire village. If he was surprised, he hid it very well. How did these men, these knights, show emotion? I tried not to wonder if they felt emotion, for I would never think of my brother as heartless.

"Tell me... tell me something. Anything. Tell me of your life the past thirteen years." Dagonet had frozen, his hands clutching onto his knees, before he too began his story.

That night, I had slept curled up with my brother, like we had all of those years ago. He had told his story, though I had a feeling he kept it light for my sake. I hadn't asked questions about the knights but he told me a little about each one. I learned their names and how to tell them apart.

Dagonet kept one arm around me as we slept, though it took me longer to fall asleep than it did for him. I guess I really didn't want to go to sleep, a part of me still thinking that it was a dream that I would wake up from at some point. I didn't want to wake up without my brother, back in the slave's quarters with the other girls before the morning bell.

The next time I opened my eyes, I hadn't even been aware that I had fallen asleep, I was alone again. However there was a dip where my brother had slept so I knew that it wasn't all a dream. I ran my fingers painfully through my hair, tying it back with a thread from my tattered dress and moved to the door. When I stepped out, Chauce was approaching quickly.

"I packed you some food for your trip. I also scrounged a few extra cloaks, since it's chilly out there." He handed me a bundle and I nearly fell sideways from the weight.

"What... what trip?" He eyed me as if I was a bit touched in the head for not knowing what he was talking about.

"You're going with the knights to the wall. I still can't beleive that one of them is your brother." I rubbed my fingers over the back of my neck as I ran one hand over the worn fabric of the bag.

"I'm leaving?" He laughed at the confused voice I was using, pulling me into a hug.

"My servitude should be up soon. I'll visit you at the wall when I can." He kissed both of my cheeks and then started down the hall. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, had no idea that I was leaving or when, so I moved slowly down the hall. Infront of Tristan's door I paused for a moment before continuing my walk, clutching the bundle to my chest.

Still clutching the bag, I made my way into the sitting area of the household. Grent was sitting in the larger chair as always, looking very much like he had swallowed a flying bug. His eyes found me standing in the doorway and they narrowed dangerously.

"You. You... heathen. You brought this on me!" I shrank back, almost dropping my bundle. He stood up and moved towards me quickly, quicker than I thought him capable. His hand was outstretched and he grasped my throat, pulling me towards him so that he could sneer into my face.

"You'll never make it through the gates. My guards will kill all of you if they must." I dropped my bag, scratching at the hand on my throat, when there was a yell and then another body at our side, pushing Grent away. I fell as the hand released me, coughing and wheezing to get my breath back, and glanced up in time to see Arthur just barely stop Dagonet from attacking Grent.

"Neither you nor your guards will stop us from leaving these gates. If they try, we will kill them. This is your only warning. Dagonet, get Irissa up and to the horses." Dagonet swung my discarded bundle over his shoulder and then lifted me up, cradling me like a child, and carried me from the house. I kept my face curled into his shoulder, shaking with fear and exhaustion.

We rode through the gates without anyone stopping us, me perched infront of my brother, still curled into him. The other knights, on the ride back to the wall, asked if I was okay but I never answered and if Dagonet did, I couldn't hear it. As we neared the wall, he roused me from my half sleep to see it. I clutched one hand to his arm while we got closer, being able to make out shapes at the top of the fortification.

I had finally made it to the wall, where I had been trying to get for so long. I was finally there with my brother. To stay.

* * *

**A/N: **Soooorry for the short Tristan/Irissa action. I'm also sorry about this chapter seeing rushed. I've been writing this other story that I've had stuck in my head the past... well, long time. Plus, I REALLY wanted to get her out of there so I can progress the story.  
The next chapter will be a little more Irissa/Dagonet bonding. Plus she'll meet some of the other knights AND there will be another brief Tristan/Irissa moment. I'm working hard to make Tristan a more active participant in this story.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Sorry for not responding like usual. Hope you liked this chapter though.


	6. Chapter 6

**A Burning Sky**

The first thing that happened when we reached the wall happened a few moments after I got off of Dagonet's horse. He whispered something to Bors who chuckled and walked off before coming back with a pretty woman with red-brown hair and mabye a dozen children around her. He then whispered something to her, reaching down to grab her backside, before pushing her towards me. She looked me over as if I was an animal about to be scared away and moved slowly towards me.

"I'm Vanora. I'm with Bors." She offered her arm and I linked mine with her's, not really knowing what else I could do.

"It's nice to have another female around here." We made our way through the people towards what I assumed to be Bors and Vanora's living quarters. There was a medium sized cot set up in the first room, what I assumed to be where they slept. In the further rooms there seemed to be a neverending supply of cots.

"How many children do you have?" She glanced at me, seemingly shocked that I had spoken. I suppose Bors had probably told her that I don't say much, which was true. However I felt comfortable talking around Vanora.

"Ten. Though I'm sure that won't be all, before the fifteen years are over." She was laughing, seeming not to mind very much that she was not married and had ten bastard children.

She was rooting through her wardrobe, mumbling to herself as she did so. The woman was beautiful, if in an almost natural way. She handed me a dress which I simply held in my hands, not knowing what else I could actually do with it. She rolled her eyes and moved behind me, helping me undo my gray dress.

"It'll be a little loose on you, since you're so small." I ran my hands over my sides self consciously when she finally had my gray dress off. She helped me into her dress, doing the ties in the back and the buttons as well. Once finished, she looked me over and then glanced at my hair.

"I figure we should have gotten you to bathe first. Well, it's not like getting you into that dress was difficult. Let's get you out of it."

So Vanora lead me to a bathing area where she helped me undress, though let me keep myself covered for the most part, and helped me scrub off the dirt and grime that seemed to become like a thin second skin. She was careful around various cuts and bruises that adorned my back and legs, as well as the one on my cheek, and then told me to dunk my head so she could rub some of the oils into my hair to wash it and have it smelling nicely. When we were done, she had brought in a small mirror that was a lot better to use than my little fragment back at Grent's. I looked so small and fragile, the dark green of the dress making me look sickly pale.

"Now, let's get some food in your stomach, see if we can give you some shape." She ushered me out of the washing room, with me acting like either a lost dog or perhaps one of her children and following her without question, and towards the tavern area.

She told me that it would be fairly quiet at the moment, which I was grateful for, but I was shocked to recognize two faces in the few people there. They were knights. I looked over the first one, the long braided hair with a more red tint, and decided that that must have been Gawain. The other one with the facial hair, curly hair, and still almost boyish features had to be Galahad. My guesses were only based on Dagonet's descriptions, so I had no plan on joining them to figure out if I was right or not. That is until Vanora ushered me in that direction.

"These are some of the more tame knights." She had whispered in my ear moments before we reached their side and by the smirk that Gawain had, I assumed that he had probably heard.

"Now you two, watch over her while I get her some food won't you?" She didn't even wait for any of us to answer before she disappeared.

"I'm Gawain. This miserable lump is Galahad." I nodded, inwardly celebrating that I had been right, before introducing myself. Though I was sure that they knew who I was.

"Irissa." They nodded before slowly returining to their conversation. They were talking about a recent ride, before the one that brought them to Grent's, where Lancelot had flirted with the wrong female more than once. I went through my mental images of the knights until I remembered that Lancelot was the one with Arthur the day that I found my brother. I tried to remember how long ago that was, but it felt like months. It was only yesterday.

Gawain soon stood up, downing the rest of his ale. He looked at me and then to Galahad and then back to me, slightly blearily, before smiling.

"Let me know if he gives you any trouble." Then with a nod of the head, he too disappeared the way Vanora went. She still wasn't back and I had a feeling that Galahad probably wouldn't wait too much longer here with me before disappearing himself. What would I do when I was alone?

I glanced over to the knight sitting beside me now and noticed that he was watching me with his head cocked slightly to the side. He reminded me of the times that Grent's other Roman lords would visit and stare at me, noticing that something was different but not really knowing what that was.

"Is something wrong?" He shook his head, taking another large sip of the ale infront of him.

"I'm trying to see something of Dagonet in you." I pulled on my hair lightly before tucking it behind my ear. My own image was faded in my mind, though I had some idea of what I looked like. However I too had trouble finding any resemblence to the man that I discovered as my brother. There was a connection that I couldn't deny that sprung up the moment our names were said, one that I knew meant we actually were siblings, but there was almost no way to physically distinguish that we were related.

"I suppose he takes after our father, while I take after our mother." Galahad continued to look at me, head lightly to the side. Vanora was making her way towards me with a smile, holding a tray with food and a wooden cup on it.

"I don't see it though. You're just so small, probably can't handle yourself. Dagonet is so-" He never finished his sentence because I snatched the knife that Vanora had laid out infront of me with my food and pointed it at the slightly inebriated knight, level with his throat. It wasn't the same shape as the dagger I learned with when I was younger, but it was about the same size. My hand was only shaking a little bit. I wondered if Galahad would be offended, would attack me. My answer came with a voice behind me.

"Irissa, what are you doing?" The knife fell from my hand and I turend around to face my brother, looking at me as if I had lost my mind. I stood up, not even bothering to look at the food that Vanora had put infront of me, and made my way out of the tavern quickly, leaving an array of fairly shocked faces.

I barely made it out of the tavern and into a sea of people before I realized that I had no idea where I was going. Trying to make my way through the maze of people was almost a violent movement and then there was a hand wrapped around my arm, pulling me out of it. My first reaction was to swing out but I saw that it was Dagonet and just moved, my arm bent upwards in his grasp, trying to get out of the swarm.

Once we were no longer surrounded by so many people, he turned me around to face him. Something in his eyes made me stand my ground, facing him head on and not flinching, though I highly doubted that he would ever raise his hand to hit me. The emotion in his eye that gave me my courage was a spark of pride. Pride in me.

"Why did you run?" I shifted from side to side, not faltering just uncomfortable in the shoes that Vanora had loaned to me.

"I thought there would be a reprimand for what I did to Galahad." Dagonet smiled, not quite a full smile but it was there.

"He was impressed. As am I. What would you say to training? Training you to take care of yourself?" I found myself nodding. He might have assumed the knife reaction was just that, a reaction. Maybe I could impress him a little more when he sees that I do have some training already. Though I'm not the best at the other weapons.

"You'll be training me?" He nodded, shrugging one shoulder and he wrapped the other around me to direct me back through the people towards the tavern.

"Me, the other knights. We all have strengths that we can help you with." I nodded and when we made our way into the tavern, the only familiar face was Vanora's. She mentioned to Dagonet that Galahad had left in a good mood and Gawain had almost passed out from laughing.

While I ate, Dagonet sipping ale slowly while watching me, another familiar face walked in. Tristan glanced around the area before spotting us and moving towards where we were sitting. He nodded towards Dagonet and then towards me, pulling out a wooden chair infront of us. Vanora brought him an ale and an apple, not even having to be asked. He nodded his thanks, pulling out a small knife to cut it with. He seemed to notice that I was staring at the dagger for he kept looking at it and then to me, but didn't say anything about it.

My eyes were drawn to the dagger as hit slid it through the apple before pulling it away and towards his mouth so that he could eat the slice straight from the blade. He did this a couple times while I was eating my own meal before he cut a slice and held it out to me. I stared at it, remembering how he had just put his mouth on the blade to pull the slice off. I moved a hand slowly from the clench that I had them in and pulled the slice off of his knife, smiling in thanks before popping it into my mouth. He was staring at me, as if it had been a challenge. I still wondered if I passed the challenge.

"-mind?" I glanced up at Dagonet, not realizing that he had been speaking. I thought back, trying to remember what he had said, but he wasn't paying much attention to me. He was watching Tristan. This, however, does not mean that his question was aimed at Tristan, he might have just been looking at him. I was saved looking like a fool by Tristan answering though.

"No, I don't." And then he stood up, nodding to Dagonet and them just staring at me as he walked away. It felt like he was beckoning me, but Dagonet offered to fill my drink for me so I assumed that he wasn't.

There is no easy way for me to approach the subject of what transpired while I was transfixed with Tristan's dagger cutting up the apple. I thought about it for a few moments, toying with how I could bring it up. So I went with the only idea I could come up with.

"What made you come up with that question?" He glanced at me oddly, but raised his own drink before answering.

"Tristan's the best at it. I knew that he could take care of you." He partially answered my question and there was no way I could continue questioning it so I smiled, nodding as if I understood, and finished my meal in relative silence.

I had no idea what I may have just gotten myself into.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, so the Tristan/Irissa part in this one was short and teeeeechnically surrounded by Dagonet/Irissa but the fact is, she's starting to get interested. Dun dun dun.

Thank you to my lovely, lovely, lovely reviewers. All of you. I'm working on responding to reviews right now but it's 2:30 in the morning and I still need to do laundry and try to get to sleep.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Keep reviewing please, it helps me know what I need to work on and what everyone dis/likes about the story so far. So thank you for reading! I'll try to update later today, at the latest, early on Friday.


	7. Chapter 7

**A Burning Sky**

Vanora had seemed to adopt me like her eleventh child when I arrived. She made sure I ate a full meal multiple times a day, she helped me make my own clothes from the cloth that was distributed. She kept me entertained with stories of the knights, even some that had passed away, and even told me stories of the horrors she's witnessed in the ways of wounds.

"Every knight has been wounded and I'm sure the trend will continue for the rest of their contract." Of course I asked about my brother the most, but she told me as many stories as she could remember in the days that I stayed exclusively with her and her children.

Her children were given numbers, except for one that was called Gilly. He would stand in the doorway while I helped Vanora with things in their rooms, watching us curiously, before running off. The first few times I saw it, I didn't question it. However it slowly became more strange and I finally asked Vanora, who laughed.

"He's probably playing spy for Bors, to find out when he can move back in." I blushed, not having known that I had unwittingly kicked Bors out of his home. The knight had not been unkind to me in any way though, in the few times that I saw him, so perhaps he did not hold too much of a grudge.

Dagonet had been absent for most of my first few days, coming to check up on me in the morning and in the night. He was sure to ask Vanora if we needed anything, sure to ask me if I was comfortable, and ready to assure me that they were preparing a room for me.

"It's good to have another women here." Dagonet had just disappeared after his nightly appearance, taking the time to ask if we needed anything and to repeat that my room was being prepared.

"I haven't been allowed to roam the area by myself, but I've seen many women here." She laughed, a mixture of real and crude humor. She had explained to me that it wouldn't do well to blush so much when certain words or stories were told. Though I wasn't naive, there had been plenty of stories to hear at Grent's house, I also was not experienced in anything but blushing. It took practice to hear the jokes, comments or stories that Vanora would tell without blushing or even looking away in embarrassment for the people in the story.

"I mean here, among the knights for more than a night." We laid down on the bed in the front room, listening to her children in the back laughing and playing as they settled for sleep. The bed we were on fit two people comfortably without them having to touch, though I assumed that Vanora and Bors probably slept fairly close.

"Do many of the knights take women in such a way?" She nodded, yawning into her hands before curling towards me, a small chill in the room that was much easier to handle than the chill outside. The grass was starting to freeze, winter would soon be on us.

"There had been cases of other women for longer times, or even some reoccuring. But the knights have their minds pulled in a hundred different directions. They never really got to be children before they were forced to be adults. I suppose I should be grateful that I have captured Bors. We aren't married, but he does not shy away from the fact that we have children. He embraces it." I rubbed my feet against one another, hoping for a little friction. She told me that this was the colder room and that the other room was warmer. Probably why she put the children in there.

"Do any of the other knights have children?" I had spent time with my brother enough to know that he would be a good father, if he was ever to be one. Though maybe him finding me was enough to settle that need in him. Parts of me were still childlike, in my wonder and in my fears.

"None that they embrace as their's." I took that answer as an end to the conversation, wondering over who in the knights were parents.

When I woke up the next morning, it was before Vanora. I had taken up helping her with the children while she caught up on her sleeping, so I did what I had done for the past few mornings. I rose, washed my face in a small basin of cold water, brushed through my hair and dressed before going into the other room. I helped the children prepare for their day, getting them washed and dressed, before sending them down with the older ones to get their breakfast.

Vanora was settled in for a long sleep so I put on a pair of borrowed shoes and wrapped a thick cloak over my shoulders before heading out myself. I made my way through the few early risers, letting my feet guide me. The only places I had seen of the fort had been the tavern, Bors and Vanora's rooms, the bathing area, and the room with the round table that the knights held their meetings. My feet carried me away from these things, from the familiar, and I took in the sights of the fort. People came here to trade, or to seek some sort of solace.

I passed the stables, holding many beautiful horses. I told myself that I would stop there on my way back to enjoy their company and dote on them. My walk took me to a hill. The sun was slowly starting to rise, turning the sky to a reddish color, making it look as if it had been set on fire. I turned to look out over the expanse of land and fought back a gasp. I had somehow wandered to a graveyard.

My feet were frozen on the hill, the firey sky above me, and my eyes fixed on the graves that were laid out infront of me. The swords sticking from the graves, even at a distance, told me that this was the graveyard for the knights throughout time. As my watery eyes went over the graves, it hit me that my brother could have been in one of those. My brother, who I just found, still had two years left in his contract and could still end up in the grave.

"Wonderous, isn't it?" My head snapped to the left where a man stood. I focused my slightly bleary eyes on the knight, realizing that it was Lancelot. I wiped the tears from my eyes, hoping that he did not see them falling.

"I'm not sure I would use that word." He nodded, his eyes fixed on the graves as well. He seemed rough this morning, as if he had spent most of the night in a fitful sleep.

"What word would you use?" There were many words that I could use to describe the sight of the graves infront of us. I twisted through every emotion I was feeling, trying to find the right word. No word seemed to do justice.

"Colored. There are so many colors here." The rising sun was now reflecting on the dew on the ground, making it look like the graves were on fire. There were flowers that sprung up around the area as well, in an array of colors. The colors in Sarmatia were so much more vivid, but there seemed to be more here for some reason. Maybe it was just because I was here, because I hadn't seen home in so long, that these colors seemed so numbered.

"Yes, there are many colors here. It's a mess of colors and if you're not careful, you'll get them on you. These colors, they get under your fingernails and on your clothes, they stain your skin. There's no way to stay clean, not like this." His voice was stiff, broken as he spoke. In the words and the tone I saw a boy that was forced to grow into an adult, handed a sword and taught how to use it. Proof that the knights had no choice in the matter and fought to stay alive.

I reached a timid hand to his forearm, not because I was worried he would hurt me but because I was not sure if he would accept my sympathy. Lancelot felt my hand on his arm, faltering just a little before turning to me, a tight smile and a nod of his head, before speaking.

"Your brother is waiting for you in the tavern." He nodded again before disappearing in the opposite direction of the graves. I stayed there for a moment longer, staring at the graves and the colors that were sprinkled over them, before making my way slowly towards the tavern.

Dagonet was sitting at a table, a plate of food infront of him that he wasn't touching. I touched his shoulder before sitting beside him, smiling and hoping that I looked composed and collected.

"Vanora said you were gone when she woke up." I nodded, glancing around the tavern for the red-head but not finding her. When I glanced back at my brother, I noticed that he had a similar look to him that Lancelot had, like he had not had a good night's sleep.

"I went for a walk." He nodded, pushing the food infront of me and urging me to eat. I did as I was told, eating slowly but eating my fill. I had started to fill out, the food giving me curves instead of the straight lines that I had when I got there. My clothing was slowly getting a little tighter around my hips and chest, which worried me. Vanora told me that I was gaining my woman's figure, curves that show that I would be able to nuture and carry a child, but I simply focused on the idea that curves in Grent's house meant attention, usually unwanted attention from the guards.

There weren't many Roman guards in the tavern this morning, for which I was grateful. I would have to ask Vanora to help me let out my new dresses so that the curves would not be so noticable.

"Your room is ready for you." I looked up from my meal and smiling.

"I'm sure Bors and Vanora will be thankful." My brother's mouth lifted just the tiniest bit.

"They already are." I bent my head down, blushing just the tiniest bit, as I continued to eat. I looked back up to my brother to see that his mouth was in a straight line, his eyes looking troubled. I put my fork down, watching him for a few moments before he realized that I was. I imagined that he was not this distracted when on his missions, or he'd be in a lot of trouble.

Something about that thought made me realize why he was so distracted, why Lancelot found the need to go to the graveyard this morning.

"You have a mission." He nodded lightly, turnning his eyes to the table infront of him. I put my hand on his arm, shaking him to make him look at me.

"There is a band of Woads, just a little ways from here. We are going to get rid of them. They are close to a small Roman village that our commanders feel should be protected." He said the word commanders as if it was a hated word and I realized that he was not talking about his commander Author, but the Roman army of which Author took the orders from.

"I understand." My voice surprised even me, though Dagonet looked even more surprised. I suppose he imagined that I would cause a ruckus, that I would beg him not to go. The guilt on his face told me that this was the case. I laughed lightly, sadly, and wrapped my arms around my brother. He did not wait to wrap his arms around me as well.

"I, too, am Sarmatian. I know that it is not your wish, but duty. I'll wait anxiously for your return." His shoulders seemed to sag in relief before he hugged me to him tighter.

There were no goodbyes between my brother and I, just a smile and another hug later, after he showed me to my new room. It was larger than I was expecting, though smaller than Bors and Vanora's rooms. I sat on the bed after my brother and the other knights had ridden off, running my fingers over the blankets that would keep me warm while I hoped my brother would be home soon, and that I would not have to visit him or the other knights in the graveyard.

* * *

**A/N: **I had written a goodbye between Tristan and Irissa as well, but I thought it was a little premature since she doesn't have a connection with him over any of the other knights. I also had a scene where Tristan was in the stables watching Irissa when she made her way towards the graveyard, but I've decided to change that a bit and use it in a later chapter. So basically, this was a filler chapter.  
I think I was able to reply to everyone besides _**ray**_, so thank you for your review. I'm glad that you're loving it, and yea, that was a really quick update haha. I meant to get this one out last night but work was hell.  
Thank you to everyone that reviews, favorites, alerts, and simply reads this story. I'm keeping my eye on my stats, because I like to know that people are coming back and that I'm keeping your interest.  
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

**A Burning Sky**

Three days after the knights left, I had fallen into a routine of helping Vanora with her children and then helping in the tavern, before I would retire myself to the stables to rub down the horses that were left behind. The Roman guards had come to expect my presence there and did not react whenever they would walk in to saddle their horse and see me brushing them. Vanora told me that the knights were often gone for a week at a time, so I did not wait at the wall for them to come back after the first seven days.

On day ten, I heard the guards on the wall announce that the knights were on their way down the path. The words barely registered before a group of children ran past me, yelling for their mother. Vanora came out, wiping her hands as she tossed me a smile and went towards where the knights would unload. I walked behind her and the children, smiling as I watched them look so happy for their father's return. However there was a call for a doctor the moment the knights made their way into the area.

Arthur was clutching his side, the color red leaking through his fingers. They all seemed bruised or bleeding, but none so bad as Arthur. Lancelot and Bors helped him off of the horse and started limping him towards his rooms. I clutched my hands into my skirts, lifting them up to my ankles, and took off after them.

They stripped him of the shirts and the armor that was supposed to protect him. The gash on his side was long and deep. When I was able to make way through the knights to Dagonet's side as he tried to stop the blood flow, there was another call for the doctor. Jols, the man that helped the knights, came in with his face in a grim frown.

"The doctor is away." His announcement made us all stare at Arthur in horror. Without a doctor, they knights would rely on Dagonet's work. I sat on the bed next to the wound, gave Dagonet a quick nod, before asking him to clean the wound at the top and I would start stitching.

"What do you know of healing?" Lancelot's voice wasn't cruel or taunting, merely very curious. I did not blame him, but as a servant in a Roman house, I had been taught a varied amount of skills. I wasn't the best healer, my stitching was just above average, but I was the best we had. Dagonet's fingers were too large to work the needle.

Dagonet cleaned the wound at the top and sat back as I prepared the needle and threading. Arthur was given something to bite down on but refused it, merely locking eyes with me and nodding. I hesitated only for a moment before sliding the needle into his skin.

The sounds that Arthur made as I sewed the wound together had my hands shaking worse than the actual act did. There was a particularly nasty spot lower down that when I touched it, he jerked and ripped the top of the stitches. With Dagonet behind me and unable to get around, I used my hands to stop the blood flow until he could get around me and clean it. After that, Lancelot nominated himself to hold his commander's shoulders down so that he wouldn't jerk like that again.

I finished the stitches and then went over the top, to repair the area he had ripped, before wiping my hands on an already soiled cloth and turning from the room, walking quickly out of the buildings and towards a grassy area where I fell down onto my knees, clutching my stomach. As I threw up, I felt a hand on my back, rubbing a small circle. I glanced over my shoulder to see Lancelot but was unable to speak. The knight picked me up and carried me a little ways away from where I had been sick.

He knelt before me, one armed wrapped around my shoulders while he rubbed my back, my face pressed into his shoulder. Of all of the knights, I had not expected this one to be the one to follow me. He was closest to Arthur and I had assumed he would stay there with him. He answered my unasked question though.

"Dagonet wants Arthur to rest. He was going to follow you but he wanted to tend to Gawain's arm first." I nodded, rubbing my face against his armor as I did so. When I pulled away, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and then looked at my hands. It was flecked with blood, on the skin and under my nails. I wiped my hands on my dress over and over again but the colors didn't move. Lancelot watched as I started to scrub painfully hard before he grasped my hands.

"The colors. You told me they stained the skin. This is what you meant. Red. Blood." He nodded, pulling me up and leading me towards the stables. He helped me wash my hands but the color left a tint. He told me that it would go away with a few more washings. However my green dress would probably keep the stain.

"Where did you learn how to stitch a wound?" He was trying to distract me from my hands but I couldn't help but stare at them.

"The servants in Grent's home had to be taught many different skills. I was slow on the sewing clothes, but above average on stitching wounds." He laughed at the irony, though I had a feeling that he was grateful. He had a cut on his forehead and I grabbed a corner of my dress and wiped the blood away. He touched it, as if just becoming aware that it was there.

"You should go rest, maybe get something in your stomach. Dagonet will find you in your room later." I bid him a good day before walking to my room. On the way, I passed by Tristan's door. It was partially open and he was sitting in a chair across the room from his bed, twisted almost uncomfortably to look at his shoulder. I found myself stopped, watching him dab whatever wound was on his back, bringing the cloth back to a water basin beside him to wash it every now and then.

"Do you need help?" He glanced up, though not as if I surprised him. He probably knew I was standing there, all of the knights and Vanora had told me at some point that Tristan was a terrific scout. He held the rag out to me and I made my way into the room, grabbing it and ringing it out, watching as the water ran red into the basin, before applying it to the small cut on his shoulder. It wasn't life or death but it still looked nasty and could potentially get infected. I swabbed the area, running the rag over his skin around the cut, before applying a clean cut of cloth to the area and pulling his shirt back over it.

"How does it look?" I smiled at him, putting the wet rag back into the water basin.

"You'll survive." He nodded and I turned to walk out of the room. Dagonet was walking out of Gawain's room in the opposite direction from where I was, heading towards where my room was. I rushed down the hall to get to him before he got too far away.

"Dagonet!" He turned around, a few doors down from my room, and smiled at me lightly. I wrapped my arms around him when I reached him, glad that he was okay.

"How is Gawain?" He nodded, rubbing his hands together as if to get something off. I looked at his hands and saw the same tint that mine held. He must have noticed because he grabbed my hands, turning them over and inspecting them.

"Arthur wants to thank you for what you did. When he's feeling a little better. There is still a fever to watch for but I think he'll be fine." I agreed and we made our way towards my room where he held the door open for me to go in.

While I sat on the bed and he sat on the chair that he had adopted as his own, he told me about the Woad attack on their way in. They had had a fairly uninteresting run to a Roman house to check on a family, to provide assitance with their rebuilding after a fire, and then were attacked on the way back. I explained that after I left the room, I had gotten sick and Lancelot had helped me. Dagonet nodded slowly, looking down as if he knew something about Lancelot that I did not. Before I could ask, he changed the subject.

"You should get some rest Irissa. I have plans to start giving you lessons either tomorrow or the next day, if you're up to it and still wish to." I nodded eagerly, forgetting my earlier question and filled to the brim with questions about the lessons.

"Who will be training me? What will I be learning?"

"Lancelot and I will be giving you lessons in combat with swords. Bors and Gawain will be giving you hand to hand combat, including lessons with daggers. And Tristan and Galahad will be teaching you archery. Tristan has even expressed that if you wanted to know about scouting, he could help with that." I nodded eagerly again before he laughed and kissed my forehead, telling me to rest for now. He would rouse me for a meal later.

As he reached the door, I flew out of bed and launched myself at him, hugging him with his back to my cheek. He turned around when I let him go, looking confused.

"I'm glad that you're okay." Dagonet hugged me, kissing my forehead again.

"You don't need to worry about me. Get some rest." And then he left the room, leaving me alone. I went over to my own water basin and washed my hands, watching as the reddish-brown tint left by the blood was starting to fade. I sighed, drying my hands, before crawling into my bed. An idea struck me and I smiled as I slowly drifted into a sleep.

Today I was a healer. Tomorrow I will be a fighter. And maybe, with practice and time, I could be a knight.

* * *

**A/N: **I had every intention of updating yesterday/last night/this morning, but I had a date last night and then again today, before he went back to the Air Force base.  
If I didn't reply to your review, I'm sorry. I'm a bit "blah" right now. However I like this chapter, it has Irissa interacting with a bunch of people.  
The next one is the beginning of the training. I think I have it broken up in two, pooooossibly three, chapters. Plus more Lancelot/Irissa bonding and a few funny interactions of Irissa/other knights. Aaaand, of course, Irissa/Tristan.  
I'm just giving away all of my tricks, aren't I? Thank you all for reading/reviewing/favoriting/alerting. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! Next one up soon!


	9. Chapter 9

**A Burning Sky**

It was two days after the night that I stitched Arthur's wound when we finally got around to my training. My first lesson was with Bors and Gawain, with hand to hand combat. Dagonet watched protectively from the entrance of the stables where we started, making sure to be there for moral support. However he soon found himself giving more support to Bors and Gawain than to me, as they were having a hard time striking out at me.

"She's just a girl! It's different, she hasn't provoked us." I was getting tired of standing in a position, awaiting an attack, but never following through. With a loud sigh, I moved towards the armory area and grabbed a small dagger, throwing it so that it embedded itself in the wood near Bors' head. He turned to look at the blade and then at me, eyes wide.

"Have I provoked you yet?" With a laugh, Bors moved forward and was finally able to spar with me. He was pulling his punches, moving as if weighted down by water, and I blocked each throw. Then, just as I was starting to settle into a rhythm, he started moving faster, throwing punches quickly that I was forced to block or get hit. There was a sheen of sweat showing up on my forehead and his as we fought, me protecting myself while he attacked. It went on for a while longer before I started to feel a little weak and almost took a fist to the forehead. However Bors was able to see that I was running down and he pulled his fist just in time to barely miss me, sending my hair upwards.

Dagonet stepped forward as I swayed a little but I assured him that I was okay. Gawain brought me a pouch with water, telling me that I was probably dehydrated. I drank, nodding my thanks to him, before turning back to Bors. He shot a glance to my brother before looking back at me.

"That's defending. Now we'll try to get you on the attack. You're allowed to hit me, by the way. I'm sure I've taken worse from Vanora." I laughed, not doubting that at all. I had seen some of the slaps and punches she'd dealt her lover, always followed by a kiss.

My first swing was out of balance and I almost turned a half circle with the lack of an impact. Bors motioned at me to get a little closer and begin again. This time when I swung out, he was able to stop it easily. This went on for a few more tries, me always messing up in the tiniest way.

"Come on Irissa. You have free reign to hit Bors. Do you know how much any of the knights would give to be you right now?" Bors tossed a rude gesture to Gawain who was smirking while I tried to fight the smile from reaching my lips. We waited for a few moments, getting our focus back, before I started again. This time I swung forward with my right arm and as he went to block it, I came around with my left, my fist connecting with his face. I jumped back at the contact, cradling my hand with the pain from the blow, and eyes wide at the knight infront of me. He rubbed his jaw, nodding his approval.

"Again."

After a rest, I asked Dagonet if we should start daggers. Bors, who now supported a few bruises from me, said that they didn't have anywhere to be. Gawain moved forward, telling me that he'd be the one dealing with daggers. After seeing my reaction to pulling the dagger on Galahad in the tavern and then again, throwing it at Bors, he assured me that this would probably end up being the least painful training.

We went over the basics, me showing him my skills already, and him explaining the best places to aim a dagger in a throw or a stab.

"They are shorter, meaning you have to get closer with them. It can get dangerous, risky. Only do it as a last resort. Throw it if you can; you can always replace a lost dagger, you can never replace a lost life." So we sparred a little with daggers, moving slowly at first and working into a normal pace. All of the daggers we used were dull so that even if you put it straight to the skin, it wouldn't give much of a cut. Barely broke the skin.

When we finally called it quits for the day, Dagonet was nodding his approval at me. Bors and Gawain told me that I did great, offered to get me an ale in the tavern, and did not seem surprised nor offended when I declined. They disappeared, with Bors' voice calling for us not to tell anyone about the beating I had given him, and left Dagonet and myself alone in the stables.

"You already had some training." I nodded, rubbing my hands over my shoulders, trying to work the knots out as I did so.

"After you left, I begged some of the men in the village to teach me. It wasn't easy, I was so small that I really only took to the dagger." He nodded, brushing his hand over my head, my hair sticking to my forehead with sweat.

"Plan to stay here?" I nodded, turning to the horses that had been in the stable. I hadn't had the time to be down there to brush them recentl but now, given the chance, I had planned to do just that. He clapped his hand gently onto my shoulder before making his way out of the stables. I picked up a discarded brush and started to run it over the closest horse.

How long I sat there, moving down the stalls to brush the horses, I was not sure. The sun had completely gone down when I made my way from the stables, sore and tired, my destination being the bathing area. I was barely four steps from the stables when I ran bodily into someone. The voice that joined mine in apology was one I recognized completely.

"Oh, Lancelot. What are you doing out here?" He shrugged, looking around as if he had not been aware of where he was. He then turned to look at me, grabbing my arm to inspect the scratch on my arm. There was a drop of blood at one end of the scratch, but it was no worse than that.

"It seems I missed the fun of your first lessons. How were they?" I nodded, running my finger over the cut and rubbing the dried fleck of blood away.

"Daggers with Gawain was easy, I already had some skill. Fighting with Bors was fairly entertaining though, I was allowed to hit him." Lancelot let out a loud laugh at that before we found ourselves walking aimlessly, no longer heading towards the buildings but moving further out of the area, towards the hill that overlooked the graveyard.

We walked in silence and as the darkened area, with a few fires burning on the graves, came into view, we slowly sat on the grass. This had not been my intention, to come here like this with him. Ever since the first time, where he spoke of the colors that stained skin, I had tried to avoid this place. I could only too vividly imagine my brother, or any of the knights, under one of those mounds, a sword sticking from the top, a small fire burning in his memory.

"Arthur was up and moving today. The doctor finally got here, he said you did a good job with the stitching. He's healing quite nicely." I nodded happily, or as happily as I could so close to the graves, and started plucking blades of grass from the ground, squishing them between my fingers. In the dark light, I could see that the green of the grass was starting to buildup on my finger tips so I stopped, rubbing my fingers on the bottom of my dress.

"I'm just glad I could help." He nodded, the both of us staring over the graves. How many knights did he know, tucked in the ground?

The silence was getting to be too much but I didn't have any words that could break it. Finally, as if feeling my discomfort, Lancelot stood up and held a hand out to me, lifting me from the ground. Once I dusted off my dress, he nodded to me and then walked away, away from the graves but also away from the buildings that housed his room.

I made my way through the crowds, smiling to the people, and towards my room. I saw Gawain sitting with Galahad in the open area of the tavern, motioning wildly in a way that made me suspect he was telling of my lessons with Bors. A smile made its way onto my face as I continued towards my room, waving to the knights when they noticed me.

I had just made it past his door when Tristan stepped into the hallway. It seemed the only place I ever ran into him was in this hallway. He nodded to me, him not moving from his doorway and me not moving from my spot in the hallway.

"How is your shoulder?" He looked at me, and then at his arm, very thoughtfully before rolling it slowly. It was as if he hadn't even noticed that he was injured, that he had forgotten it.

"Doesn't hurt. That's a good sign." I nodded, clenching my hands in the skirts of my dress, unable to really get any words out. There was something in his gaze, as he eyed where my hands were clenched at my sides and then my arm, at the scratch from the training, and then to my face. Whatever he was thinking as he watched me, he didn't speak as he closed the door and moved down the hall and away from me, eyes not leaving mine until he had passed me.

"Good night Tristan." Whatever had possessed me to speak was a downright shock, but more shocking was Tristan turning around to face me.

"Good night Irissa." And then he turned around and made his way down the hallway and towards the stairs that lead down into the public areas. I walked a little quicker down the hall than before, heading to my room with no thought of going to the bathing area first. After I closed the door, I found myself tugging at the seams of my dress, looking down at myself. Something about Tristan's eyes when he watched me, and something about the way he said my name, made my clothes feel too tight.

I really would need to ask Vanora to help me let out some of my clothes, to help hide my very new and very feminine figure.

* * *

**A/N: **I have no experience with fisticuffs, but my boyfriend did MMA and I went off of watching him train for the bits of sparring with Bors.  
A little Irissa/other knights, some Irissa/Lancelot, and juuuuust the right amount of Irissa/Tristan action. At least in my opinion.  
Next chapter will be Irissa doing sword lessons with Dagonet and Lancelot and the knights going on the next mission, even though Arthur's not up to par. What will happen with the commander still injured? Dun dun dun, you'll have to read to find out.  
Thank you to my lovely reviewers; I enjoy hearing from my readers. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
Thanks to my reviewers/alerters/favoriters/readers. You guys are the reason I'm writing this.


	10. Chapter 10

**A Burning Sky**

The sweat that gathered on my forehead kept dripping into my eyes, but I didn't have a chance to reach up and wipe it while I learned how to deflect blows, how to accept the shock of a sword hitting mine. The force was knocking me backwards, the sweat was burning my eyes, but I didn't back down. My brother was the one trying his damnedest to knock me on my ass at the moment, though he had told me that he was going to go easy on me for the first few rounds.

If this was going easy, I'd hate to see how he was when he was actually fighting.

The stable had turned into an arena, with the other knights watching us. Everyone was there except Tristan, who was scouting, and Arthur, who was still resting. The cheered and jeered, always pulling for me, and I was starting to get better at ignoring them. Dagonet had told me that getting distracted in a battle could easily mean a person's death.

"Come on Irissa. I've got you pinned, your weapon is useless in its position. Change the outcome." I stared up at my brother, realizing that we must be transferring from defending to attacking, or maybe actually sparring, so I tried to take in my present situation so I could change it.

I was holding onto the tip of my blade in one hand, the hilt in the other, blocking his strikes as they came. The swords were heavy but dull, yet I could feel the constant beating was rubbing the skin away on my palm, felt the blood start to run into the sleeve of my dress. Dagonet hadn't noticed yet. As he raised for another strike, I raised my own sword and caught it early, catching him offguard, and struck out a leg, hooking his right leg, and pulling. Though I did not topple him completely, he lost his balance and his focus.

No that I was able to step back and hold my sword like it was supposed to be held, he nodded to me and we began sparring. Attacking was easy by itself, as was defending. In sparring however, as in a real fight, you had to be able to do both accordingly.

We sparred for a while, him usually having the upper hand. Besides the one moment that I had caught Dagonet off guard, I seemed to be having constant problems. He tried to coach me into ways of getting the best of him, but my arms were stinging from holding up the heavy sword, the palm of my left hand was burning and there was blood soaking into my sleeve, and I felt more tired than I had in days. We finally called it quits, the knights all offering up advice and congratulations for doing so well. Seeing that my brother barely broke a sweat, I definitely didn't feel like I did so well.

The others left, leaving just Dagonet and Lancelot who were replacing the swords we had been using. Lancelot took the one from my hand, nodding to me as he turned to place it back on the wall. However something stopped him, looking down at the sword, before turning to look at me.

"Coming to the tavern? You need to eat and get something to drink." I glanced over at my brother, ignoring Lancelot's strange look.

"Of course. I'm just going to take a quick bath, I'm sure I must smell worse than these horses. Or Lancelot." Dagonet smiled lightly, nodding to both Lancelot and myself, before disappearing. Lancelot then walked over to me, still holding my sword. He raised it so that the point was aimed at me and I shrunk back, wondering if he was going to try to give me a lesson when I was so exhausted.

"There's blood on this." I looked at the tip and sure enough, there was a line of blood on it. I winced as I raised my hand to look at it. The cut must have been deeper than I thought because there was definitely a lot of blood. Lancelot cursed, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards a basin of clean water and grabbing a hopefully clean rag to wash it. The sleeve of my dress had stains of blood on it, though it was dark enough that you could only tell if you looked for them.

"Why didn't you tell him you were hurt?" I shrugged, watching as he scrubbed the dried blood off of my hand and washed away the fresh. Then he bent down, tearing a piece off of my dress before I could even gather what was going on. He wrapped the clean cloth around my hand, tying it a little too tightly, but I didn't dare say anything about the pain.

"I didn't know how bad it was." He sighed, releasing my hand and apologizing for my dress. I shrugged it off, knowing that this dress was starting to take a beating. I had different dresses, but this one was light enough that I could move around in it when training.

"Take a bath, get some food. If anyone asks, you dropped a jug and cut yourself. Dagonet will not forgive himself if he thought he hurt you." And then Lancelot left the stables, leaving me to finish putting away the few swords that were left out before heading towards my room to grab a new gown and head to the bathing area.

Once I was cleaned and dressed, having re-wrapped my hand after rubbing a healing salve on it, I made my way towards the tavern. Dagonet and Bors were sitting beside one another, both looking ill. A glance around the tavern proved that all of the knights present looked less than happy.

"What's going on?" Dagonet glanced up and then motioned for me to sit down. I joined them at the table, barely even acknowledging as Vanora put a plate infront of me before sitting on Bors' lap, looking none too pleased herself. That told me everything that the knights would not.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Dagonet didn't move but Bors nodded. Galahad had joined us, with Gawain right behind him.

"Yes. Another Roman family was attacked. We have to go and try to help them." Galahad's voice was laced with a mixture of sarcasm and anger, as it usually was when talking about their missions. They all resented their duties, but Galahad seemed to show it more openly, more childishly. He was the youngest, though still older than me. I tried to smile at him, but my mind had strayed to the same place that everyone's mind must have been.

"Arthur... his side hasn't healed yet." The knights collectively nodded, as though they had been waiting for someone to point it out. I stood up, pushing the food away from me, and walked out of the tavern. The knights must have noticed, for it was relatively quiet in there tonight, but they didn't say anything, nor did anyone follow me.

I hadn't been to Arthur's rooms since I had stitched his side, but when I knocked on the door and he called for me to open it, I felt like it was just yesterday. The knights were called to perform their duty, but their commander was still injured. With Arthur not in top form, there could be a problem.

Arthur was sitting in a hard backed chair at a table, clutching a hand lightly to his side, while studying a map. I shifted from foot to foot, waiting for him to look up. When he did, he seemed surprised to see me. He started to stand, wincing, but I told him not to move.

"You need to rest, if you're going on another mission tomorrow." He nodded gratefully, resuming his seat, but kept looking at me.

"I've wanted to thank you for helping me when the doctor was gone. Your brother tries his hardest when the doctor leaves, but small fingers were needed this time." He motioned to his side where a chair was and I moved forward, sitting beside him.

I hadn't spent much time around the commander. He had saved me from Grent's beating the first day they were there and in some small way, I felt as if my stitching him repaid for that.

"Is it smart for you to go on this mission? You can barely stand. Is it even healed yet?" He nodded, letting go of his side with a small flinch and then rolling his shirt up. I looked at the cut, seeing that it was healing nicely, though still looked irritated.

"I will not ask my men to do this while I stay here. I will never ask my men to do something that I myself am unwilling to do, no matter the circumstances." I had a feeling he would say that. I found myself slumping in the chair that I was sitting in and he let his shirt drop down.

"It is your duty, I understand this. I guess I am just worried. You are knights. This is your purpose." He reached over, grabbing my hand and inspecting the bandage I had wrapped around it. I pulled it back with a gentle tug, to which he easily released my hand.

"I dropped a jug." The lie that Lancelot had told me to give rolled off my tongue easily and Arthur nodded, accepting the answer. I rubbed my fingers over the bandage where the cut was and then smiled lightly to him before I stood and headed for the door.

"I just don't want anything to happen to anyone, is all." I said it to the door, but my voice was loud enough that I was sure that Arthur had heard me. I nodded my head to the commander before leaving the room and heading back towards mine.

As seemed to be a routine, I went to the stables. I was hungry, starting to regret pushing the food away in the tavern, but I did not want to be around the knights. I went past all of the horses to the one that Dagonet rode, grabbing his brush and running it over the horse's back.

"Bring him back to me. I can't lose my brother." The horse threw his head back and neighed, making me smile. If the legends were right, that great warriors came back as great horses, I could only hope that he could understand me and would take care of my brother.

I looked around the stable and noticed all of the horses seemed to be watching me.

"Bring them all back." A few moved, though no more than a raising of their head, but I let myself relax as I ran the brush continuously over the horse's neck and back.

I stayed there for a while longer before leaving the stables, heading towards the tavern to grab some food and return to my room. I would wake early to tell them goodbye, but for now, I needed to rest too. My body was slowly starting to sag long before I reached my bed, feeling the weight of the day's activities and the news that the knights would be leaving again so soon.

I could only wait for their return.

* * *

Tristan watched as the girl brushed her brother's horse, whispering to have the horse bring her brother back. He let himself smile as she then addressed all of the horses, as if her words and the assurances of the creatures alone would save them from whatever fate waited them.

Their commander was still hurting and would definitely feel that wound after riding on his horse for as long as they would be. They had one stop between the wall and their Roman destination, but even that would only be for a little while, halfway there.

Irissa moved away from the horses, running her hands over her dress and heading towards the stable entrance. She stopped before leaving, playing with the bandage before turning and heading towards the tavern. That was new, she hadn't had the bandage on the last time he had seen her. That plus the scratch on her the night before. Being with the knights was going to leave its mark on the girl, it was going to change her the same way it changed all of them.

Tristan let himself smile as he left the stables later that night, imagining the story of Irissa and Bors fighting. If being with the knights would leave its mark on her, Tristan had a feeling that the girl would also leave a few marks of her own.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you to my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters. A special thank you, however, to _**ray**_ for making me laugh when I got your review while at work and thus making my boss think that I've gone mental. Cheers for that!  
The Lancelot/Irissa moments, for those that are wondering, will be explained soon. And I thought it would be interesting to see something from Tristan's point of view for once. Don't expect that to happen again for a while. I prefer to leave him a bit more of a mystery.  
Next chapter is the goodbye, the wait, the return, and a confession from Lancelot. Plus a very drunk Galahad, which I'm trying to make humorous and yet still keep the main point of it. I'm rambling.  
Thanks for reading. I hope you're enjoying my story because hey, I'm enjoying it. This is going to be lot longer than _Freedom and Faith_ because I haven't even started thinking about the parts that are in the movie yet. So I hope you're all in for the long haul!


	11. Chapter 11

**A Burning Sky**

_The people in the village were laughing and talking loudly, as was normal. The knights had been gone for a few days by now and everything had sunk into a boring routine. Vanora and I worked in the tavern, her with the more rowdy patrons, to keep ourselves occupied while the men were gone and we seemed to have nothing else to do. Her and Bors' children often joined us, begging for scraps or a song from Vanora. _

_I was walking from the tavern to the stables when a guard on top of the wall anounced that the knights were sighted. I rushed to the entrance where they would come through but my feet stopped when I saw them ride in. There was a knight, laying over his horse and covered. I ran my eyes over their faces to figure out who had fallen and felt my heart constrict when I realized it was my brother. I ran towards the body but before I could reach him, a pair of arms encircled my waist and held me back. I beat the arms that held onto my, trying to turn me away from my brother's dead body as I screamed and cried, images of Dagonet and my younger brother flashing before my eyes._

_The screams kept coming from my throat but something was different. There wasn't a pair of arms around my waist anymore, but I still wasn't moving forward. I was still held back from reaching my brother._

It was the screaming that woke me, causing me to gasp and scratch at my dry throat. I had been screaming in my sleep, my blankets twisted around my waist and legs, keeping me still. I must have tossed and turned so much that they had gotten twisted around me, meaning that that was what was holding me back in my dream.

It had been a dream. I sat up quickly, regretting it once my head started to swim. I waited for it to calm down and glanced out of my window, noticing the sun was starting to rise. Untangling myself from my blankets, I went to my water basin and splashed my face before changing out of my nightclothes and into a simple dress. My hands were shaking, the bandage on my left hand wet with water and sweat.

When I reached the stables, the knights were already half way finished preparing to leave. Tristan saw me first, nodding to me in a way that made me think he was silently asking if I was okay. I nodded back, not knowing really what else I could do. Dagonet spotted me next, coming up and wrapping me in a hug. If the knights were surprised, they didn't show it. I think they had become accustomed to their friend's show of affection towards his little sister.

I kept my arms around my brother, fisting my hands in the back of his shirt as I recalled being unable to reach my brother in my dream. He rubbed my back, soothing the fears he did not know I had, and then pulled away. It was then that he finally caught sight of my hand.

I gave him the same lie that I had given Arthur, the one that Lancelot had given me. He accepted it too, though I could tell that he didn't completely believe it. I leaned up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, smiling to let him know that I was calm. My outside might have been calm, but my insides were a mess. The images from my dream, the thought of my brother's dead body coming back from this mission, the memory of my younger brother being shot while riding behind me, all tore at my insides and making me feel almost physically sick. I was saved from my thoughts by Lancelot's voice.

"Do I get a kiss too?" I turned to face him, seeing that the expression he usually had when looking at me was gone and there was a purely arrogant smirk on his face. He was standing a few feet from us so I moved forward to be right infront of him, crossing my arms over myself and smiled at him.

"If you come back in one piece in three days, I'll give you a kiss." We both laughed, realizing that the chances of them actually being back in three days were slim. He patted my shoulder, the usual expression fleeting across his face before he let his features become serious and he turned back to his horse to continue to prepare.

Arthur was moving stiffly, as if hoping no one would notice that he was still not in his best health. He nodded to me when our eyes met, to which I tried to give him a small smile. I wasn't sure if it worked or not. Galahad had a glare permanently on his face and I had no hopes of lifting it, so I turned away and watched Bors and Gawain prepare. Then my eyes drifted around, looking for Tristan. He was leaning against the stall that held his horse, running a cloth over his sword. I went over to Dagonet to give him one last hug before wishing them all luck on their trip, that I would see them when they all returned.

As I left the stable and made my way to the tavern, shaking as if I was freezing, I tried as hard as I could to push the memory of the dream far from the front of my mind. Vanora was already in the tavern, dealing with some of the Roman guards who seemed the have just gotten in. I asked her if she needed help and she nodded, wiping her brow with the back of her hand.

"Six and Ten were sick all last night. Barely got a wink of sleep. Be a love, take these drinks to the guards." I gave her a smile and brought the wooden cups to the guards, placing one infront of each of the three men. They thanked me, eyeing me carefully as I turned and made my way back to where Vanora was standing.

She had explained to me that a new face in the area was often cause for staring and whispering. Plus, as she told me, I had attractive features. And she had refused to help me let out my dresses, so my feminine figure was still apparent. The guards staring at me was not a new feeling for me, but still a strange one. However they never bothered me, just the same as they never bothered Vanora. She was with Bors, while I was the younger sister to Dagonet. That, in their eyes, made us untouchable. Yet they could stare all they wanted.

I continued to help Vanora, even long after we heard the hoofs beating, letting us know that the knights had left. She spoke silently under her breath, probably complaining about falling for a man who was never around. I had heard those mumbles quite often when I lived with her for those first few days.

Three days turned to seven, as they often did, before the guard on top of the wall made a sound. He had yelled down to us that Tristan was on his way in, for the doors to be opened. He rode in but didn't bother to dismount. I had made my way to the entrance when his arrival was announced so Tristan spotted me quickly. He nodded to be before riding back out of fort.

I watched his back, completely stunned. He had ridden to the fort, nodded to me, and then left? Was I supposed to understand whatever unspoken language he had just tried to communicate to me? Was I to follow him? I was saved from answering or wondering too long because the guard, a while later, yelled that the knights were sighted.

The knights all arrived in the entrance area and I scanned each of them, making sure they were all there and unharmed. Tristan barely glanced at me before taking off to the stables to rub down his horse. I had half a mind to follow him but I decided that my brother was more important. He had just dismounted himself when I jumped into his arms, hugging him and kissing each cheek. I had still worried that he would not come in, that he would be laying over his horse's back with his face covered.

There was a laugh behind us that caused us to separate. Lancelot still sat on top of his horse watching as brother and sister hugged.

"And where is my kiss?" I laughed, crossing my arms and faced him, much like I had in the stable a week ago.

"I said three days, not seven. However..." I climbed onto his horse and kissed his cheek before hugging him. There was laughter around us, though when I jumped back down, Dagonet looked as if he wanted to say something. When I looked back up to Lancelot, I saw the expression he always had when he looked at me. Then it was gone and he was smiling, tightly, before dismounting and leading his horse away.

After the knights brought their horses to the stable, some going straight for the tavern after they took the saddles off, I made my way towards the graves. Sitting on the hill was a familiar figure that I approached slowly. Lancelot didn't move when I approached, didn't even seem to realize that there was anyone near him when I sat beside him. He stayed like that, staring over the graves, before turning to face me for the first time.

"Your brother thought you were dead." I had been plucking the grass from the ground but stopped when he spoke. The words shocked me.

"When?" He turned his face away, not answering right away, and faced the graves again.

"We heard word of some of the villages being attacked, not long after we got here. We all thought it best to assume it was our village, to assume our family was gone. Our mothers, fathers, brothers... sisters. He thought you were dead for nearly thirteen years." I stayed silent, shocked at hearing this for the first time. Dagonet hadn't said anything to me, no one had. He did not seem like he had resigned me to death for so long, he seemed more like he just didn't expect to see me. Maybe I had read it all wrong.

We sat quietly, with me turning the thought over and over in my mind that my brother had thought me dead and Lancelot tucked so deeply into his thoughts I was sure he had forgotten I was beside him.

"I have a sister. Or had." His words surprised me, since we had been in silence for so long, that I actually jumped. Once I calmed myself, I thought on his words. He too must have assumed his sister was gone.

"What was her name?" He smiled, plucking a flower from the grass beside him. He twirled it between his fingers before he crushed it and threw it down the hill. The wind carried it for a moment before it just fell onto the grass, disappearing into the green.

"Deirdre." As he said the name, his fingers clasped over something in his hand. I could tell it was a carving but couldn't make out what kind of carving it was. We sat in silence, throwing grass and flowers down the hill before he spoke again.

"You remind me of her in a way." I twirled a flower between my fingers lightly, careful not to crush it like Lancelot had.

"I was not born your sister Lancelot." He nodded, laughing under his breath.

"I know this." I nodded and then reached out, placing the flower in his hand. He looked at it before closing his hand lightly around it, careful not to damage it. He turned to face me, raising an eyebrow as he did.

"But I would like a chance to be like a sister for you." The expression that was always on his face disappeared, and though I didn't know it now, I wouldn't see it for a long time. He reached forward, hugging me to him, and then placed the flower in my hair, tucking it behind my ear.

"I would be honored."

Lancelot and I stood up, making our way silently towards the tavern. We would have to deal with the jokes of why we were gone when we arrived, but upon seeing that both of us seemed somber, the knights stopped joking and just drank, being happy and alive. Dagonet place his arm around me, reaching up to touch the flower behind my ear. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder, remembering what Lancelot had told me about my brother thinking me dead. My heart ached for Lancelot who thought that his own sister was dead. I could never replace her, I never would want to. But maybe I could become like a sister, like I had told him.

"Wha're we doin'? Wha's the point?" Galahad was drunk, stumbling forwards towards where most of the knights and myself were. Gawain reached out to take his friend's shoulder and force him to sit but the younger man swung out, knocking Gawain's arm. He swung again, trying to hit him but missed, spinning in a circle and landing on his face, grunting.

"Galahad, you're drunk." The drunken man sat up, looking at all of our faces. His bleary eyes landed on me, narrowing almost harshly.

"Yo-you! Why're you ali-alive? Why'ren't the rested of them here too also? Why're you?" He was pointing at me and I lowered my head, focusing on my hands. Dagonet tightened his arm around me and Bors moved forward, grasping the drunk Galahad's arms and heaving him up.

"I'm going to take this to its room before it does something stupid." He started dragging him away but Galahad broke free, walking towards us. At first I thought he was angry, that he was going to swing out to hit someone. But he fell infront of me, placing his head on my lap and clutching onto my skirts.

"I ne'er had a sisters. Moth-er died when I was youngest. Did'en want a sisters until now." He was slowly drifiting to sleep as I ran my hand through his hair, soothing his drunken ramblings. Bors and Gawain stood up, each taking an arm, and carried the now sleeping knight away. Dagonet let go of my arm and tilted my face to look at him.

"Are you okay?" I shook my head, signalling that no, I was not okay. Dagonet seemed to understand for he stood us up and walked me to my room, not bothering to explain why to anyone.

As I sat on my bed and he sat in the chair next to me, I explained my conversation, all of it, with Lancelot. Following that with a drunken Galahad, complaining about the fighting and me being alive while no one else was, and wanting a sister. I started to cry as I tried to find words to tell about my dream. The words never came because my brother joined me on my bed, curling up and running his hand over my hair to get me to go to sleep, like I had done to Galahad.

If I thought the physical training was going to leave me weak, it had nothing against the mental and emotional training that I was slowly getting into. Being a knight, or even just the sister of a knight, was exhausting. And this, for me, was only the beginning.

* * *

**A/N: **I've had that dream many times; about a loved one not coming back. It's not fun.  
I hope this explains the Lancelot/Irissa stuff. No, it's not romantic. It's sibling-esque. By the way, his sister's name is not Deirdre; that's a woman in an Irish myth. I just like the name.  
I also have no experience writing drunken speech, hence why Galahad's talking looks little strange. I just kind of made it up as I went along.  
Thank you to my lovely reviewers/readers/favoriters/alerters. I love that my email is exploding for you guys! I really hope you enjoyed this one!


	12. Chapter 12

**A Burning Sky**

My training continued after the knights returned. Gawain and Bors continued to teach me how to use daggers and to fight. Though I was still doing fairly well with the daggers, I was struggling with hand to hand combat. Bors continued to vary, going easy and then toughening up against me, but I knew the times I beat him were too few to be any good.

Lancelot had taken to teaching me how to fight with two swords, though I struggled more than I had simply against Dagonet with one sword. We had progressed to me fighting Dagonet and Lancelot together, but after the first few fights they decided to hold off. I was a mess every night that I went to bed, aching from my toes to my hairline, and usually dripping with sweat and a layer of dirt. The knights never seemed to notice, but I was slowly starting to wonder if the layers of dirt and sweat, the blood that came from the few injuries I sustained, would ever wash away completely.

Finally the day came that the next stage was introduced to me. Galahad and Tristan had set up a makeshift target course for me to start on. They had taken me out to a tree that sat close to the wall that had a few carved circles on it. Galahad started my training, giving me a light bow to get used to first. After teaching me how to hold it and how to string an arrow, he explained aiming. He told me when I should aim straight at someone and when I should raise my bow at an angle, to let the arrow soar up and over to hit the target.

My first few tries were miserable. Half of the time, I didn't even strike the tree. Tristan was sitting on the grass a little ways away from us, watching and not bothering to give any advice while Galahad struggled to explain things to me. He had been there since we first had stepped outside in the light rain that was falling on us, not saying a word the entire time.

Galahad had corrected my stance for the third time and told me to aim straight for the target, to focus completely on the target. I closed my eyes as I let go of the arrow and then opened them to see that I had at least struck the tree, though not really close to the target at all.

Just as I was about to throw the bow onto the ground, to claim that it was hopeless, to crawl back into bed no matter how soaking wet I was, I felt a body press against my back. When I turned my head, Tristan's familiar brown hair fell into view as he bent down to raise my arms back to position. He used his foot to nudge my feet apart, correcting my stance and leaving himself pressed against me so that I wouldn't slump. He raised my arms into position again, lightly guiding me to pull my arm back so that the arrow was notched and waiting.

"Don't close your eyes this time." My head snapped to face him and in my shock at how close he was, I let go of the arrow. It skidded threw the air and past the tree. Tristan rolled his eyes and then let go of me long enough to notch another arrow. Once he placed himself against me again, his chest against my back, he guided my arm back so that it was notched and waiting once more. My hair was wet and I was sure that it as sticking to his face, seeing as how he was that close to me, but I didn't move away.

This time I didn't let myself be shocked, nor let go of the arrow, when he spoke. I simple jumped a little and tightened my grip.

"Breathe in. When you exhale, release the arrow." I took a deep breath in and then released it. When I did this again, breathing in deeply, I could feel Tristan's chest rise against my back. We held the shared breath for a moment before releasing it, with me releasing the arrow at the same time. I kept my eyes open and on the target, widening them when the arrow struck the tree, in the first circle.

I turned around quickly, forgetting just how close he was standing against me, and almost knocked him sideways. Once we both regained our footing on the muddy ground, I let my eyes meet his. I had slowly started to conquer the female timidness I felt around this particular knight, though I still felt the urge to run away whenever I ran into him. He separated himself from me, nodding lightly, and then returned to his patch of wet grass. Galahad had moved into view again, catching my eye and smirking. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and instead stood back into the position Tristan had set me in, notching an arrow, and releasing it on my exhale.

This technique improved my shooting but was very distracting. Every time I notched an arrow, breathing in and letting go on the exhale, it was as if I could feel Tristan standing behind me. I had to continue to shake the feeling away, to focus solely on my shooting. Though it had improved, I was still a little off.

The days of training seemed to intensify since the knights didn't have a mission to go off on just yet. The injuries I received and the few that I dished out were proof that I was taking this seriously. Dagonet had stopped the lessons when it was thought that I had dislocated my elbow, but the injury wasn't as bad as I thought.

A few days later, in a lull of my training, Lancelot and I were on one of our usual walks back from the graveyard where we had just been sitting, still in the same somber silence as always, when I decided to ask his opinion of something. Though I had constantly thought about talking to someone about the tingly feeling on the back of my neck whenever I saw or was even near Tristan, I figured this was not a conversation I would be able to get through without immense teasing, especially not with Lancelot. Instead, I launched into talking about my lessons.

"It's been difficult but I'm enjoying it. I feel like I'm progressing." He nodded, stomping through the puddle that I barely managed to avoid in the dark.

"You really have. We're all surprised at how well you've done." I wasn't sure if he was complimenting me or insulting me, so I merely nodded and toyed with the front of my gown. I had been able to repair most of the dresses I had been using in training, as they were always being ruined, but this was one of my nicer ones.

Lancelot must have sensed that I had something on my mind because as we directed ourselves to the stables, he grabbed my shoulder and turned me around fairly abruptly, causing me to lose my balance a bit. Once I was settled, he made direct eye contact with me and crossed his arms, smiling lightly.

"Something else you care to say?" I bit my lip, turning my words over and over in my head before speaking.

"Do you think I've progressed enough for Dagonet to let me join a mission?" I was sure if he had been walking, he would have fallen over. His entire body seemed to sway backwards before he spoke.

"I don't think it has anything to do with progression. Dagonet would rather tear this wall down by hand than to put you in harm's way." I threw my hands into the air, half expecting that answer, and moved to the stable that held Gawain's horse which I began running my hand over.

"So what use is teaching me anything? If I'm not to use it." Lancelot joined me, facing the opposite way to brush Galahad's horse in the next stall over.

"I think we all would prefer if you never had to. However I can talk to him, if you want." I turned around and waited for him to face me before wrapping my arms around him, burying my face into his arm.

"Thank you Lancelot. Thank you." He hugged me back before leading me towards the tavern where we met the other knights for their nightly festivities. I stayed near Bors who was on baby duty, playing with Ten who was all smiles while playing with my fingers. I watched Dagonet leave with Lancelot to talk. If Bors noticed my unease, he didn't mention it.

Vanora joined us a few times, kissing her lover and child, shooting me one of her smiles before returning to work. She had told me to take a few days off after the problem with my arm, though I had told her I would be fine.

When I glanced up from Ten who was teething on my finger to find Dagonet and Lancelot headed towards us, I could barely stay seated. My entire body seemed buzzing, being unable to read either of their faces. Dagonet could be about to tell me I could go on a mission or tie me to a tree so that I could never leave.

"Lancelot has spoken to me." I bit my lip and glanced from my blood brother to my honorary brother. Lancelot's face didn't change and I cursed him for not giving me a hint as to how this was going to go.

"And...?" My voice was a squeak. I couldn't help but notice that all of the knights were facing us, not even bothering to pretend not to be eavesdropping.

"I think you're ready." I stole my finger back from the baby and stood up so quickly that Dagonet took a staggering step backwards so that I wouldn't topple him.

"Really?" The excitement was dripping from me and I started to think over every scenario. Was it going to be a rescue mission or an attack? Probably something a little lighter, for my first mission. I couldn't stop smiling, my cheeks hurting from it.

"You'll be going with Tristan to scout." My smile twitched before going to a confused look.

"Scouting? I thought you said a mission!" Dagonet nodded and then turned to face the other knight in question. He nodded to show his approval, that it was okay if I joined him.

"You'll scout with Tristan on a night of his choosing. Think of it as advanced training." And then he turned back to his seat. Lancelot gave me an encouraging look and I sat back down beside Bors who handed me Ten, complaining that he needed to use that bathroom. I rocked the child lightly, gazing at the ground.

It wasn't that I wasn't happy, this meant that he was taking me seriously. At least to a point. However I was expecting the missions they went on, the ones that were dangerous. I wanted to help them, to prove my worth so that they would start taking me on all of their missions. I was grateful that I had this chance and I made a vow to myself to try my hardest, to do my best. Maybe if I could impress Tristan, he would put in a good word for me. However I knew the chances of impressing that particular knight were slim.

When I raised my eyes to find the knight that I was thinking of, he was nowhere to be seen. I wasn't very surprised when Galahad sat down beside me though, leaning back and taking a long sip of the ale in his hand. He was smiling widely, a wild laugh shining in his eyes. He was up to something.

"Excited?" If he was teasing me, I would show him that I wasn't affected. I nodded, smiling widely myself.

"Very much so. I'm very excited for the scouting." He took another sip, his smile never fading. He leaned over to me to whisper so that the rest of the knights nearby might not hear him.

"And not just because you'll be alone with our scout in the dark?"

I found myself blushing as I hadn't done since my arrival, when Vanora or someone would say something crude or sexual. Ten picked that moment to start crying so I used that as an excuse to stand up and walk around, too cool my face and to calm the child. However I couldn't get far enough away from Galahad's loud laughter.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh my goodness, I feel HORRIBLE. It's been about a week since I last updated. I've been sick and then I was out of town all weekend or I would have updated before. It's not particularly long, but hey, mild sexual tension? At least for Irissa.  
So Irissa is going on a scouting trip... in the dark... with Tristan... alone. Only good can come of that, right?  
Thank you to everyone who is reading this. Each of you are awesome.  
And thank you to my reviewers/favoriters/alerters. You guys make my email feel loved.  
Hope you enjoyed this one. Next one up later today (Tuesday, July 20th). Maybe none tomorrow (21st) because it's my birthday. I don't know yet.  
Thanks again everyone!


	13. Chapter 13

**A Burning Sky**

Word came to me by Jols a few days later during my very late lunch, or perhaps an early dinner; Tristan thought tonight would be a good night for me to join him on the scouting. I felt all too giddy at hearing the news and even Jols had to refrain from smiling at my face. However after he stepped out, my giddy smile faded slowly into a straight face. I finished my meal and made my way back to my room, grateful that I didn't run into anyone. Once I shut the door, I tried to keep my hands clasped infront of me so that they would stop shaking. I pulled my soft shoes off of my feet to keep them busy.

At first I wondered if I was feeling this way because of Tristan. It was understandable, the silent knight did something to my nerves that I've never had before. I never had these feelings in the pit of my stomach whenever I saw a male, like a thousand butterflies were fluttering around. Sometimes I felt as if they had enough strength to lift me off of the ground from the inside. But this feeling, my shaking hands and shallowed breathing, had nothing to do with him this time.

The part of me that had thought over the missions I could get, the part that had assumed that my first mission would be a fast paced ride to help a family, defeating attackers as we did so, was starting to realize that this is not just me imagining the scenarios anymore. I would be out with Tristan in a real mission, with real danger. Following this could be real missions where, as the sad little cemetary on the side of the fort told me, people could die.

My hands continued to shake as I washed my face, the hair that framed my face getting a little damp. I dried my hands and then my face before reaching behind me to undo the strings on my dress. I let it fall to the ground before stepping out and rummaging through my trunk for my favorite dress to train it. It was a dark colored fabric, but the actual fabric was light and easy to move in. I pulled it on, tugging at the seams where they fit me too well. This had not been one of the dresses I had been able to resize yet.

Once dressed, I sat on the chair next to my bed and pulled on a pair of simple boots, lacing them up as tightly as I could since they were a little big for me. That finished, I shot a look out of the window in the corner of the room and realized that it had gotten darker than I thought. I shut the door, hands still shaking a little, and started towards the stables. When I arrived, Dagonet was standing next to his horse, running his fingers over the horse's nose.

"You're a little early." He turned around and nodded in approval to my attire, as it was the best I could do. He wasn't smiling in happiness of his sister's first mission, he looked like he was just as scared as I was, only he was hiding it better.

He moved to the weapons and handed me the bow that I had been using in training along with a quiver jammed pack with arrows. He strapped them to me, followed by two small throwing daggers and a heavy sword that I used in practice.

"Is there much trouble on these scoutings?" He shook his head, rechecking the latches on my weapons, to make sure they were secure to me. He made me withdraw each slowly, so that I knew where they were, and then quicker to show that I could do it if attacked.

"Tristan won't take you out as far as he usually goes but it's been quiet for the past few days." His voice was stiff, as if he was holding something back. I supposed he was, he was holding back from dragging me back to my room to never let me out of his sight again. The conversation I had with Lancelot about Dagonet thinking I was dead, and then with him saying that Dagonet would rather tear the wall down with his own hands rather than me get hurt, told me that this was something I should come to expect with any mission I go on.

Tristan came in and nodded to us, heading to his horse and preparing it. Dagonet put an arm around me and directed me to his horse. He watched me mount and dismount the horse, normally and quickly, before he was satisfied. He clasped his hand over both of mine that grasped the reins, squeezing them lightly, and then turned to leave. He nodded to Tristan, silently asking him to take care of me, before leaving. Tristan didn't even speak, just turned his horse and started to leave.

I followed him, directing the horse with some difficulty. As if the creature could sense my discomfort, my inexperience in horse riding, he seemed to take over and simply follow Tristan's horse at the same speed. We went through the doors, nodding to the guards as we did, and started towards the trees. Once in, I followed Tristan in the dark, relying on my horse to guide the way. Once a little ways in, the light from the fort disappearing, we dismounted.

"The horses will come when called. Follow me, watch your steps. Try to stay quiet and do as I say." As quietly as possible, we made our way through the trees. He pointed out things, quietly explaining that he had set up alert systems. We checked these systems, usually a line of foliage that he had set up purposefully to show if someone had walked through it. None of them seemed disturbed by more than animals.

We continued through the darkening forest in silence, me following him with one hand on the sword on my hip. He would glance back at me every now and then but it was always brief, as if making sure I was still there.

Mid-step, Tristan hunched down. I followed his example, hands shaking again and looked around. He was quiet, eyes closed but head turning as if he was looking for something. Focusing more in the dim light, I could tell he wasn't looking for something but listening for something. Had he heard something?

He moved silently to me, still hunched down and telling me not to move. He got next to me, moving himself so he was practically touching me. Bending his head, he pressed his mouth to my hair near my ear. My heart was thudding so hard in my chest that I was sure the knight could hear it. His mouth on my ear, he spoke quietly.

"Woads. When I whistle, the horses will meet us here. Get on Dagonet's and go back to the fort." I shook my head before he even finished his command. Leave him here by himself against a band of an unknown number of Woads? This was what I was here for, to fight and prove my worth. I pulled my head back to face him, our eyes locking. His eyes were probably better in the dark so there was a good chance he could see the fear and determination in my eyes. If he could see the other emotions, the ones directed towards him, he didn't show it.

He stood up slowly, pulling me with him. We stood facing one another and in the silence, I could actually hear footsteps coming towards us. I closed my eyes for a moment, imagining the upcoming fight and feeling my chest constrict. I fumbled with the sword in my hand, wondering if I would make it out of this alive. I knew that Tristan would probably protect me, but I didn't want him to have to. I clutched the sword tighter than before and told myself that I would fight bravely, that I would not back down, until I knew we were safe. I told myself that we would survive it.

Our eyes met again and he bent his head down to me, slowly as if giving me time to move. He let his face stop right infront of mine, my heart racing again. With a still shaking hand, I reached up and pushed a lock of hair, accompanied by one of his braids, off of his face. He stared down at me, my eyes adjusting to the dark enough to see that he wasn't wavering. The footsteps in the dark were getting louder and I knew that we should separate, to prepare for the fight, but I couldn't convince myself to move away yet. He raised one hand, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and then moving his cool hand from my ear to my jaw and then to the corner of my mouth.

The shiver that came over me had nothing to do with the cold air and more to do with the feelings that this was invoking. Right now was not the time to have my heart thudding so painfully in my chest, not the time for me to imagine his lips against mine, not the time for me to have those damned butterflies.

He wasn't saying goodbye though. This I could tell, could feel it in the touch. He wasn't doing this because he might not get the chance to again. In fact, he was touching me like that because he would get a chance to do it again. And for everything good or bad in the world, I would let him do it again when the chance came.

We separated and turned towards where the sounds of the footsteps were coming from. I had lost the sound but that was because I could only hear the blood rushing between my ears. Tristan swung his sword in his hand once, preparing his stance for an ambush. I moved into a stance as well, hoping that I was prepared for this. These weren't going to be my brother or other knights, these were going to be Woads that wanted to kill us. With that thought in mind, I spared another glance to Tristan.

And then, as if time had been slowed down in the time that Tristan and I had reached the forest, it seemed to speed up again. The Woads burst through the treeline and headed straight for us. There seemed to only be a handful, eight or nine, and I felt a surge of confidence. I swung my too heavy blade to stop one of the Woad blades from eaching me and almost fell back from the weight. I kicked out, catching his leg and pulled. He fell down and I swung my sword, letting it fall onto his chest.

The feeling of the sword going through skin and muscle made my stomach turn but it was battle. I would worry about that later. Once I was sure the Woad was down, I swung out at the next one that was headed my way. He blocked with a sword and prepared to swing down with the ax in his hand. I dropped one hand, nearly collapsing with the weight of the sword in just one hand, and grabbed the dagger on my hip. I thrust it out and into the stomach of the man infront of me and then when he staggered back, I swung my sword and let it clip his neck. The sight of the blood flowing from the neck wound almost made me gag but I turned away and prepared for the next fight.

Two more dead Woads later, I glanced over to where Tristan was. He had laid waste to the last Woad and raised his head to face me. We moved through the dead bodies towards one another so that we could get out of the forest before another party came through. He reached out to me but there was a sound of something flying through the air and then a thud, his face contorting. As he leaned forward I could see the arrow sticking from his arm. I looked around and could barely make out the Woad sitting behind a tree, preparing another arrow. I reached back and prepared my bow, then notched an arrow quickly.

I made brief eye contact with Tristan before breathing in and letting go of the arrow on the exhale. I watched as it embedded itself into the Woad's chest and he fell over, his arrow falling forgotten beside him. I dropped the bow and hunched over, lifting Tristan's head to make eye contact with him again. He made a gesture and I reached back, snapping the excess off of the arrow.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, not knowing if anyone else was in the forest. He nodded and then whistled. A few moments later, two horses came into view. We made our way to them and mounted up, with me watching his wince when he pulled himself onto the horse.

"I need to take a look at that." He nodded again, not speaking. We rode back to the fort quickly, much quicker than we had left. Dagonet had met us and though he seemed about to speak, he saw the arrow sticking from his arm. Tristan dismounted, wincing again, and we quickly made our way into the room with the round table. He sat down, trying to crane his head to look at the damage. Dagonet came in and tore the clothing away from the area and I winced. It was embedded deep.

"How many were there?" I looked up at Arthur, surprised that the other knights had made it into the room without me noticing. I glanced at Dagonet, not really knowing what I should say. I had experience with wounds but this was a little beyond what I had dealt with before.

"If we don't get the arrow out and repair the damage, he could lose the use of his arm." There was a few calls for the doctor, only to have Jols run in out of breath with a bowl of water, a cloth, and a knife and explained that the doctor was dealing with a difficult birth.

Dagonet grabbed the cloth and wiped at the blood around the area so he could see the entire entrance wound. Tristan was frowning, jaw clenched through the pain. I reached forward and grasped his hand lightly, with every intention of just giving his hand a comforting squeeze. He flipped his hand and squeezed back, trying not to put too much force on it as Dagonet poked at the wound.

"I'll use the knife to dig it out. It's going to hurt." Tristan nodded, eyes forward and wincing. I moved my free hand to the one holding onto mine and pressed it on top, surrounding his hand while the other one sat clenched on the table top. The knights watched as my brother used a knife to dig into their scout's arm to remove an arrow, though they held open shock at the fact that I was holding onto his hand as if it was an every day thing.

Every wince and every curse while Dagonet pushed the knife in to dig out the arrow made my stomach clench. Tristan always seemed so untouched by the pain that others got with an injury and seeing him now like this, I realized that this wound must have been worse than I thought.

I clutched onto his hand and let my mind wander to the scene in the forest, his hand lingering on the corner of my mouth while we stared into each other's eyes. The butterflies that I shouldn't have felt, the thoughts that I shouldn't have conjured... What was going to come of this?

The hand in mine tensed and I ran my thumb over his, trying to calm him. And trying to calm myself.

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**A/N: **AH! I can't reply to reviews and I don't know why! So I'm going to be one of the author's that replies in an Author's Note. I hope that this won't become a habit... sorry. Replies at the bottom of this note.  
So, that was the scouting mission. Tried to make it romantic and angsty and actiony and... Well I hope it was worth the read.  
May update again tonight. If not, I will definitely update tomorrow as a birthday present to myself.  
Thank you to my readers. You guys are awesome. Reviewers/alerters/favoriters are also amazing for making my email blow up.  
I have a feeling this one is going to surpass _Freedom and Faith_ in every way possible. It's exciting.

xXAngelStormXx - I'm glad that you like it. Flattered that you called it one of your favorites. Thank you! Hope you enjoyed this chapter too!  
Kanae Valentine - I wanted to make the archery scene progressive AND kind of humorous. I think that you'll like the scouting mission, but then again, I hope you like it all! Haha. Thank you for the early birthday wishes.  
Lauresh - I toyed with maybe having a triangle (I love Ioan in this film) but I knew that those are messy to write. But there are definitely going to be twists and turns down this bumpy road I'm paving! Thanks to you as well for my early birthday wishes.  
ray - First off, I hate you for being at the beach. Not really, but kind of. Jealousy hate. I really need a vacation right now haha. Glad that you enjoyed the chapter though, thank you for your review!


	14. Chapter 14

**A Burning Sky**

When I woke up the next morning, it was to a loud commotion outside of my room. I didn't even bother changing from my night dress before stepping into the hallway and looking for the source of the noise. Lancelot and Dagonet were bodily pushing Tristan back towards his room, Lancelot with a smile and Dagonet looking thoroughly unimpressed.

"What's going on here?" Dagonet disappeared behind the door with Tristan where I could hear something fall over before he reappeared, wiping the sweat from his forehead. Lancelot finally released the laugh he had been holding in. Dagonet made his way towards me, Lancelot following while trying to reign in his laughs.

"Our injured scout tried to make a break for it. He's only been in there for eight hours and apparently already crawling up the walls." Once Lancelot had informed me of the problem, he seemed to notice my attire. He winked at me, making Dagonet roll his eyes, before disappearing down the hall back towards his room.

"What fell over?" He wiped his hands on his shirt, ushering me back towards my room.

"I tripped over his chair once I got him back inside. He was headed towards the fields when I encountered him. Probably looking for that damned hawk of his." I made a face, almost stumbling into my bed. When I turned around, Dagonet was washing his face in my water basin.

"His hawk?" My brother dried his face and then turned to face me, leaning against the wall thoughtfully.

"I haven't seen her in a while, now that I think about it, so I guess you haven't heard anything yet. Tristan found a hawk that had been injured about a year or so ago. He nursed her back to health and has continued to come around since then."

The image I conjured in my head, of the knight kneeling down beside an injured bird, almost had me thinking that I was still asleep and this was a dream. I shook the image away, smiling to myself, and turned to my trunk of clothing.

"Am I training any today?" Dagonet shook his head before heading to the door.

"We'll give you time to tell us about the scouting, since last night was a little unorganized." With a nod he left the room. I filtered through my clothing before picking a slightly heavier dress, feeling the cold already creeping into the room, and then made my way to the bathing area. I bathed quickly, rubbing the oils into my hair and onto my body, before dressing and brushing my hair with my fingers as I made my way back to my room. Trying to deal with a particularly nasty knot, I didn't have time to gather my senses until the moment right before I ran smack into someone's chest.

I fell onto the ground, dropping my clothing and landing painfully onto my wrist. When I glanced up, I recognized the man as a Roman guard but had never seen him other than that.

"Sorry. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings." He was holding a piece of paper which he quickly tucked into his uniform and helped me up.

"Neither was I. I'm sorry." He nodded, looking very distracted. With a nod, he disappeared down the hall the way he had been headed in the first place and I returned to my room. I grabbed the comb that Vanora had given me, a thick wooden one, and started pulling it through my hair, wincing as it hit the knots. I had to switch wrists initially because the fall had hurt worse than I noticed. Once my hair was knot free, I tied it partially back to let it dry and started down to the tavern where Vanora was cradling Ten and talking to two of her other children, Seven and Gilly it looked like.

"Need a helping hand?" She glanced at me with a tired smile, handing me Ten and then grabbing Seven and lifting her up onto her hip.

"Just keep that one entertained while I get this one fed please?" I laughed, nodding and starting to bounce the baby boy in my arms. He swatted at me, smiling and cooing. I bounced him as I made my way towards a chair, already feeling my arms tensing at holding his wiggling weight. My wrist was giving me some trouble so I switched arms so that he wasn't resting so heavily on the left.

"You're getting big." He cooed again, pulling on a strand of my hair. While I played with Ten, a shadow came over where I was sitting. Glancing up, I noticed the guard I had run into earlier.

"I saw that you're favoring your left wrist. I feel like I owe you another apology." I shook my head, still bouncing Ten who had now become entranced by the red cloak attacked to his uniform. The guard moved forward, offering a corner to the baby. Ten started to swing it around, curling his chubby little fingers around the cloth.

"Your son is cute." I laughed, with a little hysteria, and shook my head so much that my hair started to hit my face.

"This little heathen belongs to Bors and Vanora, not me." He laughed, apologizing for his mistake, and then motioned to my wrist again.

"Are you going to get someone to look at your wrist?" I raised it, twirling it around and wincing at the pain though it wasn't too sharp.

"I think it's just sore. If it continues to give me a problem I will. But you shouldn't worry. It wasn't your fault." He nodded, his hand creeping up the where I had seen him tuck the paper earlier, looking distracted again.

"Is there something on your mind?"

The look he gave me told me that there was something on his mind but that he didn't want to unload it on a stranger. I patted the arm of the chair next to me and he smiled, seeming like the weight on his shoulders had disappeared, and sat down.

"I got this letter a few days ago, from my wife. She is staying with her parents back in Rome because her father is really sick. So she writes me to say that the distance is getting harder for her, she is worried that I will be different when I come home."

I continued to bounce Ten, though distracted with the words of the stranger next to me.

"How long have you been married?" He laughed, playing with Ten's hand.

"Four years. I've been here for three. I'm at this outpost for two more years before I'm discharged back to Rome." I nodded, laughing when Ten started gumming on the guard's hand.

"Do you think you will be different?" I said it quietly, remembering the conversation with Lancelot, remembering my own wonderings while at Grent's house as to if my brother was the same boy, turned to man now, that he was when he left?

"Of course I will be. I have seen a lot that she would never understand, things I would never wish her to see. I have done things that I can never explain to her." He smiled at Ten and I wondered if he had a child back in Rome but thought better than asking.

"I hadn't seen my brother for twelve years. We were so young when he was taken away. And we had both been through a lot. And yet my brother and I are as close as ever, even more so. I'm sure that you and your wife will be fine. Just write her, tell her of your love for her and that you think of her all the time." He smiled, touching the area where the paper was sticking out a little.

"Thank you. My name is Amicus. May I have your's?" I smiled at him, offering him my injured hand which he shook very lightly.

"Irissa. I am Dagonet's sister." I imagined that he would know which was my brother at the name, and I was right for he smiled.

"The perfect person to look at your wrist if needed." I nodded to him. We played with Ten for a while longer before Amicus bid us both goodbye, thanking me for my advice, and then left. I assumed to go on duty. Vanora showed up a few moments after he left, an eyebrow raised as she sat down, taking the baby from me.

"Who was your friend?" I rolled my eyes before standing up, brushing off my dress and hoping she didn't notice as I kept my wrist stiff.

"His name is Amicus. I gave him advice on his wife." I stressed the word and watched as she pouted.

Vanora had been looking for a guy for me since I had arrived. At first I thought she had just been joking, but the longer it went on, the more I realized she wasn't joking at all. She had looked at the villagers and had now moved on to the guards. I wondered if she would start looking at the knights, to find me someone. Just the thought of her trying to set me up with one of them, one in particular, had me blushing again. I moved away, turning so she couldn't see me, and set to wiping down a table infront of me.

I was distracted with my cleaning and I didn't notice the entrance of the knights until Gawain came up and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. He manuevered me to their tables to sit down and tell them all about the night before. They put me beside Tristan, to my mild chargin. My face hadn't fully cooled down yet but I just ignored it and the body next to me.

Arthur started the questioning and it went between Tristan and I to tell the story, with me doing most of the speaking. I had a feeling this was an interview, a way for the knights to figure out if I was ready for missions. So I told my story, letting Tristan fill in any parts that I didn't know. The knights watched and nodded, asking questions when needed. Finally the questioning was over, with Arthur leaving to think about planning another, more prepared, scouting mission into those woods.

The other knights dispersed, Dagonet giving me a nod and escorting a still wincing Tristan from the area. He hadn't spoke a word to me, hadn't even looked at me while we told our story. We had left out the bit with us bonding, for obvious reasons.

Lancelot made his way towards me after whispering something to Vanora and having her slap his arm, rolling her eyes and heading towards her lover. He saw the way I was holding my wrist but didn't question it. Instead he smiled at me, leaning against the table next to me.

"You don't hide it very well." I glanced up at him, rubbing my wrist before standing up, dusting off my dress and scoffing loudly, forced.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." His smile lowered, turning almost into a pensive look. I hoped that I had distracted him, that maybe he thought he was wrong with whatever he was thinking, but he moved forward until he was right next to me again.

"If you are, or are not, interested in him, understand this. Any knight here will always take care of you, as you are the sister to one of our own. But Tristan is more distant than any here, even Arthur. And with any of the knights, we can die at any time. There is a chance of you getting hurt." I turned to him, facing him with what I hoped was a neutral face.

"Lancelot, there's nothing going on. It was a scouting mission, that's all. I was comforting an injured man." He nodded, his smile coming back though there was still something holding it back. He nudged my shoulder and then touched my elbow, nodding his head towards Vanora.

"Put a good word in for me?" I rolled my eyes before hugging him lightly, telling him with the hug that I was grateful for his words, though I'm not sure he understood. And as I continued cleaning the tables and later went to my room to rest, I thought on his words.

I could get hurt, if I let this infatuation go any further. Maybe he understood that and maybe that was why he was so standoffish during the questioning. As I curled into my blankets, rubbing my wrist before tucking my hands under my head, I wondered if there was an easy way to stop the feelings the scout sparked in me.

There was more chance of me voluntarily walking all the way to Grent's house, knocking on the door and asking for my old job back than to find an easy way to stop the feelings. I'd have to try the hard way. Avoiding him.

* * *

**A/N: **I want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes. And to apologize for not posting like I said I would. I share a birthday with my father and it turned out to be a bigger thing this year than I was informed of earlier. And then on Thursday, I went to Warped Tour. And then Friday I was recovering from Warped Tour. And today I was catching up on work. So it's going into Sunday morning now and I'm posting.  
So, first mild introduction of the hawk. I didn't forget her. She'll have a scene soon too! And a new character, Amicus. He's only going to be a minor character though.  
For the person who private messaged me asking how long I was planning on making this, here's a hint. The summary explains that the knights find her two years before the movie. And she's only been there for about a month. So that means I have almost two years before the events of the movie! So it's going to be kinda long.  
And oh goodness, what am I doing to our Tristan/Irissa? Gotta throw in a twist or two (or twelve?), don't want to bore everyone. Next chapter is more training, which I never expected to last so many chapters, and then a funny scene that includes Irissa, Lancelot, and Gawain sewing while Galahad snores.

Thank you for reading, my lovely lovely readers. And to my reviewers/alerters/favoriters... you guys are making me really glad that I decide to post this story and make it longer than I originally had in mind. So thank you!


	15. Chapter 15

**A Burning Sky**

"Come on Irissa, focus!" I ran the back of my hand over my forehead to keep the sweat from pouring into my eyes. How was it that it was so cold outside and yet I was sweating as if I was in a desert? We hadn't been working that hard but here I was, drenched.

"I am focusing Bors." He put his fists down, there having been too many close calls already. I was going to be sporting a bruise on my shoulder from a swing that I didn't deflect fast enough and one he wasn't able to pull back before it made contact.

"You wanna survive, you need to pay attention. You're making mistakes that even a beginner wouldn't make. Now come on! What's going on here?" I sat down on a stool, wiping my face with the edge of my skirt. He sighed, patting my back and then moving to grab a drinking canteen. He offered it to me which I accepted, drinking my fill before handing it back.

There was a break between my training with Bors and when Lancelot and Dagonet came in. Dagonet checked my injuries, noticing that my wrist was bruised. I explained that I must have blocked a punch badly and Bors shrugged, not really remembering if I had or not.

"Do you want to take a break?" I shook my head, standing up and moving to the armory. I reached for the sword I usually used but Lancelot clicked his tongue, grabbing my wrist and shaking his head.

"All of the knights commissioned our own weapons from a blacksmith. We thought you deserved the same. This is your new sword." I was handed the scabbard first, which I quickly tied on. Then Lancelot handed me the sword and I felt the awe rise up in me. It was lighter than the other swords I had used but it felt just as strong and sharp. There was a design on the actual blade, simple twists and knots. The handle had the same design, but in the middle I noticed a carving of a flower, like that one I had presented Lancelot with on the hill all that time ago.

"It's amazing." Lancelot moved back so that I could swing it around and get used to the weight difference.

"It's lighter but it'll do the job. The blacksmith is making another one just like it along with three matching throwing daggers." I smiled at all three of the knights, expressing my gratitude with just that smile, before swinging the blade and facing Lancelot.

"Are you we going to spar or are you just here for the view?" He chuckled, pulling out one of his own blades and twirling it before pointing it at me.

"Begin." Dagonet watched as Lancelot and I sparred, Bors amazed at how much more focused I was now. Seeing as how both of our swords were sharp and ready, we were extra careful. It didn't take long before the sweat had started to pour down again though and I continued to strike out, feeling my arms sting with the force of blocking the blows.

We sparred for as long as I could stand it, which granted was longer than I had been holding up before. I lowered my new sword, wiping the sweat from my forehead, and smiled at the knights. Lancelot nodded at me, the little smirk on his face. We were spared his comment however by Galahad coming to the stables and heading straight for Dagonet.

"Arthur wants to see you." Dagonet nodded, casting a quick look in my direction before leaving with Galahad. Bors made a face before following, telling me how well I had done. I wiped down the blade, looking for any dents that showed evidence of our match but there were none. I untied the scabbard and then placed the sword back into it, tying it off and carrying it with me as I headed towards my rooms.

"You fought with a passion. Who were you imaging?" Lancelot had told me that it helped to imagine I was fighting someone or something in particular. I never really utilized that before, not knowing really who I'd imagine myself going up against. Maybe Grent or the barbarians that killed my family.

"How do you know I wasn't just imagining you, hm?" He laughed, as if that was impossible, and then wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we reached the living quarters. We passed by his room and continued towards mine.

We entered in silence, the door staying open. Some of the knights had given Lancelot a hard time for becoming so close to me, joking that something must have been going on. Whether they were honestly joking or really thought that Lancelot and I were involved, I was unsure. However I had a feeling that they were just joking.

"I'm sorry if our conversation before bothered you. I shouldn't have assumed anything." I sighed, knowing that he was talking about when he told me not to get attached to Tristan. After placing my sword against the wall, I went to the water basin to wash my hands and face. Afterwards I motioned for Lancelot to do the same while I put his sword against the wall. He gratefully accepted, splashing the water on his face and running a hand over the back of his neck. I tossed him the towel I had been using to dry my hands and he wiped his hands and face with it. There was water dripping down the back of his shirt but I didn't say anything.

"You were riight though. That's what bothered me. I did have feelings for Tristan." Lancelot looked up at me as I crossed to the window, glancing out at the sky. The sun had started to go down, making the trees that I could see look like they were holding it up in the sky. I shook my head and turned back to see Lancelot leaning against my pillows on my bed. I remembered the wet spot on his back and wondered if it would leave a wetness on my bed. I sat beside him, tucking my knees under my chin.

"You did have feelings for him?" I winced at the wording coming from him, hoping he hadn't seen it. But the hand the lifted my face from my knees and made me look him in the eye told me he saw it.

"You still have these feelings for him?" Not even bothering to lie, I nodded.

It had only been a few days since I told myself that I would avoid the scout. It wasn't that difficult to do, since he was spending most of his time in his room to heal his shoulder and I spent most of my time either working on the tavern, in my room, or training. The few times I had seen him, I had been able to make it away before he realized I was around. I wasn't doing it because I didn't trust myself. However much I trusted myself to not survive being near him, I didn't want to know if he was avoiding me or not. So if I avoided him, I wouldn't be able to tell if he was avoiding me. That was my thought process at least.

"I shouldn't have said what I did. If you have feelings for someone, Tristan or otheriwse, you should embrace them." I laughed at that, leaning over so that I could lay my head onto his shoulder.

"Maybe you were right though. Maybe it's hopeless or stupid or reckless." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"You'll never know until you try it. If being a knight has taught me anything besides how to kill, it's that life is short."

I let his words sink in. I, too, knew that life was short. The memory of my younger brother dying as I tried to ride us to safety made me draw in a shakey breath. Lancelot was about to speak when the already partially opened door opened wider to reveal Gawain and Galahad holding a few things of clothes.

"Can I help you?" Vanora had expressed that sometimes the knights would ask her to repair a shirt or pair of pants, but never had they handed over so much at one time.

Galahad looked over at Gawain with a smile that told me he was up to something, and Gawain's smile matched it, before they both turned to me.

"We were thinking that maybe you could take some of these clothes and alter them. To fit you." I reached forward and grabbed a shirt, feeling the tougher material. Lancelot was fingering the hem of a pair of pants before turning to face me.

"It would make it easier for you to train, not having to worry about your skirts." I nodded before making my way to my trunk, pulling out the sewing items that Vanora had given me. I took one of my skirts that I was tearing up to create patches with and tore off a long strip to use to measure.

Lancelot was the first one to start to help me, cutting and preparing the clothing for me to sew to the size I needed. Gawain joined us, slowly as if expecting us to make fun of him, by altering the hems to my request.

We worked for a while before there was a startling noise from my bed. We all jumped and looked, Lancelot reaching for the sword he didn't have on anymore and Gawain brandishing the sewing needle like a weapon. Galahad was sprawled over the top of my bed, his face smothered in the quilt, and snoring very loudly.

We took a break after a while, once the sun was fully down and I had lit the candles in the room. Gawain proposed that we go to get something to eat before finishing and we all stood up, my joints popping as I did so. Lancelot told us to go ahead while he woke up Galahad. As we turned to leave, I glimpsed the needle that was in his hand and the playful look on his face.

Gawain and I were barely halfway down the hallway when the scream and curse, followed by the sounds of a fight reached our ears. I could imagine Lancelot jabbing the needle into Galahad's backside and once I explained to Gawain what had happened, neither of us could keep our laughs to ourself.

The men joined us a while later, Lancelot sporting a bruise on his cheek but smiling and Galahad rubbing the offending area and glaring at his comrade.

"I hope you didn't destroy my room boys." Gawain started laughing again, Lancelot joining in, and Galahad marching off, muttering about not wanting to be around us.

"He's going to sit in the corner and pout." Gawain's voice cut through our laughter and I almost felt bad, until Lancelot spoke again.

"I don't think he'll be sitting for a bit actually." At his words, we all set off into laughter again.

* * *

**A/N: **The whole sewing/stabbing scene is probably completely out of character but I've felt that this story needed some cheer, haha.  
Not my best chapter but it definitely makes way for the coming chapters. Irissa's first real mission should be in chapter seventeen. Should be, if my characters will do what I tell them to for once.  
Also, I let my son and daughter have the remote a few nights ago while I was making dinner and they somehow turned to a channel that was playing King Arthur. I'm so proud of them, haha.  
This is chapter fifteen, and as of right now, the fourteen earlier chapters of _A Burning Sky_ have 47 reviews. The sixteen (seventeen if you count the update at the end) chapters of _Freedom and Faith_ have 50 reviews. Almost going to surpass! I'm excited!  
I hope you all liked this chapter. Thank you to my lovely readers. And to my reviewers/alerters/favoriters, thank you as well!  
If you haven't reviewed or messaged me, please do. Not because I want to boast the numbers, but I like to know what you like or dislike about my writing and the story. Hearing from you helps me keep you interested!


	16. Chapter 16

**A Burning Sky**

At first it was my dream and the sound was a steady drum. I didn't know where the drumming sound had come from, it didn't fit with my dream. The harder I tried to ignore the sound though, the louder it got until finally I opened my eyes, trying to push myself out of the dream. However the sound was still there, accompanied by a voice calling my name. I sat up, feeling my head swim with the effort, and looked around as if expecting someone else to be in the room.

The events of last night came back to me slowly in my foggy state. Galahad had left us after Lancelot's prank, and Gawain went after him to beg a truce. Lancelot had come back to my room with me after we ate to help me finish the clothing. We had worked until first light when he left and I fell asleep, propped up against the footboard of my bed. I must have fallen over for I was curled up, half frozen, with the shirt I had been working on.

The sound came again, more urgent this time, and the voice that called out my name sounded worried. Dagonet.

I stood up and moved as quickly as I could to the door and unlocked it, throwing it open. Dagonet was staring at me, fist raised to knock again, with a deadpan look on his face.

"Have you gone deaf? I've been knocking for ten minutes." I rubbed my face and then turned around and marched to my bed and curled up under the covers, just my eyes and the top of my head sticking out.

"I'm not deaf. I didn't go to sleep until first light. You woke me." He rolled his eyes and shut the door before walking over to where I was. He carefully walked around the clothing on the floor, not asking why it was there, and sat down on the chair next to my bed.

"You should know better than to not sleep." I tried not to roll my eyes but couldn't help it. He crossed his arms, his face becoming more serious. Before he could open his mouth however, I was distracted by the ring that was on his hand. I had seen it before, he was always wearing it, but it was the first time I had let my mind register it.

"Where did you get that?" He twirled the ring around before pulling it off and holding it out to me to look at. I inspected the ring, noticing the intricate work on the detail, but not recognizing it at all. I held it back out to him and he slid it back onto his finger slowly, as if it hurt to do.

"Father gave it to me, before I rode off. It didn't fit back then."

I ran my fingers over the ring on his finger, trying to remember our father ever wearing it. But the more that I thought about it, I couldn't remember much about our parents. They were like distant memories, ghosts of a dream that I had once that I could barely recall. Through the fog I could remember their faces, the way mother used to sing us to sleep and how father would pick us up and swing us around when we were younger. How strange and distant it was, like lifetimes instead of years.

"Arthur has agreed to allow you to come on some of our missions, at his discretion. He's heard nothing but good reports from us as we trained you and Tristan told him how well you did on the scouting mission."

I didn't allow myself to show any change in emotion at hearing that Tristan had given me a good report. I did do well on the scouting mission, I fought well and bravely. I emerged from my bedding and moved to the floor where the clothing was and I picked them up, sorting them. I had a few shirts and a few pairs of pants that were altered to fit me.

"We made them for the missions. To help me move better." He nodded his approval before standing up, smiling at me before heading towards the door.

"I'll let you know which mission you'll be allowed on. Arthur has to make sure it will be one that you won't be more trouble than you're worth." I laughed before telling him I'd see him later and crawling back into my bed.

When I woke up later, it was just past midday. I bathed and dressed in a simple dress before making my way to the tavern for lunch. Vanora was there with an ever so happy smile, informing me in very colorful terms that she had am enjoyable night with her lover. Keeping a blush, and a grimace, to myself, I grabbed a tray of food and made my way to my usual table. I was surprised to find Amicus there.

"Good morning." He looked up from his plate, his uniform looking slept in so I assumed he was getting off duty.

"It's afternoon, Irissa." I laughed before sitting down infront of him, taking a sip of my drink before speaking again.

"I just woke up, so for me, it's morning."

We talked about different things, from the weather to his wife to my being allowed to go on the missions. After wishing me safety, and me wishing him a good day's rest, we went our separate ways. Vanora was giving me a look when I joined her and I rolled my eyes, pleading with her not to try to play matchmaker.

"He has a wife!" I was laughing when I spoke and I knew that Vanora really wouldn't, but the truth was that I hadn't even thought about finding someone to be with. Though Lancelot had gone back on his warning, telling me to embrace whatever feelings I may have for a particular knight, I still wondered if that was at all a good idea. The knights were always in constant danger. And with me joining them on their missions, there was a chance that Tristan would get distracted or put myself above his comrades and the mission itself.

And the small part of me not knowing if Tristan even had those feelings for me as well.

I waved goodbye to Vanora as I headed towards the stables. I took a few steps in before I recognized the shadow in the corner at the stall that held his horse. Tristan was running a brush over the horse's side with his recently injured arm and I was surprised that he had full movement and didn't seem to have any stiffness. As I took another step closer, his back tensed and the hand that held the brush stilled for a moment before continuing. He must have heard me. I tried to remember why I was coming down here and then made my way to Lancelot's horse, the closest one at the time, and started petting his nose.

"I hear you'll be joining us on missions now." His voice was low and far away, although he was not that far from me on his own. I supposed he was busy thinking, or maybe focusing on his horse.

"Yes. I see your shoulder has healed nicely?" I could see him nod so I took that as his answer. I wondered if he would know that Dagonet, or anyone, would have told me that he gave a good report on the scouting mission. I grabbed the brush and started to run it over the horse, humming under my breath as I did so. I was not a musical person, but being around Vanora with her random songs had given me some tunes that I would hum when I was bored or trying to distract myself. And I was trying very hard to distract myself from the knight that was just a few stalls down.

I glanced back up and was shocked to see that he was gone. Turning sideways, I was shocked to see that he was now standing right outside of the stall I was in. I hadn't heard him move, nor was I expecting him to talk to me at all today.

"I never thanked you, for staying with me in the woods. It would have been more difficult if you hadn't been there." I had no doubt that he would have succeeded in defeating the Woads on his own, if I hadn't been there, but I was glad to have helped. I told him as much, but before I even fully had the sentence out, he was making his way to the stable doors. He tossed a glance over his shoulder and then left.

I turned to Lancelot's horse and sighed as he nudged me to keep brushing him.

"Irissa, are you in here?" I turned to the doors and waved to Dagonet. He came to the stall I was in and ran his hand over the horse's nose while watching me. I had continued to brush the horse until I realized that Dagonet had something serious on his mind. So I turned and made my way out of the stall to face him.

"We are setting out to a Roman household which has been attacked by barbarians. We leave in an hour's time. There is a chance that the barbarians may still be there, since the rider left at the beginning of the attack, so this may become a physical mission. Are you ready?" I nodded, feeling my heart quicken at the thought of a real mission under Arthur's command.

"Of course. How far is the household?" Dagonet's face tightened and he grabbed my shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

"It's Grent's household."

* * *

**A/N: **Dun dun dun! Irissa is going back to the Roman house that she had been liberated from. What's going to happen?  
Reached 54 reviews so far! I'm really happy that everyone enjoys this story so much.  
Chapter seventeen will have the mission. I'm not sure if it will all be in one chapter or two though.  
Veeeeery little Tristan/Irissa interaction in this one because she's still in mental turmoil about whether or not she should have feelings for him. There will be more in the next chapter though. And a Tristan POV section.  
Thank you to my readers, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. And to my reviewers/favoriters/alerters, thank you as always. My email has never felt so loved.  
Keep reviewing/private messaging me about the story. I enjoy hearing your feedback!


	17. Chapter 17

**A Burning Sky**

Every scar that littered my body, and there were a fair few, seemed to brust into flames as I made my way into my room. My chest felt constricted as I stripped myself of my dress and pulled on one of the outfits I had made. The shirt was too loose and the pants were too long still, but they would have to do. I rolled up the pants legs and then put on my shoes before strapping on my sword. I braided my hair, tying it with a spare length from my torn skirt, and turned to look at myself in the mirror I had in my room.

The reflection in the glass wasn't perfect but I could make out enough. The image I created, dressed like a boy with a girl's body and my braid, was one that would have made me smile if I wasn't so shaken.

I would be going back to Grent's house, willingly almost. The one place that I had always dreamt of leaving, I would return to. The only thing that kept me from saying no, from asking not to go on this particular mission, was the fact that I would be with my brother. I had finally found my brother and nothing would tear me away from him. I was protected from any ill will that Grent could wish me, and anyone else in his house.

Dressed for the mission, I made my way down to the stable and was surprised to find it empty besides the horses. I had expected the knights to already be there preparing their horses, but I suppose I was the only one that was overly anxious about this particular mission. They were riding to another Roman household that had been attacked, they would be dealing with more Romans that had misfortune fall into their laps. They did not have the associations that I did with this particular Roman house.

"Dagonet told me I could find you here." I turned around, barely swallowing the yelp from being startled, and smiled tiredly at Arthur. He was dressed for combat and was carrying his saddle.

"Am I that predictable?" Keeping my voice light, hoping to hide my swelling discomfort, I roamed aimlessly around the stables. I hadn't realized until then that I didn't have a horse. Arthur addressed this issue before I could state it.

"The brown mare, at the end, will be your horse. For as long as you need her. I must ask you though, Irissa, if you are sure about this. Returning to Grent's household cannot be easy for you."

I had distracted myself with petting the nose of the mare I had been given. Her coat was brown, with a black mane and tail. She was a very beautiful horse though, strong. While petting my horse, I turned to look at Arthur who was preparing his own horse.

"I must conquer this within myself, Arthur. Returning to Grent's will be difficult, but I see it as a challenge that I must face in order to better myself." The commander nodded, understanding my reasoning, and left his horse to approach me.

"I must stress that this is not the training you have recieved. I know that you did well on your scouting with Tristan, but if we are riding into combat, I have to know that you are going to listen to my commands. That no matter the circumstance, no matter what may happen, you must follow my commands. Lives are on the line, Irissa, and I have to know that I can trust you."

The face of every knight flashed before my eyes, before I thought of my brother. No matter what may happen. My brother could be killed and Arthur could command me to keep moving, to leave him behind. This could be true with any of the knights. I turned the thought over and over in my head, watched each of the knights fall and heard Arthur yell to keep moving. Would I hesitate? Would I turn back? Would I do as I was told? Could I do as I was told?

"You can trust me. I won't let you down Arthur." He smiled and clapped my shoulder before going back to his horse.

"Nice clothing, by the way." There was a lighter tone in his voice, breaking whatever tension I had left. I laughed and then grabbed one of the spare saddles and started to prepare my horse. I had an urge to name her, just so that I could talk to her and not fell like I was talking down to her, but I also did not want to name her and take away whatever name the animals give each other.

"Irissa. For you." I turned around as Bors walked in and handed me three throwing daggers that matched my blade. I laughed and found places to stash them in my clothes so that they were easy to reach.

"The blacksmith is still working on your other blade. And here, my spare bow and quiver. With arrows, of course." I smiled in thanks, strapping them on and making sure I felt comfortable with my new additions.

One by one, the knights filtered in to prepare their horses. Jols had joined, to help in any way possible. Dagonet had come by to ask for the fourth time if I was sure that I wanted to go on the mission and then asked if my weapons would suit.

"Dagonet, stop pestering her. She'll be fine." I smiled in thanks to Bors and then climbed atop my horse. The hour had gone by quicker than I expected, for soon we were heading towards the gate. I still was not very experienced in horse riding, that was one thing I hadn't practiced, but my horse proved to be able to follow the others without much help from me. I just grabbed onto the reins and hoped that I would not fall off and make a fool of myself.

The ride to Grent's house felt shorter than the ride from it, all that time ago. I had been cuddled into Dagonet, refusing to look around and acknowledge what was going on. Now I was participating, watching the way as we rode on and completely aware of all that we were passing. The ride felt like minutes.

The gate that marked the entrance to the house seemed to loom over, as if it knew who I was. A silly thought, because a gate could know know anything, but I felt the oppressive weight as we passed under it. The guards that watched us ride through didn't spare me a second glance and I wondered if I looked so different that they did not recognize me.

I had forgotten our reason for riding up to the hold until I saw all of the damage that had been done. Buildings were still burning, though not as much as I assumed that had been. There were a few bodies still strewn about, the villagers either not yet ready to bury them or more likely that they were focusing on saving what they could first.

Lancelot sent me an encouraging smile, however tight it was, before dismounting. I followed suit and then took a deep breath before entering with the knights. Grent would be recieving us in the "throne room", as the slaves had called the sitting area. The room was the last place I had seen Grent and it seems it would be the first place I saw him now.

Grent had his head in his hands, though I could tell he was looking at the entrance when we walked in. His shoulders were heaving every now and then, like he was having trouble breathing.

"Thank you, knights, for coming so quickly. The barbarians could return at any moment and I'm just not sure we could hold them off this time. Anything you can- you!" His voice quivered and he raised a shaking hand to point at me. I fought the urge to shrink back, to hide behind the closest knight which so happened to be Galahad. I turned to face Dagonet and nodded to him, to show him that I was fine.

"My lord. We are here to help you, not to start a fight." Arthur's voice was commanding and Grent dropped his hand, looking ashen for the first time since I'd known him.

"Of course, of course. To help." I cast a look around the room for the first time since entering and could tell the ruin. Many things were turned over, some were missing. The barbarians had taken numerous items, though I wasn't sure how much use or money they'd get out of many of it. I suppose they did it just to simply invoke fear and pain in people.

Arthur glanced over at me and could tell that I was itching to get out of the room, to get as far from Grent as possible in his own house.

"Galahad, go with Irissa and see what other areas have substantial damage. Report back as soon as possible." We both nodded and though I knew I shouldn't, I grabbed Galahad's arm and pulled him through the house. I knew my way in the dark so I didn't bother trying to catch my bearings. I had lived there for many years, I knew where I was going.

"You're going to pull my arm off Irissa, slow down." I muttered that he should speed up, but his lack of a response meant that he didn't hear me. When we reached the kitchen, I stared in horror to see that shambles it was in. The attackers had taken a lot, if not all, of the food that had been stored here. It was also completely void of life. Seeing the familiar room made me think of my one friend in this entire house, Chauce.

"Come on Galahad!" I pulled him with me towards one of the back doors and down a set of steps. This lead to the living quarters for the cooks, who were held in higher regard then the slaves which mainly slept in one room together. Chauce had shared a room with another cook but he had died a few years ago and no one had replaced him so he lived alone now.

"Where are we Irissa?" I pointed down the hall as I started towards Chauce's room.

"Down this way is the food storage on the left and the armory and treasure room of sorts on the right. Check and see if anything is left." He must have noticed my apprehension, the look in my eyes or the shake of my hands, but he didn't say anything. With a nod, he took off down the hall and turned first to the left to the food storage.

I raised my shaking hand and knocked twice on the door and then twice again when there was no answer. I pushed the door open, preparing myself for the worse. Chauce was laying on his side, facing the door, but he seemed unharmed. Just asleep. I removed my sword and bow and put them against the wall, keeping only my quiver and daggers as I snuck over to his bed. I perched myself on the side and shook his shoulder, calling his name quietly.

The older man took a long time to open his eyes and I was shocked at how hazy they seemed.

"Mute? Is that you? Why are you here?" I smiled at him, hoping that I didn't seem worried. He never did like to see me worry.

"It's nice to see you too, Chauce." He smiled and sat up painfully slowly, wincing as he did so.

"Your voice is back. I guess I shouldn't call you Mute anymore." He laughed and then coughed, shaking a little as he did so. I recognized the symptoms as the same thing that took the first cook. He was ill and probably had been for a while now. At that moment I felt so bad for leaving him here by himself. Though he was more liked than I was, he was still a worker here.

"Oh Chauce." I had so much I wanted to tell him, about the knights and my brother and my new life. I wanted to ask him to join me at the wall, to come with me. I had to get him out of here, whatever the cost. Though I didn't know how to put any of this into words. Yet I was saved from trying to form any sentence by the door I barely shut bursting open. I turned around, about to tell Galahad to inform Arthur we were bringing someone back with us, when I noticed that it wasn't Galahad at all.

It was one of the slaves, one that worked on the grounds and not so much in the house. He was holding a blade, though his grip was loose and his hand was shaking badly, and it was aimed right at me. I cursed myself mentally for leaving my sword so far away from me.

"The heathen has come back. And she brought her guard dogs. If the barbarians come back, they will think we are rallying against them. They will slaughter us." Chauce had stiffened in his bed and I reached to pat his hand, to comfort him. He shook his head, trying not to cough again. The worker stepped into the room and shut the door. I was grateful that he didn't spy my weapons against the wall. All I had to do was get to them and I could easily get the sword away from him, turn him over to Arthur.

"If they return, they will slaughter us anyways. The Sarmatian knights being here is nothing but a potential protection. Drop your blade." Chauce had taken an authoritative fatherly voice with the worker, but it didn't seem to be working. In fact, his hand seemed to steady itself. I stood up and contemplated running for my weapons but instead I shot a look at Chauce before dropping down suddenly to my knees. The worker swung the blade but I rolled out of the way, wincing at the sound of the steel striking the floor. I threw myself at my weapons and grabbed my sword, flinging the scabbard off and turning it towards him.

"I don't want to hurt you. Put down your sword and you can be escorted out of here." He scoffed and swung at me again. I deflected the blow but the next one came quicker than I was expecting. It knicked my hand. It was then that I realized that the blade was very sharp. My heart quickened and I shuffled sideways to gain a new footing. He swung again and I engaged my sword so that they were pressing against one another, pushing either which way.

Releasing one hand, I tried to hold the man off with hand and grab at one of my daggers with the other but he was stronger than I was expecting. I found myself floored with him standing over me, still struggling to push his blade down on top of me. I gripped the tip of the blade with my free hand and tried to focus on anything but the pain as it bit into my hand, blood dripping down onto my wrist. I was reminded of my first spar with Dagonet and how I had changed the position, but I was stuck. There was no moving, I was flat on my back and he was kneeling on my stomach, making it difficult to breathe.

My arms were beginning to ache and I was fighting the urge to call out, not knowing what else I could do, when the worker suddenly jerked and fell sideways. I sat up, pushing him away from me and relaxing my arms, to see that Chauce was standing behind him, holding one of my daggers so that the hilt was out. He must have bumped him on the head with it, instead of stabbing him.

I checked and saw that not one but two of my daggers had fallen out at some time during the fight. I replaced the one he was holding and then bent down to grab the other one. When I sat up, I screamed as I watched the worker plunge the sword into Chauce's stomach. Three things happened very quickly after that. The door flew open, revealing Tristan and Gawain. I threw the dagger in my hand and watched it land straight in the middle of the worker's chest. He fell down, dead before he hit the ground.

I rushed over to Chauce as he was leaning against the bed, gasping and trying not to touch the sword on his stomach. I reached out but then brought my hands back.

"I'm so... oh Chauce, I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I'm so sorry. I wanted to take you away from this. I was going to save you." The tears were pouring down my cheeks as I grasped one of Chauce's hands. He raised the other one to brush across my face, smiling through the pain.

"I am happy enough... to know that you... are safe... and happy." He winced and then coughed, his illness not making the wound any better. He slowly closed his eyes and I felt his hand go limp, the other hand dropping from my face.

Gawain grabbed me and pulled me away from the body while Tristan checked the worker to make sure he was dead. He held my dagger in his hand but when he held it out to me, I refused to take it.

We started out of the room, though I was still crying and trying not to rush back into the room and throw myself over Chauce's body. Gawain leaned me against the wall and said that he was going to get Arthur, that he needed to know what happened. Tristan agreed to watch me and I just sat there, staring at the floor while trying to breathe.

Once Gawain was gone, Tristan started to walk, leaving me where I was. I followed him slowly, still a little shocked but not crying as hard. Chauce was dead. The only friend I had for the longest time was dead and there was nothing I could do about it. I could have changed a million things, I could have done things differently and he may have survived, but not for much longer. He was ill, and the illness would claim his life in time.

No longer crying but still reeling from the death of a dear friend, I finally caught up to Tristan. He had stopped in the middle of the hallway, almost at the stairs that lead to the main area. Arthur and the other knights would be hearing about what happened from Gawain. Dagonet would be coming down to check on me soon. I stepped up beside Tristan, not even looking at him, and gasped when he whirled infront of me and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me roughly.

"What were you thinking? You could have been killed! Were you thinking at all? Any of the knights would put their lives on the line for you and you almost got yourself killed!" It was the first time that I had seen the usually quiet knight raise his voice, and it was directed at me. He was shaking me, yelling at me. It was more attention from him than I ever expected, but not in the way that I had hoped for.

"Chauce was my friend. I was thinking... I can take care of myself! I was fine! Chauce is... I'm fine." My words were trailing off, low and soft even though I was being shaken and I was sure I would have bruises on my arms.

"Did you think what it could do to your brother, if something happened to you now that he's found you?" He shook me again with his words and I opened my mouth to answer but he went to shake me again. Instead of shaking me though, he pulled me forward and I gasped and his lips met mine in a rough kiss.

At first I didn't move, too shocked from everything to comprehend what was going on. When it finally hit me, I let go of my sword and fisted one hand in his shirt and let the other go to the back of his head, grasping a handful of hair. We stayed that way, kissing in the hallway with my hands in his shirt and his hair and one of his hands bruising my arm and the other now twisting my hair, our mouths moving against one another in a desperate, painful way.

He pulled away first, curisng under his breath as he released me. I let go of his hair and slowly released his shirt, feeling the stiffness from having such a tight hold. He cursed again at seeing my lost expression, pressing a lighter kiss to my hurting lips before taking off down the rest of the hall and up the stairs. I was alone with my thoughts, but not for long before Dagonet emerged from the stairwell to grab my elbow, less painfully than Tristan had grabbed my shoulders, and asked if I was okay.

To be honest, I had no idea if I was okay or not.

* * *

Tristan cursed himself in every language he could, including a few he may have made up, and using dieties that he didn't believe in. What had come over him? Kissing the girl... no, Irissa wasn't a girl. Kissing the women like that, while she's in shock from seeing her friend get killed.

It doesn't affect you anymore, Tristan told himself, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't affect her. He cursed himself as he passed Dagonet, motioning with one hand that his sister was downstairs. Dagonet rushed past him, not suspecting a thing.

He looked at the hand he had just used to motion Dagonet by and noticed the strands of brown hair. He felt something clench in his stomach as he pushed them off with his other hand. Her hair.

That shouldn't have happened. He was careless, stupid, and not very compassionate towards the girl. The woman. And though he knew it was wrong, he wouldn't change a second. His lips, the ones that had just moments before been on her's, raised in a small smile.

If anyone passed the quiet scout and wondered, or worried, about the ghost of a smile on his lips, they refused to mention it. They may have quickened their pace, but they refused to ask what in this burning and destroyed house would cause a smile.

* * *

**A/N: **Uuuuhm, yea. So that's what I've been planning. I played with having Chauce join Irissa back to the wall, but I felt as if she hadn't suffered enough, losing both parents and her brother. As a writer, it's my job to put my characters through hell.  
But AHH. First kiss. Kind of came out a little more... painful... than I originally planned but eh. Hope you liked it anyways.  
I dedicate this chapter to Hans Zimmer. I recently re-found my copy of the King Arthur soundtrack and have had it on repeat to give me the motivation to write. With names like Tell Me Now, Woad To Ruin, Do You Think I'm Saxon, Hold The Ice, Another Brick In Hadrian's Wall, Budget Meeting, and All Of Them!, I was destined to have a good time writing this one.  
Let me know what you think about this chapter. I enjoyed writing it so I hope that you enjoyed reading it.  
Thank you to my reviewers/alerters/favoriters. You guys, as always, are awesome.


	18. Chapter 18

**A Burning Sky**

Dagonet had hardly left my side since we left Grent's house. Of course we had been there for a while longer, after what happened, but I had stayed far away from everyone. My brother had stayed with me, not talking but being present in case I fell apart, until Arthur announced our leaving. Grent saw us off, his eyes never even meeting mine as we told him to send word if he needed more help. We rode back to the wall in relative silence, thankfully with Tristan far ahead to make sure the way was clear.

I had started to fall apart when we reached the stables. I wasn't sure if it was the death of my beloved friend, the exhaustion of my first mission, or maybe the shock from that kiss that caused me to almost slump off of my horse, but it happened. Gawain had seen it and called out to Lancelot, being closest to me at the moment, who caught me before I fell. Dagonet followed while Lancelot carried me to my room and then Lancelot left, leaving my brother and I alone. He helped me remove my weapons, my sword and bow and quiver, along with the two daggers. He seemed to look for the third dagger but upon not finding it, he simply helped me lay down.

He wiped the sweat from my forehead, tucked my hair behind my ear, and pulled the covers around my body. I wasn't cold but the blankets weren't overheating me so I left them. My brother was being gentle and kind with me, knowing half of what ailed me. The other half I wasn't about to admit to. At least not yet, not so soon after it happened.

I played the kiss over and over again in my mind, as if looking for some sort of answer in it. Why had he kissed me? He was so rough, I'm sure that my arms and mouth must be bruised. I touched my lips while Dagonet was in the hall getting a thing of water for me, but they didn't hurt or feel swollen. But a touch to my should told me that indeed, it wasn't a dream. The pain that shot through my shoulder told me that I had a bruise, or at least that it was still tender. I would have to check when Dagonet wasn't there.

The water calmed me, as my head was still swimming from everything, and Dagonet told me that Vanora was on her way up. She would sit with me until I fell asleep, to comfort me that way only a woman and a mother could. I had no objections to Vanora joining me, I had no doubt that she would be able to comfort me. With as much of a smile as I could manage, Dagonet waved on hand and then walked out.

I quickly sat up, ignoring the pain, and checked my left shoulder and then my right. There was a bruise on each shoulder, ugly bruises, shapeless but I knew what they were from. Did he know how tight his grip was?

Vanora walked in just as I fixed my dress and I played it off as if I was scratching. She smiled sadly and sat beside me on the bed, running her hand over my forehead. I untucked my braid from behind me and untied the strap, shaking my hair free. It had gotten so long in the time I was there. Grent had us all cut our hair to a medium length so that it wasn't such a bother, but it was well past my shoulders now, ending in the middle of my back. Maybe Vanora would help me razor it back to a length I could handle.

As I ran my hand through my hair to unknot it, I remembered another hand grasping, pulling roughly...

"What's wrong?" Maybe my face changed, or perhaps I gasped. I looked at Vanora, trying to keep my eyes from watering or my hands from shaking. She grasped them between her's, rubbing them as if to keep them warm. I pulled my knees up under the blankets so that I could tuck myself around them, making myself as small as possible.

"Oh." That's all I said that night, with Vanora rubbing my back while I cried. She had abandoned rubbing my back for wrapping her arms completely around me, telling me that it was okay to cry and that she knew no words for the pain I was feeling. I cried into her shoulder until I must have fallen asleep and she had adjusted me in the bed, still wearing my mission clothing.

Upon waking up, there was a pain in my head unlike any I had felt before. I clutched it, trying not to cry out from the pain, and kept myself curled up as if it would relieve it. After a short time, the immense pain ebbed away to a dull pain and I was able to sit up. My room was empty though I was sure that someone had been checking on me throughout the night. Or perhaps I dreamt the shadow that opened my door and looked at me before leaving.

I grabbed a dress and walked quietly to the bathing area, hoping not to encounter anyone at this point. When I reached the room, it was quiet and I was alone. I undressed and bathed quickly, not putting much focus into the act. Once I was out, I dressed quickly. I noticed the bruises were still a vibrant purple but I quickly pulled on the top of my dress, grateful that I had picked one in my haste that covered that part of my arm.

I dried my hair with one of the towels provided and then gathered my clothes and made my way to the hallway. Barely reaching my door, I heard footsteps. I didn't have enough time to get to my room before the person came around the corner and I was face to face with the man that invaded my dreams last night. He stopped short, probably not having expected me to be awake so soon.

Looking at Tristan, seeing his hands clenched at his sides or his mouth tightening around the edges as he looked at me, I could vividly remember the feel of his mouth on mine, the clutch of his hand on my shoulder, the sensation of him grasping my hair. It was all so real, as if it was happening again. I stepped backwards, away from my door and fought with myself to look away. To break whatever hold he had on me so that I could leave.

Yet I couldn't look away. He moved forward, looking like he wanted to say something but he didn't open his mouth.

"Ah Tristan, checking on Irissa again?" I spun around to see Vanora heading towards us with a tray in her hand. My movement caught her eye and she glanced to the side of the wall where I was, not having seen me at first.

"Oh, you're awake. Good thing too, I brought breakfast." I glanced back at Tristan, able to just catch a glimpse of his form before he left. Checking on me again? Did that mean that the dream of the shadow, opening my door and looking in on me before leaving, had been Tristan?

Vanora reached me and motioned to the door with her head, a smile on her face, and I nodded before opening the door. She went through first and I cast one last glance in the direction that he had disappeared before entering as well, closing the door behind me.

"The cook wanted me to have almost everything that he prepares in the morning for you. He must miss your sparkling smile every morning." I chanced a smile, hoping it didn't look forced or lost. She nodded in approval, as if that's exactly what she wanted, before sitting down and dividing up the food.

"How are you feeling after your bath?" I opened my mouth to speak and was shocked when my voice croaked unpleasantly. Vanora looked at me in surprise before laughing lightly.

"Oh, you wore your voice out, crying as you did. Go on and make your sounds, I won't tell anyone." So I practiced speaking, just saying sounds and then finally words as my voice came back, though still scratchy.

"I feel a lot better, thank you." She smiled again, always smiling that woman, before handing me my breakfast. We ate in relative silence, commenting on the food rather than anything else. I wanted to say so many things, to thank her for staying with me or maybe even to tell her of my pain at seeing Chauce, but what came out was not what I expected.

"What did you mean, that Tristan was checking on me?" She looked up from where she was tearing her bread into smaller pieces and laughed before taking a sip of her drink.

"I stayed with you after you fell asleep, to make sure you'd stay asleep. Tristan checked in on you about every half an hour. I asked him if he wanted to sit, to stay by your side, but he always refused. Odd, but he wasn't the only one checking up on you." I coughed into my napkin, trying to ignore whatever feelings or thoughts that were threatening to overcome me.

"The others did too?" That would make Tristan stopping by less of a big deal. He wouldn't stand out so much if he checked up on me like everyone else.

"Of course. Arthur stopped by twice, Galahad and Gawain three or four times. Bors stopped by a couple of times too. Lancelot came by with your brother a few times, but I finally had to tell them both to get some sleep. The others would check on you when they woke up, they didn't seem to have slept yet. Dagonet stopped by once this morning, not too long before you woke up I'd guess."

So it was true. Tristan was just doing what the others were doing, checking to make sure I hadn't fallen to pieces in the night.

"However Tristan did check up on you a lot more than the others. I also told him to get some sleep but he didn't answer. I doubt if he's slept at all."

I lowered my head, staring down at my food but not really seeing it. I hadn't even thought about the fact that he may have been acting in the heat of the moment. There was something about the second little kiss, the one he gave to me before he left, that told me it was more than just the heat of the moment. It wasn't an accident, he meant to do it. And with a smile, I could remember the exact moment in the kiss that I had started to return it, maybe not with as much fervor as he gave me. I didn't have much left in me at the time.

"Irissa, are you okay?" I controlled my face and looked up, smiling at Vanora and hoping that all traces of the love-struck expression was gone. I realized I had failed when I saw Vanora's eyes go wide.

"How long? How long has this been going on and you never told me?" I laughed, feeling almost at ease now. The pain of Chauce's passing was still there, behind my heart with every beat, but I knew it wasn't good to dwell on death. My family was gone, buried now, and from time to time I thought of them, felt the pain as if it was new. Yet they were gone and there was nothing to do. I was living and I needed to focus on that.

"It started out as nothing, just feelings. I even tried to ignore them, to figure it out before I got hurt. Oh, but Vanora... I can't ignore it now."

So I relayed my story to Vanora, not leaving out and of the details. She smiled, nodded, gasped and swooned at the appropriate times.

"If I could get Bors to give me a kiss like that, we may start working on number eleven." I rolled my eyes, but then slowly felt the happiness of my new-found feelings wear down.

"I'm still not sure, Vanora, if this is a good idea. This thing with Tristan." She sighed, nodding and patting my hand in a motherly fashion. Though I wasn't much younger than her, she did take to mothering me. Maybe it was the fact that when I arrived, I was given to her like an orphan with no family. Either way, I was grateful for her. More so than I'd ever said.

"Oh, Irissa dear. Getting involved with a knight, it's hard. Everytime they ride out, I feel a little part of my heart leave. I worry so much that I'll never get that part of my heart back though, that my lover will not return. But when I think about it... I'd rather give that piece of my heart to him and never get it back than to not give my heart to him at all."

Her words, the words I could tell she was speaking with such honesty and love, made me sit up almost painfully straight.

"Vanora... I have to talk to Tristan!"

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**A/N: **Aaaaand I wasn't going to leave it there, really I wasn't. But I've got to go to my sister's babyshower. I got two babyshowers because I had twins. She gets two because her family loves her and the father-to-be's family loves her, haha.  
So, Irissa has come to terms with her feelings for Tristan. And now she is going to seek him out to explain her feelings.  
Pretty soon I'll start fastforwarding through a few weeks at a time, so that we can get closer to where the movie picks up.  
Thank you, as always, to my lovely readers. Even if you don't review, just by reading this you make me happy!  
And thank you to those that review/alert/favorite. Again, as always, my email notification has been dinging like crazy and it makes me happy.  
Below is just a teaser, really, of chapter nineteen. I may start doing this, giving little teasers at the bottom of the chapter. Let me know what you think about the idea?

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Sneak Peak at the next chapter:

I shifted on my feet, feeling a little uncomfortable under the scout's gaze. Tristan hadn't said anything yet, just stood there while I tried to find my own words. I had rushed here so quickly that I hadn't planned anything, hadn't come up with what I was going to say. I was being completely spontaneous.

"Tristan, I wanted to say... I have to tell you that... this is a lot harder than I was expecting. The thing is, Tristan, that I... oh forget it!" Throwing caution, and whatever words that were coming to mind, to the wind, I grabbed Tristan's shoulders and leaned my head up to meet his.


	19. Chapter 19

**A Burning Sky**

Vanora encouraged me to do it right then and there so I gathered what courage I could, tossed a smile at her, and took off down the hallway. It's not a long walk, by any means, to the rooms that the knights slept in. I also knew exactly which one was his.

I calmed myself before raising my hand and knocking on the door. I knocked once and then waited a few seconds before raising my hand to knock again. Before my fist hit the door, it opened and revealed Tristan, looking very much like he had been preparing for sleep.

I shifted on my feet, feeling a little uncomfortable under the scout's gaze. Tristan hadn't said anything yet, just stood there while I tried to find my own words. I had rushed here so quickly that I hadn't planned anything, hadn't come up with what I was going to say. I was being completely spontaneous.

"Tristan, I wanted to say... I have to tell you that... this is a lot harder than I was expecting. The thing is, Tristan, that I... oh forget it!" Throwing caution, and whatever words that were coming to mind, to the wind, I grabbed Tristan's shoulders and leaned my head up to meet his.

Our lips barely touched, my eyes were still opened, when he pulled away, holding me off with his hands. To say I was confused would be putting it mildly, but I merely tried again. Perhaps he simply wanted to make sure that this is what I wanted. However the look in his eyes, the firmness of his jaw, told me otherwise.

"What..." He shook his head, interrupting my sentence. He released my shoulder, which he hadn't been holding very tightly in the first place, and leaned up to trace his finger down the side of my face. It was such a gentle touch, like the night in the woods before the attack. It differed so greatly from what transpired the night before. He tilted my chin up and smiled before tapping it lightly and pulling himself away fully. I felt my knees feel almost weak, my heart dropping to the bottom of my stomach.

"I shouldn't have done that last night. It was wrong." I shook my head, so much that it was giving me a headache. A sense of rejection was spreading over me and my hands were tightening on my skirt, as if that would hold me up if I fell.

"It wasn't wrong. Listen, Tristan, I..." He raised his hand, cutting me off mid-sentence. The look on his face wasn't apologetic or pitying, but I could not understand why it wasn't. Why he looked as if he would hold me back with one hand and pull me closer with the other. It didn't make sense. He didn't make sense.

"Our next kiss, if there is a next kiss, will be when we are both thinking clearly. When you aren't mourning the loss of a loved one. It will be what our first kiss should have been." My stomach clenched and my heart soared back up to its rightful place. Not only was he being extraordinarily romantic, he was elluding to a next kiss. He wasn't rejecting me at all. It was almost as if he was... trying to preserve my virtue and diginity.

I smiled and nodded, feeling the urge to kiss him even more now but knowing that now wasn't the right time. Slow, that was what it was going to be. We were going to take things slowly. The feelings we have for one another could handle being slow, of that I was sure.

He leaned up, tucking my hair behind my ear, and smiled at me. The look in his eyes now was telling me that he'd like nothing more than to push me against the far wall and kiss me. I'm not so sure I'd mind if he did. But I knew that he would keep to his word.

"I'll let you go to sleep then." I was the reason he hadn't slept. Maybe he was turning it over and over in his mind, and maybe that was why he checked up on me so much and forgot to sleep.

As I left him, I wondered how I would tell Vanora what happened. When I arrived though, she was gone. Probably assuming I'd spend more time with Tristan, the way I was acting when I left. I finished the food she had left for me before simply curling up in my bed.

How things were changing. I had started off unsure of my feelings, and then became so sure of them that I almost made a fool of myself infront of Tristan moments ago. And Tristan, who was so gentle with me in the woods, and the rough and desperate at Grent's, had turned gentle and romantic again. I had started off as a Sarmatian girl with no family, living as a servant in a Roman household and now I was living with my brother, his comrades, the man I was possibly in love with, and I was a knight as well.

My dreams, as I soon drifted to sleep, were of everything that had been going on recently. The kiss, the mission, and the random days living with the knights. Though it may have been difficult, getting here was the best thing to ever happen to me.

The happiness and novelty of the slow relationship with Tristan seemed to leave me when I woke up. Dagonet had stopped by to tell me that we were all meeting in the room with the round table to discuss the mission and Arthur had requested that I show up. As I prepared to go to the meeting, I wondered if I should change. Was it a formal or casual meeting to discuss what transpired? I decided that my dress would have to do, simply brushing my hair and tying half of it back before heading down the hall.

I ran into Lancelot, almost literally, on the way there. After we both steadied ourselves, we started walking in silence towards the meeting hall. He was quiet, but not unhappy it seemed. I walked closer to him, allowing him to toss an arm over my shoulder.

"How are you holding up Irissa?" I shrugged, careful not to shrug his arm off of my shoulders, and allowed myself drift into perfect step with him.

"My mood keeps changing. I was upset, and then something distracted me, but now I find myself back in a somber mood. I don't fully understand it." He nodded, squeezing me lightly before walking through the open door that Jols was beside. The round table held many chairs, but I knew that most of them would not be filled. Only Bors and Galahad were already in the room. I sat down beside Lancelot because of our conversation. I would probably move to the other side of the table to sit by Dagonet, who would undoubtly sit by Bors, when he entered.

"It's a strange way of life, for a knight. We've seen our comrades fall so often that it became almost painless, at least that we would admit. But the longer that we were with someone, the closer we had become, the harder it is. You were very close to Chauce. Therefore you realize that he is gone and there's nothing you can do about it, but then you also know that he was your friend and you mourn him. It is something that I hope you will always go through." I looked at him, shocked at his words.

"You hope I will always go through this?" He sighed, reaching up to touch my face. I heard Bors say something to Galahad, a small laugh coming from both of them, and I was sure it was aimed at us two. They may see something more than what it was, for to me it was like Dagonet touching my face to soothe me.

"Though I do not hope that any of the knights will pass, if it does happen, I hope you do not become cold and indifferent. I want you to always have your warmth, your heart." Understanding hit me and I nodded before wrapping him in a hug. I whispered thanks into his ear before standing up when Dagonet entered to mvoe to sit by him. Dagonet was followed by Arthur and then Gawain and Tristan last. Tristan still looked as if he had been woken up, though he seemed alert enough.

His eyes didn't meet mine, almost as if he was purposefully trying not to look at me. We hadn't discussed whether or not we were going to try to keep our feelings private but I knew that's what he was trying to do, in case I didn't want everyone there, including my brother, to know just yet. I hadn't really thought about it, about what would happen if we came out about our feelings. Would my brother be angry? I glanced at him, returning the smile he gave me, and decided that he would be worried as any brother would, but he would want me to be happy. Whether or not I was right, I was not sure.

"Knights." Arthur nodded to all of the knights, including me. He did not add on my name, or a different title. He included me in the category of knight, I was not just a helping hand like Jols or the Roman guard that sometime joined them on missions. In Arthur's eyes, and all of their eyes, I was a Sarmatian knight.

We started talking about our own experiences at the house, talking about the damage and the conversations we heard or took part in. Arthur kept having a silent conversation with Dagonet, nodding his head or shaking it. It didn't take long before I realized that he wanted me to talk about what happened but was asking Dagonet if I was okay. So I took a deep breath before interjecting.

"I made my way with Galahad to the lower level. We went our separate ways, him to check the food storage and the weapon room and valuable hold, while I went to check on a friend of mine, Chauce. He was a cook so he lived alone. We talked for a few moments when one of the workers, he worked on the land, came in and said that because I was there with you all, that if the barbarians returned, they'd be slaughtered."

My voice caught a little and I tightened my hands on my skirt. For some reason it was harder to talk about than I had been expecting. The knights stayed quiet, watching me and waiting for me to finish.

"I had taken my weapons off and so I dove for them, dodging him when he swung at me with his sword. I grabbed my sword and tired to fight with him. I tried to incapacitate him, not kill him, but then he pinned me. I was using my sword as protection, holding it up against his... when Chauce used one of my daggers that had fallen out to hit the attacker on the head. I stood up to thank him."

This time I felt a surge of sickness come over me. I wanted to bend over, to empty my stomach, but I knew that I had to be strong. I had to be strong for me and for Chauce.

"When I bent down to grab one of my daggers, I saw the worker plunge his sword into Chauce's stomach. I threw the dagger I just picked up at him and it struck him, killing him. Tristan and Gawain came in during that time and helped me..."

I turned silent because Gawain would have reported everything else that happened, except for the kiss between Tristan and I. No one else knew about that besides Vanora, and she wasn't telling anyone. I glanced up at the scout and saw that he was watching me with the same face that he had last night, like he wanted to grab my arms and shake me before kissing me, to make sure that I was safe.

"Thank you Irissa. I know that it must have been difficult for you and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. If you want to take time before your next mission, I understand. As you are doing this voluntarily and are not bound the way we are, you have free will to come or go on these missions as you wish."

I nodded at Arthur, thanking him under my breath. We moved on, talking about other things. Apparently the only other confrontation was Bors had a run in with one of the laundry women who apparently was out for blood and he just happened to stand the closest. The tale was funny, lightening the mood until we were all laughing.

Soon we all went our separate ways. Dagonet asked if I wanted to join him in the tavern and I promised that I would in a moment, saying I needed to go to my room. Instead of going to my room though, I went to Arthur's and knocked on the door that he had just closed before I got there. He opened it, seeming surprised to see me.

"Irissa. Is everything alright?" I nodded and then smiled tightly at him, feeling my hands shake a little.

"Yes. I just... I wanted to say that I want to go on the next mission, whenever and whatever it is." He smiled at me and I could see pride in his eyes. All of the knights probably looked at me as a sister now, even the commander.

"Of course Irissa. That is very brave of you." With a quick pat on my arm, the commander shut the door and I turned to the empty hallway and let out the breath I had been holding.

With a small smile, I made my way towards the tavern to celebrate with my brothers.

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**A/N: **I meant to do this last night, but my internet was on the fritz, both of my darling heathens were up and wanted to keep me up, and then when they finally went to bed, I fell asleep pretty quickly.  
The baby shower was a lot of... ahem, fun? Screaming kids, games, horseback riding, and just having a good time can take a lot out of you in a little time. Thankfully my two were with their godmother, haha.  
Thank you everyone for your reviews/favorites/alerts. And to my lovely unnamed readers, I hope you're enjoying this.  
Please review/message me at some point in your reading experience to let me know what you think of this story.  
And let me know what you think of the sneak peaks at the end of the chapter.  
Speaking of which...

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_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

I was standing amongst the crowd, holding onto Gilly as he struggled to see over the people around us. The knights would be returning soon. They were only gone for a day, the quickest mission I had seen them on, but it felt so long. What had Arthur called it? High risk situations?

The gates opened up and the kids started to call for their dad. However I kept my grip on Gilly, calling the others to me. Someone was hurt. I couldn't tell who it was, draped over the horse but still moving. I scanned the faces to figure out who it was. It didn't take long for me to realize which face was missing. He was hurt.


	20. Chapter 20

_IMPORTANT: Please go to my profile and take the poll at the top. I will honor the opinions of my readers. I will keep the poll up until I get closer to when I start writing those chapters._

**A Burning Sky**

Waking up with what Bors would call a hangover to kill a horse, I tried to remember the events of the night before. I had gone back to the tavern after talking to Arthur, to celebrate with the knights the success, if one could call it that, of the last mission. It was the first time that I had consumed real alcohol and it seemed to have taken its toll.

Then it hit me that I had no idea what happened, what I might have said or done. With a groan, partially out of embarrassment that I wasn't sure I deserved to feel yet, I swung my legs out of bed and stood up. Only to have my left foot buckle underneath me. Once my head stopped swimming, I looked at my ankle. It had been wrapped in the night but my sleeping must have kicked it mostly off. The skin was a deep purple and it hurt to even think of moving it. Somehow I had injured myself last night. That only made my mind swim faster. What had I done?

I tried to stand again, putting my weight mainly on my right foot and holding onto the bed for support. When I tried to take another step, my foot once again buckled underneath me and I fell onto the bed. I rolled over, groaning and throwing one of my hands over my eyes. My memory was covered, like I had been blindfolded for the night, and I could not remember anything. The longer I stayed like that though, my arm stretched over my eyes and me laying in the dark, I started to remember someone supporting me while I stumbled to my room.

Removing my hand, I looked around to see if I could conjure my memory that way. In the corner of the room was my chair. I glanced to where it was usually kept and then back to the corner. The chair seemed to have splintered on the armrest. I groaned as my head started to pound again and I threw my hand back over my eyes. My stomach growled, but then I felt nauseous.

If this is what happened when you drank, I wouldn't ever do it again. And if I found out who let me drink this much, there would be payback of some sort.

My door opened, without so much as a knock or someone calling my name, and I looked up. I was shocked, openly, to see Gawain emerge from the door carrying a tray with some food and a lot of water.

"Ah, you're awake. I was sure you'd sleep drunkenly until afternoon." I sat up slowly, careful of my aching head, and looked towards the window. The sun seemed to have barely just come up. That must have meant that I only got a few hours of, as Gawain called it, drunken sleep. I groaned, covering my head again.

"My head is killing me. I feel like there is an army in there, hacking at my skull with battle axes." He laughed at the image I must have created, and then sat down beside me as gently as possible so to not shake the bed.

"Here. Some food in your stomach will make it hurt less. And water, to keep you hydrated." I accepted the water first, hoping to soothe the cotton feeling I had in my throat. Then I slowly started to eat, wary of my stomach. Gawain picked at the food on the tray while seeming to wait for me to get ahold on myself. Finally, with the tray half empty and my head no longer pounding, I turned to Gawain.

"Was I obviously drunk?" Gawain tried to keep a straight face and shake his head, but when he saw me roll my eyes, he laughed and then nodded.

"Not to worry though. The others were way more drunk than you by that time. The only ones not falling down drunk were me and Dagonet." The thought of my brother seeing me like that, intoxicated, made me groan and cover my head again. Gawain's laughter rang out through the room and I uncovered my head, grabbed a pillow and threw it at him.

"Is that the thanks I get for taking care of you and dragging your half-unconscious self up here?" I sat up straighter at that and pointed to my ankle.

"Did you do that?" He laughed, shaking his head to say that no, he didn't. I waited for him to fill me in but when he didn't, just sat there and smiled, I grabbed another pillow to threaten him with. Laughing, he told me what happened.

"I got you in here and in bed, but when I turned to leave, you started talking and wanted to leave the room. When you got up, you had a mild disagreement with the chair and both of you fell down. I wrapped it for you, but you weren't staying very still, even though you had by then fallen asleep."

I covered my face, mostly in embarrassment, when I remembered what he said before I got tangled up with the chair.

"You said I started talking. What was I saying?" At that, he looked down and scratched the back of his neck.

"Irissa, nothing you said will leave this room. I promise you that. But, you said that you wanted to find Tristan. That you had to tell Tristan that you loved him. That you want him to kiss you again, "like before". Irissa, calm down. I won't tell anyone."

My face, I could tell, had gone from bright red with embarrassment to pale white with fear. My hands were shaking and I was trying to blink back tears.

"Thank you Gawain. I am not ready for everyone to hear about it yet." He nodded, patting my arm and then giving me a stern look.

"When exactly was it that Tristan kissed you?" I turned my head to look away from him, remembering how he had left me in Tristan's care to find Dagonet after Chauce's death. So pointedly looking away, I told him how it happened. He was shaking his head, though there was a small smile on his lips.

"Galahad told me that during archery lessons, he noticed a spark between the two of you. I just cannot believe he took advantage of you like that." I shrugged my shoulders lightly, smiling and blushing

"I didn't really mind." He laughed again and then stood up, stretching lightly. After checking my ankle and wrapping it again, he told me that I should try to get some rest. So I bed him a good day and I curled back up underneath my covers to finish my sleep.

My sleep was interrupted about an hour later when there was a knock on my door before it was thrown open completely. I sat up, disoriented, and blinked away my sleep to see my brother's form at my door.

"Get dressed, meet us in the meeting hall. Now." And then the door was shut. The urgency in his voice made me quickly hop from bed, almost buckling at the pain in my left ankle, and changed dresses. Using the wall for support, I made my way down to the main level. Taking the stairs was a painful experience, enough to have tears pouring down my cheeks when I reached the main floor. I hobbled to the meeting hall and almost collapsed by time I reached the door. Galahad was the closest and caught me as I floundered, carrying me to the chairs.

"Irissa, what happened?" As I slumped into the seat, I noticed who else was in the room. All of the knights, save for Lancelot and Arthur, were situated around the round table. Dagonet, at seeing that I was injured, stood and made his way towards me. I made eye contact with Tristan, but there was no reading his expression.

Dagonet inspected my leg as I told them the shorter version of me being a little out of it last night and slipping, hurting my ankle. Gawain, having been the one to carry my upstairs, agreed that that was what happened. I hoped that he could read the thanks in my eyes when I smiled at him.

Through the door came Arthur, followed by Lancelot. Lancelot noticed my ankle and asked about it, Arthur turning to face us as well.

"I hurt it last night. I'm fine though. It's just... very painful." Arthur sighed, bending down to look at it himself. Once everyone was satisfied that it wasn't broken, they all moved to their seats. However with my injury, Dagonet joined me on the opposite side of the table than he usually sat at.

"Knights, we are to leave as soon as possible. There is news of an attack party of Woads setting off for the wall. Though it is probably not large enough to do any damage to the fort, we shouldn't risk anything. So once everyone is ready, we'll head out with a number of Roman guards. This is a high risk situation, we should prepare for it as such." As everyone started to stand, Dagonet moved to my side.

"You're staying here." I was floored, almost literally since I had been in the middle of standing up as well. Though I knew there was no way I could go with them in this state, I hadn't expected Dagonet to be so demanding about it.

"I know that, thank you. I would just slow you all down. However I am going to see you off, hurt ankle or not." I smiled lightly at him, letting him know I wasn't angry, and then accepted his arm as he lifted me out of the chair. I hobbled to the stables with help from Jols while the knights prepared themselves. I had strayed straight to Dagonet's horse, running my fingers over his nose while in a daze. A high risk situation? Arthur seemed worried about the mission, which in turn worried me.

"Are you okay?" I turned to face Lancelot and nodded, wrapping my arms around myself as I leaned against the stall door for support.

"I will be. It's just bruised I think. Might limp for a while, but that's-"

"That's not what I meant. And you know it." I sighed, walking forward and pressing my forehead against Lancelot's shoulder, letting him wrap his arms around me.

"Do you think eveyone will come back from this mission?" He sighed, leaning back so that we made eye contact. His eyes were always very open for me, so easy to read. And the doubt in his eyes stung a little.

"Stay strong Irissa." I smiled and leaned back into him, wrapping my arms around him and hugged onto him tightly.

The other knights come in and start to get on their horses and I was shocked to see Amicus as one of the guards. He nodded to me, fidgeting before mounting one of the spare horses. I climb onto Dagonet's horse, careful of my foot, and give him a quick kiss on the cheek to which he replies with a kiss on the forehead for me. Once down, I waved to all of the knights as they started to ride out, including one to Amicus. Tristan was one of the last to leave, his eyes stuck on me as if he wanted to tell me something but didn't have the words. So I sent him a smile, knowing that if any of them were to die tonight, I wouldn't want their last memory of me to be of me crying.

That night, when I crawled under the covers with Vanora as was almost a tradition for when the knights were away, I couldn't help but feel my mind racing. I had a bad feeling about this mission. Though, if Vanora was awake, she'd tell me that I had a bad feeling about all of the missions. In truth, she did too. It was a way to ready ourselves for the day when the knights might not all ride through the gate again.

The next morning, I offered to take some of the older kids to the tavern for breakfast while Vanora stayed with the younger ones, all of whom seemed to be sick at the moment. She smiled graciously and told her children to listen to me and not give me any trouble.

Though they were the children of Bors, so of course they did give me some trouble. We were barely at the tavern when the announcement came from the top of the wall. The knights were riding in already. I was amazed and ushered the children towards the entrance to wait.

I was standing amongst the crowd, holding onto Gilly as he struggled to see over the people around us. The knights would be returning soon. They were only gone for a day, the quickest mission I had seen them on, but it felt so long. What had Arthur called it? High risk situations?

The gates opened up and the kids started to call for their dad. However I kept my grip on Gilly, calling the others to me. Someone was hurt. I couldn't tell who it was, draped over the horse but still moving. I scanned the faces to figure out who it was. It didn't take long for me to realize which face was missing. He was hurt.

Amicus was draped over the horse that he borrowed, his hand convulsively clutching at the mane of the horse. He was hurt, but still alive. Though the look on Dagonet's face when our eyes met told me that he might not be alive for long.

* * *

**A/N: **Aaaand there you go, chapter twenty. The mystery of "who is hurt" has been solved! It was Amicus. So for anyone holding their breaths, exhale time.  
Thank you to my lovely reviewers who never cease to make me feel so much better about my writing. You guys are awesome.  
As well as my readers/favoriters/alerters. You're the reason I'm writing this!  
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Thank you everyone for sticking with me for 20 chapters and I hope you'll all be there for the next 20... or however many I continue with!

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"Lancelot! What is wrong with you?" I grabbed ahold of the knight, trying to keep him from wrecking his room anymore. Things were laying around in disarray, broken or just in a mess I couldn't really tell. He was breathing heavily, struggling against my hands but obviously not with his full strength.


	21. Chapter 21

_IMPORTANT: Please go to my profile and take the poll at the top. I will honor the opinions of my readers. I will keep the poll up until I get closer to when I start writing those chapters. _

**A Burning Sky**

It was the first time I had met the doctor, since every time we've needed him he had either been gone or working on something that required his attention more. He was a gentle older man, with graying temples and a small limp. However the grave look on his face as he inspected the sword wounds on Amicus had my chest constricting.

"It's not the repairing that worries me, it's the healing. Such deep wounds, there can be fever or infection." Amicus was breathing heavily, trying very hard to keep his hand from clasping over the wound. I approached him, trying to smile, and grabbed one of his free hands.

The doctor used his experience to sew up his wounds as quickly as he could without messing anything up. Amicus continued to squeeze my hand, trying not to look at the doctor's hands as he worked. Dagonet came to my side, telling me that maybe I should talk to him and try to take his mind off of the pain.

So I talked to him about many things, telling him stories that I used to tell Vanora's ten children to ease their minds or just to make them laugh. Though they weren't enough to make the injured guard laugh, he did seem to appreciate my trying. I continued to tell my stories, squeezing his hand whenever he winced, until the doctor announced that he was done. I stayed in the room with Amicus while the knights stepped out to talk to the doctor, to find out what would happen next.

"How are you holding up?" He managed a weak laugh, pressing his hand over the bandage wrapped over his wound.

"Splitting at my seams." I wiped a hand over his forehead, pushing away the sweat and wiping away some of the dirt and blood that had freckled his face.

"You'll be fine, Amicus. The doctor will take good care of you." He nodded, though I could tell he didn't believe me. I tossed a quick look to the door to see Dagonet and the doctor still talking. His hand squeezed mine lightly, as if trying to reassure me. Out of all the Romans I had met, Amicus was one of the nicest. Though not all were as cruel as Grent, they weren't all kind either. Amicus, however, was very kind. His eyes seemed to glaze over from pain, though he didn't squeeze my hand any harder than before.

"Tell me about your wife, Amicus. Your family back in Rome." He coughed a little and I watched the smile spread across his face.

"Her name is Claudia. She has the most beautiful smile, the darkest green eyes. I met her at a party that was thrown in honor of her eldest sister getting married. I was in love with her before I even knew her name."

Amicus continued to tell me of his family, his brothers and sisters and parents, before slowly drifting into sleep. Dagonet came in a few moments later, motioning for me to follow him into the hallway. I removed my hand his grasp and kissed his forehead before limping to my brother. The pain in my ankle had lessened since yesterday but was not gone yet. He wrapped an arm around me so I could take some of the pressure off of my ankle.

"What did the doctor say?" We moved a little further away from the door before he answered.

"He cleaned the wounds before stitching him, and the stitches held. He says he just worries about the infection or fever that may follow." I turned my head to look into the door, smiling and shaking my head.

"He's strong. And he has something worth living for. If I believed in his god, in Arthur's god, I'd say that he was looking over Amicus." Dagonet smiled lightly, not entirely believing me, but started to lead me out of the doctor's rooms.

"I don't want to give you false hopes, Irissa. Amicus will know that there is a chance he may not make it. You need to know this too." I nodded, feeling my body almost slump into his. He ran his hand over my forehead as we walked, heading towards our rooms.

When we passed Lancelot's door, I was shocked to hear the screams and the sounds of things being thrown around from within. I moved to open the door but Dagonet held onto my arm tightly, refusing to let me pull away.

"No Irissa. He is not in a good mood." I gave him a look, as if to say I could tell, and struggled against my brother's hold again.

"Someone needs to make sure he doesn't hurt himself! Dagonet, please!" He refused to let me go, trying to pull me away but hurt ankle or not, I stood my ground.

"He may not care who walks through that door. I don't want you getting hurt!" I spun around, so quickly after pulling away so much that Dagonet staggered, barely catching us before we toppled over.

"He won't hurt me Dagonet. You know that he would rather throw himself onto his sword than to raise a hand to me." It was true though and Dagonet could not deny it. Instead of fighting with me, he grabbed something off of his belt and put it into my hand. Without breaking eye contact, simply feeling the object, I could tell that he had slipped a dagger into my hand. So with a quick smile, I walked to the door and opened it as quietly as I could. He was in the middle of throwing his clothing around the room when I stepped in.

"Lancelot! What is wrong with you?" I grabbed ahold of the knight, trying to keep him from wrecking his room anymore. Things were laying around in disarray, broken or just in a mess I couldn't really tell. He was breathing heavily, struggling against my hands but obviously not with his full strength.

Once I was sure that he was no longer going to throw things around, or perhaps even hurt himself or anyone else, I released him. The knight slumped down in place, falling to the ground ungracefully. I lowered myself, being careful of my ankle, and sat infront of him.

"Lancelot? Speak to me, please." He sighed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead in his hands, his breathing still fairly erratic.

"I have held anger and hatred towards the Romans for dragging us out here, away from our family, with such intensity that sometimes I even find myself angry at Arthur. He doesn't deserve my anger. And no matter how much I hate the Romans, I know they aren't all horrible people. Like Amicus, he doesn't deserve my hatred." I moved forward, placing my hand on his arm and trying to calm him. He didn't shake my hand off, which I half expected, but he tensed up.

"You can hate them in general but not feel the hatred towards specific ones. That's understandable." He shook his head, difficult since he was still holding onto his forehead, but then raised his head.

"Deirdre would be younger than you, by a few years. However every time I try to picture what she might look like now, or even what she looked like before... I can't. I can't remember what she looked like." His eyes were red, his voice hoarse and strained, as if he was trying very hard not to just break down.

"Oh Lancelot. You told me that she had brown hair, not as curly as your's though. But she had brown eyes, much like your own. And the scar on her knee, from when you two tripped and fell down the hill together? She got the scar on her knee and you one on your elbow."

We stayed like that for a while longer, me retelling the stories that he had told me on a few occasions. By the end, I was sure that we had both conjured up an almost accurate image of his sister.

"Thank you Irissa." I smiled, running my hand through his hair and then squeezing his wrist lightly.

"We forget what our loved ones look like sometimes, as the time goes on. We feel guilty about it, but it happens to us all. And we all need to release the anger and frustration, the guilt and the hurt, sometimes. But perhaps next time you shouldn't take it out on your things."

A look around his room had him chuckling, my laughter soon joining in. Soon we were both laughing, clutching our sides and wiping tears from our eyes. There was a knock on the door and Galahad stepped in, very shocked at the appearance of the room and us on the floor, laughing admist it. He rolled his eyes, probably assuming that we had lost our collective minds, and reported that Arthur wanted to see us down in the meeting all.

Still laughing and leaning on one another for support, we made our way down the stairs in one peice. Keeping his emotions in as much as I knew he did, Lancelot was overdue for an explosion. I'm just grateful that I was able to be there to defuse it before he hurt someone, or himself.

We all sat around the table, me between Bors and Dagonet, and waited for Arthur to start talking. They went over what happened in the forest against the Woads, as to why Amicus was hurt and throwing theories around as to why the Woads were even thinking of attacking the fort.

"I am kind of new to this, but is there a chance that maybe it was a distraction? That while you were doing that, something else was happening?" Arthur looked at me thoughtfully, nodding that it could be possible.

"Or maybe even gauging our strengths." We all thought of what this could mean. And Arthur's next words were the ones that were on all of our minds.

"This will not be the last attack. I have a feeling we may have another fairly soon."

So with no further conversation, everyone stood up to leave on their own. Dagonet asked if I needed help but I shook my head no, handing him back his dagger and promising that nothing happened. Lancelot gave me a nod before disappearing out of the door, probably to try to clean up his room. All that was left in the room was Gawain, Tristan and myself. Gawain looked between the two of us, rolling his eyes and then leaving. But not before closing the door behind him.

The knight was staring at the door strangely and I took a deep breath before explaining.

"Two nights ago, I was a little intoxicated and Gawain brought me back to my room. Apparently, in my state, I said some things. About you. And me. Not to worry though, he said he won't tell anyone." Tristan nodded, still staring at the door with a strange expression. I moved forward until I was standing closer to him. I reached out and touched his hand lightly, hoping I hadn't startled him. Though I should know better than to think I could startle the scout.

He turned his hand so that our fingers could intertwine and I smiled at him, watching as the corner of his mouth lifted a bit.

"How is your ankle?" I shrugged, shifting my weight but then feeling myself tip from my leg buckling. The arm that wrapped around my waist to keep me from falling made my stomach feel like it was full of butterflies. However the arm was soon removed, leaving just the hand that was grasping mine. That was enough for me though.

"Still a little tender, obviously. But it's not that bad." He nodded and we stayed like that in silence, facing one another with just our hands touching. That little contact though was enough for me, making me feel like he was holding me close.

"How are you, concerning Amicus? I know that you two were close." I nodded, feeling my stomach clench a little at the memory of the Roman guard, whose hand I was holding only a few hours ago.

"I'm okay. I believe that he will be okay. I just... feel it." Tristan nodded slowly, raising a hand and letting it brush the side of my face, my eyes trying to find something in his guarded expression, in the dark eyes that were boring into mine.

"If you feel it, I'm sure that is how it will be." There was a knock on the door and we released one another's hands, with him leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead before pulling away from me further. He smiled at me, a smile that I knew he probably reserved for those closest to him. I returned it before opening the door and nodding to the servant that was there to douse the lights. She gave the both of us a look before winking to me and disappearing to do her job. I felt the blush start to creep up to my cheeks and didn't bother trying to fight it. Tristan saw it and rolled his eyes, touching my arm lightly before disappearing towards the stairs to go to his room.

I hadn't visited the graveyard in a while and rarely ever went without Lancelot. But tonight I felt an urge that I hadn't felt in a long time. I sat atop the hill like usual, staring down onto the cemetary to see a few flames lit on the graves. I breathed in deeply, letting myself soak up the image of the fire dancing on the grass.

I could only hope that this graveyard didn't gain any new occupants for the next two years.

* * *

**A/N: **Phew. For some reason, that one was difficult for me to get through. I kept writing, deleting, writing, deleting, writing... you get the idea. But there it is, chapter twenty-one.  
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_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

The bird on his arm was looking straight at me and I felt as if she was looking straight through me. He had a smirk on his face, as if he could tell that I was afraid of the creature, and moved slowly towards me. And curses, I had cornered myself so that there was no way I could get away from him. I knew he wouldn't do anything that would get me hurt but the bird for some reason frightened me.

"Give me your arm." I shrank back while his smirk grew wider and took one more step closer to me, wrapping a piece of cloth over my bare arm and letting the bird rest there, my wrist level with his shoulders.

"Don't worry, you're shaking enough, she probably thinks that you're a tree in the wind."


	22. Chapter 22

_IMPORTANT: Please go to my profile and take the poll at the top. I will honor the opinions of my readers. I will keep the poll up until I get closer to when I start writing those chapters. _

**A Burning Sky**

When I woke up the next morning, my ankle no longer buckled at my weight. There was still a light bruising around it, but then again there was still a light bruising on my shoulders from the grip that Tristan had on them in the lower level of Grent's house.

I shook off the memories and gathered my clothing for a quick bath before heading down to the tavern. Vanora was there already, with one of her ten children tugging on her dress. When she spotted me she rolled her eyes and motioned that there was another child clutched to her leg at the front.

"What's with them today?" She shrugged, laughing as mother's are known to do when their children are involved, and continued to try to work. Sensing that she wouldn't be getting anything done, I grabbed the child in the front, Six, and hoisted her onto my hip.

"Thank you Irissa." I helped as much as I could with Six on my hip, pulling on my hair and trying to wiggle back down to her mother. By time the first patrons started to spill in for the breakfast, I had already hummed three songs and even chased the girl around the room twice.

"You think their father told them to give me extra trouble today?" I could definitely imagine Bors doing that, but I shook my head instead of voicing that particular thought. My smothered laughter stopped when I saw the doctor walk in to get his breakfast.

"Doctor! Doctor, please. I was wondering how your patient was, the Roman guard Amicus?" The doctor sighed, looking tired up close. I wondered how much sleep he had gotten last night.

"He is well this morning. I thought for sure the fever would take him last night, but he fought through it. You're the one that stayed with him yesterday, aren't you? Well if you would like to visit him, please do. It would be good for him to see friend. Just tell my helper, Balbus, to let you through and that Paulus sent you." I nodded to him, barely sparing a moment to thank him as I shot past him. I could swear that I heard his laughter as I hiked my skirt up to my shins so that I wouldn't trip.

When I reached the doctor's rooms, I ran into who I assumed to be Balbus. He seemed to falter at my presence, as if he had never seen another person before.

"I'm s-sorry, you c-can-not be h-here." I shook my head, trying to catch my breath from my quick spring up the stairs to get there.

"Paulus sent me." At the doctor's name, the helper stepped aside quickly and I walked through at a slower pace to see Amicus sitting up in bed, holding onto his bandaged side. If not for the way his hands were twitching, I would have thought he was asleep. So instead I made my way towards his side and grabbed one of his restless hands, smiling when his eyes shot open.

"Irissa. I didn't hear you come in." He was smiling lightly, still clutching onto his wound while trying to sit himself up more. I stilled him, shaking my head and sitting on the bed beside him, trying not to upset the bed more than I had to.

"I was trained by the best. Of course you didn't hear me." He laughed, knowing that I was talking about my knight training.

"How are you feeling Amicus?" He shrugged, wincing at the action, and ran his free hand lightly over the white bandage.

"It doesn't hurt as much as it did. The doctor says that if I survive tonight, he believes I will be fine." I laughed, hugging him as well as I could without hurting him.

When we parted, we talked about lighter things for a while, for both of our sakes. However there is only so long that we can talk about the weather and other meaningless things before a more important topic will present itself. I could tell that Amicus wanted to talk about the mission, the one that I had heard about last night from the other nights, but I didn't know how to allow the conversation to start.

"How is your ankle?" Startled at the abrupt change in subject, I glanced down and twisted my ankle around a little. It only hurt in the slightest, more like a dull ache than an actual pain.

"Much better." He nodded, his smile still on his face but the expression accompanying it was not so happy. The look on his face reminded me of the knights when they saw my ankle before the mission. Sorry that I was hurt, but undoubtly happy that I could not join them.

"I'm glad that it is healing nicely. But I am also glad that you did not have to be there for the fight." I smiled lightly, plucking at a loose thread on my dress.

"I can handle myself you know. I have been training. I took on Woads with just one other person. I think I would have been successful." He shook his head lightly and at first I thought he was denying that I wouldn't have been able to handle myself and I tried to protest, but he started talking first.

"Not that I don't believe you could handle yourself. I've witnessed some of your spars, I do believe you would have done well. However I also know that, although it goes against their own training, the knights would have gotten distracted with you there."

"What do you mean? Perhaps Dagonet, but I think that even he would have enough sense to pay attention to what was going on first." He shook his head, sitting up and wincing. I tried to stop him but he waved my hand off, moving slowly until he was sitting up straight.

"I fell in love with Claudia before I knew her name. I fell in love with her presence, the way she held herself, the way the people around her seemed to glow just because they were close to her. Being a man in love myself, it's not difficult to see when the feeling is in other people." I began to shift worriedly, thinking of any time he had seen me near any of the knights. The only knight that I had feelings for stronger than the love of a sister to a brother was Tristan. The others were brothers to me, nothing more and nothing less. But Tristan and I were very seldom near each other, and even less than that were we together around other people.

"I don't know-" He laughed, holding onto his side as he seemed to be hit with a spell of either pain or perhaps he was dizzy, for he closed his eyes and let one hand rest on his forehead. When he opened his eyes, I could tell that he was exhausted.

"Your name was mentioned on the mission, just as we left. All of the knights held a similiar gaze as your brother, except for one. I haven't had much interaction with this knight myself, but I know he does not show emotion very often. Yet it was love that I saw on the reserved scout's face. Of that I am sure."

My face had gone pale, eyes wide and my mouth dropping just a little. I tried to collect myself, wanting nothing more than to tell him he was wrong, if just for appearances sake.

"Are you... do you mean to say you didn't know?" My heart was pounding like crazy and though I was starting to keep a running list of people who were becoming aware of mine and Tristan's... relationship... I couldn't help but smile.

"I know. The feeling is very much mutual." He smiled, breathing heavily as if all of the talking we had done was taking it's toll on him. I stood up and helped me adjust himself so he was mostly laying down, still elevated enough that he was comfortable.

"I'll stop by tomorrow and you can tell me more about your Claudia. And I will tell you about my Tristan." The words, my Tristan, came out without me really registering what I was saying. However once the words were out, I noticed how well they fell from my mouth. It was as comfortable as saying my own name.

After bidding him to rest, I made my way into the main part of the house and passed Balbus. He jumped when he saw me, as though he'd forgotten I had been in the other room, and then nodded to me as I continued towards the door. I waved as I closed the door and headed towards the stables, thinking on what I had learned from Amicus.

Tristan had revealed a little of himself when my name was mentioned. Though a stab of fear did hit me, however small. If Amicus saw, wouldn't it be possible that any of the knights could have? Tristan and I hadn't expressly decided that we would keep this relationship of our's under wraps, but I had imagined it would be best until we knew exactly how strong our feelings for one another were.

At least until I had found a way to break the news to my brother without him becoming overly protective. Maybe I would have to start dropping hints of my becoming involved with someone to see how he would react. He could surprise me and be completely at ease with me falling for one of his comrades.

In the stables, which I had reached without really noticing how long it took, I went straight to the stall that held the horse I had been given. She nuzzled into me immediately after I had gotten there, with me rubbing my hand over her nose and then moving to grab a nearby brush and run it over her. I brushed her for a while, since I hadn't been to see her in a few days since the fateful mission. A part of me still wanted to give her a name, one that had a meaning that could honor her in her own world and in mine. I would have to ponder on that for a while.

I moved out of the stall, closing it as I did so, and started to make my way down to the far side. It was lighter there, with the light from outside spilling in through the open doors, and I raked my eyes over all of the weapons. This area was twice as large as the armory at the front of the stable.

I turned around, as if sensing someone was nearby, and jumped to see Tristan standing only a little ways away. It wasn't that he surprised me, I had a feeling that someone had snuck up on me, but I was surprised at the large black bird that sat on his arm. He held his arm out lazily, as if he didn't feel the weight or the talons of the bird there.

"You do like to come down here often." I nodded, backing up slowly but hoping that I wasn't being obvious about it. Something about the bird, the dark eyes that were now looking at me, had me uneasy.

"I like to be near the horses." Tristan nodded, perhaps showing that he understood my attachment to the creatures, and took a few steps closer to me. He was playing with a piece of cloth in his hand, that I hadn't seen just a few seconds ago. I turned as if looking around and made a small step back as I did so. The look on his face told me that he noticed that I was stepping away.

The bird on his arm was looking straight at me and I felt as if it was looking straight through me. He had a smirk on his face, as if he could tell that I was afraid of the creature, and moved slowly towards me. And curses, I had cornered myself so that there was no way I could get away from him. I knew he wouldn't do anything that would get me hurt but the bird for some reason frightened me.

"Give me your arm." I shrank back while his smirk grew wider and took one more step closer to me, wrapping a piece of cloth over my bare arm and letting the bird rest there, my wrist level with his shoulders.

"Don't worry, you're shaking enough, she probably thinks that you're a tree in the wind." I tired to still my arm, steeling my gaze to his as I did so, hoping that he would see that I was trying to be brave.

The hawk cawed lightly, stretching its wings out and moving on my arm. I couldn't help the yelp that came from my mouth, nor help the fact that I ducked as if the bird was going to take off and attack me, pulling my arm with me. He grabbed ahold of my elbow so that I wouldn't let it fall and have the creature upended.

"Calm, Irissa. She won't hurt you." He lifted me up slowly and then released my arm. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out with a little difficulty, before opening my eyes and focusing solely on the bird. She was looking at me, her head tilted just lightly as she watched me. I felt Tristan slip something into my free hand and I risked a quick glance down to see that it looked like some sort of dried meat. I lifted it slowly, knowing the purpose, and held it towards the bird.

She seemed to think about it before letting her beak grab the meat and pull away, just barely touching my hand. I let it fall, breathing a little easier.

"You reminded me of her." I looked past the hawk to Tristan as he moved to lean against the wall.

"Last I checked, I did not have wings. Or feathers. Or a beak." He smiled, reaching up and running a finger down the length of the bird.

"Not in appearance. When I found her, she was injured. Her wing was broken and her foot was mangled. She also never used her voice. With some care, she healed. Now she uses her voice and can fly again."

I imagined how my first appearance to the knights might have been. The slave girl that did not speak, her voice squeaking when she tried, wearing dirt and bruises. Yes, I was injured when they found me. And it had taken some care until I healed.

"I see." He nodded, running his finger down the bird again. I could feel her leaning into him. A bird of prey that had been tamed. Though something about her still felt wild, as if her comings and goings were as she pleased. After his words, watching his finger go from the top of her head down towards her wings and her back had me imagining him running his hand from my face, down my neck and shoulder, over my side...

I cleared my throat, shifting. He glanced away from the bird to look at me, smiling almost mischievously, as if he knew perhaps what images I had been playing in my mind. I smiled back, hoping it seemed innocent.

"Amicus said that he noticed a change in you, when my name was mentioned on the mission." Tristan paused, his hand outstretched towards the bird before making a sound in the back of his throat. At first I thought he was clearing his throat, but I realized he must have been calling the hawk for she jumped and landed gracefully on his arm.

"I suppose he might have."

The thought of telling him that Amicus knew left, though not because I thought Tristan would be angry. I knew that we were keeping whatever relationship this was between us for me, until I was ready. And I was mainly doing it because I wanted to know how my brother would react first.

I smiled lightly at him, feeling braver than before and running my finger over the top of the hawk's head. She turned to look at me, nipping lightly at my hand before turning her hand. I thought she was ignoring me but she leaned towards my hand I realized that she was granting me permission to continue.

"I never imagined that a wild creature could be so tame." He nodded, lifting his arm and I watched as she took off, flying out of the door and into the sky. I was saddened at the loss of the bird, but I focused my attention to Tristan as he spoke.

"Some days I regret turning her into such a tame creature. But she is not my pet. She comes to me when she wishes." I nodded, turning back to look to the sky where I could no longer see the dark figure against the light blue sky.

"Do you have a name for her?" He looked at me, as if thinking before answering.

"If I refer to her, I call her simply Hawk. But to myself, I call her friend."

I moved forward, touching his hand briefly before passing him and moving into the open of the stable.

"I hope that I should call her friend as well."

* * *

**A/N: **For anyone wondering. Amicus means "Friend" in Latin. I did that on purpose, by the way. Paulus means "Small: humble" in Latin. And Balbus means "Stuttering: stammering" in Latin. Not very creative, but I wasn't trying to be creative with him.  
Of course these may not be fool-proof accurate, but it comes from my "Big Book of Baby Names" so I'm going with it!  
A light chapter, with not much going on besides some Irissa/Amicus time and some sweet Irissa/Tristan time.  
The next one is going to have the first jump in timeline. Slowly, slowly, slowly getting closer to the movie. I don't have the chapters planned out that far yet though, so we still have a while to go.  
Thank you to my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters. And to my poll takers. I really want everyone to take the poll, I really care about your opinion.

VERY IMPORTANT! If you are not a registered user on this site and cannot take the poll but would like to have a say, please either review anonymously or send me a message. I want to hear from everyone!  
Also, if you want to explain to me why you picked the one you did, feel free. It's anonymous, so I don't know what you picked otherwise.  
And if you pick the "kill other knight" option, please message/review to me and let me know which knight you think I should kill off besides the three possible from the movie. As I've said before, I will honor whatever you all decide.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Dagonet rolled his eyes at my childish behavior as we made our way into Paulus' room. He wasn't there, though I really didn't expect him to be for some reason. He rarely was, as far as I could tell. However Balbus was there, sorting through a large stack of yellowed parchment. He glanced up to us, eyes wide as always, and started to stammer something that neither Dagonet nor I could make out. I waved to him, having gotten used to it in the few times I had visited already.

Though when I looked into the room that Amicus had been in, I was surprised to see the bed was empty and made, as if no one had been there in a while. I walked back into the main room where Dagonet was waiting with Balbus still stammering something out.

"Where is Amicus?" Balbus stopped stammering for a moment, breathing in before speaking, his stutter still there.

"H-he-he. W-well h-he is... y-you-ou see he..." I tightened my hand on my dress, holding my breath and waiting for him to get the words out.


	23. Chapter 23

_IMPORTANT: Please go to my profile and take the poll at the top. I will honor the opinions of my readers. I will keep the poll up until I get closer to when I start writing those chapters. _

**A Burning Sky**

The routine that I slipped into over the next few days was one that had me relaxed. I would spend the morning with Vanora and the children, sometimes with Bors and even once or twice shooing Lancelot away from propositioning Vanora with a laugh. After that I would join most of the knights in their daily spars. I hadn't realized that they sparred amongst themselves, sometimes against the Roman guards, until Dagonet offered for me to join them. The first few spars I watched before slowly joining in.

My day after the spars would tamper to going to the tavern for dinner and then either retiring or joining one or more of the knights somewhere to talk about anything. I spent a lot of time with Dagonet, in a silence that never felt strange for us. More often than not, I would join Amicus in the doctor's rooms, telling him stories from the day and asking questions about Claudia. We talked about Tristan very little, not because I was wary to but because we barely ever got around to it with so much else to talk about.

Less than a week had passed when I ran into Dagonet on my way to visit Amicus. Curious as to the health of the Roman, Dagonet joined me on my venture. Within sight of the rooms, I turned and started walking backwards so that I could see my brother.

"Now you mustn't be too hard on poor Amicus. He's really not up to seeing your lovely visage this early in the morning. In fact it might be best that you stay in the front room so that you do not scare him." I turned back, hiding a smile as I continued to tease my brother. Part of me had almost been scared to tease him, since he was a knight and rather stoic at the best of times, but I found it easy to do. When he was with me, not surrounded by the knights or constantly reminded of his circumstances, he was a different person. He laughed and joked with me, much like the other knights were known to do on occasion. His openness had shocked me at first but I had grown used to it, grown to love and cherish the few moments I was able to see it.

"Shall I offer you my shaw, brother, to use as a veil?"

Dagonet rolled his eyes at my childish behavior as we made our way into Paulus' room. The doctor wasn't there, though I really didn't expect him to be for some reason. He rarely was, as far as I could tell. However Balbus was there, sorting through a large stack of yellowed parchment. He glanced up to us, eyes wide as always, and started to stammer something that neither Dagonet nor I could make out. I waved to him, having gotten used to it in the few times I had visited already.

Though when I looked into the room that Amicus had been in, I was surprised to see the bed was empty and made, as if no one had been there in a while. I walked back into the main room where Dagonet was waiting with Balbus still stammering something out.

"Where is Amicus?" Balbus stopped stammering for a moment, breathing in before speaking, his stutter still there.

"H-he-he. W-well h-he is... y-you-ou see he..." I tightened my hand on my dress, holding my breath and waiting for him to get the words out.

Dagonet took a few steps towards me and I knew that he was preparing himself for my reaction if the worse should happen. My grip on my dress was starting to make my knuckles hurt. Balbus was still stammering, but the words had turned into the chatter that he was doing when we first walked in.

"He's gone." I turned sharply to the voice at the left, coming from one of the other rooms off on the side. Paulus was there, looking very much as if he just stepped in. My knees started to feel weak and an image flashed before my eyes, of Amicus no longer breathing and lying prone on the bed, his skin a sick gray color. I refused to believe, however, that something had happened until I heard the words from the doctor.

"What do you mean, he's gone?" Dagonet's voice was calm, which was more than I could have managed on my own. I thanked him silently for coming with me today. I would be at a loss otherwise.

"He's gone. He left this morning, early. To go back to Rome." I let out the breath I had been holding in and felt a burn in my lungs from the effort. Dagonet was standing very close to me and I turned to him, offering a shaken smile to let him know that I was okay.

"I was just here yesterday. He didn't tell me that he was leaving." Paulus nodded, walking in and wiping his hands on the towel that was tucked into the belt around his shirt. There were traces of blood in the towel and on his shirt but I forced myself to focus on the older man's face and not his hands.

"He did not know until late last night. News came in of a convoy leaving and he was granted permission to leave his post for a while, to be with his family. He asked me to tell you that he promises to come back to thank you properly for being such a saint these past days." The thought of being called a saint, for the little I knew of his religion, actually had me blushing. To think, he thought so highly of me.

"Thank you doctor." So Dagonet and I left the room, nodding to the red-faced Balbus as we did. We walked in silence for the most part, neither of us willing to intrude on the other's thoughts. My thoughts were on the bright faced Roman that was on his way home to see his family, something I know that he longed to do for so long. Dagonet's thoughts, as I had learned in time, could be on a million things at once.

"I do wonder sometimes..." I snapped out of my train of thought to glance at my brother. At my silent urging, he smiled down to me.

"I do wonder sometimes what good the doctor's helper will be, in a true emergency." The thought of Balbus, as kind as I knew him to be, in an emergency, stuttering and stammering to get out a simple sentence had me laughing. It wasn't a laughing matter. I knew that Balbus was a learned man, very good at what he did, but his stammering was almost comedic in the way that it was a threat to the safety of anyone who would fall to him to repair.

Time, after that, went at such a fast rate that I barely was able to count the days before Dagonet and the other knights brought me to the tavern to celebrate my four month anniversary of being at the wall. Three months since a large mission had taken place. Small ones, of course, littered the time between then and now. We fought the Woads, continuously coming out with the upper hand.

I could often be found, if anyone needed to look, sitting with Galahad in either his room or mine, telling stories of our beloved Sarmatia. He would seek me out sometimes, asking me not so much with words but with his eyes, to tell him stories of home. The first time it happened, I asked Gawain about it. He had been simple, if not saddened, in telling me why.

"He is the youngest of us knights, had the least amount of time in Sarmatia before we were taken to serve. You spent more time there than any of us did Irissa. But please, do me a favor? Do not tell him the bad of it. Let his memories be good, if he should never see home again."

"Isn't that lying?" And for me, it would be. Though I did have more good memories of Sarmatia myself, the bad memories were so much stronger than the good. Gawain shook his head, telling me that letting Galahad remember Sarmatia in a good light would give the knight hope.

"And hope is all we have some days."

So I told Galahad nice stories, of the clear night skies and the hundreds of stars you could see if you leaned your head just right. I told him of the hills and the streams, the forests and the plains. If came a time that I had started to run out of the nice stories, I would continue to tell them. If I could provide him hope, a reason to survive, I would do so within any means possible.

I stayed a sister to the knights, with Lancelot and Dagonet seeming to come to terms with the fact that they shared the role of my real brother. It felt, sometimes, that I had known Lancelot just as long as I had known Dagonet. He was not the boy that I half-remembered from Sarmatia thirteen years ago. Meeting him four months ago at Grent's household was like the first time I had met him. And such was how I felt with Lancelot. It felt as if I had met a second brother that I did not know.

The other knights, Bors and Gawain and Galahad, had also adopted the title of brother for me. Arthur as well, though our friendship wasn't as pronounced as mine with the men from my homeland. They all joked with me, even Arthur, and watched over me when I had fallen ill after eating spoiled meat. Vanora was still close to my heart as always, the woman who always treated me as a mixture between a daughter and a sister. There were times when our conversations were so light, yet so serious at the same time, that I could forget that moments earlier she had been chastising me for not eating enough.

And then there was Tristan. The scout and I had continued our light relationship. The only people who were aware, besides Amicus who I missed dearly, of the relationship were Gawain and Vanora. Lancelot was ever suspicious, after the talks we had had so long ago, but since then I hadn't mentioned anything and part of me wondered if he hadn't forgotten the talks. Gawain had kept his mouth shut, though sometimes I would catch him teasing me infront of a very curious, and thankfully always confused, Galahad. Vanora, as well, promised not to say anything to Bors. If there was anything I knew that would give the wonderful woman who had become one of my dearest friends pleasure, it was knowing something that Bors did not.

Brief touches, a few shy glances (on my part), and secret smiles were as far as our relationship went. Stolen moments where the two of us could sit and talk, about our days or other things of light nature, were cherished with me.

Though the knights hadn't been on a large mission since the one where Amicus had been hurt, they were constantly out to defend the keep. I went with them a few times, though less than I had once imagined I would be. Arthur would sometimes tell me that I shouldn't go on a specific mission, for any such reason, but most often I simply did not join them because I still did not feel I had progressed enough to be of much use.

The night of the celebration of my four months of being at the wall, my eyes sought out Tristan's. He was raising his drink up, just like the other knights while they toasted me, and the smile in his eyes that did not reach his mouth had me smiling back. Bors, as usual, made a few crude comments that had his lover smacking his arm and Lancelot giving a health eye roll before we all raised our drink a little higher, to signal the end of the toast.

"For Irissa!" A resounding shout of "Rus!" filled the tavern and had me laughing and raising my drink to my mouth to take a sip. After the night I had gotten fairly drunk and woken up with a splitting headache and a sore ankle, I had reserved myself to only drinking one glass of any kind of alcohol at a time.

We talked and laughed for the majority of the night, with the knights and myself trading stories of my time there. Four months, it felt like a lifetime. I felt so at ease with the knights, my brothers, that it felt as if I had been there at the wall with them for years.

Slowly the knights started to trickle out of the tavern. Arthur found himself humorously supporting a rather drunk Lancelot, dragging the knight away from the table with a rare, but genuine, smile. Bors and Vanora disappeared a while afterwards, with Vanora rolling her eyes as her lover proceeded to make grabs at her before they were even out of the tavern.

Dagonet was next, pressing his hand to my shoulder before leaving. We had already discussed that him and I would spend time together tomorrow, for there was apparently something on his mind. Following him was a happily drunk Galahad, being supported by a relatively intoxicated Gawain, who had sent me a wink before disappearing with his laughing and off-key singing friend. A glance around the tavern told me that besides the Roman guards and village patrons, Tristan and I were alone. He put down his drink and walked to where I was sitting, motioning for me to join him. I stood up, swaying a little as I did so. The one drink that I had promised myself had turned into a few more with the help of Bors and Lancelot.

We walked out of the tavern, not close enough to touch but definitely close enough for me to feel the heat from his body. I was still swaying, laughing under my breath every time I did so. A glance to my left proved that Tristan was walking as he always did, with no hint that he had even touched his drink. I had an urge to see him drunk, to see if he could lose the collected atmosphere that was always around him. That thought reminded me of the only time I had seen him lose his cool, the bruises that my arms had from the hold he had on me, and the memory of the kiss that started it all.

And the intoxicated part of me, however small it was, was giddy at the idea of Tristan losing his cool in that manner again.

* * *

**A/N: **I think I may have had too much fun writing this one for some reason. The playfulness with Dagonet, the worry for Amicus, the time with all of the knights at the celebration... and the drunken and apparently frisky Irissa at the end. No worries, I'm not going to have her jump him in the next chapter. The next chapter will pick up where this one leaves off, with the rest of the night and the next day.  
Thank you, thank you, thank you to my readers and poll takers. I'm keeping my eye on the poll to see what everyone is thinking, and I'm definitely paying attention to the people that message/review about it. Please, please give me your opinion. I really care about what my readers think of the story, and what they would like to potentially see. Just understand that I can't work in everything. Thank you all though!  
To my favoriters/alerters, thank you as always. I hope you're enjoying this. And to my reviewers... I really enjoy talking to you all. It makes me laugh while I'm at work and makes my boss ask me if I've finally lost my marbles.  
AND! We are almost to 100 reviews. I want to thank everyone that has reviewed. I'm not a numbers girl, but that is definitely a number I like. Thank you all for caring enough to give me such constant praise and help with my writing. I really do love you all!

VERY IMPORTANT! If you are not a registered user on this site and cannot take the poll but would like to have a say, please either review anonymously or send me a message. I want to hear from everyone!  
Also, if you want to explain to me why you picked the one you did, feel free. It's anonymous, so I don't know what you picked otherwise.  
And if you pick the "kill other knight" option, please message/review to me and let me know which knight you think I should kill off besides the three possible from the movie. As I've said before, I will honor whatever you all decide.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"I thought you might want this back. I know it hasn't been long, but... it feels right, tonight." In his hand was the dagger that I had thrown, killing the man that killed Chauce. I reached out, shakingly, and grasped the hilt. I ran my fingers over it lightly, forcing a smile, and then put it in the grass beside me.

"Thank you. Who knows, I may need it again some day." He nodded, his eyes moving from the blade up to my face.

"I hope not."


	24. Chapter 24

_IMPORTANT: Please go to my profile and take the poll at the top. I will honor the opinions of my readers. I will keep the poll up until I get closer to when I start writing those chapters. _

**A Burning Sky**

We stopped under one of the trees that had been my archery target, all of those months ago during my lessons. It was dark, but there were too many clouds in the sky to see many stars. I had taken up position, leaning backwards just enough that I could stare at the sky and still see Tristan. He was sitting with one leg crossed under him and the other laying out infront of him, bent just a little at the knee. We stayed like that, me watching the sky for the most part, and him simply watching me.

I found myself tired, my arms aching from holding me up and my body just tired in general, and I let myself flop onto the wet grass. A laugh escaped my lips and I glanced up to see Tristan watching me. Though it was dark, I could tell that he was smiling. I closed my eyes, feeling almost as if I was spinning even though the pressure on my back told me that I wasn't moving.

"What do you remember of home Tristan?" Though my eyes were closed, I could tell he was surprised at my question. The silence that followed had me wanting to open my eyes to see if I could make out his expression, but I kept my eyes closed and my face turned upwards.

"Home? I remember... many things." I waited to see if he would go from there and when he didn't, I slowly pulled myself away from the grass and back into a sitting position. The way we were sitting, our faces were relatively close to one another.

"I talk to Galahad about home, telling him all of the good things I can think of. I've told Dagonet the bad, the things that I've struggled so hard to forget. But sometimes, late at night, when I'm remembering the good, the bad creeps in." He reached up, tucking my hair behind my ear and then lowering his hand to my leg. I smiled at the gesture, and the pressure of his hand on my leg, and frowned when he moved it. He reached to his side before pulling something away, glinting in the little light the moon provided.

"I thought you might want this back. I know it hasn't been long, but... it feels right, tonight." In his hand was the dagger that I had thrown, killing the man that killed Chauce. I reached out, shakingly, and grasped the hilt. I ran my fingers over it lightly, forcing a smile, and then put it in the grass beside me.

"Thank you. Who knows, I may need it again some day." He nodded, his eyes moving from the blade up to my face.

"I hope not." The forced smile dropped and I sighed, feeling my body shake a bit before I moved to lay back down. I closed my eyes, the spinning feeling returning. However it disappeared when I felt Tristan lower himself next to me. I didn't want to open my eyes, to break the spell, so we stayed quiet and content until he started to speak.

"My mother used to say that I was just like my father. Whether this was a good thing, I don't know. My father died when I was little. We survived without him though." My heart had thudded painfully when Tristan had started to speak of his family. I knew, from experience and from talking to the other knights, that he was notorious for not speaking of his family at all. Bors had joked once that Tristan may not have any, that he was raised by the wolves that inhabited our homeland's woods.

"She always smelled of flowers, even during the burning winters where no flowers could survive." His voice trailed off at the end of his sentence and I opened my eyes, rolling over onto my side to face him. He was on his back but at my movement, he turned his head to face me. The moon was bright enough, and at the moment not hidden by clouds, that I could make out his facial features perfectly. I reached out with one hand, the other tucked under me to support my head, and ran my fingers over the markings on his face.

"Where did you get these?" He leaned into my hand, reminding me of Hawk. My finger ran over the marks, from them to his jaw and then back to the marks. Though I had seen them many times this close before, it was different to devote time to them.

"The men of my tribe are marked, for different reasons and at different times, to show that they are men. I was too young to be marked when I left, but then I did them myself when I was here." Still running my fingers over them, letting a shy smile come over my lips when our eyes met, I posed another question.

"What was the reason for you?" He sighed, reaching up and grabbing my wrist, stopping me from being able to run my fingers over them anymore.

"Do not ask something you don't want the answer to." I nodded, removing my hand and trying to smile before sitting up. There were only so many ways I could take that, the first took me spinning to a conversation I had a long time ago with Vanora. She told me of how the knights took women, and some even had children of their own, though they did not acknowledge them. My stomach was clenching at the thought of Tristan being a father. It was jealousy, though I wasn't sure I really had a right to be jealous.

I felt him sit up behind me but refused to turn to look at him. He wrapped one arm around my waist, squeezing me to him lightly. Since Grent's house, every little touch he bestowed upon me was light. He was never bruising or rough, always gentle when he touched me. I fought with myself in his gentle embrace before finally leaning back into him.

"The first person I killed was a bandit. It was almost a year into our occupation here. He was sneaking up on another knight and I knew he wouldn't hear if I called out. So I launched myself at him and killed him with the blade they had given me. That night, I gave myself the marks." I turned around to face him. One of the many clouds in the sky had moved to cover the moon and I could barely makeout the expression on his face.

"You didn't have to tell me Tristan." I could feel him laugh, just a small vibration from his chest.

"I could tell that you're mind would automatically think the worse otherwise." I blushed and looked down, hoping that his eyesight was not so good as to see in the dark. Was it so obvious what I had been thinking? I bit my lip before looking back up at him, smiling lightly.

"I suppose that is true." He nodded and then turned himself a little so that his body was closer to mine, wrapping his other arm around me. I hadn't noticed the cold, probably because of the warm alcohol still in my stomach. I turned to face him as much as I could in his embrace, running my fingers over the marks before fully cupping his cheek in my hand.

My stomach flipped and the drowsy butterflies sprang to life as he pulled me closer, our lips just barely touching. He made the first move, it seemed, and was going to allow me to make the next one. So with a smile and my shaking hands moving up to his shoulders, I pressed myself closer to him, and connected our lips fully.

I made a noise in the back of my throat as we kissed, somewhere between a gasp and a moan. I felt his lips turn up into a smile and he pulled me closer, trying to entice the sound from me again. This kiss was nothing like the first kiss, it was gentle where the other one was rough, but it held just as much passion and feeling between us.

He pulled away first, pressing a small but quick kiss to my lips before fully pulling away and standing up. Although I wanted nothing more than to pull him back down here to me, to kiss me like that again, I knew that it would be harder for me to pretend if we had continued to kiss. So with a sigh, I allowed him to pull me up. Of course I swayed on my feet, glaring down at my shaking knees with a laugh. He returned the laugh, bending down to grab the forgotten dagger and handing it to me.

If Dagonet ever found out what was going on between Tristan and I, he would at least be happy to know that every time it happened I seemed to have a dagger handy.

We walked in silence, with me swaying into him from time to time. He could tell that it was on purpose but never said anything, often letting his hand graze mine before stepping away. Finally, within sight of my room, I bid Tristan a goodnight and snuck into my room. I was sure, when I shut the door, that I saw him smiling.

When I woke up the next morning, my head was throbbing a little and my mouth felt dry. Besides that though, I felt fine. I quickly washed, knowing that Dagonet would find me soon, and dressed hastily. Afterwards though, I found myself sitting on my bed and brushing my hair slowly, remembering the talk I had had with Tristan last night. The usually reserved scout had opened up to me about his family. I knew that he hadn't told any of the knights the things he told me last night, though he hadn't even told me that much. I learned that his father died when he was young, that he must have loved his mother very much. I also learned the meaning of the markings on his face.

I wondered, briefly, if the other knights knew why he had the markings. Surely they would know about the other tribes and know that it was tradition to get them at manhood. Though I wondered, if they knew this, if they knew what Tristan had decided what made him a man.

There was a knock at the door and I jerked my hand through my hair, the comb clattering to the floor as I did so. I called for the knocker to enter, for I knew it had to be Dagonet. He stepped in while I picked up the comb and smiled at me.

"Morning Irissa. How is your head?" I laughed, knowing that he must have counted the drinks that I had consumed last night.

"Not too bad. I paced myself, Dagonet." He laughed and joined me on my bed while I continued to brush my hair. He was quiet, staring infront of him. I could feel that the atmosphere had changed and lowered the comb.

"What is it?" He sighed, glancing up from his lap to look me straight on. He grabbed my chin lightly in his rough hand, being very gentle with me.

"You've grown so much since you've been here Irissa. You were a tiny, skiddish thing when we found you and now you are brave, bold, and so beautiful." I blushed at his compliment, looking down as much as I could while he held my chin. He released me softly and then tilted my face up towards his again, smiling.

"I'm not that brave. Or bold or beautiful." He shook his head, smiling the smile that I knew he reserved for me.

"You've grown, my sister, into everything I just said and more. Even my words cannot do you justice. Some days I wake and believe that I dreamed these past four months. I believe that my family is gone, and that I am being tortured to have thought that you are here." I felt tears gather on my eyelashes and I reached up to touch the side of his face before letting myself fall into him, tucking my face into my brother's neck.

"I'm here, Dagonet. I'm here and we won't be separated again. I promise you Dagonet. I am here, this is not a dream." When I pulled away, I could see the pain in my brother's eyes. My thoughts went back to the night next to the graveyard with Lancelot where he told me that everyone thought it better to believe their family was gone, so that it would not hurt as much.

I could tell, in my brother's gaze, that he was not comfortable with showing so much emotion so freely. So I nodded and stood up, moving to the other side of the room and dragging my hand over some of the things on the shelf there. After a few moments my brother joined me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I am proud to call you my sister. Just as the other knights are proud to call you their sister." I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face into his chest. I breathed in deeply before letting go of him, still smiling.

"And I am proud to call you, and all of them, my brother."

* * *

**A/N: **Uhm, did anyone see that kiss coming? Because to be totally honest, I didn't. It kind of wrote itself. Not that I mind.  
Next mission, one that Irissa will be joining them on, will start in the next chapter. There will be two major fight scenes, so the action will be picking up.  
Thank you to my readers, you lovely people. And to my poll takers. And to the people that alert and favorite. And of course to my reviewers. I really love hearing your opinions and your ideas. I do try to work some of them in!  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I enjoyed writing it.

VERY IMPORTANT! If you are not a registered user on this site and cannot take the poll but would like to have a say, please either review anonymously or send me a message. I want to hear from everyone!  
Also, if you want to explain to me why you picked the one you did, feel free. It's anonymous, so I don't know what you picked otherwise.  
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_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

I wiped the sweat, and probably trails of blood, from my face. My hands were shaking as I made my way back to the limp body that had been propped against the tree while we fought. Luckily the Woads must have thought that he was already dead or else they may have shot him while we were distracted.

Grabbing the cloth that Gawain held out to me, I pressed it to his face, stemming the blood flow. The wound was not deep, though I think the trauma to the back of his head was what caused him to fall unconscious. Arthur approached us, wiping blood off of his neck and hands and onto his red cloak.

"We should get him back to the wall."


	25. Chapter 25

_**Warning! Warning! Warning! **_This chapter has scenes of Mature nature, violence described in detail.

**A Burning Sky**

The tavern was no more lively than any other night, though all of the knights were present. Even Arthur was there, watching his men with a small smile on his lips. Galahad was sporting a bruise under his eye that I hadn't seen the night before, but when asked he refused to tell how he got it. The smile on Gawain's face told us, however, that the story would be told at some point. Bors had Vanora on his lap, whispering into her ear that had her alternating between smacking his arm and blushing.

There was a loud commotion from the entrance way and though we all looked up briefly, no one moved. It wasn't uncommon for either the locals or the Romans, or some mixture of the two, to get into fights. It was the duty of the Roman guards to stop the fights, not the knights. However tonight felt different and I looked back up at the swishing red cloaks as the Romans seemed to be restraining someone.

"You don't understand, I have to talk to Sir Arthur! Please! Lives are at stake here!" None of the knights moved, seeming as if they hadn't heard the claim, so I stood up and made my way towards the guards. The man there was bleeding from his head, probably from one of the guards trying to restrain him. He was struggling against the Romans, trying to bite them it seemed. He didn't look Roman himself, and his accent leaned more towards the villagers I had heard.

"What's going on here?" One of the guards spotted me and I could tell that he almost told me to leave until he got a better look and recognized me for who I was.

"Local villager, my lady. Nothing we can't handle." I waved off the closest one, with a confidence that I didn't really feel, and bent down to the bleeding man. He looked up at me and whether he knew who I was or just tried to pull someone else into his plight that could help, he launched into his tale quickly.

"My village, we were attacked. I saw it from the hill. Please, we must save them. My Fran, my children. Please!" The guard holding him released him quickly, his face reddening with shame. When asked later, the guards would all explain that they simply thought it was another lunatic villager. They hadn't heard the man say anything about an attack, much less so close to us.

I glance behind me and saw that Arthur and the other knights were approaching, having overheard the man's voice in the tavern. Arthur moved me to the side and asked the man a few questions before saying something to the guards that I couldn't hear. He then turned to us.

"Knights, prepare for an attack. He isn't sure who it was attacking the village down the hill but we're going to find out." We all nodded, moving quickly towards the door and the stairs that would lead us to our rooms to prepare before meeting at the stables. Not having time to change made it difficult, but I knew that wearing a dress or my altered fighting gear didn't make much difference at the moment. I strapped on my sword and the daggers, grabbing the bow and quiver full of arrows that we had commissioned for me. The bow was long but light, which made it easier for me being so much smaller than the knights. We were still waiting on my other sword to be ready but I didn't have time to worry about that now.

I gathered my skirts into one hand while carrying my bow in the other hand, taking the steps two at a time while the quiver smacked between my shoulder blades and the sword lightly patted my leg from where it hung on my waist. I soon found myself at the stables where Arthur, Lancelot, and Gawain were already preparing their horses. Soon after I arrived came Dagonet and then Galahad, followed closely by Tristan and Bors. We prepared our horses and mounted, me running a soothing hand over my mare, before galloping out towards the gate.

We directed ourselves towards the village that we could just barely see from the distance, though the flames stood out in the dark of the night. We rode hard and soon, much sooner than I was expecting, we could make out the screams of the villagers. The shapes were decidedly not Woad, too fully clothed, which meant they were probably bandits or rogue highwaymen. Either way, the battle that we were riding into would possibly be a bad one.

Dagonet had told me to stay on my horse as long as possible, giving me the advantage of high ground, but the moment we reached the village I was knocked from my horse. The bandit that had jumped at me sprang to his feet faster than I could manage in my dress and I struggled to get to my sword which was trapped underneath me. As my attacker raised his ax, I grabbed one of my daggers and flung it into his neck. I stood up and released my sword, lowering it roughly against the stomach of the man as a killing blow. Pulling my dagger out of his neck quickly, I turned just in time to block a swing from another bandit.

During my training with Lancelot and Dagonet, when they would go two on one with me, they always harped on me for not paying attention to my surroundings. However while swinging my blade towards the man infront of me, I used my peripheral vision to see what was around me. A villager was struggling with a log, trying to fend off a man advancing towards her. I focused on my attacker, swinging my blade through his neck and wincing inwardly at the image, and then turned as fast as I could, throwing my dagger at the man attacking the villager. He dropped dead where he was and the woman turned to find her savior.

Before she could thank me or I could tell her to get to safety, another man was approaching me. This one reminded me of Dagonet, tall and wide, but his face was marred with scars so horribly that I could barely tell he was human. I readied my stance for his attack but blanched as he raised his weapons. One hand held a very long sword, much longer than my own, and the other held a club with bloodied spikes on the end. Steeling myself, I prepared for his first blow.

Three paces into our fight, I caught the long sword on my cheek. My head snapped back forward, ignoring the sting on my cheek or the feel of the blood dripping down my neck, and I swung my sword in one direction and when he raised his club to stop it, I quickly changed tact and struck out with my leg and kicking the man in the groin. Though I could tell he was in pain, I felt my stomach drop when the intended reaction didn't happen. He swung his club again and I raised my sword with one hand, which was my greatest mistake. His club met my sword with such force that the sword ripped from my hand. Then he struck me across my face with the butt of his sword, making me fall over. My bow was pressing into my back but I couldn't move. My sword hand was smarting from hit and my other hand was now pinned behind me.

I rolled over, towards my sword, but barely made it before I felt a crushing foot on my back. Face down in the dirt, my breath coming in uneven gasps from the pain, I waited for the killing strike. However I heard a whizzing sound and then the sound of an arrow burying itself into flesh. The man fell sideways, away from me, and I grabbed my sword, rolling over as quickly as I could. Being on the ground meant being killed.

Tristan was fighting with a man, swords locked though I could tell he wasn't having any trouble. I could make out Gawain hacking down attacks with his ax. I let my eyes roam once more before landing on Galahad who was the only one I could see still sporting his bow, laying waste to many of the bandits before they reached anyone. He must have been the one to shoot down my attacker.

The fight continued for only a few more minutes before the rest of the bandits- how had there been so many?- disappeared into the night. The villagers emerged from their homes or the woods, crying and cradling their injured or dead. Still carrying my sword, not daring to put it down yet, I made my way through the people towards Lancelot who was wiping blood from his face. He noticed the cut on my cheek and tilted my head, looking at it to see how long or deep, and then nodded to me.

The other knights slowly started to gather around us but I noticed one, a very important one, missing.

"Where's Dagonet?" My question was answered by Bors who yelled for Arthur. We all turned as one, answering the call though only one of us bore the name, and I found myself running towards him. Bors was leaning over a body that was leaning against a half collapsed building, blood covering their face. It took me seconds to realize who the body was, seconds before any of the other knights realized, and I rushed to my brother's side.

My first thought as I reached his side was that my brother was dead. My stomach knotted as I bent down, dropping my sword carelessly as I reached a shaking hand out to him. His chest however was still rising and I felt the knots in my stomach lessen just a little at that.

"We need to get him to the doctor." Bors nodded, and with the help of Lancelot and Gawain who had just arrived, they gathered my brother up and placed him on one of the horses. Arthur made the normal announcement to the village, that anyone that needed mending should come to the fort quickly. There were noncommittal answers that I for once ignored, staring at my brother with a worried heart. There was so much blood and he was unconscious. But he was alive.

We rode as fast as we could, the villagers coming at their own pace when they needed to, with me riding behind my brother on the horse, to keep him steady. We made it to the edge of the woods, the fort entrance barely in sight, when Tristan called out one word that had my stomach clench.

"WOADS!" I slipped from the horse, pulling Dagonet with me with the help of Bors. We propped him against one of the trees, facing away from the oncoming fight. There were a few arrows shot from the Woads towards us, one barely missing me. I bent down, pulling a few arrows out and putting them infront of me. My bow, along with Tristan, Bors, and Galahad's, took out many of the Woads that were headed towards us. I tossed my bow to the side, pulling my sword out of its scabbard. There was blood starting to crust onto the blade but I spared it less than a thought as I swung it at an oncoming Woad.

The Woad that I was going against was screaming, just a sound, and I kicked him in the stomach to shut him up before driving my blade into his chest. Another Woad came up behind me, grabbing my hair and pulling me backwards so that I fell. From my spot looking up, I could tell it was a girl. What threw me were her eyes, not as cold and dark as the other's. And as she had surprised me, I seemed to have surprised her as well for her strange eyes grew large as she looked at me. Perhaps she was surprised that I was a woman, like her. She spun around, kicking me across the face before rushing off into the battle.

It wasn't like a Woad to leave someone unfinished, but I didn't bother questioning her actions. I stood up, shifting my sword and swinging it at the next Woad. He screamed as I slashed across his back but when he turned to face me, I drove my sword into his ribcage. He contorted before I pulled my sword out of him, swinging at a Woad that was rushing towards me. My swing had enough force that it took the man's arm clean off, making my stomach heave in disgust. His screams of pain were enough to have me deal a killing blow.

Soon the Woads, for the few that were still alive, ran off back into the woods. I glanced around to make sure that none of the knights had fallen or were in grave danger. Tristan made eye contact with me, his head nodding as if to ask if I was okay. I nodded back, feeling the pain in my head from the kick the female Woad had dealt me.

I wiped the sweat, and probably trails of blood, from my face. My hands were shaking as I made my way back to the limp body that had been propped against the tree while we fought. Luckily the Woads must have thought that he was already dead or else they may have shot him while we were distracted.

Grabbing the cloth that Gawain held out to me, I pressed it to his face, stemming the blood flow. The wound was not deep, though I think the trauma to the back of his head was what caused him to fall unconscious. Arthur approached us, wiping blood off of his neck and hands and onto his red cloak.

"We should get him back to the wall." I nodded in agreement before helping Bors and Gawain lift my brother onto one of the horses again. I rode behind him the rest of the way to the fort, refusing to think of what could happen if my brother didn't survive this.

* * *

**A/N: **Never had a "Warning: Scenes of a violent nature" message to write before. However I thought this one needed it, so there it is.  
I'm sorry for not updating yet. Hit a brick wall in my physical wellness and I needed to rest up so that my writing wouldn't suffer. So here you go, chapter 25.  
Thank you to my readers/alerters/favoriters/private messagers/poll takers/reviewers. Goodness that's a lot of people to thank. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
I'll try to have the next one up soon!

IMPORTANT NOTICE! I am going to be closing the poll soon. Though I'm still not close to where the movie starts up, I want to end it soon so that I can start working on ideas. However PLEASE continue to message/review/email me your opinions or ideas. I love hearing what you have to say and there is a chance I can work in your ideas. I love hearing from you all, it's an important part of my writing process. Thank you all for your feedback so far.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"How are you Irissa?" I glanced at Lancelot, opening my mouth to answer when a low scream from the room behind us interrupted me. I closed my eyes against the sound, breathing deeply. Lancelot shifted with a humorless laugh.

"Pointless question." I nodded, staring straight ahead into the fire that flickered on the torch against the wall. He moved closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me against him. Fighting back tears, I curled my arms around him and buried my face into his chest, clutching at the back of his shirt while I tried not to cry.


	26. Chapter 26

**A Burning Sky**

There had been a few nights when I lived in servitude at Grent's house that I would find myself curled in on myself, feeling hopeless and lost. These nights, though few, usually came after a particularly rough beating from Grent. In those nights, I resigned myself to thinking that I would never see my brother again. I would tell myself that he died in battle, a ferociously brave death. But I would wake up the next morning to do my chores and feel the bruises from the beatings and the pain from my thoughts. How could I even think about my brother being dead? It wasn't right.

And now, as Paulus shooed us from the room with a grim look on his face, I couldn't help but twist my hands together painfully. The memories of the nights I lay curled up on my flimsy mat, trying to find sleep or to ease the pain in my various body parts, had my stomach in a frenzy. Was my brother dying?

I refused to be moved from infront of the door to the doctor's rooms. Balbus and a woman I hadn't seen before had entered swiftly and from the glance I had before they shut the door, Paulus was cleaning my brother's face. My breathing slowly settled and I felt my body sag. The one good thing was that Dagonet was unconscious, unable to feel the pain of the-

A loud scream, along with the sound of things toppling over, almost had me throwing myself into the door. Gawain had wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me backwards, and with the help of Bors got me a little ways away from the door. However I refused to be moved too far from the door, feeling my chest tighten as the loud screams turned to low moans of pain.

"How are you Irissa?" I glanced at Lancelot, opening my mouth to answer when a low scream from the room behind us interrupted me. I closed my eyes against the sound, breathing deeply. Lancelot shifted with a humorless laugh.

"Pointless question." I nodded, staring straight ahead into the fire that flickered on the torch against the wall. He moved closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me against him. Fighting back tears, I curled my arms around him and buried my face into his chest, clutching at the back of his shirt while I tried not to cry.

I pulled away from him and started to pace, hands shaking. More than once I had to raise a fist infront of my mouth to keep from crying out in pain myself. The cut on my cheek and the bruise that was forming on my jaw felt like a butterfly had landed on me compared to the pain of listening to my brother being in such pain.

Lancelot reached for me while I paced, as if to pull me to him again, when the door opened. Paulus stepped out, quickly shutting the door behind him before I had the chance to look inside. He was wiping his hands off on his shirt and I refused to let my eyes move from his face, to see the redness that coated his fingers. The scent of blood, which was still present on me from the battles, was starting to make me dizzy.

"He is in a lot of pain." I resisted the urge to yell at the doctor, in frustration and worry. Of course he was in pain, his face was split open. Lancelot stepped forward while Galahad moved behind me, as if to catch me if the worse were to happen.

"Will he survive?" Paulus looked from Lancelot to me, and then slowly back to Lancelot. My knees were knocking and I had dropped my hands, knotting them into my skirt. My stomach was turning and I felt that for sure I would be sick if I had to wait one moment longer.

"Yes. The pain was from the sewing. Rest and time will do him well." I barely heard the other words after his first, feeling me knees lock and my body start to sway. Galahad had come to my side, grabbing me to keep me from completely toppling over.

"Can I see him?" The doctor paused before nodding, stepping out of the way so that I could approach the door. I took a deep breath before opening the door. Balbus and the woman saw me, nodding in a very awkward fashion before disappearing through one of the far doors. I moved closer to the figure on the bed, remembering when it was Amicus on the bed. How long ago that felt now.

He had cloth wrapped around the left side of his face and his hands were grasping and releasing the sheets that he was laying on. His weapons weren't on him and I wondered, albeit very briefly, if we had brought them back with us.

"Irissa." His voice was hoarse, as if he was holding in from the pain. I sat down beside him, moving my own sword out of the way first, and clasped onto his hand. He bent his arm so that our hands could meet palm to palm comfortably.

"How are you feeling?" He nodded, reaching his free hand to skim his fingers over the cloth over his face. I reached out, grasping his hand and moving it from his face. The cloth was still white, blood wasn't starting to leak through yet. Both of our hands clasped with one another, I stared down into the eye that wasn't covered. Pain, and the smallest shred of fear, lingered there.

"I thought we lost you." My voice was small, more afraid than I wanted to appear. I hadn't wanted to worry him with how scared I had been for him, or to let him know of the thoughts that had raced through my mind.

"I'm alive." I laughed, my voice catching, and then bent to press my face against his chest lightly. I knew that his head must have been pounding, the cut down his face probably aching. I wanted nothing more than to take the pain from him, to ease his pain as he had eased my fears so many times, but I was helpless. Instead, I curled onto the body, tucking my body against my brother's and trying to keep from crying. I wanted to be strong for him; I had to be.

After a while, I felt his breathing even out and I stood up, feeling an ache in my body from the way I had been laying. My skin felt too small, as if my bones had grown but my skin stayed the same. Wrapping my arms around my stomacch, I headed for the door. A sound escaped my brother's lips and I turned around, expecting to see him shifting but surprised to see him looking at me.

"You are worried." I sighed, leaning against the door with my arms still surrounding me. No matter how hard I tried to keep my emotions hidden, it seemed they ran freely across my face and being.

"I'm just glad that you're here, and healing." With a smile, though I'm sure he could tell the last thing I wanted to do was smile, I turned around and left the room. The other knights were still there and I heard Paulus exclaim that they could go in, but only for a few minutes. Lancelot saw me, readied to ask if I was going to be alright, but I waved it off. I wasn't sure if I could handle that question right now.

I walked through the halls and away from the doctor's room. I was mindless of where I was going, blind to my surroundings. I wanted to get as far as I could from the room where my brother lay wounded.

My breathing was erratic and I started to feel as if I was falling, so I turned and pushed myself against the wall. The stones were cool as I pressed my face against them, tears escaping from my eyes and wetting my cheeks and the wall.

A surge of anger went through me, though I wasn't sure what it was aimed at. I found myself blinking back tears again, of anger instead of sadness or confusion, and began to bang my hands against the wall. The stones were hard and unforgiving and I knew that I was crying out in pain as I did so, pain and anger. An arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me backwards into their chest. Though I wasn't sure who it was, knowing it had to be one of the knights, I turned around and buried my face into their chest.

The rise and fall of their chest as they breathed, the low sound of their heart beating, calmed me slowly. My tears stopped and my breathing slowed. I felt my body being lifted and I slung my arms around the man's neck as he carried me. It took me a moment to focus my eyes on him and I found myself a little surprised to see that it was Tristan carrying me.

We entered my room, though I hadn't known we were close, and Tristan lowered me onto my bed. At that point, he looked at me as if he had something to say and then turned around towards the door. I called out, a wordless sound that I hoped he understood was me asking him to stay, and watched as he shut the door and then turned back to join me.

I let myself curl into him, feeling more tired than I had in a long time. As I started to drift to sleep, my head on Tristan's chest and feeling his fingers thread through my hair, I heard him speak with half of a mind, his words soothing but not penetrating my almost asleep state.

When I woke the next morning, I was alone. I curled out from the blankets and gathered some clothes, heading to the bathing room. The water was a little cool, making me shiver as I washed, but it was a welcomed sensation. The water brought with it the cold reality that I had let my emotions, as chaotic as they were, get the best of me the night before. I would have to apologize to Tristan for my behavior.

After dressing and returning to my room, I combed my hair painfully slowly before tying it back and making my way towards the tavern. Vanora was nowhere to be seen but Bors, looking as if he had barely slept a wink, was leaning against one of the tables.

"Morning Irissa." I nodded to him before sitting beside him, reaching up to touch his arm. When our eyes met, I knew what caused his sleepless night. He, like I, had been worried about Dagonet. Even when I first met my brother and Bors, I knew they were close. They had bonded, though I wasn't sure what those particular bonds were.

"Maybe you should get some sleep Bors. Dagonet's condition seems to be stable, I'm sure you won't miss anything if you sleep for a few hours." He sighed, knowing that I was right, but I sensed he was still hesitant. With a smile, and an almost cheerfulness that surprised me, I gave him an ultimatum.

"Either you go to sleep or I'll tell Vanora that she should sleep in my rooms, while you stay with the kids for a few nights. By yourself." Bors, though a very good father, paled at the thought of dealing with the ten children by himself.

"You drive a hard bargain girl." And with a smile and a light pat against my shoulder, Bors disappeared towards his rooms. I felt my shoulders sag and I lowered my head onto my hands, laughing as I did so. Though part of my still worried for my brother, I knew that it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be to myself. He would be scarred, as all of the knights undoubtly were in some ways, but he would have his life.

I heard someone lower themselves into Bors' unoccupied seat and I lifted my head the tiniest bit to see Lancelot beside me. I shot him a light smile before turning my head back to its original position.

"Did you get much sleep?" I shrugged. I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep, though it was probably only a few hours.

"Enough." I lifted my head when I spoke so that he could hear me and didn't lay it back down. Instead I turned to face him and smile again, though by the expression on his face, I knew he could tell that I wasn't feeling up to smiling too much.

"You seem to be in better spirits." Vanora appeared infront of us, placing two plates down with a small smile. She had the same dark circles that were under Bors' eyes and I knew that she had stayed awake with him last night. I gave her a smile and a nod, rolling my eyes when I saw Lancelot give her a half-hearted wink, before turning back to his statement.

"I am. I was upset, scared last night. I assumed the worse, and the worse just seemed to be the only thing I could assume. But I know he'll be alright. He's alive, he'll stay that way." Lancelot paused between bites to nod and then lifted my cheek, turning my head to face him. I had washed the cut on my cheek from the bandit's sword, but the mirror told me that it was dark and purple, from the kick the Woad had given me.

"Everything will be alright... in time."

* * *

**A/N: **THE POLL IS CLOSED! And the survey says...1 person said kill off Lancelot and Dagonet. 1 person said kill off Tristan and Dagonet. 1 person said kill off Tristan and Lancelot. 1 person said kill of Arthur. 4 people said kill of Dagonet. 2 people said kill off Tristan. 28 people said don't kill of the knights.  
I do plan on honoring this, but if I find that the story will do better with killing off a knight, I might have to overrule it. However I hope that, no matter what comes, you will enjoy the story.  
Also, the female Woad in the other chapter was not Guinevere but me paying homage to my other story. Loraina was said to have eyes not like other Woads, which was how Dagonet knew she was not born a Woad. She will not be featured again.  
If you haven't seen Clash of the Titans, I implore you to watch it. It's not the best acting from Sam Worthington, I'll admit, but Mads Mikkelsen, who plays Tristan SO well in King Arthur, does a fantastic job as Draco.  
This chapter was a drain to write because I had to put a lot of emotion into it for Irissa. Next one, hopefully, up soon. Hope you liked it, thank you for the reviews, poll takings, favorites, alerts, and all that jazz.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

My hands were fisted in my skirt as I rushed away from the stables, towards my room again. The ringing in my ears, which I attributed to my anger, seemed to dull and I could hear my own thoughts again. Of course the first thing my thoughts did was to replay the scene over and over again. Each time, my anger grew again until finally I reached my room and slammed my door shut, my ears ringing from the sound afterwards.


	27. Chapter 27

**A Burning Sky**

"Galahad ran us straight into one of the helpers. And of course, the boy couldn't keep his mouth shut. Whatever he whispered into her ear caused her to throw the basket she held straight at his face. The shock with him being drunk caused him to fall face forward onto the ground." Gawain was seated next to Dagonet's bed as he talked, while Dagonet let out a low laugh. I was probably not supposed to hear the story of how Galahad had gotten the bruise before our last mission so I kept my laughter in, deciding to rather pretend to have just walked in.

"What's so funny in here?" Gawain snapped to look at me, rearranging his expression quickly to one of his usual smiles instead of pure mirth as it had been.

"Nothing of consequence. Come, sit. I should be heading out anyways." Gawain offered me his chair but I simply moved it a little out of the way and perched myself on the edge of my brother's bed. With a quick goodbye, he ducked out of the room. I turned back to Dagonet, content with asking him how he was feeling, but could not keep in my own laugh from the look on his face.

"I saw you standing in the door. You're not to give him any trouble Irissa." I composed my own laughing features into a mockery of a serious expression.

"At least until I'm better and can enjoy it as well." I laughed at that, enjoying the sound of my brother's laughter for a little while longer. Once our laughter had subsided though, Dagonet looked as if it pained him. I reached up and with a permitting nod, pulled the bandage up just a little. The worse part of the cut was around his eye and I breathed in deeply, blowing it out in a shakey exhale.

"Your eye..." I wasn't sure how to pose the question, but my brother seemed to know what I was thinking for he shook his head, reaching up and pulling the bandage back over. He seemed to be doing this for my sake, so that I wouldn't have to look at his wound.

"I was lucky, if just barely. My sight has not been compromised." I nodded in relief, feeling my shoulders sag a little. Besides Dagonet asking how I was holding up after the fight, lifting and turning my head much the way Lancelot had done earlier in the morning to look at my cut, our conversation was very light.

Seeing my brother like that, injured and laid out on the bed, had me revisiting my memory of the night before. The fighting, the fear of losing my brother, my reaction otherwise. It took Dagonet placing his hand over mine to draw me out of my thoughts, smiling softly to him.

"Your mind was elsewhere." I nodded, knowing there wasn't any use in lying to him. He shook his head lightly, as if knowing where my thoughts had been, but he didn't approach the subject.

"Perhaps you should rest. This was your first real battle, I'm sure you're tired." With another small nod, I pressed a kiss to Dagonet's cheek and moved to the door. I felt bad, for letting our nice conversation turn so suddenly, but I knew he would not hold it against me.

Once out of the doctor's rooms, nodding my head in goodbye to the always red-faced Balbus, I made my way towards the stables. Whenever my mind was in a tangle, I always seemed to go to the stables. Something about the horses soothed me. By time I reached the stables, my mind had untangled itself and I was calmed again. However my mare was staring at me, shaking her head and pawing the earth. I smiled as I made my way to her, rubbing my hand over her smooth nose and neck.

I still hadn't had any luck in coming up with a name for her, but I had also barely thought about it in a while. She nuzzled against my shoulder and I laughed before moving further into the stall, grabbing one of the brushes that rested on the stall. I ran it over her back and sides, smiling as she would sidestep to get closer to the brush.

"Irissa." A yell escaped me as I turned around, almost falling into my horse. She neighed her personal distaste in being frightened and I placed a hand over my heart in vain to stop its rapid beating. At first I couldn't find the source of the voice but then I saw Tristan leaning in the dark of one of the stables. I emerged from the stall, closing it behind me so that my mare wouldn't escape, and walked towards where Tristan was emerging from the other stall.

"You startled me." He nodded apologetically but offered nothing more than that. I smiled at him, moving forward and letting him wrap his arms around me. I fisted my hands into the front of his shirt lightly, breathing in deeply as I rested there, with my head tucked into his neck. When I pulled away and looked up, he pressed his lips tenderly to my forehead.

"There is something on your mind." He nodded again and I waited for him to speak. When finally I assumed he wasn't going to say anything, I began to pull away. We stood with a bit of distance between us, waiting.

"How are you feeling after last night?" I jerked a bit, having gotten used to the silence and not expecting him to speak again.

"Sore. It was definitely more stimulating than sparring with Lancelot or Dagonet. My mouth hurts as well. Other than that..." He was shaking his head, as if that wasn't what he meant. Part of me knew that he wasn't talking about how I was feeling physically.

"You lost control of yourself Irissa." I shook my head lightly, trying to laugh it off. Though it may have seemed that way, for him. I had been relatively calm when bringing Dagonet back and getting him to the doctor's rooms. But then I did lose control in the hallway, crying in anger and hurt, hitting the walls. I glanced down at my hands to notice slight discoloration, small bruises. There was no real discomfort with them though, so I hadn't noticed until now.

"I was upset, Tristan. My brother was hurt. I'm allowed to be upset." I felt more than saw that he shook his head again, tipping my face up to his. His facial features were calm, as always. His eyes, which I usually had no trouble in reading, were reserved and almost blank of emotion. What a tool that must be, to be able to hide one's thoughts so fully.

"Imagine that your brother had been killed, Irissa. Or any of the knights. You cannot afford to lose control of yourself like that every time. Death and injury is our way, it's our duty." I stepped back again, his hand falling from my face and back to his side.

"I know. I'm just not as accustomed to it as you are. I regret my reaction, I know that now. It's just the only way I knew how to react at the time." My voice trailed off and I lowered my gaze back to the floor. He stepped towards me and wrapped his arms around me again. I kept my hands by my side for the first few moments of the embrace but then I reached up between us so I could wrap my arms around his neck, hugging onto him. There was something apologetic in the hug, probably from the way he had just spoken to me.

"Perhaps you should refrain from coming on these missions until you are accustomed to them." I pulled back, my hands clenching onto his shoulders. He had loosened his grip on my waist and made it so that I would only have to pull lightly to step away from him.

He wasn't apologizing with what he had said, he was apologizing for what he was about to say. Letting go of his shoulders, I pulled away from Tristan completely to stand with the distance between us again.

"I don't... I don't understand. Are you reprimanding me for having a moment of being human?" My ears had started to ring as the blood rushed to my head. I could feel my cheeks heating up, and for once in his prensence it wasn't from embarassment or lust or even alcohol. I could feel myself getting angry.

"You are human. I'm just not sure you're ready for the consequences of being out in the battles with us. It could put someone else in danger." The mild ringing in my ears turned to a loud ringing, as if a bell was being shaken constantly within me.

"This is my choice Tristan!" His face fell but before I could tell what emotion had flitted across his features, he was back to being calm. He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, with me not even bothering to flinch out of the way.

"I already spoke to Arthur." My throat seemed to close and without thinking, I raised my hand and let my open palm meet his face. His head snapped sideways and then he returned it slowly to face me. If I expected anger, pity, or even apology, I was msitake. His face was as schooled as it always was. I turned away from him, unable to stand the calm and collected look any longer, and left.

My hands were fisted in my skirt as I rushed away from the stables, towards my room again. The ringing in my ears, which I attributed to my anger, seemed to dull and I could hear my own thoughts again. Of course the first thing my thoughts did was to replay the scene over and over again. Each time, my anger grew again until finally I reached my room and slammed my door shut, my ears ringing from the sound afterwards.

My palm stung as I rubbed it on my skirt, trying to change the sensation. I had very openly slapped one of the most deadly men I knew. I had seen him fight, he was almost graceful in his precision. He could have wrapped his hands around my throat and choked me, or run me through with the sword that was on his hip, or even just hit me back.

I grabbed the pillow on my bed and threw it across the room, followed quickly by the other things that made up my bed. Once the bed was bare but for the padding, I lay down in a ball in the middle, my knees tucked to my chin and my arms wrapped around me. I wasn't crying though. I felt as if I had cried myself dry over the past day.

How dare he go behind my back to speak to Arthur? How dare he, or anyone, decide that I should stay home just because I had emotions? Surely they, even in their first days, had not been so cold as to not cry or show emotion at the death of someone they cared for?

Hands shaking, I made my way from my room towards Lancelot's. If there was anyone who would understand my show of emotion, it would be him. As I raised my hand to knock on his door however, I realized that I would have to tell him the whole story. From my reaction, to my slapping Tristan... including the part of Tristan and I being involved.

My internal struggle was ended as I turned around and made my way towards the tavern. Perhaps, instead of telling Lancelot, I could tell Vanora. She may not know exactly what I was going through, but she may be able to point me in the right direction anyways.

* * *

**A/N: **Uh oh. Trouble in Irissa/Tristan paradise? What will this mean for their relationship?  
Thank you to my dear, dear, dear, dear reviewers. I went to bed almost directly after updating last night and when I check my email during work, I find not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, but seven reviews on chapter 26!  
That certainly made my headache feel a lot better!  
So to my lovely readers, reviewers, alerters, favoriters; kisses and hugs and chocolate chip cookies that I really shouldn't have baked. Thank you kindly!  
I really enjoy hearing from all of you, so please keep giving me your feedback. You guys are awesome!

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"What are you doing out here Irissa?" I felt my shoulders sag a little more as I continued to stare out at the graves. I hadn't expected anyone to be out here tonight, not this late.

"I think I'm trying to make amends."


	28. Chapter 28

**A Burning Sky**

Vanora was at the tavern, just as I expected her to be. She smiled when she saw me, but at seeing my lost expression, she came straight over to me. When she first sat down, I thought that perhaps I shouldn't tell her what was going on. After all, what difference did it make? What was done was done. If Arthur agreed with Tristan, I would be sitting out of the next few missions. However, thinking about my brother's situation, I realized that he probably wouldn't be going out onto the next few missions either.

"Irissa, you're going to tear your nails off." I jumped and turned towards my hands where I had been scratching at the table top. I sighed and turned towards her fully.

"I need advice." She leaned forward eagerly, patting my hands in the motherly way that I adored her for.

"On men?" I nodded but then shrugged. It wasn't particularly about men, though the male gender did have a lot to do with it. So sighing again, I went into my tale.

After catching Vanora up on everything, since we hadn't had such a long conversation in a while, I explained what happened most recently, with Tristan in the stables. Her face was unreadable except for her eyes, which expressed a surge of anger and sympathy and then the tiniest bit of sadness.

"Oh Irissa. Can't you see? He wasn't doing it to you, he was doing it for you." I sighed, leaning forward and putting my head in my hands.

"I know Vanora. I really do. But he shouldn't have gone behind my back." She tapped my cheek lightly before returning her hands to her lap. We sat that way for a while, in silence and both thinking over the story I had told.

"I'm not going to say that you shouldn't be angry. And I'm not going to say that you shouldn't feel emotion about your brother's injury. But I do know that what Tristan spoke of, with you losing control in a different circumstance being unwise, is very true. Bors has told me many stories of men getting injured, or killed, because they lost control and lost sight of what they were doing. Think about that." She ran her hand over my head lightly before standing up and going back to work. After heaving a painful sigh, I made my way back towards my room.

Tristan was at his door, either going in or coming out I couldn't tell. The sound of my footsteps caused him to stop and turn around, tensing noticably when he saw me. I sped up a bit to meet him before he disappeared, wanting to talk to him.

"Tristan, wait." He hadn't been moving but I knew that if I didn't say something he would. Instead he turned to face me fully as I reached him, twisting my hands into one another.

"I'm not going to apologize for being angry with you. I feel that it was deserved. But I shouldn't have slapped you. That was... wrong." He didn't move and I stared at him, wondering if he was even going to speak. Maybe he was angry with me for my display. I began to worry on my bottom lip, waiting for him to speak.

"I don't regret talking to Arthur, with or without your knowledge Irissa. I did what I did for you." I felt the tiniest bit of anger, or maybe it was just irritation, run through me but I kept my voice calm as I spoke.

"So you don't regret it at all? You don't feel the smallest bit apologetic for betraying me like that? We could have talked about this." A small amount of exasperation leaked into my words and I struggled to reign it in before I lost control. He didn't speak, didn't even seem as if he was going to, so I turned to walk back to my room.

"Have you come to terms with your brother's death?" I froze, my heart beating within my chest.

"What? He didn't die." I turned slowly to face him and I saw in his face that he wasn't talking about Dagonet, though that was the first though I had. He moved forward in one step, so that he was closer to me than before but not close enough that he could reach out and touch me yet.

He wasn't asking me if I had come to terms with the fact that my brother could have died. I could have accepted that question. He was asking if I had come to terms with my little brother's death. I felt my throat tighten. Obviously Dagonet would have told my story to the knights, to explain why I had come to be where I was.

I turned on my heel and started to walk away, feeling dizzy as I took the first step. I was barely three steps away when I felt a hand firm on my elbow, turning me around.

"Irissa, answer me." I pulled my arm, trying to wrench it from his grasp but his hold was steady and tight.

"You're hurting me!" We both knew that I wasn't directly talking about the grip on my elbow, but he released me anyways. And holding in a sob, I darted down the hall and past my room, heading down the stairs at the other side of the building that I rarely used. The lead straight out to the other side of the village and only a little ways away lay the graveyard.

I moved slowly, dragging my feet in the direction that I really wasn't sure I wanted to go. Once there, down the hill from where I usually perched myself, I approached one of the lit graves and sat down. My hands were shaking and my shoulders sagged as I stared into the flame. How long I sat there, staring at the fire so lost in my own thoughts, I wasn't sure. The fire had just started to die when I poked it with a small stick, bringing it back to life.

"What are you doing out here Irissa?" I felt my shoulders sag a little more as I continued to stare out at the graves. I hadn't expected anyone to be out here tonight, not this late.

"I think I'm trying to make amends." The knight knelt down beside me, grabbing my shoulder. I turned to face him. I had known it was Lancelot by his voice, but for some reason seeing his face almost surprised me. Or maybe it was the look he was giving me, as if he himself had been hurt somehow.

"With who?" I drew my knees up to my chin, gazing back into the fire. I felt Lancelot sit beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me towards him, but not enough so that I was leaning into him. Just enough to share some warmth, which I hadn't realized had been lacking. Perhaps staring into the fire had given me warmth that my body did not feel. I was shaking, from the cold or the pent up emotions swelling beneath me, I wasn't sure.

"Tonet was so young, only eight years old. He didn't remember Dagonet, who had left when he was only two. He was so brave, so kind and so bright. I was sixteen and I wasn't used to riding a horse so I made him ride behind me, so that I could direct the horse better. The arrow pierced him through the back, killing him instantly. I lost everyone when I was so young. My father died when I was thirteen, my mother and brother when I was sixteen. And Dagonet had left when I was ten. I was sixteen and alone and so scared."

Tears were falling from my eyes, though I didn't notice. Lancelot reached up to wipe them away, but more replaced them. I hadn't spoken so openly about my family besides to Dagonet, and that night had been a tear filled one itself.

"You've lost people your whole life but each time it hurts worse." I nodded dully, clenching my hands into the grass and the dirt, feeling little twigs and stones poking into my palms but not caring.

"The thought of losing Dagonet, or any of you, makes me feel so lost. With the death of Chauce, and Amicus leaving... I'm not sure if I could stand it." Lancelot forced me to face him, separating our bodies and I felt a rush of cold come over me.

"No one is asking you to jump into this and be uncaring about it. We all understand that it will be hard on you, it's to be expected." I shook my head, remembering what Tristan had said to me. I repeated it to Lancelot, not telling him who it came from.

"I'm to be removed from the missions. It is thought that I can't handle myself in times of stress and that if I lose control again, it could cost someone greatly." Lancelot nodded, probably having heard it already. I knew how close Arthur and Lancelot were, and Arthur knew how close Lancelot and I were, so it was only right that Lancelot be one of the first to know. Though I wondered if Arthur had mentioned just who had talked to him about it first.

"Spend time with your brother. Celebrate the fact that he is alive, that we all are. And in time, when you're ready, you'll join us again. We all saw you fight before Irissa. Even Arthur will admit that we need your sword with us."

I laughed, not knowing if Lancelot was telling me the truth or not. However I smiled and turned back to the flame on the grave. The sun was starting to come up in the distance, and I frowned. I wasn't aware I had been outside for so long. Lancelot helped me stand and then guided me from the graves back to the fort. When we reached the hallway that held my room, for he had walked straight past his own, I was surprised to see Tristan standing in the hallway outside of his own door, much like I had left him. I had to have been outside for atleast a few hours, there was no way he could have been standing there that long.

And indeed, the apple in his hand told me he was just returning. Lancelot nodded to his fellow knight with a kind smile, though Tristan barely managed a nod back, before opening my door for me. He peered in and saw the disarray I had left it in. The laugh that I let out told Lancelot that no one had been rummaging through my things and he rolled his eyes as we stepped in.

"Wasn't it you that said that one should not take their moods out on their things?" I blushed and started to repair my bed. He helped me in silence and once I was finished, he nodded and made his way back to the door.

"I'm going to bed, though I should probably be awake in a few hours for some sparring in the field. You should join us." I shifted from foot to foot, not knowing what I should say. Although Arthur didn't want me on missions, though he hadn't expressed this to me himself yet, I knew I would still be welcomed, and encouraged, to train with them. So I nodded lightly and then watched as one of my dearest friends made his way towards his room. I waited, listening for him to shut his door in the distance. When I heard it, I left my own door opened and made my way towards Tristan's door.

I knocked twice before it was opened. I could barely see into the room where the apple sat untouched on his bed. Raising my eyes to meet his, I felt my chest heave with a sudden sadness. All of the emotions running through me, the anger and betrayal and the sadness of remembering my brother, seemed to leave with just the sadness of the fight with Tristan.

"I've been childish. And hurting. I know that taking the time is the smartest thing to do. I just... wish you had talked to me first. I would have seen reason. We could have been spared this hurt." He was still silent, as he usually was, just staring at me. I nodded and moved to leave but he grabbed my wrist, lighter than he had earlier grabbed my elbow, and pulled me back to him.

With a sigh, he leaned down and pressed his lips very lightly to my own. The panic that had crawled under my skin at his silence left with a sigh of my own as I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss.

Much too soon we parted and he pressed his forehead against mine for a moment before kissing my forehead and pushing me very lightly into the hallway again. I smiled at him and turned to go to my own room, tossing glances over my shoulder even after I heard his door close.

Though part of me was still upset over Tristan going behind my back to talk to Arthur, another part of me knew that he did what he saw best for the men. And the men did come first. I did not hold that against him.

And a smaller part of me wanted to march back to his room and have him kiss me like that again, as if to tell me that the fight was very much forgotten.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay. So, let's recap. Tristan and Irissa fight. She talks to Vanora who tells her she shouldn't be so hurt. She apologizes to Tristan for slapping him and he doesn't budge on his opinion. She talks to Lancelot who tells her she shouldn't be so hurt. She tells Tristan she is sorry for being childish. Tristan kisses Irissa. Short chapter but goodness there was a lot going on.  
I just realized that I never really named Irissa and Dagonet's little brother in the earlier chapters so I decided to give him a name in this one. Ta-da, he is now Tonet.  
I wrote this at 4 AM when I have to be awake and alert and at work at 8 AM so excuse any typos or incoherencies.  
I love all of my readers, reviewers, favoriters, and alerters. You guys are the best!

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Tristan's hands moved to circle my waist, pulling me closer to him as our mouths moved against one another perfectly. My fingers had taken to twisting in his hair and on his shirt, pulling him closer and closer until I felt I could feel his heart beat within my own chest.

"May I ask what is going on here?" I pulled away so fast that Tristan, who still had his hands around my waist, barely had time to let go of me before I caused us both to topple over.


	29. Chapter 29

**A Burning Sky**

My eyes felt heavy, as if they had been painted or perhaps someone was pushing them down. Perhaps it hadn't been the best idea, to come to training after so little sleep. The only good part was that Lancelot looked to be in the same shape, yawning and struggling to stay on two feet while we watched some of the Roman guards spar with the other knights and each other.

Tristan had caught my eye from the distance and smiled, his head tilting just the tiniest bit to ask if I was alright. After so little sleep or after everything that had happened in the past few days, I wasn't sure, but I knew that I wasn't about to fall over. So I nodded that I was holding up and then turned to watch the scene infront of us.

Gawain and one of the guards were sparring violently, though they were also both laughing. There was such strength between them both that I felt myself cowed. Instinctly my hand went to my hip, to finger the hilt of my blade. It wasn't long before Bors noticed what I was doing and called that I should be next in the middle.

Lancelot seemed to want to protest but I shook my head to him, telling him that I would be fine. Arthur was watching and when I met his eyes, he nodded to say that I could. One of the smaller guards stepped forward and I barely recognized him as a friend to Amicus before we raised our swords. He shifted from side to side before laughing, looking at the other knights.

"I feel odd, fighting a girl." Bors was the loudest to laugh and the first to speak.

"That woman has bested more than one of us." The guard turned to face me and I shrugged, smiling lightly, and raised my sword again. He lunged first and I knocked his sword out of the way, kicking up and pushing him away from me. He seemed surprised that I had done so and lunged at me with more force this time, the force of the hit causing my sword to shake in my hands. I pushed back and then swung around, barely grazing him with the sword. He looked down at his arm where I barely knicked the fabric and laughed.

We continued for a few moments before I was able to twist his sword between my arm and loosen it from his hand. Once he was disarmed, the knights started to laugh and applaud.

"Nicely done, my lady." I shook my head at him with a laugh, handing him his sword back.

"Just call me Irissa." Before the guard could speak, a larger man stepped forward. His face was not as open as the other guards but there seemed to be an underlying laughter there.

"May I have a try, my lady?" His tone was mocking but I nodded anyways. I heard someone behind me clear their throat, to prepare to speak, but as I turned to see who it was, the guard lunged at me.

I raised my sword to block and felt my arm drop at the force of the blow. I pulled away and tried to smile, thinking he was just trying to catch me off guard, but the smile fell when he lunged at me again. Bending sideways, I ducked the swing and then raised my sword just in time to block a blow that would have severed my arm. He was no longer smiling, his face looked stretched with anger. From the corner of my eye, I saw someone step forward but the guard lunged at me again, this time pushing me so that I fell over. My grasp on my sword loosened and I barely had enough time to raise it to block the next swing, aimed directly for my throat.

In the next instant, the guard had been knocked to the ground. Chest heaving, I looked up to see that Lancelot had thrown himself at the man and knocked him away from him. I stood up, panting, and moved towards the guard. Everyone's faces were very grim and everyone seemed almost afraid to breathe.

"What is your anger towards me?" My voice was incredulous for indeed, as far as I knew, I had never even seen this particular guard before. He was breathing heavily but did not struggle against Lancelot, who seemed unarmed at the moment.

"You are a woman. No woman should be able to best a man, any man." He was spitting the words at me and I backed away, shaking my head. He was angry with me because I was a good fighter. Would it not be a greater crime if I could not fight and it ended in my own death?

One of the other Roman guards took the man away and the first guard I had fought approached me.

"I'm sorry about him, Irissa. That was Galenus, always eager to fight. By the way, my name is Virgil." I accepted his hand lightly and then turned to face Lancelot, my savior. After excusing myself from Virgil's side, I walked to Lancelot and gave him a small hug.

"Thank you. I'm not sure what end would have come, had you not interferred." He shook his head, as if saying he didn't want to think about it.

"I just got there first. We could tell that Galenus was not in line for friendly sparring." I glanced around at the other knights, smiling lightly at them, and then looked for Tristan. He had disappeared, though I hadn't been aware of his leaving.

"Come, we can break our fast and then hopefully retire for a few hours in rest." I laughed as Lancelot slung his arm over my shoulder and we made our way towards the tavern, surrounded by the other knights. Arthur gave me a look, one I took to mean that he wanted to talk to me, so once inside I separated from Lancelot and approached the commander.

"Lancelot told me that you are aware of what I'm about to request of you. That you take some time before you come on another mission with us." I nodded, expecting the conversation.

"I know. And I understand, and respect, the reasons for it. Besides, it will give me time with my brother." Arthur smiled, looking just a little surprised with the ease I took the request. We separated, him leaving the tavern all together and I joining the other knights for breakfast. I arrived with just enough time to catch the tail end of the conversation.

"-he moves so fast you know. He was out of sight seconds after you tackled that guard." I moved forward slowly, so not to have them stop their conversation.

"Probably to find that hawk of his. You know he keeps to himself." Inwardly I gasped, realizing that they were talking about Tristan. Outwardly I sat down with a smile and started to eat as soon as Vanora put the food infront of me. Lancelot wasn't even fit enough to make any comments towards Vanora, though she didn't seem to miss them as she kissed her Bors before returning to her work.

I finished my food before anyone else and made my excuses of being very tired before leaving the tavern in a rush. I checked the stables first, but upon not finding him there, I made my way up towards the rooms. I knocked on his door, pondering where else I could look for him if he was not there.

The door opened just as I was about to knock again and I took a step back, smiling shyly as I did so.

"What are you doing here?" His voice wasn't unkind, just curious. I shifted from foot to foot before answering.

"I was... why did you run off?" He shifted his weight as he looked at me, as if deciding whether or not to answer my question. I had no doubt that he could lie to me very convincingly and I would not question him on it.

"I just knew I should leave." I took a small step forward as he spoke.

"But why?" He shifted again, a small smile making its way onto his face.

"I knew that Lancelot could handle it." I took another step forward, a feigned confused look on my face.

"But why did you know that you should leave?" My voice was questioning and just the tiniest bit teasing. He stepped forward so that we were barely inches away from each other. The small smile had dropped into a more serious, honest expression.

"Can you not guess?" He found himself compromised, seeing me on my back with the guard attacking me. He didn't trust himself not to go after the guard and not just restrain him, but to possibly hurt him as well. Instead of throwing that in Tristan's face, of taunting him with being compromised as he had told me was dangerous, I flung my hands around his shoulders and with a smile, pressed my mouth against his.

It was meant to be a short kiss, much like many of our kisses had been, but he pushed himself closer to me and I gasped into his mouth at the sensation it was causing.

Tristan's hands moved to circle my waist, pulling me closer to him as our mouths moved against one another perfectly. My fingers had taken to twisting in his hair and on his shirt, pulling him closer and closer until I felt I could feel his heart beat within my own chest.

"May I ask what is going on here?" I pulled away so fast that Tristan, who still had his hands around my waist, barely had time to let go of me before I caused us both to topple over.

When I turned to look down the hall, it was to see a not-very-amused Lancelot, with his hands on his hips. Something about his stance reminded me of Vanora with her children, or even my own mother when I had been caught doing something I shouldn't have. I bit my lip and turned from Tristan to Lancelot, knowing exactly what he had seen but not knowing exactly what I could or even should say about it.

Tristan moved forward, to present himself more fully into the conversation. He wasn't moving to stand between Lancelot and I, though I almost wished he would. The look on Lancelot's face was not a happy one.

"How long were you standing there?" My voice was low, though I knew it didn't matter. We hadn't professed our undying love to one other, but Lancelot had caught us in an embrace. I bit my lip, waiting for his answer.

"Long enough." I glanced up at Tristan to see that he wasn't offering up any information and I was brought back to the night after our first kiss, when he had said that we were going to do things slow and right. He was leaving it up to me to make the moves, to explain the circumstances. I wanted to kiss him for being so sweet, but also to curse him for leaving me alone with this.

"As you can probably guess, Tristan and I have become... involved." Lancelot's face hardened just a little and I was sure he was about to start yelling, maybe even threaten Tristan, but his voice was dangerously calm when he spoke.

"How long as this been going on?" I shifted a little, moving forwards to make it easier to hide Tristan if needed. Perhaps Lancelot would never harm me, but he might launch himself at Tristan if he was angry enough. Maybe just me being infront of Tristan would stop him.

"Since... I suppose since the mission back to Grent's home." Lancelot took a step forward, almost as if he was going to go after Tristan, but he stopped and closed his eyes, as if talking to himself.

"And were you going to inform anyone of this?" I thought it best to not mention who already knew of the relationship and instead turning the table as best as I could.

"Weren't you the one who said I should embrace my feelings?" My voice raised a little, accusing him as I did so. His eyes snapped open and he threw his hands up, in an awkward point.

"That was after you told me you were trying to stop your feelings for him." I was proud of myself for not visibly wincing at that. I couldn't see Tristan clearly from where I was standing so I wasn't really able to see what his expression became at that.

"Lancelot, didn't you say that life was short? Why can't... why can't you just be happy for me?" Lancelot's expression changed very quickly and he closed his eyes again and I waited. This time when he opened his eyes, his expression was calm.

"I am happy for you Irissa, as long as you are happy. And safe." The last two words were roughly directed towards Tristan who I heard nod towards Lancelot. They stayed in silence, seeming to have a conversation with just their eyes, before Lancelot actually laughed.

"I do hope you'll let me be in the room when you tell your brother about this." I felt myself sag at his words, happy that Lancelot had accepted it, but also knowing that now that word was starting to spread more... I would have to tell Dagonet soon. I turned to face Tristan who tilted my head up so that our eyes were locked.

"I'll be there when you tell him." I heard Lancelot laugh as he started to walk away and I fought with the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Thank you, Tristan. I would appreciate that." If only because I wasn't sure exactly what I could tell Dagonet. For the first time since the first kiss with Tristan, I wondered to myself what exactly was between Tristan and I. I knew that we cared for one another, and I knew that my love for him was deeper than for a brother, as I thought of the other knights. Maybe not deeper, for I was sure that I loved Dagonet more than I loved Tristan, but perhaps it was a different love. That was the best way to explain it.

The words hit me as I pulled away from Tristan to head to my own room, with the sound of Tristan closing his own door. I loved my brother, and I loved Lancelot and Bors and the other knights. I loved them, but I was in love with Tristan. My only worry was... was he in love with me?

* * *

**A/N: **Aaaand there, we have a shocking revelation! Not very shocking, we all knew it was coming. But Irissa is in love with Tristan.  
And now she has to find a way to tell her brother.  
So instead of working, I'm posting this. Aren't I awesome? I just have paperwork anyways, haha.  
Thank you to my readers, reviewers, favoriters and alerters. I love hearing from you so keep the feedback coming!

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Dagonet's face was set into a grim line as we watched the other knights ride off towards the wall. I knew that the knight beside me would rather be out there with his comrades rather than sitting here in the fort, safe and unaware of what was going on out there. I turned to watch as Gilly and Three ran forward to yell a last goodbye to their father and smiled, but when I turned back to face my brother, I saw that he was gone.

I cast a glance around and, with a jolt, realized that he was mounting a horse.


	30. Chapter 30

**A Burning Sky**

Dagonet was allowed to leave the doctor's rooms and return to his own, as long as he promised to allow his injury to heal before he heads out to any more dangerous missions again. Though his eye wasn't directly effected, the stitches cause it to swell in the corner and obscured his vision to a point.

I ran into him as he was heading to the bathing area and after checking his stitches, and him checking my cheek, I told him I would meet him in his room after a while, giving him time to bathe, to talk. I had no intention of telling him about Tristan and I yet, until I had time to think on my predictament myself. I hadn't seen the scout since I realized that I was in love with him and I wasn't sure what would happen when I did see him. My mind had been working twice as hard as usual to figure out his feelings towards me since then.

It was obvious that he cared about me but I did not know if his feelings were as strong as mine were for. Even if they were, I wasn't sure what that would mean. If I was home in Sarmatia and I felt this way about a man, we would be married with the permission of both of our families. However my family was gone, excepting Dagonet, and there was a chance that Tristan's family was too. And even if Tristan loved me and Dagonet accepted this, that didn't mean we would be married. There were still another two years, actually a little less than two years, left in their contract before they were free and no longer had to fight. Could I handle becoming a widow so soon after becoming a wife?

My mind still going faster than I could stop it, I didn't see the person I was walking towards until I almost ran into them. Once I stopped, gathered my wits, I smiled at Lancelot who gave me a calculating look before smiling stiffly back. I thought that he might hold a resentment towards me for not telling him about Tristan, but he there was something else behind his eyes that told me that his problem did not lie directly with me.

"What's going on? What's wrong?" He glanced around the hall before looking back at me.

"Have you seen your brother?" I shot a look over my shoulder where I had left Dagonet to head to the bathing room by himself and turned back to Lancelot, nodding.

"Just now. He's going to bathe and then I will meet him in his room for us to catch up." Lancelot nodded distractedly, looking around the hall again. I reached out and touched his arm, silently asking him to tell me what was on his mind.

"If you are planning to tell him of your hidden relationship, it would be best if you did not do it today. I have a feeling your brother is going to need you by his side in a few hours." My back straightened and I lowered my hand from his arm, instantly worried about my brother. Was there something I hadn't been told about his health?

"Has something happened?" Lancelot sighed, his eyes softening besides the little glimmer of worry that I noticed was always there. He wasn't much older than me but his eyes were so aged, telling me that what he had seen in the past thirteen years was enough to last him a lifetime.

"We're going on a mission. With your brother in his current situation, he is staying here." I kept my face neutral at that, but my insides were torn between laughing and worry. Did they expect me to keep Dagonet here on my own?

With a nod, I walked past Lancelot, my mind now hurling past me in a different direction. Dagonet would not take lightly to being told that he would have to stay behind. The doctor had expressed that it was detriment to his recovery that he not go on missions, at least until it was no longer an open wound. Especially because his eye was partially swollen, that could cause a problem with his performance.

I made my way towards his room and knocked, but upon not hearing anything I opened the door and slipped inside. His room looked as it always had, much like the rooms of the other knights, clean and yet still somehow disorderly. I perched myself on the edge of his bed and waited, mind still buzzing, for him to come in. The door opened and I jerked up, trying to smile as he entered. He nodded to me before putting his things away and joining me.

"How are you feeling?" I nodded lightly, not knowing how to go about the discussion. He seemed in a good enough mood, which only served to tell me that he hadn't heard about the mission yet. Biting my lip, I turned to face him. He reached up to touch my face, noticing that I was having difficulty speaking.

"Irissa?" Before I could open my mouth, to begin to explain what was going on, the door opened again to reveal Bors. He looked at me and could read in my slightly wide eyed expression that I hadn't had the chance to tell Dagonet anything yet and nodded, coming into the door. He was already wearing his weapons for the mission. From the corner of my eye, I could tell that Dagonet had stiffened at the sight.

"We're heading up to one of the local villages after an attack, much like the one... well, doctor's orders are that you are to stay here." Bors looked from Dagonet to myself and then back to my brother, waiting for anything. He nodded his head stiffly and then turned to glance at me, as if to ask if this was what was wrong with me before. I kept my eyes forward, my lips pressed together tightly.

"We'll only be a few days." Bors nodded to me, knowing that I was also bristling because I couldn't go on the mission, but I knew my brother needed me more. It was best that we were both stranded, at least we were together.

Once Bors left, Dagonet stood up and moved around the room calmly. He was strapping on his weapons, though he told me that it was more for habit than necessity. We sat in silence for a while longer, with me plucking at the strands on his bed while he moved about the room. He was taking the news better than I was expecting.

"Come. We should see them off." I nodded, standing up and moving to walk beside my brother. We made it there in time to see Bors kiss Vanora goodbye, ruffling the hair of a few of his children before mounting. Lancelot glanced at me and I smiled lightly, trying to keep the sadness from my face. He nodded to me, a smile of his own on his face, before turning to nudge his horse away. There were more stray horses in the square than usual, most of them coming from the guards that were changing duties at the moment.

Dagonet's face was set into a grim line as we watched the other knights ride off towards the wall. I knew that the knight beside me would rather be out there with his comrades rather than sitting here in the fort, safe and unaware of what was going on out there. I turned to watch as Gilly and Three ran forward to yell a last goodbye to their father and smiled, but when I turned back to face my brother, I saw that he was gone.

I cast a glance around and, with a jolt, realized that he was mounting a horse. He spurred it forward and I rushed towards him, gathering my skirts so not to trip. He was riding faster than I could walk so with a groan, I climbed on top of one of the horses and turned towards where my brother had disappeared.

The knights had turned right to head towards the main road while my brother had turned left. Soothed that he hadn't tried to join them against orders, I turned my own horse left to follow him. My horse was faster than I was used to and I gripped onto the reins, cursing my brother in my head, urging the horse to go just a little further. We entered the woods and I could feel an opressive weight on my chest, as if there was something pushing me away. Slowing, I urged my horse to join Dagonet's as he sat in the woods, surrounded by trees that could house a hundred Woads with arrows pointed at us.

"What are you doing Dagonet?" He turned to face me, looking as if he hadn't realized I had been following him. I suppose he hadn't, he was a fast rider.

"I come out here to think sometimes. There's a little spring, can you hear it? It reminds me of home, the woods by the village." I nodded, dismounting with him and leading our horses towards the spring. We sat down on a patch of grass, with me curled just close enough to him to feel his body heat.

"We often went to that spring. Do you remember when I fell in, after the ice storm?" Dagonet nodded, probably remembering it very well. I couldn't remember why I had stepped onto the iced over spring, but I had and I could remember the scream I let out as I fell through a patch of thin ice. My skin felt like ice when he pulled me out, wrapping his own cloak around me to try to warm me back up. Afterwards we joked about it, but we both knew just how serious it was.

"You were always in the wrong place at the wrong time." I laughed under my breath, knowing just how true that was. I did have a talent of always getting in trouble when we were younger, usually dragging my older brother with me as he tried to take the blame.

"I'm sorry that you cannot go on the mission. I know that it must pain you not to." He didn't answer for a while, with the both of us just watching the water trickle over the stones that were littering the floor of the spring. In our silence I could hear the spring gurgling and the sounds of the birds in the trees. Though it did remind me of home, there was something also very different. There were more differences than likenesses, of my old home and my new home.

"I am restless, it is true. But this isn't the first time I've been forced to stay away from a mission." At that admission, I turned to face my brother again. The wind had picked up in the slightest and he must have seen me shiver for he moved closer to me.

"There have been other times?" He nodded, still staring out over the spring rather. Slowly he turned to face me, smiling in a distracted way that I hadn't seen with him before.

"I'm a knight, Irissa. We've all been injured, sometimes worse than this." He motioned to his face with one hand before turning to look back over the spring. I moved closer to him, so that we were touching, and turned to look at the spring as well.

"I guess I didn't think about it that way." I knew that they had all been injured. I could distinctly remember the other scars on Arthur's body as I stitched up his side, and the other scars or fresh cuts and bruises on the other knights while I trained with them. Being a knight, I knew, meant being injured. I suppose I just hadn't thought of it so clearly.

"I kind of lost myself for a while there, when you were first injured. I just thought of so many things at once and I wasn't sure what would happen, if something had happened to you." Dagonet turned to face me, lifting his hand to cup my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"If something happens to me, nothing will change for you except that I will be gone. You are as much their sister as you are mine." I knew exactly who he meant and I smiled. The words brought back to my mind the fact that I was more than a sister to one of them, but I pushed the thought back. Now was not the time.

"Though they are all my brothers as well, you're my only blood brother Dagonet. Nothing will change that." He smiled lightly, releasing my chin and wrapping his arm around my body.

We sat like that for a while, sometimes bringing up happier memories from our childhoods, until it started to get darker. Knowing that the woods we were in could very easily be infested with Woads, and with only him armed, he suggested that we head back to the wall.

As we mounted our horses, who had been lazily drinking from the spring and cropping the grass, I turned with a laugh to my brother. He glanced at me curiously at my laugh.

"I wonder if we will be in trouble, for taking the horses." Dagonet at first seemed to ponder on the idea and then we both lost ourselves to laughter as we rode back to the wall.

My brother would never be settled with not being with the other knights, this I knew very well. He was restless and would probably be ill after the first few days, itching to do something. But I was there with him, and perhaps that would be enough for him.

* * *

**A/N: **So Chapter 30 had more going on, I promise, but I decided to keep it as a Dagonet/Irissa majorly bonding chapter.  
I'm sorry, I meant to post this a few times already but I've been lazy and catching up on sleep recently.  
Thank you to my awesome reviewers who, instead of just reviewing on the latest chapter, reviewed on every chapter they missed. That made me happy.  
And to anyone who didn't already know, I really do answer every review that I can. Sometimes it's just to so thanks, other time it's me answering your ideas and thoughts with my own.  
Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. The next one will, hopefully, be up sometime in the next few hours... give or take. It's 4:30 AM, I should be asleep.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Galahad was twirling me around, in a poor excuse for dancing. My laughter was echoing in the empty hallway, only serving to make us both laugh harder. He twirled me again, this time letting go of my hand and having me spin away from him. Mid-spin, I slammed right into someone who reached out to grab my shoulders, steadying us both. When I looked up to thank whoever it was, my stomach dropped violently.

"You should watch where you're going, girl."


	31. Chapter 31

**A Burning Sky**

The knights arrived a few days later, none the worse for wear. I had done my best to keep my brother in good spirits while they were away and Bors mentioned to me quietly after they arrived that he was surprised just how contented Dagonet seemed. Lancelot had asked if I talked to Dagonet about Tristan but he didn't question my decision not to tell him yet.

We joined them in the meeting hall to go over the mission, but it apparently was an uneventful mission. While they talked, I found myself often glancing up to Tristan. He barely seemed to be paying attention to the conversation, staring at his drink instead, but was able to answer any questions that were directed towards him. When we were dismissed, I wanted to catch up to him but he was gone before I even stood up.

Lancelot joined me on my walk towards the stables that night, with me being more silent than usual. We went to our own horses, my mare neighing and pawing at the earth when she saw me. I ran my hand over her nose, distracted.

"What's the matter?" I glanced over at Lancelot who was no longer next to his horse but instead standing at my stall, watching me as I brushed my horse in a daze.

"Nothing. I just... sometimes I am still surprised by Tristan's actions." He nodded exaggeratedly at my mention of the scout and moved to join me in the stall, grabbing a spare brush and brushing the other side of the horse.

"We talked about you, by the way." I almost dropped the brush, coughing as I inhaled a little too quickly upon hearing that. When I moved my eyes to make eye contact with him, he was staring intently at the brush in his hands.

"What about me?" Lancelot glanced up at me, smiling, and then back down to the brush. I asked the question again, telling myself that if he didn't answer, I'd throw my own brush at him. Finally, as I prepared to toss the brush, he spoke.

"He told me not to be angry at you, for keeping it from me. And he told me that you two hadn't done anything other than, well, other than what I saw." I fought the blush at that, remembering exactly what he saw.

"Oh." I became silent after that, thinking about the knight. He was such a mystery to me. Every time I think I can figure something out about him, he does something so different and surprising. I think he is avoiding me during the meeting but then I find out that he defended me to Lancelot, knowing how much his opinion meant to me.

"You shouldn't be ashamed about your feelings. Your brother will understand." Sighing, I dropped the brush and moved from the stall, waiting for Lancelot to join me before I closed the stall door. Once that was done, we started walking from the stables but not in our usual direction. We were walking aimlessly, but it seemed as if we were both avoiding the cemetary tonight.

We walked in relative silence, sometimes mentioning things but for the most part staying within our own minds, focusing on our own thoughts. I was startled out of my thoughts when we stopped infront of a familiar door. Lancelot gave me a smile, knocking on the door and then heading down the hall. I was still staring at his back when the door opened to reveal Tristan, shirtless as if he was getting ready for bed. I blushed and turned my head, listening to him mumble an apology and grab a shirt to pull on. If I snuck a quick glance at him before he pulled his shirt on, I couldn't be blamed. I was unsurprised to see that his torso was littered with scars.

I cast another quick glance down the hall. Part of me would swear later that I saw Lancelot peaking around the corner, but at the time I just turned back to Tristan and smiled lightly.

"May I come in?" He nodded slowly before allowing me to enter, leaving the door open a little. I had to fight back a larger smile, realizing now that every time he left the door open or pulled away first, it was because he was perserving my modesty. He was distancing himself for my sake.

"I don't mean to disturb you. If you were going to bed, I can just..." I left the rest of my sentence open, motioning towards the door to say that I could leave if he wanted me too. He gave me one of his penetrating looks before moving to stand before me, his hands staying solidly at his sides, and bent his head to press his lips to mine lightly. My head buzzed at the contact and I raised one of my hands to his cheek, not moving to deepen the kiss but just to touch him.

I pulled away, blushing a little, and reached up to tuck my hair away from my face. He smiled lightly, turning away from me and moving to do something in the corner of the room. I glanced around the room to take in the view of his room. Seeing it a few times from the doorway wasn't the same as actually being in the room.

"I just came to see you real quick. I should be going to my room. I haven't been sleeping well." He nodded again and turned, taking a few steps to cross the room. Once infront of me, he kissed my lips lightly before I pulled away and moved to the door. Smiling at him, I shut the door behind me and made my way towards my room. It wasn't until I had shut my door and started to prepare myself for sleep that I realized he hadn't said anything during my visit.

The next few days went by in a lazy rhythm, with me working in the tavern again and spending a little time with the knights between their training and relaxation. More than once I'd thought about telling my brother about Tristan, but every time I tried, we would become sidetracked with other topics. I wasn't in any particular rush to get the news out in the open so I was never upset by the turn in conversations.

I found myself in the tavern with only Galahad as a familiar face one night, after Vanora had excused herself early. He kept looking at me, his eyes pleading with me in a way they hadn't for a while. Knowing what he wanted, I pulled him up and started to walk around the fort with him.

"Do you remember the music Galahad? It was beautiful sometimes, though sometimes we suffered more with the music than without. The drums, beating out a rhythm to dance to." Galahad closed his eyes, as he always did when I told stories of Sarmatia, as if trying to remember it... or even just imagine it. And then in the middle of the empty hallway, he offered his hand with a laugh, and we began to dance in the way I barely remembered my parents doing. We spun and laughed, often losing our footing on the stone floors, making a mockery of the dances of our homeland.

Galahad was twirling me around, in a poor excuse for dancing. My laughter was echoing in the empty hallway, only serving to make us both laugh harder. He twirled me again, this time letting go of my hand and having me spin away from him. Mid-spin, I slammed right into someone who reached out to grab my shoulders, steadying us both. When I looked up to thank whoever it was, my stomach dropped violently.

"You should watch where you're going, girl." I eyed the man with a a sense of fear and loathing that I tried to keep hidden. Grent was standing in all of his Roman lord's glory, rings and jewels glinting in the torchlight, glaring at me. As luck would have it, the guard that the wall had given him was the one from the training session, Galenus if I remembered correctly. I shrank back a little, so that I was beside Galahad instead of so far ahead of him. The two men were alone with us, and while Galenus had his sword strapped onto his side, Galahad and I were both unarmed.

I forced myself to bow in respect for the man that I felt no respect for before grabbing Galahad's arm and nearly pulling him away from the men, further down the hall than we had intended going. It was empty down this way except for, as we could now tell, what appeared to be a Roman housing. Grent was visiting the wall and no one had told me?

Galahad's thoughts were much my own for once we were alone, he turned to me with his eyes wide.

"Did you know that he would be here?" I shook my head, glancing back down the hall even though Grent and Galenus were no longer to be seen.

"No one told me. And that man... that brute... is his personal guard whilst here? Whoever thought that that was a good idea?" I was incredulous at the thought, of probably the two men that hated me the most being together. And now there was a chance that if they had been unaware of each other's anger, it was likely that they would know soon.

"A Roman guard won't be dismissed just because there is a bad feeling about him. We should talk to Arthur though, see if he can tell us what is going on." So with Galahad and I more alert and serious than we had been, we headed first towards Arthur's rooms. When we didn't find him there, we moved to the meeting hall. He sat in his usual seat at the round table, looking over a set of maps infront of him.

"Arthur." He glanced up, not startled by our presence. He motioned for us to sit but I remained standing, shifting from foot to foot. My stomach was in knots with worry.

"Did you know that Grent was here?" Arthur looked up from his maps, clearly puzzled at the question.

"No one informed me of this. He probably did not make his visit known. It's not uncommon." Galahad nodded and glanced over to me, silently asking if I wanted to bring up the next topic. I shook my head lightly, not really knowing what I would say.

"Arthur, there might be a problem. Apparently Galenus was made Grent's personal guard upon arrival. Galenus, the Roman guard that Lancelot had to detain during the sparring?" Arthur, who hadn't recognized the name at first, nodded slowly. He glanced at me and noticed my apprehension, standing and pacing a little.

"I will try to assign another guard to Grent. In the mean time, I think we'd all feel better if you did not wander. Stay amongst other people, preferably one of the knights, as much as possible." I nodded, trying to understand why Arthur seemed more tense than the matter at hand called for. Although having Grent and Galenus together was unnerving, I did not understand why he seemed so adamant about me not being on my own.

Galahad took it upon himself to warn the other knights and disappeared through the doors we had just come through but I stayed put, watching as Arthur returned to the maps but not focusing on them entirely.

"Arthur, please be honest with me. I have a right to know if something is going on." He sighed, glancing up at me with unreadable eyes.

"You were a servant in his home and we removed you. As such, we didn't pay for you, simply took you. It is possible that he is here to appeal to have you brought back with him. I'm not certain." The news hit me, a coldness gripping my insides at the words.

"If he is though, aren't you the one that he would answer to here at the fort? Can't you just overturn the appeal?" He looked away for a moment and I knew that it wasn't that simple. However I waited for his answer before I started to worry.

"I am the commander here and I do have control, but for something like this, amongst Romans... I would have to report it to the people that I answer to. And if that is done, I have a feeling they will side with the Roman lord over the Sarmatian girl."

My knees felt weak but I didn't falter, simply locked my knees. He stood up and grabbed my arm, as if sensing that I wasn't steady on my feet.

"I will do whatever I can, if that is the case. He may just be here for a visit, or other business. If that is so, we musn't mention this to anyone. We don't want him to get any ideas. But go now, be with your brother." I nodded and leaned forward, hugging the commander tightly before turning around and leaving the room, still a little unsteady, and heading towards the tavern first. Dagonet was sitting with Bors, drinking while Bors talked loudly. I straightened myself, composing my features and swallowing my worry before sitting beside my brother.

"Ah, Irissa. Galahad gave us the news. Don't worry, we won't let the Romans get you." My laughter was tinged with hysteria, but neither of the knights seemed to notice. If only they knew how close their words were to what may actually be going on...

So with a tight smile, I grabbed the tankard of ale from infront of Bors and gulped it down, wincing at the feeling of the alcohol on my throat. The knights each gave me a look, Bors being impressed and Dagonet almost worried, before Vanora placed a tray of food infront of me.

I just needed to get a grip on my emotions before I revealed what Arthur had told me to keep hidden.

* * *

**A/N: **After about five hours of sleep, I got a phone call that my sister was in labor. So I drank a few cups of coffee to prepare myself, and then got a second phone call... false alarm.  
So here it is, almost 12 hours since I last posted, with chapter 31. How many of you saw that coming?  
And what exactly is going on in that mysterious mind of Tristan's? Well, there will be a Tristan POV coming up in a few chapters.  
Thank you to my loyal and lovely readers, and my reviewers/favoriters/alerters. Love you all very much right now!  
Next chapter up, hopefully, very soon.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"Is there something I can do for you, my lord?" I tried my best to keep the mockery, and the fear, out of my voice. He inhaled deeply, twirling one of the rings on his finger as he looked me over. I tried to keep myself calm while my mind was calling me out for being so stupid, for not doing as Dagonet had told me to do. Galenus was standing beside his charge, an angry grin on his face, his sword hanging solidly from his hand.

"Well yes, there might be something you can do for me girl."


	32. Chapter 32

**A Burning Sky**

When I woke the next morning, it took me a moment to gather my wits about what all happened the night before. Once I remembered my conversation with Arthur, there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach, coiling like a cold snake, that made me physically ill. After I purged myself, probably also attributed to the alcohol and the food from the night before, I gathered some clothes and made my way quickly to the bathing room. Arthur told me not to go anywhere alone but there was no one awake this early it seemed.

Once I dressed and made my way back to my room, I felt better. I was still worried, though fearful might be a better word, but I knew that Arthur and the knights would do everything in their power to keep me safe. Tying my hair back onto my neck without drying it much, I made my way out of the room and towards Lancelot's. I knocked twice, shifting my weight as I waited for him to wake up and answer the door.

I listened with a smile as I heard stumbling, the distinct crash of a chair tipping over, and Lancelot himself groaning in pain. Stifling my laughter as the door opened, I found myself still smiling cheekily at my friend. He sighed when he saw me and turned around, going back into his room. I followed him, leaving his door open and letting out a laugh at the state of his room.

"Now Lancelot, what did this chair ever do to you?" He looked up from where he was cleaning up some tossed clothing, rolling his eyes and scratching his head. His curly hair was even more unruly than usual in his just woken state.

"When a knock comes this early in the morning, I usually take it to be an emergency." I laughed, crossing my arms over my chest lightly.

"And you decided, during an emergency, it would be better to go over a chair and possibly injure yourself rather than to take the time to go around it? I'm sorry, I can't understand you, what did you say?" He was mumbling while grabbing random articles of clothing, something I had a feeling he only did in the times I visited his room. He was not a very organized being.

"I said that happened when I went around the chair." I laughed loudly, imagining a half asleep Lancelot going around a chair and somehow taking it with him. When I moved to right it, he glared at me playfully and I held up my hands in surrender. If he wanted to leave it on its side, who was I to argue? I, myself, had splintered the arm of my chair when inebriated one night.

"Is there a particular reason you woke me, or did you just feel like causing me physical pain this early in the morning?" I laughed again, sitting on his bed and watching as he moved carefully around the chair to join me.

"Well the thought had crossed my mind. But honestly, I was told not to be by myself and I'm hungry." It was true that I was told not to be by myself, but it was also a bit of a stretch. There would be people already in the tavern; I wanted company on my descent to the tavern and I hadn't spoken to Lancelot much in the past few days.

"Fine. Let me change and I'll join you." Kissing his cheek, I bounced from his bed and past the chair, giving it a wide berth, and then out of the door. After I shut it, I tossed a quick word of advice to the wood.

"Perhaps you would like to borrow my comb as well?" An array of curses, mostly aimed at me, were shot at the door and I laughed, walking just a little ways away from the door. I didn't have to wait long before Lancelot opened the door, dressed and apparently combed.

We talked a little on our way to the tavern, but once there we grew quiet. One of the tavern ladies handed us our food before disappearing, not before giving a wink to Lancelot. He shrugged at my curious glance and we began to eat. Not long after we started, Dagonet entered. He spotted us and walked over to where we were sitting. The gash down the side of his face was healing nicely, his eye was no longer swollen. The doctor had said that at the rate it was going, he'd be allowed on missions in a few days, at most a week.

The woman who had winked at Lancelot brought Dagonet some food and left again, this time not winking at anyone. Dagonet turned to me during our meal and I halted my own motions to meet his gaze.

"I want you to carry one of your daggers with you Irissa, at all times. It is not much comfort, but I would feel better if during the times you are alone, you'll be able to protect myself." The thought of having to go against the brute Galenus with nothing but a dagger had my stomach drop and I lightly pushed my tray away, my appetite gone.

"I'm going to go back to my room, try to get some sleep." Lancelot shot me a look of mock annoyance and I smiled at him.

"You woke me up at first light, but you're allowed to go back to sleep?" I laughed as I stood up, feeling my insides clench a little.

"No one is forcing you to stay awake yourself Lancelot. I'm sure I'll see you in a few hours."

"Perhaps I should come with you." Waving my hand, to tell my brother to sit again, I shook my head.

"I'll be fine. I'll head straight to my room, I promise."

After I left the tavern, I broke my promise and wandered to the stables. However not even the horses could calm my fast beating heart so after a while of brushing my horse, I made my way back towards the buildings that housed the rooms. As I walked, I found myself curious. If Grent and Galenus were in one of the guest housing rooms, there was a chance that I might overhear their conversation. I could figure out why he was here if I was smart about it. So with that in mind, I headed towards the guest housing. I kept myself mostly against the wall, to make it easier to dart into one of the empty rooms in case someone came by.

As I approached the room that they were in, I felt my heart quicken. I felt as if I was on a scouting mission with Tristan, darting between trees and listening for sounds of footfalls. I smiled at the image I created in my mind and in my imagining, I foolishly stepped into the middle of the hallway for too long. Two men retreated from one of the rooms and I had no time to hide before they spotted me. The way Grent was watching me made my skin turn cold.

"Is there something I can do for you, my lord?" I tried my best to keep the mockery, and the fear, out of my voice. He inhaled deeply, twirling one of the rings on his finger as he looked me over. I tried to keep myself calm while my mind was calling me out for being so stupid, for not doing as Dagonet had told me to do. Galenus was standing beside his charge, an angry grin on his face, his sword hanging solidly from his hand.

"Well yes, there might be something you can do for me girl." I waited for him to continue but he did not seem to be inclined to do so. I tried to step back but Galenus leaned forward, his hand tightening on his sword, and I froze.

"What might that be, my lord?" He smiled cruelly, his eyes narrowing at me.

"You cause just as much trouble here, girl, as you did in my own home. More so perhaps. So you can disappear and no one will have to bother anymore." And with a sneer, Grent turned and started to walk away. I felt myself shudder at the thought of being alone with Galenus, disliking the idea more than just simply being alone with Grent and Galenus. Once Grent had turned a corner, I turned as fast as I could and sprinted back down the hallway but didn't get far before a hand clasped around my hair and pulled me backwards. I landed on my back with a yell so loud that even Galenus looked stunned.

He swung his sword at me and I rolled, wincing at the sound of the blade hitting the stoned floor. He sidestepped and swung at me again but this time I kicked at his knee and then rolled, hoping to throw him off. He stumbled but came back this time swinging horizontally instead of veritcally. I shrank my legs to me so that I wouldn't get cut, but the blade sliced through my dress and into my shin. I cried out again, trying to crawl backwards.

"Why are you doing this?" Galenus paused his attack, staring at me with cold eyes.

"You're pathetic." He swung again and I didn't have time to roll again so I raised my legs to kick his stomach, the blade slicing into the flesh of my stomach. I cried out again, although I knew the wound not to be deep. I scrambled to get to my feet but my dress wrapped around my ankles and I fell forward, presenting my neck in the perfect position. I watched the blade raise and closed my eyes, knowing that I would not survive this blow.

The clang of swords made me fall sideways and I crawled as far to the side as I could. My eyes barely registered Tristan's form, using his sword to deflect Galenus's swings, before I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. When I glanced at the person holding me, I almost cried to see that it was Arthur. He lifted me and pulled me away from where Tristan was lunging and swinging at the Roman. I watched as Galenus fell and Arthur placed me against the door of an empty room and rushed to the side of his knight, probably to keep him from killing the guard. They spoke silently and Tristan tossed a glance over his shoulder before sheathing his sword and walking calmly to my side.

I had sunk to the floor, clutching one hand to my bleeding stomach and the other to my stinging shin. He removed my hands, looking first at my stomach to make sure the wound was not deep and then to my shin. Upon deciding that I was not in danger of blood loss, he bent down onto his knees and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him. At first I hesitated to touch him, my hands dripping with my blood, but upon feeling the tenseness in his form, I grabbed ahold of his shirt and pulled myself up to him.

Whether it was me or him that initiated that kiss, I wasn't sure. My hands stayed on his shoulders, fisting into the fabric of his shirt, and his hands found my neck and the back of my head, pulling me closer to him. The kiss felt as powerful as the one in the basement of Grent's home and I could feel the smallest amount of desperation. There was a cough to our side and we separated, breathing heavily, and looked up.

Arthur's face was a mixture of shock and seriousness. At first I thought he was angry with Tristan and I but his words soothed that notion.

"Tristan, take her to her room, calm her down. I will only refrain from telling Dagonet about this for ten minutes, so be mindful of your time." Arthur was giving us time to ourselves after this encounter before Dagonet would arrive, already knowing that if he was just finding out about this then there was no way my brother knew. I shot him as much of a grateful smile as I could before Tristan pulled me up and walked with me as I limped, up the stairs and to my room. Thankfully we didn't run into anyone in our walk.

Tristan sat me on my bed and lightly placed either of his hands on my face before pulling me forward to meet him halfway. Our lips met lightly, softer than any of the kisses we had shared. I reached up and grabbed his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. We stayed like that, moving together slowly. He pulled away and I gathered the courage that had left me during my attack and with the hand on the back of his neck pulled him back to me. The soft kiss we just shared turned into a heavier kiss, with me gasping into his mouth at the feeling. Slowly he pulled himself away again, pressing lighter kisses to my lips in a soothing manner before he pulled himself away fully.

He touched my leg, to tell me that he was going to check my injury. With my permission, he slowly lifted the hem of my dress, letting me hold it at my knee so that he could inspect my shin. The cut wasn't deep at all, barely a cut at all, but he grabbed a cloth and dipped it into my water basin before returning and pressing it over the cut. He then lifted it to me, his hand steady whereas mine which reached out to grab it was shaking horribly. Once I held onto the cloth, he wrapped his hands around mine, rubbing them lightly.

"Just breathe Irissa. Nothing will happen to you now. You're safe." He then motioned lightly to my stomach and stepped away, giving me the privacy that was proper for me to check my wound. My dress was slit and blood had started to stain the material. I pressed the cloth to my stomach and then removed it, feeling lightheaded at the sight. It wasn't deep but it could have been. I had been stupid, thinking that I could spy on Grent. I almost got myself killed.

"How did you and Arthur find me?" My voice broke a little, trying to keep myself from crying. Tristan returned to my side and pressed his hand over mine, holding the cloth against my stomach once again.

"We were talking about my recent scouting mission and just so happened to walk by the stairs when you screamed." I nodded, pressing my free hand over his, feeling my breath slowly return to normal from the fight and the kiss. My heart was still beating twice as fast in my chest though.

"And do you... do you think he'll tell Dagonet... about what he saw?" The blush that started to stain my cheeks told him that I meant the kiss and not just the fight. Tristan calmed my nerves with a firm shake of his head.

"He respects us both enough not to say something that is not in his place to say." I nodded, closing my eyes and feeling my heart slowly stop beating as fast.

"I have an unnerving habit of almost getting killed it seems." Tristan laughed under his breath, leaning forward to press a kiss to my temple before slowly releasing my hand and standing up, stepping away from me. I looked up at him curiously at first but then heard what he had undoubtly heard moments ago. Quick footsteps rushing down the hallway.

The door burst open to reveal Dagonet, followed closely by the other knights. My brother rushed forward, nodding his thanks to Tristan before kneeling infront of me and pulling me into a hug. I found myself shaking, tears pouring down my cheeks though I did not notice them. Lancelot's face was ashen and I smiled at him, hoping to soothe his worries.

Their eyes seem to all drop to my stomach and Dagonet hesitated before pulling the cloth away. At seeing that it wasn't deep, he let out a breath of air and pulled me into another crushing hug. Gawain murmured that he was going to fetch the doctor and disappeared into the hallway, pulling a stern faced Galahad with him.

"Why didn't you listen to me Irissa? Why didn't you go straight for your room?" I bit my lip, shrugging instead of admitting my foolish idea of spying on Grent and Galenus. They would never let me leave my room if they knew why I was down in the guest housing in the first place.

"Galenus is to be punished for his crime and then removed from his guard duty and the Roman army all together." Although I knew Grent wasn't directly involved, I shot a look at Arthur and he nodded, telling me that we would exchange information soon. It seemed I wasn't the only one with something to say.

Everyone slowly left the room, besides Dagonet. Lancelot was the last to leave, following an almost reluctant Tristan. If Dagonet noticed the scout's expression or reluctance to leave, he kept it to himself. Once everyone was gone and we were waiting for the doctor, Dagonet reached up to touch my cheek, smiling lightly at me.

"You need to be more careful Irissa. Not all Romans are as kind as your friend Amicus, you should know that." Thinking back to my life at Grent's house, and to my attack by Galenus, I nodded slowly. I definitely did know that.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, so there's chapter 32. I really do feel bad for putting Irissa through so much, haha. Somewhat.  
King Arthur was on SyFy tonight. I watched a little bit of it before getting the kids in the tub.  
Now I'm going to take a bath myself and call it an early night. I have work a little earlier tomorrow than usual.  
Thank you to my readers, reviewers, alerters, and favoriters. Hope you enjoyed this one.

And please! Don't kill me for the sneak peak... hah. *hides under desk*

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Dagonet stood beside me, his hands tightening into fists with his knuckles turning white. This couldn't be happening. I looked at the faces around me and realize that it was happening. I wanted to scream, to run away, to hit someone. All I could do was stand there and shake, with fear and anger.

"Arthur. Is there nothing we can do for her?" I glanced at Lancelot who was trying to speak quietly, but it was already deathly quiet in the room. His voice carried. Arthur shook his head, his eyes not leaving mine. My fate was sealed.


	33. Chapter 33

**A Burning Sky**

The doctor came in and without asking any questions, stitched up my stomach. I didn't mention my shin because it wasn't worth looking at. Once he was gone, my every intention of carrying on like normal crumbled as I found my hands shaking. Dagonet had stayed with me and at my reaction, he forced me into the bed and covered me up, running his hand over my head to calm me.

He sat with me in relative silence, smoothing my hair back from my forehead and every now and then grasping my hand while I fumbled for sleep, my chest heaving painfully as I started to drift to sleep. I felt him press a kiss to my forehead before the bed shifted as he stood up and left the room.

My dreams were tangled, with Grent and Galenus pulling on my left arm and Dagonet and Arthur pulling on my right. I woke up breathing heavily, my arms feeling faintly sore. I rubbed warmth into my arms and legs, for the chill that was always in the room seemed to pick up.

Walking unsteadily, I made my way to the door. Hand poised on the latch, I thought better and walked back in to where my weapons were sitting and grabbed one of my daggers, tucking it into the tie of my dress. Once I was sure it wasn't about to fall, I made my way out into the hallway. I roamed aimlessly at first but then thought better of it and aimed myself towards Arthur's rooms. When I knocked, I half expected no one to be there but he opened the door.

"Irissa. Come in." I entered the room and left the door open a little, moving to sit in one of the chairs next to the large table set up in his room. He joined me, moving some of the papers infront of him away so that he could focus on me.

"So, what happened?" I took a deep breath, steadying myself before answering.

"I came across Grent and Galenus and as is deemed my duty, I asked if there was anything I could for him. He said that there was, that I was a bother at his household and even here. And then he told me that I could disappear and no one would have to bother anymore. He turned away from me and once he was out of sight, Galenus attacked me."

Arthur nodded, running his hand over his face. When he removed his hand, I could see that he was tired, and that whatever he news he held would not bode well for me.

"Galenus met me and mentioned that what I feared was the reason he was here is one of the reasons. He wants to take you back to his household." I blanched, my stomach tying itself into knots.

"Isn't there anything you can do?" He looked off to the side before nodding again.

"I'm going to talk to him, to see if I can persuade him to leave this be. We shouldn't worry until I've exhausted all sources that I can." Shaking, I stood up and smiled at Arthur. His face was controlled, serious as always, but I could just barely see the worry in his eyes. Worry for me, if I am taken back to Grent's hold, and worry for his knights, especially Dagonet, at losing me.

"Thank you, Arthur." And with a quick nod, I left Arthur's personal rooms. Fear was doing its best to eat at my insides and I made my way to the tavern, knowing I could not stomach food if I was forced. Dagonet was sitting with Bors and Gawain and I watched them, my heart heavy as I listened to them laugh and joke with one another. What would become of me, if I was forced away? What would become of them?

"Irissa! Join us!" I blinked away my worried tears and joined them at Gawain's insistence, sitting beside Gawain and infront of Bors. I could feel Dagonet's eyes on me but for everything that I had within me, I could not raise my eyes to meet his.

We sat there for hours, with me barely touching the food that Vanora had placed infront of me. Gawain attributed my lack of appetite to the attack and I gratefully latched onto the excuse, though denying Dagonet's urgings to return to my room to sleep. Lancelot and Galahad had joined us at some point, Galahad taking a seat next to me and Lancelot beside Bors. Feeling in better spirits himself, Lancelot was able to make his customary passes at Vanora, who ignored them as best as she could, Bors growling every time.

The only knight missing was Tristan, besides the commander, and I couldn't help but toss a look to the door every time someone walked through. At last he did walk through the door, his frame tense as he spotted us all together and made his way over. The jovial atmosphere became suffocating as I saw the seriousness in his face.

"Arthur wants us in the meeting hall." We all stood up at our own paces, the knights stuck between assuming it had something to do with what happened with Galenus and possibly a new mission. However the look that Tristan shot me told me everything I needed to know. Arthur had talked to Grent.

When we reached the hall, Arthur was sitting with his back painfully straight in the seat he always occupied. The knights all turned to their chairs but I stayed standing behind mine. Once everyone was seated, except for myself, Arthur stood up.

"Grent has come to me with a request. Not so much a request as a demand. He's demanded that Irissa be returned to him." Dagonet was the first to stand, followed soon by Lancelot and Bors.

"And you denied him?" Bors voice, although definitely hopeful, was very also monotone.

"I talked reason with the man, but he knows what he is entitled to. We took Irissa without paying for her, as she was a slave of his house. I've exhausted every source I could, he will not budge." Gawain stood up next, followed soon by Tristan and Galahad. I felt a surge of pride that the knights were standing in my defense, but I knew it was useless.

"So we pay for her. We can pool everything together and-" Arthur interupted Galahad's proposal.

"He would deny it, refuse to accept it. This isn't about money anymore. It's about wounded ego. Irissa has no choice. She returns with Grent tomorrow morning."

Dagonet stood beside me, his hands tightening into fists with his knuckles turning white. This couldn't be happening. I looked at the faces around me and realize that it was happening. I wanted to scream, to run away, to hit someone. All I could do was stand there and shake, with fear and anger.

"Arthur. Is there nothing we can do for her?" I glanced at Lancelot who was trying to speak quietly, but it was already deathly quiet in the room. His voice carried. Arthur shook his head, his eyes not leaving mine. My fate was sealed.

"He's requested a written appeal be sent to Rome, as this is a Roman matter. Once the reply arrives, it will be final. Until then, she is to join him so that he would not have to ride back this far to collect her."

"Is there a chance that Rome will not side with Grent?" Whatever hope Lancelot held in that question, the only hope that rested with the knights, was cut down as Arthur shood his head again.

"Rome would never side with a Sarmatian girl over a Roman lord. It's a necessity, ceremony. He wants to make it final that she belongs to him." At those words my brother unclenched his hand and turned, walking quickly from the room. Bors called out for him but I placed a hand on his arm, shaking my head and running to the other side of the table. Before I left, I tossed a quick glance around the room at the other knights. Tristan's face was blank but I could read the anger in the lines of his form and I leaned up to Lancelot's ear.

"Make sure Tristan doesn't do anything rash. I'm going to get Dagonet." And with a quick nod, I rushed from the room. It didn't take long to find my brother, walking stiffly down the hallway. I ran to his side, grabbing his arm to make him stop walking but he yanked his arm from my grasp. If I had kept ahold of him, there was a chance he could have thrown me to the floor.

"Dagonet. Please, talk to me." He turned around, his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. I reached up to touch his cheek but he turned away and continued to walk. I rushed infront of him and put up my hands, pushing into his chest. Once he stopped pushing against me, I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his chest. He slowly wrapped his arms around me and crushed me to him in an almost painful hug.

"I just found you. I can't lose you now." I grabbed onto him tighter, letting him hold onto me as I slowly started to cry. I pulled back to look up at him and shook my head.

"We'll figure something out. You aren't going to lose me. And I'm not going to lose you. We can figure this out." He shook his head sadly but instead of saying something to crush my hope, which I knew wasn't very likely, he pulled me back to him and rested his head on top of mine.

With a sigh, we started to walk back to the meeting hall. The knights were all talking loudly, but when we were spotted the stopped. Lancelot moved forward and with a nod to my brother, enveloped me in a hug. I held onto him as tightly as I could, my fingers flexing on his shoulders.

"Your tree, tonight." I pulled back to give him a curious look, wondering what exactly he meant by that. He raised an eyebrow playfully and I glanced around the room to see that Tristan was missing. With a small smile, I hugged Lancelot again before pulling away.

"Irissa, I'm not going to stop trying. I promise you." I smiled and not for the first time crushed Arthur into a hug. He laughed and wrapped an arm around me. I was then passed on to Galahad who hugged me tightly to him. I could feel his shoulders shaking with trying to keep from crying.

"Who am I going to tell my stories to now?" He laughed lightly before releasing me, being replaced quickly by Gawain. Laughing in a strained way, Gawain hugged me. I breathed in shakily when we pulled apart and I was shuffled over to the last knight present, Bors. He picked me up mid-hug and spun me around a few times before putting me back down.

"Be sure to tell Vanora and the kids goodbye before you leave. I wouldn't hear the end of it if you didn't." I laughed and hugged him again before pulling away and facing my friends, my brothers. Galahad glanced around and then asked a question that had the other knights, besides Bors, Galahad and Dagonet that did not know yet, looking at me.

"Does anyone know where Tristan went?" Lancelot, thankfully, answered.

"He went to do a scouting mission. Don't worry, you'll be able to tell him goodbye." I nodded gratefully to Lancelot, hoping that he was the only one that saw me roll my eyes.

The knights brought me to the tavern, minus Arthur who stayed in the meeting hall to ponder over any other ways to liberate me again, and explained what was going on to Vanora. Teary eyed, she pulled me into a crushing hug.

"It might be best if you don't tell the kids goodbye, but you should come by the rooms tonight to see them. We just won't explain why their mother can't seem to stop crying." I laughed and wiped her tears away and then ushered her into the arms of her lover. I still had a few hours before I would be meeting up with Tristan so I stayed with the knights in the tavern, trying to keep our minds occupied from what would happen tomorrow morning.

I made a promise to myself, surrounded by my friends and brothers, that I would not let Grent get the best of me. I would get back to the wall, if I had to crawl there on my hands and knees. If it was the last thing I did, I would get back to them.

**A/N: **I know, I know, I'm a horrible, horrible person. Poor Irissa, poor Dagonet, poor knights in general.  
And I know that this chapter is kind of choppy, but I wrote it over a span of a few hours and... yea, it's not my best. Sorry. :/  
The next one will be her nighttime goodbye to Tristan (clothes stay on!), then her leaving with Grent followed by her first day back.  
I hope everyone is enjoying this twist in the story... and I really appreciate that I haven't been threatened yet. Awesome, really, haha.  
Thank you to my readers, alerters, and favoriters. And to my reviewers? From the time I posted chapter 32 to now, I've had eleven reviews on chapters 30-32. So you guys are awesome.  
Until next time...

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"We will bring you back. Over his dead body if needed." I smiled and reached a hand to cup the face of the man that had stolen my heart. I closed my eyes, our foreheads pressed against one another.

"I will be back. No one can keep me away from the people that I love."


	34. Chapter 34

**A Burning Sky**

As night came, I excused myself from the tavern, under the pretense of returning to my room to pack what little I had. After promising Vanora that I would stop by to see the children, and the knights that I would see them tomorrow before I left, I made my way out of the tavern and then past the guards towards the tree. There was a light breeze, carrying with it the promise of rain.

Sitting propped against the tree, Tristan lifted his head when I got close enough and then slowly he stood up and waited for me to get to him before he wrapped his arms around my waist, with me burying my face into his neck. His skin was cold, telling me that he had been out here for a while. I imagined that he had been outside since he left the meeting hall, perhaps actually scouting before coming to the tree to wait for me to make my way out.

We stayed like that, with me shivering into him during the colder bursts of wind. He kept his arms around me, providing a warmth that came from further inside than just his own body heat.

"We will bring you back. Over his dead body if needed." I smiled and reached a hand to cup the face of the man that had stolen my heart. I closed my eyes, our foreheads pressed against one another.

"I will be back. No one can keep me away from the people that I love." Saying the word, rolling it around in my mind, I wondered if now would be the time for me to tell him that I loved him. Would it be fair to him, to tell him that I loved him in time for me to be taken away?

I didn't have to ponder on it for long, my confession was swallowed as he pressed his lips to mine, turning us around so that my back pressed against the tree. The discomfort in my back disappeared as I wrapped my arms tighter around his shoulders, his hands pressing against my hips almost painfully. It was a desperate kiss, with us both trying to commit the feeling to memory. I would have an imprint of the tree on my back, an imprint of his hands on my hips, an imprint of his lips on mine, and an imprint of his heart against my own.

We separated, pressing our foreheads against one another again. He raised one hand and pressed it against my left collarbone. I grasped his hand in mine, curling my hand over the back of his, and lowered it so that it rested over my heart. His hand pressed flat there, I knew he could feel how fast my heart was beating. He smiled before using his free hand to tip my head up to his again for our lips to meet softly. I removed my hand from his, though he didn't move it, and laid it against the left side of his chest to feel his own heart beat. And I found myself smiling into the kiss to feel that his heart was beating just as fast as my own.

"I don't want to leave." Mumbling into his lips, I kept my hand over his chest and then pushed myself into him, burying my face into his neck again. Our hands trapped between us, he wrapped his other hand around my waist.

"I don't want you to leave." I smiled, pressing a small kiss to his neck, and then slowly pulled away to look into his eyes. His expression was unguarded and my smile grew larger as I pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"I will always come back." He nodded and tilted his head to press a kiss to my throat before separating us completely.

"You should go in. You'll be leaving early." I nodded, though not moving away from the tree. I wanted to reach out, to touch him again, but I knew that it would make it so much harder for both of us if I did.

"Will you be there when I leave? To say goodbye?" He almost looked surprised by my question.

"Of course." He tilted my head up, our eyes locking, and then ran his hand down the side of my face and leaving it to rest on my neck for a moment, over my pulse point, before pulling away completely. He walked beside me until we got to the building that housed our rooms. He ran his hand through my hair and I smiled before turning away, making my way up the stairs to my room.

I packed a few of my dresses, including one of my altered training outfits, into the bundle that Chauce had given me when I left Grent's household the first time. Once I was finished, I gathered the rest of my stuff, minus a change of clothes for the morning, and made my way towards the rooms and Vanora and Bors shared. I knocked, careful not to drop anything, and waiting for the door opened. It revealed Vanora, holding onto Ten.

"Oh Irissa." I came in, dropping the clothes on the bed and gathering Ten into my own arms. He playfully swatted at the hair that was untucked from my ear, before wrapping his hand around it and pulling lightly, yawning as he did so.

"I can't believe you're being taken away from us. It's just not fair, at all." I shrugged, handing over the baby so she could settle him into the back room with the other kids. I spent the rest of the night with Vanora, playing with the kids as they woke up, and trying not to cry myself. Soon though, I became too tired, and knowing that I was leaving early in the morning, I big goodbye to Vanora who promised to be there to see me off.

"I can't bring the dresses with me. I don't think I'll even be allowed to keep the ones I have. So here. For you." She ran her hands over the fabrics and shook her head, smiling.

"I'll keep them here for when you return." With another hug, I made my way back to my room. That night I curled up in my blankets, pressing a fist to my mouth so that I wouldn't scream while I cried. I had struggled so hard to keep my calm during the goodbyes but my heart was breaking.

Would I ever see them again? The stories with Galahad, laughing at the silliest things. Bors and Vanora, surrounded by their ten children and their love. Arthur and his distant pride, his loyalty to his men. Gawain and his knowing smile, the way he could smile at anything. The times that I would be with Lancelot, laughing when all I wanted to do was cry. Tristan's silent ways, always knowing what mood I was in and able to calm me down or the kisses we shared. And the there was Dagonet, my brother. I just found him and we still were working on getting past the obstacle of being apart for so long.

My sobs became my lullaby and soon I fell asleep, a fitful sleep that was invaded by horrible nightmares of the knights dying while I was away, never getting to say goodbye.

There was a knock on my door and I sat up, sore from being curled into myself, before slowly making my way to the door. Behind it sat a Roman guard I'd never seen before.

"Get dressed. You're leaving now." I looked towards the window and saw that the sky was still dark. It couldn't be morning at all yet. Shaking, I shut the door to get dressed and then, strapping on my weapons and grabbing my bundle, I made my way to the door. The guard grabbed my arm and pulled me roughly down the shorter end of the hallway so I wouldn't have to pass by all of the knights rooms. It hit me then just what was going on. They were going to make me leave before the time they had told the knights. I would be gone and I wouldn't be able to say goodbye.

I struggled at first, even thought about grabbing my weapons and fighting the Roman off, but I realized that we had already made it to the stables. Grent was there waiting, sneering at me as I was brought in.

"Oh, you won't be needing those." He motioned to my weapons and the Roman unhooked the belt, letting it slide to the ground. I bent down, wrestling with them as if to grab them and the guard pulled me away, whispering an apology and he pushed me towards Grent.

"You'll ride with me, so you don't run away. If you do, you'll be killed." I wrapped my arms around me, my bundle pressed into my stomach. I could tell that he wanted to knock it from my hands but he let me hold onto it before having a guard thrust me out of the stables and towards a waiting carriage.

The ride was silent, with me curled into myself and watching the scenery pass by from the tiny slit the curtains made. Grent would turn from watching the scenery to watching me, though I never acknoweldged it. When we reached his household, it had started to become light. I thought of the knights, going to meet me in the stables and seeing my weapons laying there. My heart clenched... I never got to say goodbye properly.

Once inside his house, Grent smiled coldly at me and had one of his guards drag me from the carriage and through the house, down to the slave's quarters.

"You remember your old room? The luxury is still all your's. Remember, chores start at the first bell." Just as the guard spoke, the first bell rang. My stomach clenched, dropping my bundle on my old mat before heading towards the stairs. The guard pulled me back, making a sound in the back of his throat, and pointed to something gray on the side of the room. I closed my eyes and stepped over to it, picking up the gray dress of the servants. A white cloth fell from the folds, for me to tie up my hair. He laughed and left the room, to allow me to dress before my chores. The room was empty, the other girls probably having start their chores early the day that their lord would return.

I pulled off my dress, placing it with my other stuff, and pulled on the gray dress. I had filled out a lot since I was last there so the dress fit me too tightly. I tied back my hair and pulled the white cloth over it. Glancing at the door to make sure it was shut, I went back to my pallet and searched the folds of the dress I had on for something. Once finding it, I stuffed it into the pocket of my gray dress. My fingers ran over the familiar object and I smiled. Grent had thought I was wrestling to grab the entire weapons belt but I had just been trying to wrestle one of my daggers free. I fingered the blade before smoothing my dress to make sure it wasn't visible and made my way into the hallway.

Kitchen duty had been one of the first things I reported to in the mornings so I went there first, my eyes stinging as I remembered always finding a smiling face in the kitchen. Chauce was gone, I told myself. Instead of Chauce was a slight woman with graying hair. She looked stern, and the way she barked out orders to the other servants, I supposed she was stern. She glanced at me and her eyes narrowed when she didn't recognize me.

"I'm Irissa." Her eyes widened and her face softened, surprising me.

"Poor dear. Well, there are some trays in the back you can wash. And then you'll need to bring the cloths to the launders." With a soft pat on my shoulder, the woman went back to work and I had to fight back an astonished look. I had expected her to be mean, but she was so kind to me.

Her kindness made me miss Chauce all the more, but I did my chores as I was told. Once done with the things Gerta, as she told me to call her, I moved about the house cleaning areas as I always had. The other servants gave me cruel looks, their hatred and anger very open. A few of the girls deliberately bumped into me, almost making me break the vase I had been cleaning. I closed my eyes, telling myself over and over that I needed to have patience, before continuing my duties.

"Heathen. The lord would like to see you in the seating area." I nodded to the guard before turning and smoothing out my dress.

Please, Dagonet. Please come and get me soon.

* * *

Tristan woke as the sun was rising, feeling an opressive weight over the fort. He dressed quickly, messily, and grabbed his sword from beside his bed before making his way into the hallway. It was quiet, as it usually was when he woke, but there was something different about the silence. He made his way down the steps and through the people who rose with the sun like himself, to prepare themselves for the day. When he reached the stables, he noticed that the horses the Roman had brought in were missing.

He glanced around and his eyes rested on something in the middle of the stables. Approaching it, Tristan felt his heart stop. As it started to beat again, it caused a pain in his chest. He bent down onto one knee infront of the weapon belt, adorned with the sword and two daggers that had been commissioned for Irissa. He glanced up in time to see a Roman guard come in, hanging his head sadly.

She was gone. Irissa had been forced to leave without anyone knowing it. Tristan glanced back down at the belt and ran his hand over the slit where the third dagger should have been. Despite his sadness, despite knowing that he would have to break the news to her brother and the other knight, he smiled lightly. At least she had some protection with her.

He grabbed the belt and nodded stiffly to the Roman guard before making his way slowly towards the stairs where he would have to knock on Dagonet's door and give him the weapons.

* * *

**A/N: **Aaaaand... ahem. There's chapter 34.  
That took me a while to write because I had a lot to do during it, but also because I wanted to get the emotions just right. I'm still not sure if I did. But there it is.  
Thank you to my readers, reviewers, alerters, favoriters. I'm enjoying our interactions over this story. And I'm definitely enjoying hearing everyone tell me how attached they are to the story.  
I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Until next time...

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Grent's sent me a cruel smile before aiming a kick to my ribs, causing me to yell out in pain again. I tried to curl into myself, to protect myself from any further attacks, but bending hurt my abdomen more. How many times had he beaten me since my arrival? I'd lost count of the bruises, of the cuts, of the twists and sprains.

Where was my brother? Where were the knights? Had they stopped looking for a way to free me yet?


	35. Chapter 35

**A Burning Sky**

Time seemed to stretch on endlessly. It felt like it had been years since I had last seen the knights but it was only days. Days, not years. Days since I'd last seen the knights, days since my last real meal, days since my last full night's rest. Only days, but it felt like years. Days of starvation, days of little sleep, days of working from sun up to sun down and then into the night, days of beatings.

The other girls were cruel towards me, as I suppose they were jealous that I had gotten away for even as little a time. They often cornered me, calling me names and insulting me. Having them bump into me, carelessly push me, even lie about what I'd done to the guards or Grent himself, was my punishment for having a small taste of freedom. It wasn't until my first beating, three days into my return, that the girls slowly realized that they were treated so much better than I. That even though I had tasted freedom, they had not tasted the horrors that I came across daily. After that, they softened and tried to take the blame for anything that I did do wrong, though it rarely worked.

Pain sent stars to my vision making me falter in my walk as I tried to support the basket of freshly washed linens with my injured arm. I wasn't sure it was broken but I would not complain or ask for the house doctor to look at it. As I walked, the dagger patted against my leg from the pocket it was in, a reminder that my time away was real. If the only reminder. I would not use the dagger until I became hopeless and that time had not arrived yet. I still had hope that the knights would find a way to liberate me again.

Stomach knotted in a way that was becoming normal, I made my way to the sitting room where Grent would throw a few insults, a few punches and then I would be allowed to return to my duties. It was routine by now. When I arrived, placing the basket of linens next to the door with an inward wince, Grent was standing watching me like he was the predator and I was his prey. I suppose in a way I was.

"It has been a week, heathen. Tell me, where are your saviors? Have they forgotten you?" I let my body relax, trying to make it as limp as possible to prepare for whatever blows he may lay, whether they be physical or mental.

"You think they would come for you, their Sarmatian whore." Grent had come to the incorrect conclusion that I was I was intimate with one, or more, of the knights. Every insult hurt, but that one struck something different within me. It made me think of Tristan, the absence in my heart where he was held.

The first blow struck my cheek, my head rocking backwards. Grent laughed, a cold imitation of the laughter I was used to. He struck me again, sending another wave of pain through me. As he pulled his hand back, I could see the blood that dotted his fingers. Using my tongue, I felt around in my mouth and held in the urge to be sick at the taste of blood.

Two more painful jabs, to my stomach and then my shoulder as I bent over, and I was allowed to leave. Dismissed. I left the basket by the door, which I was sure would call for another beating. I made my way into the kitchen and waved off Gerta's concern. The dishes in the corner were my duty now, not to be treated as anything more than the slave I was.

A ball of anger was starting to grow in the pit of my stomach. Not at the knights, for I knew they would be trying anything to get me back, but at Grent. What use was I to him, besides something he can beat and order around? It was his ego that made him steal me back, I knew that much. But there was something more to it, there was a more intense hatred in the way he beat me than before the knights liberated. His taunts often included the knights, asking me when they would come for me.

It struck me more painfully than any of the punches, slaps or kicks I had gotten in my days here. That was why Grent was so savage against me, not because I had been taken without his permission and not because he was soothing his ego. He was taunting the knights, abusing something he suspected they were close to. My hand flew to my pocket and I fingered the blade before raising my hands back to the dishes, hoping that the guard hadn't seen. A quick glance told me that he wasn't any more the wiser.

After chores, hours after the sun had disappeared, I crawled back onto my pallet and clutched my hands to my stomach. Gerta promised that the hunger pains would go away, I knew that she was right. My body just had to get used to eating crumbs instead of the meals that I took for granted at the tavern.

One of the other servant girls, I couldn't remember her name, approached me with a small piece of cloth. She motioned to my mouth and I winced, remembering the taste of blood before. I took it, feeling the moisture from some source of water, and scrubbing at the corner of my mouth.

"What was it like?" She was young, probably somewhere near fifteen years old, and looked so innocent. My heart clenched at the thought of her living here, with Grent as a lord. He was nicer to the other girls, only striking them if they severely did something wrong.

"What was what like?" She shifted infront of me, as if contemplating just leaving, but then slowly dropped herself onto the pallet infront of me. Her gaze shifted from me and I followed her sight to the few dresses that I had been allowed to keep, but not allowed to wear.

"Being free." And then my clenched heart broke. Her voice sounded so far away, as if she had no hope for it ever to happen to her. Had I been like that, before the knights came for me? Had I been so broken?

"It was beyond words. Hard to adjust to at first." And then as the other girls slowly approached me, most almost ten years my junior, as I began to tell stories of my time with the knights. They asked questions, clinging to any stories that I could tell as if I was handing them precious stones instead of just stories.

I began passing the time like that, either late at night or even sometimes during our chores. I would repeat some stories, as I would tell one girl the story while folding linens and she would repeat bits to another and I would have to tell it all over again once more people were around. This continued, with me telling all of the stories I could. I kept them light, remembering how I used to be with Galahad, and never spoke of injuries to them. They did not need those stories.

Time started to move normally after that. A day no longer felt like years. However as the days felt shorter, it made me all to aware when the second week passed. Two weeks, fourteen days, of me living in this house and being submitted to beatings. Gerta had taken to doing what Chauce had done, saving me bits and pieces whenever she could, since I was given the least amount of food of the other girls. I shared when I could, affter my stomach stopped hurting so much, with the younger girls.

On the eighteenth day of being there, one of the guards told me that I would stay in the kitchens and turn in to my room early. There was an underlying threat in his voice that if I did not comply, I would pay dearly for it. Sporting a badly twisted wrist from the last beating Grent had delivered me, I nodded and told myself to do just that. However during kitchen duty, I learned the reason that I was to be out of sight.

"This isn't the first time these men have stopped by. Romans, wealthy. They usually stop by for a few nights." Gerta was complaining as she urged the other kitchen workers to hurry up with their cooking. I had paused in my washing before slowly resuming my duties, washing the same plate over and over again as my mind whirled ahead of where I was. Was there any chance I could get to one of the Romans, if they were kinder than Grent, and convince them to take word from me to the knights at Hadrian's wall?

The guard in the kitchen sent me a chilling look, as if he somehow heard the thoughts in my head. I put the plate down and grabbed another one, turning my head away from him as I thought about it. There was no way I could get to the Roman if I was under guard like this. So after the dishes were done, I excused myself to my room until later when I would resume my cleaning. Cradling my injured arm to my stomach, I curled up as small as I could on the pallet. The once too tight gray dress was already starting to hang loose on me, so I curled my legs to myself inside of it to ward off the cold.

The next two nights went much the same, without even the smallest chance for me to see the Romans that were visiting. Finally when I decided that I would tell one of the other girls to give my message to one of them, I listened to Gerta sigh in relief that the rich Romans had finally left.

I had lost my chance to get word to the knights, to let them know that I was still alive and I still had hope. I returned to my pallet after chores were finished and curled into myself again, trying to fight off the pain of being away from my brother. There was not a day that I didn't think of Dagonet or the other knights, but my heart always felt colder when I did think of my brother. He would never forgive himself for letting me be taken away from him again. It would be killing him.

We all shot from our bed as a guard burst into the room. He gazed over us in the dark before settling on me. He grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me up from the floor, yanking me away from the room. I heard a cry from some of the girls, asking where I was being taken, but he did not answer. He didn't need to, we all knew where he was taking me.

Grent was sitting in his chair, twirling one of his rings on his hand. When I arrived, he sent me a cold smile that caused my chest to tighten. He stood and approached me, waving off the guard. As the door shut, his hand struck against my cheek. There was no use asking the reason for this beating. He would make something up. I straightened my back, staring straight into his cruel eyes. He glared at my defiance and struck a blow into my stomach. It knocked the wind out of me, only serving to be worse as he straightened me up and kneeing me in the stomach. I was coughing, trying to regain my breath, but my knees gave out and I lay on my side on the floor.

Grent's sent me a cruel smile before aiming a kick to my ribs, causing me to yell out in pain again. I tried to curl into myself, to protect myself from any further attacks, but bending hurt my abdomen more. How many times had he beaten me since my arrival? I'd lost count of the bruises, of the cuts, of the twists and sprains.

Where was my brother? Where were the knights? Had they stopped looking for a way to free me yet? I refused to think like that, to think that they would ever forget me. They would never stop trying to free me from this.

"I'm surprised that they haven't even tried to come and visit you yet. To be honest, I was hoping they would. It would have given me much pleasure to see the look on their faces at seeing how broken you are." I tried to glare at him but all I wanted to do was to crawl into myself, to just go to sleep. The pain was causing my vision to blur, my head to pound. He nudged me away from him and left the room, slamming the door behind him. I withered on the floor for a few more minutes before slowly pulling myself up, my legs shaking as I tried to make my way back to the slave quarters.

The other girls swarmed to me when I finally made it to the room, letting me lean on their shoulders as they deposited me to my pallet. I waved them off as they tried to check my stomach, to see if I had broken any ribs, and simply curled into a ball and let myself drift into a painful sleep.

Three days later, another Roman arrived. The guards told me to stay out of sight, but as I was walking back from where I had been washing the linens to the kitchen, I heard the Roman and Grent approaching where I was. I quickly turned, knowing that from the back I would look like any of the other girls, and pretended to be cleaning some of the decoration in the hallway.

"I will only be requesting a room for a night. I am on my way to Hadrian's wall on business." The Roman's voice was softer than I was expecting and my chest tightened. He seemed kind, or at least his voice portrayed him as such. This was my chance, another chance. He was heading to Hadrian's wall, I could get word to the knights. Hands shaking as they turned the corner, I headed down the way they had come and disappeared into the kitchen.

As night grew, I approached the girl that so long ago had started my storytelling. She was folding linens and I sat beside her to help, my hands still shaking.

"Maia, can you do me a favor?" Her eyes shot to me and she nodded eagerly.

"The Roman that's staying here for the night. I need you to go to him and plead with him to tell the commander at the wall, Arthur, that Irissa is well and has not lost hope. Please Maia, you must do this for me." Fear leaked into her eyes, fear of being caught, but she nodded and dropped the linens, leaving me alone as she went to give my message.

Later, as I was leaving the washing area and going to my quarters, I watched Maia being dragged from the guest rooms and towards the sitting room where Grent would be. Her eyes met mine and terror raced through me. Had she been caught in the Roman's room? Was something going to happen to her?

I sent up a prayer to the god that Maia believed in, though I wasn't sure he would listen to someone who didn't believe in him, and asked that she not be harmed. However worried that she would be hurt from this, I felt my stomach drop. My message hadn't been delivered.

* * *

The next evening, a Roman man rode into the wall. He waved off the guards that offered to help him with his horse, simply dismounting and heading further into the fort. It wasn't long before he ran bodily into one of the Sarmatian knights he had heard of so many times before.

"Knight. My name is Horace, I am a friend of your commander. Can you take me to him?" The knight, who introduced himself as Lancelot, nodded and with Horace following him, made his way towards the meeting hall where Arthur was pouring over maps and letters. He had barely left the room since Irissa had been taken.

"Arthur, a visitor." Arthur turned towards the door, looking tired, but his eyes brightened when he saw his old friend. Lancelot turned to leave the Romans to themselves, but not before hearing Arthur's low question.

"Is there news?"

* * *

**A/N: **I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. For not updating before now. I've been busy, busy, busy and it's been CRAZY recently.  
I wrote half of this this morning before my eye doctor's appointment and had to wait almost eight hours before I could finish it because my eyes were all wonky.  
So there is chapter 35, with another "not Irissa's POV" section. Hope you're enjoying it.  
Thank you, continuously, to my readers, reviewers, favoriters, and alerters.  
And to anyone with any plans to email me in the near future, I love talking to people, so don't bother apologizing for potentially "disturbing" me. I wouldn't post my email on my profile unless I wanted people to email me, haha.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

I had no idea what was going on, why Grent was yelling at the servants and guards. I could barely understand his barking orders but when I got closer to get a better listen, he spotted me and his eyes narrowed, my heart constricting as if just by his glare he could control it.

"We have guests."


	36. Chapter 36

**A Burning Sky**

My legs pulled to my chin, I waited in the dark of the slave quarters. Maia had been pulled into the sitting room, all other works told not to enter, not too long ago but I knew from experience that only a few minutes in a room alone with Grent could end badly. My hand had latched onto the dagger more than once, telling myself that if she did not return soon, I would barge in there to bring her back. Every time I released the dagger, knowing that it would only end in my death and possibly even the death of innocent Maia.

The door opened and all of the girls sat up to see who was entering. I had told them what I had seen and many of the girls had seen it themselves. And there in the door stood Maia. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness, shutting the door behind her, and jumped over the few pallets before stopping at mine. She bent down onto her knees and threw her arms around my shoulders. Shocked, I hugged her back, waiting to see what would come of this.

"Are you hurt?" She shook her head and her shoulders were shaking. I pulled her away from me, fearing the worse. When our eyes met, I could see unshed tears but I knew her shaking wasn't because she was crying. She was trying not to laugh.

"Grent questioned me about why I was in the Roman's room, but he believed me when I told him that I was just checking on him, that I heard a noise. And that's true! He sounded like he was coughing very loudly." My skin tightened, my muscles flexing to the point of almost causing pain. She had been in the room with the Roman. As if she could sense the question, she smiled and nodded.

"He asked how everyone liked working here and I was sure to launch right in, to tell him what you asked me to. He said he'd deliver it personally." I laughed, hugging Maia to me again before pulling away. We repeated the news to a few of the closer girls who were torn between being happy for me and disliking me. There was still a chance I could be released, while most of them still had many years in servitude.

So that night, while the other girls slept fitfully, I stayed awake and imagined my brother and the other knights getting the news from the Roman, telling them that I was alive and hopeful. Hopefully that would calm any worries that they had about me and perhaps even spur them into finding a way to save me.

The next morning, when I started my dishes duty, a guard came in and pulled me from the dishes and into the sitting room. I was alone, for the first time, waiting for Grent to arrive. My mood had been soaring since I went to sleep the night before, not even Grent would ruin it. However the wait slowly started to eat at my resolve. What if the Roman told Grent about the message? Although the Roman had a nice voice, that did not mean he was nice himself.

I lowered my hand to my pocket and felt the color drain from my face. The dagger wasn't there. I hadn't picked it up this morning, after I tucked it under my makeshift pillow of my dresses for sleep. I fisted my hands to my sides, hoping that today would not be the day that I needed it.

The door opened and Grent walked in, though his face was more relaxed than I had seen it in a while. He sat in his chair, looking over me as if expecting me to start the conversation. I had made it my goal to not speak whenever he called me to the sitting room, not to give him the satisfaction.

"I'm disappointed in you." Despite my worry, I found myself curious as to what he could mean by that. I kept my face blank and waited for him to continue.

"I keep expecting you to make a run for it, or to try to get word out to your fellow heathens." My heart leapt up in my throat at the admission. He didn't know that Maia had delivered a message for me then. I kept my face impassive though, waiting to see where he was going with his one-sided conversation.

"I wondered if perhaps you had become too comfortable here. And now I realize, yes, that must be it. Too like your stay at the wall perhaps? Well, I've sent for a friend. Foreign servants are not uncommon, though only slightly frowned upon." My heart started thudding horribly faster in my chest, the pain of it almost bursting from my chest in terror causing my eyes to unfocus and my knees to lock.

I was going to be taken somewhere else? Somewhere far from Briton, far from the wall, far from my brother. Grent noticed my fear, the pain from holding in my tears, and started laughing. The sound echoed, either in the room or in the back of my mind I wasn't sure. With a wave of his hand, I was dismissed.

Though I hadn't been beaten, I felt as if I had been. My body was sore, worse than any beating he could give me. I had been so close, but it was to be ripped away now. I had no idea how long it would be until Grent's "friend" would arrive to take me away. As I entered the kitchen, Gerta opened her mouth to chastise me but when she saw my face, her's softened.

"Oh child. Go rest. I'll handle things up here." With a nod, I left the room and went to the slave quarters. I curled onto the bed and reached under the pillow of dresses to grab the dagger. I clutched the dagger to my chest and as I used it to comfort me, I promised myself that if my only choice was to be brought to some unknown land, I would run the dagger into my chest.

I stayed in the quarters for the rest of the night, refusing to do any of my duties. My only assumption was that the other girls covered for me. As everyone returned, they asked if I was okay but I couldn't even move my mouth to form words. It felt like weeks since I had last spoken, though it was only the night before to Maia.

My dreams were plagued with scenarios, all playing out with me being carted off to some land that I would die in. Even if somehow the people that took me were kind, which I assumed no friend of Grent's would be, I knew that I would die. Either by my hand, or of a broken heart.

When I woke up to being shaken, I wanted to strike out at the person. However my hands were pinned under me in an awkward position that I had been sleeping. From the corner of my eye, I recognized the gray of the dresses that I was constantly surrounded by. Raising my gaze, I recognized Maia.

"Hurry, all servants are being called to work early." I hadn't even heard the bell, but I raised and slowly ran my hand through my knotted hair before returning the cloth to hide my hair. I made my way to the main hall and was surprised by the chaos that I was met with.

I had no idea what was going on, why Grent was yelling at the servants and guards. I could barely understand his barking orders but when I got closer to get a better listen, he spotted me and his eyes narrowed, my heart constricting as if just by his glare he could control it.

"We have guests." My heart sank as I remembered his words yesterday. His friend was here to pick me up, to take me away. I reached into my pocket to find that I had once again forgotten it in my haste. Chest constricting, I made my way towards the sitting room to approach my fate, whatever it be.

* * *

The man waited in the sitting room, watching as the servant girls in gray ran back and forth, watching him warily. He knew that they probably had no idea who he was or why he was there. Maybe that should be best. Grent had disappeared for the moment, shouting orders in a very demanding way. Was he always trying to assert his dominance over people?

The noise seemed to fall away when a girl, dressed in gray with a white cloth holding back her hair, walked into the room slowly. Although she was dressed like the other girls, I knew who it was the moment I saw her. She was holding herself awkwardly as if she had recently been hurt. Her face had a discoloration on her jaw, from a punch it seemed. Her eyes scanned the room, looking over the chaos. Grent appeared behind her and I watched as he spoke to her just barely loud enough for me to hear him.

"We have guests." Her eyes grew wider and I watched as her skin went a few shades paler than she was, the bruise standing out so much more now. Her eyes started to scan the room again and landed on me. At first there was no sign that she was actually seeing me, more like she was looking straight through me. But then I watched her mouth move wordlessly in disbelief, before she slumped to the floor. I moved to her side, bending down to be next to her and ran my fingers over the side of her face.

"That's right Irissa. Your brother is here."

* * *

**A/N:** So Dagonet is there! YAY! But where are the other knights? And what about this friend of Grent's that is supposed to be taking her away? You'll have to wait and find out.  
Sorry that this one is so short. It didn't even meet my "2,000 word" usual on the story part of each chapter. But I thought it was okay, for as short as it is.  
And it's 3 AM, I have work and a doctor's appointment tomorrow, sooo g'night to you all. Or to people in other timezones, good morning/afternoon?  
Thank you to my readers, favoriters, and alerters. And as always, thank you to my reviewers. Please, keep sending them in. I love hearing what you have to say about the story, so I know what I need to focus more on and what you all like about the story so far! *smile*

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Grent was pacing infront of us, glancing at us every few steps. As he always reminded me of a predator stalking his prey, it was strange to see him like this. Finally he stopped moving and glanced at us again, what would be a polite smile on his face, though his eyes were anything but polite.

"I've made my decision." I grasped my brother's hand, waiting on the edge of a razor to hear what he would decide of my fate.


	37. Chapter 37

****

A Burning Sky

When I came to, there was a buzzing sound in my ears. The harder I focused on it, realizing that it was the sound of the other servants girls talking, I noticed a dull ache in the back of my head. For the life of me, I couldn't remember exactly why I had passed out in the first place. When I opened my eyes, it was to see a form hovering over me. Focusing, I sighed when I recognized Maia's face. She kept turning her head, shooting strange looks just beyond my sight. She turned back to me and gasped as she saw my eyes open.

"Oh! Are you okay? You hit your head pretty hard when you fainted." She slowly helped me into a sitting position before lifting me to my feet again. I felt strange, leaning on the shorter girl as I gained my bearings. I couldn't place why I had fainted at first so I focused on the last things I remembered.

I had just walked in, listening to Grent yell orders at the servants and guards. I remember reaching into my pocket to find that I had left my dagger in the room. When I reached the sitting room, there was something there, something I couldn't quite recall. I looked up, preparing to ask Maia if she knew what had happened, when I spotted the figure off to the side.

He was dressed in dark clothing, a sword strapped to his side. I could tell that his clothes were dirty, his hands with telling streaks of dirt themselves, and little flakes of mud coming off of his boots. Down the left side of his face was an almost fully healed scar.

There was no telling if my heart had stopped or quickened it's pace as I launched myself towards the man, the knight, my brother. My body colliding with his almost sent us sprawling over the floor but he was able to catch us both, wrapping his arms around me so tight that it ached every bruise that I sported. But instead of loosening my grip, complaining of the pain, I hugged him with equal amount of force. Dagonet pulled me away, clutching tightly to the top of my arm and let his eyes search over my face. My teeth were clenching so tightly together that I had images of them splintering out of my mouth, but instead I gasped and forced myself against him again. He whispered into my ear, nonsense that I barely understood, as he hugged me to him.

"Dagonet. Dagonet, where are the others?" I began running my eyes over the room but something told me he was alone. He pulled me away from the other girls, and the eavesdropping Grent who was pretending to be giving orders a few paces away from us.

"They are only a few minutes ride away. Arthur thought it best to just send one of us, to look less threatening." My heart thudded against my ribs, painfully, and I found myself slumping into his hold. If it wasn't for my brother's arms holding me up, I would have hit the floor again.

"Dagonet. Grent is sending me away, far away. With one of his friends." I watched something cross Dagonet's face at that and he tossed a glance at Grent before looking back to me, shaking his head softly.

"No he isn't. We're taking you back with us. Today." My body slumped again, though this time in relief instead of despair. And once more, I crushed my brother to myself. The tears that I had been holding started to trickle out of the corner of my eyes and as if he could tell that I was crying, he hugged me tighter. This time I did wince, the pain from one of the various bruised ribs becoming too much and I pulled myself away. Dagonet looked into my eyes and read there that I was in pain. He motioned to my torso and I nodded, silently confirming that that was what hurt.

"What have they put you through sister?" I lowered my eyes away from his and studied the other girls in the room. A few cast glances our way, but none more than Maia who was trying her hardest to hide her smile. She was happy for me, even though if I did leave, the other girls would still be here. At my silence, Dagonet touched the side of my face and then, wrapping his arm around me, directed me towards where Grent was standing. There we stopped walking and Dagonet, sterning himself, addressed the lord of the house.

"My lord. I am here on behalf of my commander Arthur, to negotiate the release of Irissa. We are prepared to pay any asking price." Grent opened his mouth, surely to decline the notion and say that it was not up for negotiation, but Dagonet continued to speak.

"Understand that Arthur recieved word from Rome saying that Irissa's situation was unique and they allow that she be returned, on your conditions." Again, Grent opened his mouth to object and again, Dagonet interupted.

"You do have the power to decline, however understand that I will not give up on trying to free my sister." Grent's eyes widened and turned from me to my brother, as if looking for the similarity, and then turned away from us, thinking.

Grent was pacing infront of us, glancing at us every few steps. As he always reminded me of a predator stalking his prey, it was strange to see him like this. Finally he stopped moving and glanced at us again, what would be a polite smile on his face, though his eyes were anything but polite.

"I've made my decision." I grasped my brother's hand, waiting on the edge of a razor to hear what he would decide of my fate. It was difficult to breathe, as if my lungs refused to do my bidding, and just as I was sure that waiting for Grent to speak again would cause me to black out, he motioned to me.

"Take her. My condition will be that she never return to my land." Dagonet loosened his grip on me for a mere second before tightening it again, as if afraid that it was a joke and I would be ripped away from him again.

"And payment, my lord?" Grent's cruel smile, the hateful eyes, seem to soften before they turned back to cold.

"Just leave, before I change my mind." Chest constricted, I turned to my brother and hugged him tightly to me. He started to pull me away but I remembered my clothes and the dagger and stopped him. After murmuring that I'd be right back, I ran through the other servants and towards the slave quarters. Tucking my bundle under one arm, I grabbed my dagger and tucked it back into my pocket and headed to the kitchen. Gerta was there, chopping a variety of vegetables from the garden.

"Gerta?" She turned to glance at me and then quickly turned back to her work.

"Yes girl?" I approached her slowly and when I didn't answer automatically, she turned around to face me again. With her full attention, I threw my arms around her shoulders, clutching my bundle in my hand. The older woman gasped before hugging me back.

"I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. I'm leaving. But I was wondering if there was something you could do for me. Take care of the girls. Especially Maia." I had come to think of the younger girl as a sister to me and the thought of leaving her here caused me such sadness.

I knew this was the last time I'd see Gerta so I hugged her tightly before pulling away and turning towards the door. I was surprised, however, to see Maia standing there with tears in her eyes. Gerta pushed me lightly towards the younger girl and I wrapped my arms around her, shushing her lightly while she cried. Knowing that Gerta was right behind us, I manuevered us towards the hallway.

"You aren't coming back, are you?" I shook my head lightly, smiling at the girl. She nodded, as if making herself accept it, before offering me a watery smile.

"I hope that you won't forget us." I tucked Maia's body against mine in another hug. It hurt to tell her goodbye, to tell her that I would never be back. When I pulled away this time, I used one hand to tilt up her chin and look her in the eyes.

"Maybe I'll see you at Hadrian's wall someday. Be strong Maia." She nodded, still smiling, before breaking away and heading back into the kitchen. With a sigh, feeling distinctly as if I had left something behind, I made my way into the sitting room where Dagonet was pacing, looking around as if he expected to be ambushed. However his face lost the tightness around the mouth and eyes, his scar smoothing out, when he saw me. I approached him slowly, part of me still expecting Grent to tell us that he had changed his mind. A glance around the room told me he was nowhere to be seen.

"Come. My horse is waiting." So with one last look around the room, I was lead out of the house I had been trapped in to the courtyard where my brother helped me up and then mounted behind me. My bundle tucked infront of me so it would not fall, I leaned into my brother's chest and sighed. I was going back to the wall to be with my brother, my family. I was going home.

We rode for a few minutes into the beginning of the woods when I could make out the shadows of five horsed men. As we got closer, I felt myself sag with relief as I recognized the faces. Arthur and Lancelot were a turned towards one another, whispering in the distance. I could make out Gawain and Galahad on either side of Bors, who seemed to be the first one to notice us.

"Irissa! Dag!" The others noticed us and spurred themselves forwards to greet us. It did not escape my attention that Tristan was not present, though I simply assumed he was doing what he did best and scouting the area.

I greeted my brothers with a smile, tears starting to gather in my eyes. I had started to resign myself to never seeing them again and the emotions that I had been trying so hard to keep under the surface were breaking through. Arthur, smiling in relief that I had been handed over with no trouble, decided that we should head back to the fort.

The ride was silent for the most part, with random comments from the knights. We were in no direct rush so the horses moved smoothly over the terrain. I kept my eyes open, scanning the woods, looking for the absent knight. It didn't take long before he arrived.

He came out from behind a few large trees and rode straight to Arthur, not even looking at any of the other knights. He whispered something, casting another glance to the trees, before moving his horse into the group that we presented. Lancelot, who was riding at the front, noticed that Tristan hadn't noticed me yet. He tossed me a wink, which I could only hope that Dagonet had missed, before addressing the scout.

"Tristan, aren't you going to welcome Irissa back?" Tristan's back straightened and he turned his head to face me. Though his features were set in the expression he usually wore, there was something deeper to it that I had a feeling was only meant for me to see.

"I'm glad that you are well. And that you are with us again." His words were smooth and calm, but I could hear the tiny hitch in his voice as he spoke that told me that he had missed me just as much as I had missed him.

Soon the image that I often conjured of the wall stopped being just a memory and became tangible as we arrived. The sight of it, the sounds of the people within the walls, had me sitting up a little straighter. Dagonet loosened one hand to cover one of my own, squeezing it lightly.

"I told you, Dagonet, you weren't going to lose me."

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry I'm not updating too often right now. My daughter is sick and is so miserable so I'm trying to take care of her, and her brother is with my mom so he doesn't get sick.  
It's been a mildly stressful weekend. So here is chapter thirty seven, the return of the knights! I guess technically the return of Irissa to the wall. Anywho...  
I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. And thank you to my readers, reviewers, alerters and favoriters. Very much! *smile*

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"Irissa! Watch out!" I spun around at the warning of Vanora and barely had a moment to know what was happening before a body collided into mine and caused the both of us to sprawl out in the grass. The wind had been knocked from me and I gave myself a second to gain my wits before realizing just who had barreled into me.


	38. Chapter 38

**A Burning Sky**

The horses had barely stopped moving before I dismounted my brother's horse and hurled myself towards Vanora who had been standing and waiting at the gate upon the announcing of our arrival. She laughed as I threw my arms around her neck, us both teetering at the force of the hug. When I pulled away, she grabbed my arms and looked me head to toe, shaking her head with a laugh.

"All my hard work, ruined in less than a month." I looked down at myself, the gray lifeless dress that hung onto my ill kept body. I knew that I had lost a lot of weight in my short time away, my bones slowly making their appearances again.

"Sorry Vanora." She shrugged, kissing me on the cheek. Her neverending smile brightened my mood beyond what I thought possible.

"No worries. I do enjoy a little bit of extra work. I put your clothes back in your room; I just knew you'd be coming back." So with another quick hug she turned me around and scooted me back towards the knights. Vanora, who had bypassed her lover for me, had turned to reunite with Bors after I moved away. I was heading towards Lancelot, to give him a proper greeting, when a voice shouted out to me.

"Irissa! Watch out!" I spun around at the warning of Vanora and barely had a moment to know what was happening before a body collided into mine and caused the both of us to sprawl out in the grass. The wind had been knocked from me and I gave myself a second to gain my wits before realizing just who had barreled into me.

"Gilly!" And then as if by magic, the other bastard children of Vanora and Bors began to pile onto me. There was a moment of mild panic amongst the knights as they started picking up the kids, setting them off to the side, to find me at the bottom. I was laughing, though my side was aching from the fall.

"I missed you all as well." Lancelot rolled his eyes as he passed off one of the kids back to Bors, mumbling something about that one not being his, and then leant a hand to help me stand.

"You look like a mess." I smiled sarcastically at Lancelot, rolling my eyes, before giving him a hug. I had missed him, and his teasing. Though I wasn't about to tell him that, in case he decided to do it more often.

As I stood amongst the knights, smiling at each of them, I felt the rain drops slowly start to hit me. I glanced up and let them sprinkle onto my face before Dagonet shook me out of my reverie.

"Get cleaned up. We will be meeting in the meeting hall in a little while, to discuss everything." I smiled up at my brother, which only caused him to smile back and press his lips to my forehead before leaving the area. It was after he had disappeared completely that I realized my bundle had gotten lost, somewhere between me jumping off the horse and hugging Vanora. Though it wasn't on the ground. I had to assume that Dagonet had taken it for me.

Instead of making my way to my room to gather some clothes and take a bath, I headed towards the stables. My mare was in a stall a few down from where I usually found her and when I approached her, she recognized me immediately. I didn't spend long with her, rubbing my hand over her nose, before I left the stables and went just outside of the wall. People were going in and out of the fort, for various reasons, but it was oddly quiet.

Bending my face up, I let the rain continue to pour onto me. In my mind, the rain was washing away every beating and bad memory that plagued my thoughts. The light sprinke had turn into a full downpour and I was beginning to shiver in the cold, but I did not want to leave just yet. I knew that my dress was going to be soaked, that I would probably leave trails of water behind me when I finally did make it to the rooms, but I didn't mind.

"You should head inside." I turned around in surprise at the voice, though the surprise softened when I saw that it was Tristan that had snuck up on me. He was always very quiet, very able to appear at a moment's notice.

"I'm not going to wash away. I just want to stay for a bit longer." He moved forward and I was able to enjoy the way the water made his hair cling to his face, the drops running over his cheeks and soaking his clothes. A glance at my own dress told me that now the water was just running off of it, having soaked up as much as it could.

"Your brother will be less than pleased if the day he brings you home, you catch ill." That was probably true. So with a sigh, and a last upward glance towards the gray sky, I followed the scout back into the fort. He stayed with me, walking beside me, as we slowly got closer to my room. Since he did not object or mention otherwise, I assumed I still had the same room.

Within sight of my door, I felt Tristan grab my wrist and twirl me around. I glanced at him curiously, opening my mouth to ask him what was wrong, when the question was swallowed by his mouth. I made a sound in the back of my throat, somewhere between refusal and acceptance, and pulled away with a small gasp.

"Not in the hall. Anyone can see." He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me towards my door, faster than I had been moving to begin with. He turned the doorknob and thrust us both into the room, his mouth back on mine before the door was even shut.

Tristan pushed us backwards, our mouths moving in desperation against one another, until my back hit the far wall. I was clutching his shirt in the front, feeling the water ooze between my fingers as I did so. I let go and moved my hands to his back, then back to his chest, to his arms and then to the back of his head and neck. My hands were roaming while his stayed put, one on the back of my neck and the other on my waist.

Emboldened by the kiss, I opened my eyes during the kiss and slowly started pushing him backwards. When he realized that I wasn't pushing him away but for him to move with me, we continued the kiss, but he kept his eyes closed. I was straining to see anything but the man I loved infront of me, trying to make sure that I was heading in the right direction.

I knew the moment the backs of his legs touched the bed because he stopped moving, swaying lightly, and opened his eyes. We had pulled apart and my chest was heaving, but when our eyes met, I had to fight the urge to swoon. There was a raw desire so apparent in his eyes that I moaned, leaning up to kiss him again. He forced my rough kisses to soften and I opened my eyes to see that he was asking my permission. I nodded and had to fight back a smile as he groaned into my mouth and wrapped a hand around my back, turning us so that I fell into the bed.

Our mouths broke momentarily as he moved to climb onto the bed and thus placed himself over me, pressing his mouth back to mine in a soft kiss. I leaned up into him, holding onto his neck with one hand and intertwining our fingers with the other. The wetness of our clothes and skin from the rain was making us stick to one another but I could not seem to care, or that we would be soaking my bed. I made a sound in the back of his throat, urging him to do something. The cold of the rain, the cold of the air, the cold of the unslept in bed. None of it could seem to offset the heat that was spreading over my skin because of him. There was a metallic feeling against my stomach and I reached into the dress pocket and pulled out the dagger. He took it from my fingers and flung it carelessly at the door and I heard the sound of a thunk as the blade sunk into the wood.

He grasped my hips and rolled us over so that I was on top of him. He let one hand roam up from the small of my back up to where the ties of my dress were and I pulled away from the kiss to look at him. I knew exactly where this was going and there was no way I was stopping it now. With a small nod, he pressed a kiss to my neck and slowly began untying the strings, pressing kisses and small bites to my neck and shoulder as it was exposed. He was just past half way done with the ties, my dress almsot falling down, when there was a knock at the door. We had no time to pull apart before the door opened.

I stared at the intruder, my face red from embarrassment, while Galahad stared back in with his mouth moving as if he was trying to speak. I quickly got off of the bed- and Tristan- and clutched a hand to the throat of my dress so that it would not come off and with my free hand, pulled Galahad into the room and shut the door again.

"What... is the... Arthur says that... in the meeting. Does your brother know?" It figured that that would be the question he got out fully. I cast a glance at Tristan, seeing that he was sitting very relaxed on the bed as if we hadn't been locked in a passionate embrace seconds ago. However the lines of his body belied that, I could tell just how tense he was.

"No. No, he doesn't. And he isn't going to, until we're ready to tell him." Another glance at Tristan told me that he hadn't reacted to my use of the plural "we". I knew that I was the reason we hadn't told Dagonet yet, but he respected that for me.

"I knew something was going on. The archery lesson, the eye contact, the... subtle flirting. I knew it. Am I the last to know?" I shook my head and then glanced at Tristan once again. Would he be surprised to hear just how many people knew about us?

"No. Dagonet and... Bors... are the only ones that don't know though." He nodded lightly and then crossed his arms, smirking a little uncertainly.

"You know, if you are trying to keep this a secret, it usually helps if you lock the door during your... affairs." I colored at the comment but he held up his hands, shrugged, and turned to leave. I watched as he paused and eyed the dagger that had been embedded into the door warily before opening the door and slipping out. From the other side of the door, he called to us.

"There is a meeting in the meeting hall, once everyone gets there." And then the sound of his footsteps.

I let out a breath and then pressed my free hand to my forehead, willing away the beginning of the headache that was forming there. I heard the footsteps before Tristan reached me so I was not surprised when he wrapped his arms around me, simply tucked my face into his neck.

"You should get ready for the meeting." He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before turning and leaving the room. I sagged from the slight exertion of the past few moments and then moved to the trunk, thankful that my dresses were there. I changed quickly, knowing that there was no way I could brush my hair and simply tying it at the nape of my neck, and then made my way to the door. Seeing the dagger, I pulled it from the door, shocked at the depth it had gone into the wood.

Mentally preparing myself, I shut the door behind me and headed towards the meeting hall.

* * *

**A/N:** I accidentally deleted this chapter but then, while trying to sleep, had gotten inspiration for a change anyways. I like how this one came out.  
The kissing scene ended up taking up a little more of the chapter than I had first planned. There was more, the scene with the meeting hall, that I was going to add but my laptop is dying and it's 5 AM. I've got work in three hours. Yea, that happened.  
Thank you to my readers, alerters, favoriters, as always. And to my reviewers and random emailers, you guys are too awesome, haha.  
Thank you as well to the people that told me they hoped that my daughter got better soon. She seems to be doing a little better but let's keep her fingers crossed that it's almost over.  
Soooo... now Bors and Dagonet are the only ones who don't know about our Tristan and Irissa. I wonder which one will find out next? Actually, I know which one. Muahaha. Okay, done rambling.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

No sneak peak this time. Since I just changed this chapter, I have to fit the next chapter to it. This will continue starting next chapter! Sorry.


	39. Chapter 39

**A Burning Sky**

Dagonet, Bors, Tristan and Galahad were already in the room when I arrived. I refused to look at Galahad, knowing that if I did look at him, I would probably start blushing and give myself away. A quick glance to Tristan as I went around the table to where my brother was sitting told me he was still dripping wet. My own hair was still damp but at least everyone would assume it was from bathing and not from being in the rain.

Once I was seated next to him, Dagonet reached over to grab my wrist. I glanced at him, thinking he wanted my attention, but noticed that he was in a deep conversation with Bors about something that I couldn't make out. He just wanted to touch me, to make sure that I was still there, so I moved my wrist around so that I could grab onto his hand. He paused in his sentence for a mere second before continuing, squeezing my hand as he did so.

Gawain came in next, smiling at me and moving to sit beside Galahad. He must have noticed the slightly vacant look on Galahad's face but didn't comment on it, merely stretching a bit and waiting for Lancelot and Arthur to join us so we could carry on.

Lancelot and Arthur came in at the same time, with Lancelot smiling widely at me and Arthur nodding in my direction. Once everyone was seated and paying attention, Arthur began.

"We are very fortunate to have Irissa back with us. I'm sure it will take no time at all for you to get comfortable again." Galahad mumbled something and we all looked at him, expecting him to continue but he shook his head to show he had no intention of it. However I watched as Gawain's eyes grew wide as the met mine, trying to hold onto his laughter. Resisting the urge to bang my head against the table, I turned to Arthur to listen to what else he had to say.

"This meeting is for Dagonet to tell us how the negotiations went to get Irissa back. As well, if she is up to it, we'd like Irissa to tell us about her time back at Grent's house." I glanced down to the table, not having expected that. Telling about my time at Grent's would not be that difficult for me, it was something I had already accepted. But it would be difficult for Dagonet to hear exactly what I went through in the short time I was away. He would blame himself and I didn't want that. It wasn't his fault that there are bad people in the world.

So without an answer from me, Arthur turned back to Dagonet and asked for him to explain what happened when he arrived. He told of Grent's reaction to his arrival, disbelief, and then his reaction to Dagonet's request to see me, anger.

"Irissa came in and didn't seem to notice me at first. When she finally did see me... well, she fainted." I felt my cheeks redden at that and let out a small laugh. Dagonet was still gripping my hand and I gave it a quick squeeze so that he would continue to speak.

"I explained that I was there to bring Irissa back, that we would regulate a payment and any condition he requested. It was strange though, he only requested that she never return to his lands. No payment at all. She then gathered her stuff and we left, before he could change his mind."

He explained a few other things, but I had drifted a bit back to Grent's house. He had let me go very easily. It was strange, out of character. The mere thought that Grent would do something out of the goodness of his heart, two words that neither described nor exsisted within him, was enough to cause me worry.

And apparently I wasn't the only one to pick up on this particular oddity. Lancelot spoke up after Dagonet had finished speaking.

"That does not seem like something Grent would do. Did he say anything else, give any reason as to why he was letting her go as such?" Dagonet squeezed my hand and shook his head slowly, the look in his eyes telling me that it was something he had thought about very often himself.

"Indeed. I will do my best to find out if there is something going on beyond what we know. Thank you Dagonet." Arthur nodded to his knight and then let his eyes wander over to me, where I was sitting very stiffly. I knew that if I requested not to talk about my time, they would respect my decision and we'd be dismissed. However I also knew that if I refused, they would simply assume the worse.

I began my tale quietly, to the point that I was sure only Dagonet could hear me. So I cleared my throat and began again.

Telling them of my arrival, how I was fine for the first few days, seemed almost cruel to start with but I had to go in order. I outlined my first few days, telling them of my chores and how the other servants were rather unkind towards me. And then slowly I told of my first beating, stumbling over a few of the words. They had to have known, though my eyes were fixed on the table and I couldn't see their expressions, that I would have had a difficult time.

Dagonet squeezed my hand at one point when he could tell that I was holding back. Grimacing, I recanted a little of my story and gave the harsher details of various injuries. The pressure on my hand seemed to get worse and I realized that my brother was squeezing my hand without realizing it. I twisted my hand back and forth so that he loosened his grip and continued.

By the end, I slowly raised my face to look at the knights around me. Most had their faces in controlled expressions of anger or sympathy, but only one had his face completely blank. Tristan wasn't even looking at me so I couldn't read his eyes, to see what he was thinking. Dagonet squeezed my fingers once again and I glanced at him before turning my gaze to see what he was looking at. Arthur's face was composed, as usual, but there was something just under the surface. Anger.

"There are no words, Irissa, for what you had to go through." There was something in his voice, akin to an apology, that made a small stone of acknowledgement roll into my stomach. Although I had known the chances of there ever being retribution for what I went through were slim, Arthur's voice told me that there was actually no chance. I nodded to him lightly, to let him know that I understood and didn't hold it against him in any way. It wasn't his fault, I knew that.

We talked for a while but I wasn't paying too much attention to the conversations. I wanted nothing more than to run from the room and go back to my own room, to crawl up and go to sleep. My story was told and the knights, knowing what I went through in more detail than before, might begin to treat me differently. Not my brother, because I had told him everything, but the others. I couldn't even raise my head to look at them, at Galahad and Gawain or Bors and Arthur, but definitely not Lancelot or Tristan. Lancelot was the closest thing I had besides Dagonet as a brother. And I loved Tristan in a very different way. It hurt worse to think that Lancelot or Tristan would treat me differently now, see me in a new light.

I squeezed Dagonet's hand and then feeling my knees shaking, stood up and headed from the room. I barely paused to toss a tense smile to the occupants of the room before I fully disappeared through the door and up the hallway. My hands were shaking and there was a coldness rushing over me as I tried to make my way to my bedroom. I could see the door in the distance but my feet didn't want to move and I could feel the tightness that had been growning, spurned from fear and worry, spread over my lungs and clench my stomach.

Wrapping one hand securely around my waist, I moved forward numbly and reached out with my free hand towards the door. I could feel my knees giving out from under me, but as quickly as I crumpled to the floor, I was picked up again. The hand that was hoisting me up was so familiar but I hadn't seen it in a while so I turned my face just a little, just enough to see the familiar outline of Lancelot. I felt him sigh as he half carried me to my room, struggling with his free hand to open the door as I had started slipping down again.

Once in the room, he pushed me onto the bed. The weight of the bed under me had memories of being in this room earlier with Tristan flashing through my mind's eye and I found myself blushing, though I was trying to hide it. Lancelot joined me, sitting beside me as I struggled to stay upwards.

"Are you ill?" I thought about it, my wet hair tickling the back of my neck as I shook my head to say that no I wasn't ill. My episode in the hallway, almost fainting it felt like, was more from fear and desperation than any illness possible.

"I was overwhelmed, after the meeting. I suppose... I just imagine... I don't want you all to forget who I am." Lancelot shot me a look and turned me to face him fully. I had been slowly slipping sideways, not in faint but in escape, so I sighed heavily when he righted me.

"Forget who you are?" I nodded and, despite my best intentions not to, divulged what I meant by that sentence.

"When I was first found, you knew that I had been through a tough time. You knew it but not everything. I just laid the past month onto the table, telling every encounter and every injury. I just... oh Lancelot. I do not want to be treated differently just because I had a difficult time." Lancelot sighed again and though I wanted to look away, I kept hold of his gaze. There was something there, a tiredness that was in all of the knights, but there was something else.

The sound that erupted from Lancelot told me that the other thing I saw was laughter.

"We're not going to treat you differently just because of that. Irissa, you don't understand what we think about you. The way you held yourself in that room, telling us all of that. You're so strong. None of us could ever think otherwise."

I hadn't been expecting that. My shoulders slumped in relief and, laughing a little myself, threw my arms around his shoulders. Lancelot's laughter settled and he hugged me back, running his fingers over my hair as if to calm me. When we parted though, his face was serious.

"I do have a question for you and I want you to be honest with me, even if it is difficult." Curious, I nodded and crossed my legs into me so that I could face him more. He took a few deep breaths, preparing himself for the question.

"While you were there, at Grent's, were you forced to do anything?" Confusion was my first emotion. I had been forced to leave, forced to work, beaten forcibly. But then recognition and embarrassment washed over me and I shook my head quickly to calm his worries.

"No. No, definitely not. Thankfully." It wasn't unheard of for servant girls to be forced into sexual relations with the lord that they served under, married or not. However Grent, as far as I knew, had never done that to anyone. He had been married once, at a very young age, but his wife had died. As far as I had been told or could tell myself, he had never looked at another woman that way since. And that was a long time before I had been there. And the guards, though sometimes rough with servants, usually left us alone besides that.

"I wanted to make sure. Because although we aren't allowed to do anything about it, I'm not sure that would have stopped any of us. Even Arthur." I laughed lightly, knowing very well that if something had happened to me, the knights would have charged back to Grent's house and done unmentionable horrors to whichever man had touched me.

We talked for a while longer, with me having missed these conversations almost more than I was willing to admit, before Lancelot's face became playfully mocking.

"Have you had time with your scout?" And then the blush was back and I tried my hardest not to look at the bed that we were seated on. Lancelot would never let me live it down if he heard, and there was a good chance he would chase after Tristan with his sword if he thought that I had almost been ravished. Though I had definitely been participating in said ravishing.

"We have had time, yes. It wasn't long before the meeting though." Lancelot's face, though slightly suspicious, became slightly more serious as he spoke again.

"He missed you. He may not say it, may not show it, but he did. Every night you were gone, he went down to the stables and would stand infront of your mare before getting his own and going scouting." I lowered my head with a smile, imagining Tristan doing that. I knew that he had missed me, but maybe it meant that his feelings were more than I assumed. There was a good chance that he loved me too.

"Lancelot... I think I'm ready to tell Dagonet about Tristan and I."

* * *

**A/N:** I AM SO SORRY! I really, really, really can't explain how sorry I am that I disappeared like that for a week. My older sister went into labor on Tuesday and had her baby (Joseph, 8 lbs, 10 ozs, 21 inches long, 13 hours of labor) at 8:10 on Wednesday.  
With work, online classes, two kids of my own, helping my sister take care of her son (because I love babies, not because I don't think she can handle it), and then this little thing called sleep... I've been spread thin.  
However here is the chapter, I'm sorry. It also took me so long to write because I was losing motivation to write anything but I watched the movie and got motivated again.  
So thank you to the readers, alerters, favoriters, reviewers. Honestly, you guys are amazing. I'm sorry for making you all wait. Here it is!

By the way! If anyone would like to do me a favor? Either in your review, a private message, or even an email... tell me what your favorite movie is and why. This may sound strange but I am running out of movies to watch and would like some ideas. So I thought, why not as you guys? So just let me know what your favorite movie is (or one you just want me to watch) and I will definitely look into it! :]

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"Dagonet, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I wasn't sure how you would take it though so I haven't, but I'm ready now." My brother glanced up from where he was washing his hands and nodded. I could feel that he was tossing glances over my shoulder, at the two men behind me, and I tried to refrain from doing the same, wanting nothing more than a comforting smile from either of them.

"You know you can tell me anything Irissa. I'm your brother." I swallowed, wondering just how he was going to take the news. It was a good thing I asked Lancelot to come along. Perhaps he would be able to keep my brother from killing Tristan, or better yet, me.


	40. Chapter 40

**A Burning Sky**

Lancelot had talked me into waiting a few days before telling Dagonet, at least until I was able to figure out the right way to do so. It came as a shock to me, the readiness I felt when I thought about it. Although I was ready for my brother to know about Tristan and I being together, I knew that I needed to talk to Tristan and make sure he was ready as well. Keeping my thoughts to myself and telling Lancelot I'd see him later, I had gathered my clothes and made my way to the bathing room.

I washed away the dirt and sweat that had become permanent on me, that even the torrential downpour earlier had not washed away. It had been so long since I had taken such a thorough bath. Using a cloth to wipe my face wasn't the same as sitting in such a large bathing area with amazing smelling oils to rub into my skin and hair. I took my time rubbing the sweet smelling oils into my skin and working it through my hair, wincing at various bruises and cuts and bruises that littered my body, as well as the knots in my hair that I hadn't worked out yet. I would have to ask Vanora to help me trim it down again soon, my hair was becoming too long again.

After I was dried and dressed, I made my way back to my room where I deposited my clothes and began working on the knotted wet hair that was dampening the back of my dress. I thought about what would happen when I tell Dagonet about Tristan and I, and I thought about Tristan when I tell him that I was ready to tell Dagonet. Each scenario that I thought of seemed plausible but none of them comforted me. I knew my brother and I knew Tristan, both well enough that I could guess their actions, but for some reason I could not fathom this.

I had not planned, when I had come to find my brother so long ago, to fall in love with one of his fellow knights. To be truthful, the thought of loving someone hadn't come across my mind in some time. I knew enough about it to know that it wasn't something you could plan, but then I wondered... what if I could plan it? Would I, knowing now what I know of Tristan, still plan to fall in love as I had?

The questions, unanswered and more confusing than helpful, left my mind as a knock came to the door. Pushing the comb through my hair one more time before I stood, I shook my head a few times to rid myself of the thoughts that had been momentarily running through my mind. As I opened the door though, I could feel them pushing back as if to return.

"Tristan." He nodded to me and waited almost expectantly at the door so I opened it a little more to let him in. Once in, I shut the door behind me and turned around. He had crossed the room silently and had sat down on the edge of my bed so I moved to where he was sitting beside him.

Silence was a very strange thing. The fact that nothing was being said did not mean that nothing was being corresponded between the two of us. I could feel and see, though the tells he gave me were minute, that he was thinking about my story that I told in the meeting hall. The story of my re-imposed slavery had effected the knight, as his hands clenched and unclenched on his knees. I placed my hand lightly over one of his and felt it still.

This was my time to tell exactly what had been on my mind, to tell Tristan that I was ready to tell Dagonet about us. I opened my mouth twice, only to snap it shut again. He always told me that he was willing to tell Dagonet when I was ready. He would not have come back here, after our exchange earlier and then the meeting after that, if he did not still have those powerful feelings for me.

"I think, that is if it's okay with you, that I'm ready to tell Dagonet." I didn't have to specify what exactly I was to tell my brother. Tristan looked up from our hands and sent me a small smile, barely there but detectable to anyone that knew him well enough.

"Of course it is. I will be there with you."

"I think that Lancelot should be there too. In case something goes terribly wrong, he can negotiate it for us." Tristan was generally a private person but he nodded at my idea, accepting it readily.

"That might be for the best." He turned his hand over and squeezed mine with it before standing and moving towards the door. He stopped before fully reaching the door and turned back to me. I made my way over to him, my eyebrows coming together in confusion as to why he stopped. With one of his smiles, rare that it was more openly shown, he bent down and captured my lips in a small kiss. I smiled into it and pressed myself forward, maintaining the contact.

His hand had raised to lock over the back of my neck, tucked under my still wet hair, and rubbed lightly at the skin there. It was creating chills down my spine and I laughed into the kiss at the sensation, pulling back a little to smile up at him.

He kissed my temple softly before turning away and opening the door to leave. I stepped away from the door myself and moved to grab my comb again, running it through my hair although it was thoroughly untangled now. Now all I had to do was to tell Dagonet.

There was a small sense of doubt that crept into my mind now that I had told Tristan my plan. I was unsure of exactly what I would be telling Dagonet. Would I be telling him that I was involved with Tristan or that we were in love? The doubt was swept away with the decision to simply say that I was involved with Tristan. More could be brought forth if needed. Though I wasn't particularly sure if telling him I loved him, for the first time, infront of my brother would be the best time.

The next few days passed in a strange imitation of normal. Lancelot would give me a grin every time he saw me, one that mocked me but reassured me in the same instance. The rest of the knights were kind and playful as usual, with Arthur sometimes even participating in the impromptu exchange of wit. Dagonet and I hadn't had much time by ourselves to talk about anything, much less for me to bring up that I wanted to meet him privately to tell him something. The moment finally came though when Lancelot and I had been walking by and Dagonet happened to be heading into his room, as the night started to take hold. Dagonet had admitted to wanting to turn in early and the look that Lancelot gave me told me that it might have been now or never.

"Dagonet!" He turned around and smiled to see me, nodding to his fellow knight.

"Irissa. Lancelot." I was shifting from foot to foot, trying to figure out just how to word what I wanted to say next.

"Lancelot, do you mind waiting with Dagonet? I need to get something. Dagonet, I have something very important to talk to you about. If you could wait with Lancelot, I'll be right back. Promise." And with a kiss to both of their cheeks, before they could protest, I took off down the hall. Lancelot and I had seen Tristan heading towards the stables but I could only hope I would catch him before he took off into the night.

Indeed he was simply running his hands over his horse. I slid to a halt infront of him, breathing a little erratically. He glanced up in confusion, maybe tinging on worry at my appearance, but it settled when I addressed him.

"Dagonet and Lancelot are waiting for us." He nodded lightly before leaving the stall, shutting the door behind him and running a hand over the horse's nose. When he arrived at my side, he gave my hand a squeeze and started to let go but I turned my own hand so that our palms were next to one another and wrapped my fingers tightly around his own. We had never expressed our opinions on displays of affection in public, but when he squeezed my hand in response, I knew he wasn't completely adverse.

At the door to Dagonet's room, I slowly pulled my hand out of his and smiled up at him. He smiled back and moved forward before I had the chance to turn away, pressing his lips to mine lightly. That kiss, that tiny and barely a touch kiss, gave me the courage I needed to open the door and smile at the confused face of Dagonet and the impatient face of Lancelot.

The four of us shifted, with Dagonet wondering why such a strange group was in his room. Tristan opted to stand, taking up position close to Lancelot who was sitting in a chair near the bed. I sat beside my brother on his bed, angling myself so that I could see everyone's face. Tristan continued to give me encouraging smiles, though the other two knights wouldn't have been able to catch them. Lancelot was doing his best to reassure me with little nods of his head, or a light twitch of his wrist. And poor Dagonet seemed to be getting more confused as the time went on.

Finally he stood and excused himself to the other side of the room where he approached his washing basin to wash his hands. I stood up and approached him slowly, standing just far enough away in case something happened.

"Dagonet, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I wasn't sure how you would take it though so I haven't, but I'm ready now." My brother glanced up from where he was washing his hands and nodded. I could feel that he was tossing glances over my shoulder, at the two men behind me, and I tried to refrain from doing the same, wanting nothing more than a comforting smile from either of them.

"You know you can tell me anything Irissa. I'm your brother." I swallowed, wondering just how he was going to take the news. It was a good thing I asked Lancelot to come along. Perhaps he would be able to keep my brother from killing Tristan, or better yet, me.

"Well, here goes. Dagonet, I am... and have been for quite some time now... involved with-" Dagonet had turned around, not so suddenly that I was justified in stopping mid-sentence, and I found myself unable to read the expression on his face. My brother and I had spent enough time together that I should have been able to do so without a problem, but there was something so hidden in his expression that I couldn't figure it out. I opened my mouth again, but before I could restart or even finish my sentence, he was talking.

"You are involved with Tristan. Yes, I know." To say that I was dumbfounded would be putting it lightly. How had he known? I glanced over at Tristan and Lancelot, seeing that Lancelot looked as surprised as I felt but Tristan looked as inscrutable as ever.

"You knew?" Dagonet nodded, his face not changing but turned back around to the washing basin to dry his hands.

"Yes, I knew. Now, if you two will excuse us, I would like to have a word with Tristan alone. Just stand outside the door, please Irissa, for I wish to have a word with you as well." I nodded and grabbed Lancelot's arm, pulling him from his seat and towards the door, barely tossing a shaking smile at Tristan before shutting the door behind us.

Lancelot was trying his hardest, and not doing so well, to control his laughter. Although there was something almost foreboding in the way that my brother had spoken, I found myself laughing as well.

"How do you think he figured it out?" Lancelot shrugged at my question, a little while later as we leaned against the wall and waited for Dagonet and Tristan to finish speaking.

"The fact that he knew and didn't comment on it must be a good sign though. However he could rival Tristan in being uneasy to read, at least tonight. Did you see his face?" I prepared to speak but the door opened and Tristan stepped out. He gave my hand a brief squeeze as I stepped into the room and saw that Dagonet was shifting through his clothes, presumably looking for tears that needed to be fixed.

"Irissa, please sit." I hesitated at the chair and then slowly lowered myself on it. Dagonet glanced up and took in my form, sitting stock straight and almost painfully still in the uncomfortable chair, and he laughed.

"Come here." He motioned for me to join him on the bed and I did, laughing under my breath as I did so. I had imagined this to be some sort of inquisition, but Dagonet had other things in mind.

"I'm glad you finally told me. And before you ask, I've only known since you were taken. I had suspected that you were involved with someone, perhaps one of the knights or perhaps one of the guards, but it was when you were away at Grent's that I was finally able to put it together. Tristan is very good at hiding his emotions, but sometimes even he slips."

I smiled fondly as I glanced at the door, knowing that the knight in question was just outside the door. Dagonet saw my smile and squeezed my hand in his.

"You care for him greatly, don't you?" I nodded, not even bothering with a pretense that this was less than it was.

"I really do. I'm not sure when it happened, but Dagonet, I think I've fallen in love with him. I tell myself that I have, but I've never been in love before. I don't know what it feels like. But I think it feels like this." Dagonet smiled again, shaking his head lightly. He reached up and cupped my chin, turning me so that I faced him fully.

"As long as you are happy, sister, I am more than happy for you." I smiled, feeling tears that I hadn't expected start to sting my eyes, and then wrapped my brother in a crushing hug. He laughed into the hug and took only a moment to adjust himself so that he could hug me back.

In a few minutes I would leave the room and approach Tristan and either shyly or bravely, depending on which emotion hit me first upon leaving the room, kiss him in the middle of the hallway with no fear of having to hide. But for now, with that in the near future, I held onto my brother and laughed through the happiest tears I could manage.

* * *

**A/N: **I cannot begin to express how sorry I am about the wait. It's been over a week! I am so, so, so, so, so sorry. My laptop crashed rather spectacularly and then when it finally came back to life, my internet fritzed and has been gone for WAY too long to be healthy. On top of that, school, two jobs (eek), twins and sleep, I've also stumbled upon some family problems that have just made this, quite possibly, the longest week EVER.  
That, however, is in the past. I am back. And before anyone messages me with death threats, I don't plan on stopping this story or putting it on hiatus. I will finish it, but sometimes the world comes first.  
SO! Irissa finally told Dagonet about her and Tristan. I don't know if anyone expected him to say "Yea, I know" but haha, I thought it was a nice change. Have Dagonet okay with it and have Lancelot be the one that flew slightly off the handle when he found out. Little irony that I like.  
The next chapter should (and will!) come up today. Also, I'm really sorry for not answering anything recently in the way of reviews/private messages/emails. However I am going to get right on that today, I promise.

Thank you for not abandoning me, because I did not abandon you. And thank you all that participated in my "I need new movies" moment. I've compiled the list to start looking for them! If you have any other ones you want me to watch, please just keep sending them in.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"That was a very bad idea. You shouldn't have done that." I had one hand up next to my mouth, not touching it but simply floating there. There was a throbbing in my head that made me close my eyes to the scene infront of me. There was a small tingling on my lips, the only reminder with my eyes closed that what happened had actually happened. It wasn't just me imagining things, though I don't think even I could have imagined that. I would never have imagined that kiss.


	41. Chapter 41

**A Burning Sky**

When I reached the tavern the next morning, it felt as if nothing had changed. No one was staring at me or whispering. Vanora sent me a smile that had no hidden meaning, which told me only one thing. That she hadn't heard yet that I came out about my relationship with Tristan. There was never a doubt in my mind, I had every intention of telling her about it as soon as I could get the moment.

Everyone else came down slowly, except for Arthur and Galahad. They weren't to be seen at the moment. Dagonet gave me a smile and a brief nod of the head before turning to the plate that Vanora had set infront of him. Gawain made a motion towards me, as if asking me to join them, so I stepped forward to sit down when an arm was wrapped around my waist and pulled me backwards. Before I could think, before I could even open my mouth to protest, I was pressed firmly against the chest of a male, with his mouth on mine.

A familiar hand was pressed against my neck and I smiled into the kiss, raising my hands to grip onto his arms, his shoulders, and finally threading into his hair and twirling around familiar braids. Tristan smiled as we parted, the small smile that I could pick out very easily. When we fully separated, me turning back to the knights and him turning to leave, I wasn't surprised to see that their faces held a range of different emotions. Dagonet was smiling into his breakfast while Lancelot waited for me to look at him before rolling his eyes. Gawain seemed surprised at the show of affection but with a look at Dagonet, he must have realized that we weren't hiding anything anymore.

Vanora was standing beside Bors, with a large smile on her face, that only got larger as a very confused and bewildered Bors turned to face her.

"When did that happen?" His voice was incredulous, if toned down so not to draw too much attention to him. I rolled my eyes and sat beside Gawain, picking up the bread from his plate to eat as I waited for Vanora's response.

"It's been going on for a few months, right Irissa?" I nodded to Vanora, smiling through the bite I had just taken, and laughed as Bors sat down heavily in his seat.

"And I didn't know? How didn't I know? Did everyone else know?" He looked around the table and his face slowly fell as everyone else nodded, even Dagonet. Although Dagonet was only told last night, he had apparently guessed it a while before.

Vanora patted her lover's shoulder before crossing over to my side and motioning to me with her finger to follow her. I bid the knights a goodbye, laughing once more at Bors' confused face, and joined Vanora away from the tavern patrons.

"Were you going to tell me about this?" I knew that if I could see myself, I would have a silly smile upon my face.

"We just told Dagonet last night. That particular show of affection was a complete surprise for me." Vanora smiled and tapped my cheek a few times before turning back to the table infront of her, wiping it off with her hand and then with the spare rag she had tucked in her dress.

"Never would have taken Tristan to be one for romantics, nor for being so possessive. Oh, surely you must see why he did that? So that no one could question who you were with." At my confused look, she had explained what she meant by calling Tristan possessive. I hadn't thought of it that way and though I'm sure I should have bristled at the thought, I couldn't help but feel a surge of wonder and happiness that he cared so much. He hadn't been able to do more than glance at me before, but now he could show how much he cared. It was thrilling.

We talked for a while longer before I excused myself and headed out of the tavern and walked around the fort, nodding and smiling at the people that came across my path. I stopped to talk to a few of them, remembering a few of the villagers or regular visitors. The discussions were short, the common thread being that they were happy to see me back at the fort. I would smile and thank them and continue on my walk, not really feeling up to conversation.

It was on the hill, looking over the field infront of me, a side of the fort that I usually didn't frequent, that I finally stopped. There were a few people around, mostly guards, but I kept my attention on the field infront of me. The wind was blowing the long blades of grass back and forth and I could spot the shape of a bird circling just above the trees in the distance. My first thought, however unfounded, was that it was Hawk. I was content with imagining every bird in the sky as the bird that reminded Tristan of me.

"Irissa? I had heard you were back at the fort, I just haven't seen you yet!" I turned at the abrupt voice and stared at the Roman guard infront of me. He was young and only a little taller than I was, his face familiar but his name not so much. It hit me quickly, so that I did not seem rude, that he was the guard that I had sparred with after it was decided that I would not go on any other missions for a while, before I met Galenus, the hateful guard. His name came a second later; Virgil.

"I've only been here for a few days, not many people have seen me yet." He laughed and approached me, resting his hand lightly on his sword as he looked over the field with me. I barely knew the knight but I didn't mind his company very much. He reminded me, in some small way, of Amicus, who I missed dearly.

"It's beautiful today. The perfect weather." I laughed, unable to help myself.

"Maybe for this land. I've seen such weather though, such beautiful weather. The sun never seems to make it through the clouds here." He laughed as well, angling himself closer to me as if he was going to tell me some deep secret.

"In fact, I wonder how the lands offer up anything. Thankfully they do not seem adverse to drowning on a regular basis." We shared another laugh and I turned to face out towards the field again, not noticing that the guard did not resume the appropriate amount of space between us.

Contrary to what we were saying, there were a few rays of sunlight breaking through the clouds and hitting the grass, and I watched entranced at the sight of the light reflecting off the dew on the grass. It reminded me of the way the sun would reflect on the grass in the early morning, just as the sun was coming up, in Sarmatia. The light would hit the grass and it would make the scene look twice as bright as usual. These few days, when the sun came up before the air would dry, would be some of my favorite to wake up to.

I turned to tell this to Virgil, wanting nothing more than to share with someone the memories that were just brought up for me, and felt myself freeze at the feel of a pair of lips against mine. Virgil's mouth was small and dry, but he wasn't pressuring me with the kiss. It was a light touch of lips, which I ended quickly by pulling away and putting distance between us.

"That was a very bad idea. You shouldn't have done that." I had one hand up next to my mouth, not touching it but simply floating there. There was a throbbing in my head that made me close my eyes to the scene infront of me. There was a small tingling on my lips, the only reminder with my eyes closed that what happened had actually happened. It wasn't just me imagining things, though I don't think even I could have imagined that. I would never have imagined that kiss.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." I opened my eyes, hand shaking as I lowered it back to my side, and shook my head.

"No, you weren't." Without another word, another apology or maybe an excuse from him, I turned and walked quickly back towards the inner workings of the fort. My sight landed on the tavern and I spotted Vanora, but she was still with Lancelot and Bors. I lifted my skirt a little as I walked over a muddy puddle and made my way towards the stables.

My horse was sitting in her stall, looking very much like she had been waiting for me. From over the stall door, I ran my fingers over her nose and neck. What just happened? Virgil hadn't been present in the tavern earlier in the morning, so he hadn't seen Tristan kiss me and very much brand me as his.

There was a sound and I turned around quickly, smacking my hand painfully against the wood of the stall. Clutching my hand, I looked around but there was no one in sight. I turned back to my horse but my hand was throbbing so I turned around and headed back to the door. I approached the tavern slower, thinking that if I took my time, everyone would have cleared out. Vanora was cleaning the table that Lancelot and Bors had seemingly just vacated. With my hand clutched in pain, I made my way towards her.

"Irissa. Your brother wanted me to make sure you got something to eat... what happened? You're pale as death." Vanora had dropped her cloth and was now pressing her hands against my face, as if that would ward away whatever was wrong with me. I could only wish.

"I... you see... I... I hit my hand." I didn't have the nerve to tell her what happened with Virgil. I hadn't instigated it, I had pulled away, but it still felt as if I had somehow betrayed Tristan by even letting it happen. As if I should have developed foresight and known it was going to happen before it did.

She made a tutting sound in the back of her throat and grabbed my hand, inspecting it for any cuts or broken bones and then lead me to the back area where she dipped a rag in the bucket that held the cold water that was pulled up from the well. She wrapped it over my hand a few times and then smiled lightly, but firmly.

"There. However, I know you. A bruised hand would not make you seem as if you had seen a ghost. So will you tell me? Has something happened?" I shook my head, running my fingers over the cold cloth before finally pulling it away. I hadn't hit my hand hard enough to need the cloth.

"No. Well, maybe, yes." Vanora waited for me to give her anything but when I didn't, she pulled me even further away from any prying ears, though it was too early in the morning for the gossip mongers to be waiting to hear something.

"Tell me, or I'll make you babysit for me for a month." I smiled wanly at the threat but then took a deep breath, feeling the small shudder that my chest gave at the effort, and then let it out.

"I don't know what to do Vanora. I was... I was kissed, just now."

Vanora, who had started to stiffen in anticipation for whatever it was that I was going to say, relaxed visibly.

"Oh Irissa. It was early in the morning, only the knights really saw it. You shouldn't-"

"No, no you don't understand. After I left the tavern, after Tristan kissed me... one of the guards. He kissed me." Vanora's face, which had been in a motherly smile when trying to calm my nerves about Tristan's display, fell suddenly at that.

"One of the guards forced himself on you? You have to tell your brother. And Arthur. They should be-"

"No, it's not like that. He wasn't trying to... it was just a small kiss. It was probably an accident. Please, Vanora, you musn't tell anyone."

Vanora had been seconds from rushing to the door, ready to call the knights to arms to defend my honor, but she stopped when she saw my face and heard my plea. I was reaching out with my good hand to grab her wrist if necessary.

"But... if it was an accident, surely you could still tell someone." I lowered my head, knowing exactly who she was talking about.

"Vanora, I just... I am finally able to say that Tristan is mine and I am his. I wouldn't want there to be a problem with us because of this. It was nothing and it will never happen again. Please, promise me you won't tell anyone." Vanora opened her mouth, most likely to disagree, but then she promptly closed it.

"I understand. Okay, Irissa, silence is the word." I nodded and wrapped my arms around her lightly and then pulling away and turning to leave the tavern.

I walked around the fort again, this time staying to more populated areas and jerking every time I saw a Roman. My mind was in chaos, trying to decide if this was a good idea or not. Perhaps telling Tristan would be the best, to let him know what happened. I wasn't to blame and I wouldn't have to tell him who it was that kissed me, not even if he asked me. Even if I did, he wouldn't go after a Roman guard just because he kissed me. Arthur would never allow it. However it was Tristan and I wasn't sure that he would adhere to the rules he was supposed to in that case.

Undecided if I had made the right decision, I made my way to my room. I had been walking for a while and my legs were starting to hurt. When I reached my room, I was surprised to see Dagonet moving away from my door as if he had been waiting for me. When he spotted me he stopped walking and waited for me to join him. I slowed down, wondering what exactly it was that he was wanting me for.

"Vanora told me about earlier." My heart shuddered as I thought about the implications. What would he say, or think, about it? And why had Vanora broken her promise that she had made just hours ago?

"She did?" My voice, thankfully, was very calm. Dagonet nodded and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"Yes. I told her not to let you escape without eating but you are a difficult one to get ahold of. So I'm going to make sure you get something to eat and then, if you're up to it, you can join us for a quick spar?" I shot him a smile, hoping that it wasn't shaking as much as my insides were, and then turned to face forward. Vanora hadn't given me away after all. That was good.

But having a guilty conscience really was going to take a toll on me.

* * *

**A/N: **That took longer than normal, sorry. I had forgotten that the 9th was the first game of the season (American football) and the Saints were playing the Vikings. And for those that don't know, I'm a New Orleans girl. So beware, there will be a lot of coming New Orleans Saints rants and raves, haha. The 10th was also my brother's birthday (the big 2-5) and then the 11th was my best friend's birthday. So today was my first free day in a while, haha.  
Dun dun dun. I'm not sure if anyone guess that was coming after the last preview but, ta-da, that's what I did. What will this mean for Irissa and Tristan? You're going to have to read to find out, won't you?  
Also, hooray for making over 40 chapters, over 200 reviews, and over 100,000 words. I'm a very happy girl today, thank you to all of my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters.  
Thanks to everyone for your movie suggestions. If you want to, keep 'em coming. I'm going to start watching them soon.

To my reviewers that don't have an account:  
_**jeff**_, Thank you. I'm glad that you're still reading this story!  
_**narnian gypsy**_, Thank you for your additions to my movie listing!  
_**Elea**_, Thank you thank you for your kind words. I love to hear (see?) that my readers are really enjoying my story. I know that _A Burning Sky_ hasn't been at the top of the update list recently, but I'm gonna try to change that, haha. And I have to tell you how much I LOVE you for mentioning _After The Wedding_ because I absolutely love that movie. I've basically seen all of Mads Mikkelsen movies. Thank you for your lovely review! :]

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Gawain looked back and forth, to the bird and then back to me, as if one of us would change if he wasn't looking. Galahad simply threw his hands into the air and turned from the stables, shaking his head and mumbling as he left. I shifted from foot to foot with Hawk gripping her talons into my bare arm.

"I'm sure you've seen stranger things than this."


	42. Chapter 42

**A Burning Sky**

After eating a good breakfast, I ran back to my room and quickly changed into the outfit that I had made so long ago but had never gotten to wear into battle. The pants were a little too loose on me again and the shirt was baggy in an uncomfortable way. I tied a length of cloth around my waist, rolling the top of the pants over it so that it would be secure. Once I pulled on a sturdier pair of shoes, I tied my hair back in a braid glanced at myself in the mirror.

I was a little anxious, of course, to be down there with the knights and possibly Roman guards. I blanched at the thought of Virgil being there again and almost just curled into my bed again. Instead I strapped on my sword and daggers and took a breath to prepare myself before leaving my room and making my way to the field. Walking towards the field, I rolled the sleeves of my shirt up so that they were just above my elbow. It gave me more movement and I didn't feel so restricted.

As I approached, I could distinctly make out the forms of a few knights and a few Romans. Reminding myself that reacting would only cause a problem, one that I was trying to avoid in the first place, I continued to walk and told myself contiuously not to make a scene if Virgil was there. I would have to act as if there was nothing wrong. It was easier said than done when I finally approached the circle and noticed that Virgil was standing a little ways away from the knights, talking animatedly with the other Roman guards there.

Steadying my breath, I continued forward until I was right beside Dagonet. I shook myself lightly before putting on a smile, covering up the confusion that I had swirling in my head.

"Ah, you're here. We were just talking about who would go first. Perhaps you would? Would you feel more comfortable going against one of us or one of the guards?" I didn't even let my eyes shift to the guards that I knew were standing in a group just a few paces away. By now Virgil had to have recognized me.

"With my recent interactions with Roman guards, perhaps it would be best if I went against one of you." Dagonet nodded and turned to look at the other knights present before Lancelot stepped forward, swinging one of his swords with a laugh.

"If I may have the honor?" I laughed as well, pulling my own sword from my hip and testing its weight with a few quick swings before getting into a prepared stance. Having not even so much as held a sword in almost a month, the first blow that I had to block almost had me rolling backwards. Lancelot had seen my reaction and looked prepared to call it quits but I lunged at him playfully, to silently tell him that I was okay.

We sparred for a little while as the others seem to also pair off to fight. Sweat was already dripping over my forehead and making my palms slick, gripping the sword becoming all that more difficult. As we went against one another, I was slowly remembering everything I had been taught.

"You seem a little distracted today Irissa." I blocked the blow that Lancelot was dealing me, wincing at the pain that was slowly creeping through my arm. He saw my wince but knew better than to ask if I wanted to stop, instead he simply prepared himself for my swing. I swung to the left and then with a great push, I changed directions and just barely missed hitting him with the sword on his shoulder.

"Maybe not, maybe not." I laughed but didn't swing back out at him, instead deciding to call it a truce and return my sword to my hip. When in actual battle, the adrenaline coursed through my and made me push through the exhaustion that I felt. However simply fighting Lancelot who I knew would never hurt me on purpose wasn't enough to make the tiredness go away.

"I am a little distracted, but it's nothing to worry about." He nodded, showing only the slightest signs of being spent, and moved to stand next to me and observe the other pairs. Dagonet had two Romans going after him but he seemed to be handling himself very well.

"Where is Tristan?" Lancelot looked around, as if just now noticing that Tristan wasn't present. These sparring matches weren't mandated, Arthur came to them very rarely, but Tristan had been present at all of the ones I had taken part in.

"I suppose he is out scouting, or just busy with other things. It's not uncommon for everyone not to be present during these matches." I nodded and didn't offer anything else, simply watching the pairs fight one another.

A quick glance told me that Virgil was one of the guards not sparring, but instead he was looking at me with such regret. He knew that what he had done was wrong, that he definitely shouldn't have done it, but there seemed to be nothing I could to relieve the guilt that I felt myself. It was an accident, a mistake.

Perhaps it would be better if I did tell Tristan about what happened. He would understand, surely, and not hold it against me. It would better anyways if I told him now instead of him somehow finding out at a later time. With that in mind, I nodded lightly to Lancelot and waited until I caught Dagonet's eye to nod to him before leaving. Lancelot had rolled his eyes, imagining that I was looking for Tristan for purely romantic reasons. If only it was that simple.

The first place I looked for Tristan was the stables. I didn't really think I would find him there but I knew that if he was away from the fort, his horse would be gone. And indeed, the stall that usually housed his horse was empty. I turned to my mare and ran my hand over her nose lightly while thinking. I was interrupted from my thoughts by a strange sound, one I couldn't place until I turned around and spotted a black bird sitting on the door of an empty stall and staring at me, head cocked sideways.

I held my hand out to her, very surprised as she took flight and landed on my arm, her talons pressing painfully into the skin of my arm. Not wanting to disrupt her, I simply bit my bottom lip through the pain.

"Well good afternoon Hawk. It's been a while since I've seen you." The bird made a sound and shifted her feet and continued to look at me. There was something about her, the tilt to her head and the way she was looking at me, that made me think she was asking me a question.

"I have a lot on my mind. You wouldn't want to hear about it." She made another sound, unlike the one before, and sidestepped further up my arm, edging closer to my elbow. I tried to peer under her, to see if she was cutting the skin, but couldn't see anything under her and in the dark light.

"Do you want to hear about it?" I must have imagined her nodding her head, for there was no way that the bird could actually understand what I was saying, but I still found myself shrugging my free shoulder.

"Something happened, something that I'm not proud of. And... well, I really need to speak to Tristan about it. Not that I think you would tell him instead, but it's very important that I tell him and no one else. I don't want to hurt him. He- oh!" I had slowly been turning while speaking, being surprised by what I saw standing in the doorway of the stables.

Gawain looked back and forth, to the bird and then back to me, as if one of us would change if he wasn't looking. Galahad simply threw his hands into the air and turned from the stables, shaking his head and mumbling as he left. I shifted from foot to foot with Hawk gripping her talons into my bare arm.

"I'm sure you've seen stranger things than this." Gawain nodded, to show that he had indeed seen stranger things.

"You were talking to the bird Irissa. You sounded so much like Tristan, talking to her like she was about to just talk back." There was a sense of incredulity in his voice and I found myself blushing, turning my head a little to make it not as obvious.

"Is that... is that why Galahad just turned around and left as if I had gone mad?" Gawain tossed a glance over his shoulder, though I wasn't sure Galahad would even be in sight anymore, and laughed.

"Most likely. He's only now becoming accustomed to the relationship, you see, so that you're now taking on some of Tristan's quirks is probably a little difficult for him to handle."

I nodded but didn't say anything else, instead turning back to the bird. Hawk was staring at Gawain, as if she had been listening to him speak, and let out a small caw. It scared me and I jumped a little, having the bird grip tighter with her talons so that she wouldn't fall. I could feel something on my arm besides her feet, moving down and then dripping. The stinging told me that she had cut into my arm and I was bleeding.

Gawain turned around and left, laughing under his breath and telling me that he'd see me in the tavern, and I turned back to the bird. However she was not looking at me but to the other side of the stables where the door was opened. I watched the door for a second and then back to the bird. She was waiting for something, probably for Tristan to return.

There was a loud sound, like something large and heavy being dropped, coming from just outside of the stable which in turn caused the horses to rear up and start to make a lot of noise. This caused Hawk to become unsettled and she started to flap her wings while still gripping onto my arm. Her claws were tearing more into my flesh and I wanted to cry out with the pain but I didn't want to scare her more. I turned at a stray movement from the open door in the back.

Tristan was leading his horse in and halted when he saw me, my bare arm holding up the bird, with blood dripping from where her talons were, and me with tears in my eyes. He dropped his horse's reins and rushed forward but calmly enough that Hawk wasn't scared even more. He murmured to her quietly and jerked his hand in an almost imperceptible movement. She gave a quiet caw before releasing my arm and dropping onto his. He spoke to her in a quiet voice, running a finger over her head, while I turned around and walked towards the better light. There were a few small scratchs on my arms, barely bleeding, but then there were three very deep ones that stung horribly. Blood was dripping from the cuts and running down my arm as I tried to maneuver it to get a better look.

Suddenly Tristan was there, grabbing my arm and moving so that he could look at the cuts. He made a sound in the back of his throat and turned away, moving to the far wall. I cast a glance around the stable to see that Hawk was gone. He must have sent her off.

Tristan returned, brandishing a clean cloth which he pressed lightly against the cuts. I closed my eyes, biting onto my lip so that I wouldn't cry out. He removed the cloth and folded it so that the bloodied part was facing up and then pressed the clean part back against the cuts and this time I did cry out, for he was pushing harder.

"I know it hurts." He stepped forward and pressed his hand to the small of my back, urging me forward. He was guiding me, with his hand still clamped over the cloth on my arm, quickly through the fort and towards the rooms. Once up the stairs and down the first hallway, he directed me to his door which he opened and then ushered me in.

Inside he tossed the bloodied cloth to the ground and grabbed a clean one, dipping it into the water basin and then returning to my side. He glanced into my eyes and waited until I nodded, showing that I was ready, and let him swipe the wet cloth over each individual cut to get out and dirt that may have been left from Hawk's talons. Tristan was moving as gently as he could, knowing just how much pain I must be in, but he was also being very proficient.

When he was done, he grabbed some thin cloth and tied it over the cuts and then, with a small smile, pressed a kiss to the cloth over the injury. I found myself blushing again but I didn't even bother trying to hide it.

"Thank you." He nodded and then moved me so that I was sitting on his bed with me. He raised his hand to my cheek, running his thumb over the skin just beside my mouth.

"What happened?" I turned my head down to face the cuts, remembering exactly the events that lead to me being in the stables and finding Hawk.

"There's something... something I need to tell you."

* * *

**A/N: **THANK YOU to my lovely reviewers/alerters/favoriters/readers/emailers/supporters. I'm feeling the love over here! *smile*  
Busy past few days BUT! Here is chapter 42, with a nice little cliffhanger. I will try my hardest to post the next chapter sometime before Friday morning because I leave for the weekend and won't be near a computer until Sunday afternoon/evening.  
I know that I'm slightly slacking at replying to reviews and private messages but FFnet was giving me a few problems. I think it's all fixed but I don't remember who I have or haven't responded to... so please don't hate me if I didn't reply. I really try my hardest to reply to everyone!  
So, I hope you enjoyed chapter 42. It's not what I'd call my favorite chapter but I don't particularly hate it. Lemme know what you think!

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

He was quiet, very quiet, and I wasn't sure what to take from that. He hadn't moved since I started talking, hadn't even looked at me since I told him what happened. It felt like eternity had passed since I had stopped talking but still he didn't move. I was usually so good with reading him, reading little emotions that he usually kept hidden, but there was nothing to read. He was blank, unreadable.

"Tristan... please, Tristan. Say something?" I waited for him to speak, to look at me, to give me some sort sign that I could use to decide if he was angry or not.


	43. Chapter 43

**A Burning Sky**

Tristan waited a few seconds before dropping his hand from my face. I saw the hesitation in his eyes before he reached out and clasped his hand around mine. I took the gesture as him telling me that he was there, no matter what I had to say. And although I relished the feeling of his hand covering mine, the comfort it gave me, I lightly tugged my hand until he gave it back to me. I had no idea how this was going to play out.

"Earlier, after our little display in the tavern, I was walking around the fort and something happened. I had run into one of the guards and while we were talking... well, he kissed me. I pulled away and I told him he shouldn't have done it and then I left. But it's been eating at me all day and I wasn't going to tell you, but I knew that it would be worse if I didn't."

He was quiet, very quiet, and I wasn't sure what to take from that. He hadn't moved since I started talking, hadn't even looked at me since I told him what happened. It felt like eternity had passed since I had stopped talking but still he didn't move. I was usually so good with reading him, reading little emotions that he usually kept hidden, but there was nothing to read. He was blank, unreadable.

"Tristan... please, Tristan. Say something?" I waited for him to speak, to look at me, to give me some sort sign that I could use to decide if he was angry or not.

The silence was getting to be too much, feeling like a tangible force that was wrapping around us both like blankets, and I stood up to escape from the feeling. He was still sitting, his eyes unmoving from where my hands had been although I wasn't sitting there anymore. I knelt down infront of him, dropping to my knees and wincing as the pain shot up from my kneecaps to the top of my head. I reached out a slightly shaking hand but pulled it back at the last second, before I could lay it on his hand.

"Tristan, please." My vocie had broken and I could feel the tears trickle from the corners of my eyes. Perhaps it was my pleading, the tears, the visible shaking that caused him to finally turn to look at me, but his eyes met mine, still unreadable as ever.

He could have yelled, he could have been upset, he could have stood up and left without a word. Any of it would have made perfect sense for what had happened. Instead he reached up and wiped at the tears that were leaking from each eye. That little gesture, the small action of wiping the tears from my eyes, made me simply cry harder. He reached between us and used my arms, careful of the cuts on my injured arm, to lift me up and place me on the bed next to him.

"Irissa, listen to me. I'm not angry with you." Our eyes met and I watched as he dropped whatever guard he held over his emotions. He wasn't angry with me, or disappointed. Though there was an underlying anger there. It only took a second for me to guess where that anger was directed.

"I'm not telling you who it was Tristan. He already apologized, I know he feels bad enough as it is." But the anger didn't dissipate, though I did feel a shift in Tristan's demeanor at my statement.

Tristan reached up and tucked his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me forward, angling our faces so that our foreheads met. We sat like that for a few moments, his eyes closed and mine scanning his face, over the marks that I often found myself tracing with my eyes if not my fingers. There were lines around his mouth where his jaw was clenched, suppressing something. I reached up and ran the back of my hand over his cheek and then turned it so that I could thread my hand through his hand, twirling my fingers into the locks.

When he opened is eyes, I shifted our angled faces so that our mouths were the ones touching instead of our foreheads. It wasn't an overly passionate kiss, like the one from the tavern, but a very light kiss. I kept it light, as if asking permission, and had to fight back a smile as he deepened the kiss. When we pulled away from one another, I could still see the anger in his eyes, even though his jaw was no longer clenched.

"What is wrong?" He pulled away from me, running his fingers over my cheek and lips and neck, as if trying to map it out.

"I am angry with myself for making you think you couldn't tell me this." I shook my head and scooted closer to him. He wrapped his arm around my waist and I pushed us sideways until we were laying on his bed, with me curled onto his side.

"I was merely worried of how you would react." He made a sound in the back of his throat, a cross between a growl and a laugh.

"I don't want you to be scared of me." I shook my head when the words were out of his mouth, leaning up on one arm and letting my free hand roam over his face before letting it inch down his neck and resting on his chest over where his heart lay. I could feel it beating calmly under my fingers.

"I will never be scared of you Tristan. I was worried that you would be angry with me."

With my reassurances, Tristan leaned forward and pressed his lips over mine, one of his hands wrapping around me and the other pressing over the hand I had placed on his chest. We sat like that, our lips moving against one another, for a long while before slowly pulling apart. He inspected my bandage, making sure it hadn't bled through, before rolling us over so that we were simply laying side by side, fingers thread within each other's. We were silent, deciding that words were not necessary right now.

When I left his room later that night, it was only my luck that I should run straight into my brother. He glanced from me, to the open door behind me where Tristan was standing, and then to the bandage on my wrist.

"Just the person I was looking for. Irissa, if you would..." He motioned that I should follow him and I nodded to him before turning and kissing Tristan on the cheek. He gave me a small nod before going back into his room and shutting the door behind him.

Dagonet and I walked side by side in silence to my door which he stopped infront of, to let me in first. Once inside, I set to washing my face and hands. The water was cold and it woke me up, though I should have been preparing for sleep.

"Did you need something Dagonet?" He glanced over at me, narrowing his eyes but not in an accusatory way. I turned away after a few seconds, unable to get a read on what he was thinking.

"Irissa, I know that it is really none of my business what you and Tristan do, but I do want you to be careful. To think things through before you rush into anything." I wanted to laugh but I knew he would not take kindly to that, so instead I turned around and crossed my arms, careful not to put too much pressure on my injured arm.

"I'm not going to do anything unless I'm completely sure that it's what I want. Nothing happened tonight, nor do I see it happening in the near future. Not unless Tristan and I have a very detailed conversation about our relationship at least. You don't need to worry about anything brother, I have a good head on my shoulders." He nodded and once the slightly uncomfortable silence passed, he moved forward to hug me.

When we pulled apart, he grabbed my wrist lightly to inspect the bandage. Hawk hadn't meant to hurt me, it was my own fault for not having something to cover my arms. She had been startled, it was an accident entirely. I told Dagonet as much and he nodded, patting lightly at the top of the bandage so as not to hurt me. I smiled, thankful for the comforting gesture.

In the morning, after a night filled with dreams that caused me to keep waking up though I wasn't sure what they were about, I made my way towards the bathing area. My body was sore, my arm stinging, and my head was pounding. Careful of the cuts, I rubbed the oils into my skin and hair and then dried off quickly and dressed, tying my hair onto my neck, and heading back to my room. After dropping my clothes off, I made my way to the tavern.

Vanora was wiping down a table and when she saw me, I was unsurprised to see her look at me with a slightly disapproving look. She hadn't approved of my decision to not tell Tristan about Virgil's kiss. I made my way to her and she nodded at a table, telling me to sit. Instead of sitting, I leaned against the side and waited for her to get a moment to talk to me.

"Are you angry with me Vanora?" She looked surprised and shook her head, though I could still feel the disapproval.

"Of course not girl, of course not. I just think that it might be best if you were to tell Tristan about what happened. It would just cause problems later if you don't, you know that." I nodded and then grabbed her arm as she moved away. It was early enough in the morning that there weren't many patrons that needed her at the moment.

"I agree. That's why I told Tristan about it yesterday." She glanced at me, surprised that I had done so, and smiled lightly.

"And how did he take the news?" Something made me glance over my shoulder and when I did, I found myself smiling at a familiar shape in the distance. He was paying no attention to his surroundings, instead he was staring very intently at me. When our eyes met, I couldn't keep the smile from my lips and I watched as even the corners of his mouth turned upwards in a smile that anyone could tell. When I turned back to Vanora, she was smiling as well.

"Surprisingly well, I assume." I laughed and glanced back over my shoulder at Tristan's retreating form and sighed as I turned back around.

"Once we figured out what was going on in the other's head, it was perfect. I don't know Vanora, I think this actually strengthened our relationship." She smiled and then turned to the table I was leaning against to wipe it down.

"Well let's get you fed and then you can go thank that guard." She said it jokingly, not serious in the least, but I knew that I at least needed to speak to Virgil. If only to tell him not to mention it to anyone for fear that maybe Tristan would still want to have a few words with him.

I knew for a fact that any words Tristan had for Virgil would not actually be verbal. In the months I had known my knight, it was obvious that for him, actions spoke louder than words.

* * *

**A/N: **So I kept writing down ideas for this story on napkins while I was at the wedding this weekend. That means that parts of the story that I've planned out already are going to be changed. Egads! A very large part is going to be changed though it doesn't come to play for a few months in the story anyways.  
Thank you all for your lovely lovely lovely reviews. I hope I've replied to them all. I get easily distracted these days. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Another favor to ask of my lovely reviewers and readers. You've told me what movie you wanted me to watch (I'm working on them!), but now I want you to tell me a song or two (please keep the list short?) you'd like me to listen to and why.  
I can't wait to see/hear what you want me to listen to! :]]

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

My body was shaking and there was a mixture of sweat and tears stringing my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to call out, beg for someone to come help me, but my throat felt as if I had swallowed a still lit torch. My fingers clawed at the stone ground, trying to pull myself towards my door, but it was getting harder to breathe.

I had to... this wasn't... what did it... where are... who was... can't feel... pain...

Was I dying?


	44. Chapter 44

**A Burning Sky**

After breakfast, I made my way out of the tavern and around the fort. My intentions were simple; to find Virgil and tell him that the entire ordeal was forgotten. It was for the best, after all, if both of us forgot what had happened. I was close to giving up after circling the fort three times with no sign of Virgil when the guard in question seemed to just appear infront of me. He was focused on something in his hand, not taking any notice of his surroundings, and I moved so that I was infront of him.

He bumped into me and glanced up quickly, an apology on his lips. When he saw me however, his mouth moved but nothing came out.

"I've been looking for you. There's something I feel like we should talk about." He turned to look around us, perhaps making sure no one was nearby to hear out conversation, and then started to herd me towards the wall.

"What would that be?"There was something very expectant in the guard's face, almost hopeful. The look felt strange to me, but I tossed the thought away as I prepared my next few words.

"It has only recently become common knowledge, but I think you should know. I am involved, deeply involved, with the Tristan." Virgil's face went through a very quick succession of expressions that I could barely grasp onto before he stepped forwards, his free hand shooting to his sword as if preparing for battle right there. No one was around us and I wondered if perhaps that was a bad idea, if other people needed to be around as witnesses to whatever may happen.

"Tristan? The bloodthirsty knight? He cares for nothing and no one. What makes you think that this is a good idea?" I had been halted by his words. Of course I knew of Tristan's reputation around the guards and in the villagers that either lived in or frequented the fort. I had seen him fight myself, very precise movements that seemed to be his very nature. If I knew nothing else of him, I would probably see it the way that Virgil had.

"He is a very intense person, yes. He's a knight, it's part of his being. But if that's all you know from him, you don't know him at all. He cares deeply for many things, many people. He's kind and gentle and-"

"And it would only take something small to bring out the bloodthirsty side of him. What if you were to be in the middle of it? He could really hurt you, even if he is kind or gentle."

My first kiss with Tristan had been a mixture of raw romantic passion and unchecked anger. He had been angry with me for being stupid, for being alone and almost getting myself killed. My horror at having witnessed Chauce being killed, and then Tristan's anger and the bruising grip on my shoulders... then the kiss. I had seen his anger, directed at me, felt the pain from it. Yes, he could hurt me if he wanted to. No matter the training I had, no matter his feelings for me, he could definitely hurt me if he wanted to, but especially if he didn't want to.

Tristan had opened another side of himself to me last night by telling me that he didn't want me to be scared of him. My reply had been without thought, because I didn't have to think about it. I wasn't scared of him, not even after seeing him kill without batting an eyelid.

"I trust Tristan and I trust myself. I trust Tristan enough to know that he could control his anger to protect me, and I trust myself enough to know when I need to give him space. Although I appreciate your concern, it's not needed. I just wanted to tell you that I talked to Tristan about the kiss, but I didn't tell him your name. It would be best if you kept that in mind and don't draw attention to it. I trust him to control his anger for me, but I wouldn't imagine he'd do it for you."

And with that, I quickly turned and walked away from where Virgil and I had been talking. When I had planned my talk with him, I never thought that I would become so angry. And I was angry at Virgil, for his reaction to hearing I was with Tristan. I had become offended on Tristan's behalf, knowing that he was not the way that everyone seemed to see him, as a mindless killer. Each of the knights dealt with their anger and their hatred in different ways. Some, like Tristan and Arthur and even my brother, simply hid their feelings. Others, like Bors and Galahad, drank them away. Gawain laughed away the reminders of his feelings. Lancelot was different, participating in all of them to get rid of his feelings.

As if thinking about him conjured him, I stopped walking when Lancelot came into my vision. Hs smile dropped when he saw my face, registering whatever emotion was there more plainly than the others, and wrapped an arm around me. We began walking like that, with me half folded into him, until we stopped near the graveyard. It had been a while since I had been there, looking over the mounds that held the dead. Lancelot lowered us to the ground but kept his arm around me, keeping me pulled close to him.

"What is wrong Irissa?" I wanted to tell Lancelot that nothing was wrong, perhaps I was just having a bad day, but I knew that I couldn't lie to Lancelot. Not when he was being such a serious brother figure for me, taking care of me as he was.

So under what would be the morning sun, if the clouds weren't mostly covering it, I told Lancelot everything about the kiss with Virgil and then the talk I had with Tristan, followed then by the talk I had with Virgil. He stayed silent, staring out over the graves as I spoke. When I finished, he turned to glance at me before turning back to face forward.

"The Roman probably has feelings for you and thought that by pointing out Tristan's flaws, he could win you over. Seems he did the exact opposite." I nodded, drawing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, leaning into Lancelot more.

"Was I right, at least, to be angry with him?" Lancelot nodded but then shrugged.

"We take offense in the things that offend us Irissa. Other people may not understand why you'd be offended by something, but that doesn't make it less offensive for you." I thought on his words for a moment before deciding that he was right. I was sure that, had Tristan been present, he would have agreed with me as well.

"A very wise statement coming from you Lancelot. Is there a reason for your sudden wisdom?" He rolled his eyes and turned to look at me, smiling lightly as he did so.

"I'm always this wise. It's just the first time I've felt the need to share such wisdom with the likes of you." I elbowed him in the side playfully before stretching and standing up, presenting a hand to help pull him up. I made a show of then using two hands to heave him up from the ground, with us nearly toppling down the hill in the process.

"Can you go one day without getting hurt?" I rubbed the bandage over my cut arm and then rolled eyes, linking my arm with his and moving us away from the hill.

"Well it's still early so I'll let you know tomorrow?" He laughed, reaching up to ruffle my hair. I swatted at his hand and we laughed together as we made our way into the tavern. He bowed to me before winking suggestively at Vanora and finally disappearing around the corner.

I opted to help Vanora around the tavern until later when I would probably join a few of the knights in a small sparring match. She was singing under her breath, regardless of my begging her to sing louder, for while as I lightly hummed along. I was not as good as Vanora in any sense, humming along with her made me feel inadequate, but she often told me she enjoyed my accompanying her.

Vanora had handed me a drink and then moved to get her own, perched at the table we usually sat at during our few breaks of working around the tavern. It was just the right time that there were more guards than villagers in the tavern at the time, but they usually kept to themselves. It was too early in the afternoon for the men to be getting drunk, though there were a few villagers that were testing that theory. One in particular drew my glance as he was coming very close to tipping himself and the person next to him over, unsteady as he was.

Vanora and I both jumped up to catch him, laughing as he told us he thought it was the building moving and not himself. I cleaned up the mess while Vanora moved to talk to one of her children that had come in. Once I was finished, I moved back to the table where I quickly finished my drink, wincing at the harshness of the taste near the bottom of the drink. I cleaned out my mug and when Vanora joined me, I told her about it.

"I think the drink has gone bad. It tasted strange at the end." She grabbed her own mug and sniffed it before taking a few careful sips.

"Mine is fine. I know what it was. Someone probably didn't finish washing your mug out. Lazy workers." I laughed and turned to the tavern again. There was a man, dressed as a villager, that was staring intently at me. Vanora noticed it too and she subtly moved so that she was inbetween us.

"I've never seen him before, hopefully he is just passing by." With another laugh, I told Vanora that I should go change so I could go spar with the knights. After bidding her goodbye, I went the long way towards the stairs so that I wouldn't have to pass by the strange man.

My stomach flipped as I was going up the stairs, followed by a sharp pain. I clutched my hand over my stomach and glanced around, feeling like something must have stabbed me. Maybe there was something wrong with my drink.

I continued up the stairs and then down the hall, keeping a hand on the wall so that I wouldn't fall over. When I reached my room, I had sweat dripping from my forehead. My dress felt too tight and I undid a few buttons but then doubled over as another spasm of pain hit my stomach.

The pain was increased as my throat started to burn. My thoughts were racing, trying to figure out what was going on. I had gotten sick from eating bad food before but it hadn't felt like this. The sensation in the pit of my stomach was not one that I had ever felt before, like it was being torn apart. My throat was aching as well.

My body was shaking and there was a mixture of sweat and tears stinging my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to call out, beg for someone to come help me, but my throat felt as if I had swallowed a still lit torch. My fingers clawed at the stone ground, trying to pull myself towards my door, but it was getting harder to breathe.

I had to... this wasn't... what did it... where are... who was... can't feel... pain...

Was I dying?

I continued to pull myself towards my door and when I reached it, it took all of my effort to grab the handle and pull the door towards me. Once it was open, started banging my hand against the floor, all the while still trying to move myself forward. Someone would hear the sound, my hand no the floor and the echo of my feet hitting the ground over and over again.

Just as I was starting to drift, my thoughts becoming more chaotic and the thought of dying the only thing I could process, I heard the sound of whistling. I started banging my hand against the floor, hoping that it was making as much sound as I thought it was.

And then there was a pair of hands on me, pulling me up and shaking me it felt like. The brightness told me that my eyes were still open but I wasn't registering anything. Just the pain, that was still being sent in waves over my body. The movement, for whoever it was was picking me up, caused my stomach to let loose and I felt myself vomit. I tried to scream but I wasn't sure if it came out or if I was just imagining it.

The pain was getting to the point that I wanted it to end. I was begging for it to end. I wanted to die.

* * *

Bors was whistling after a successful moment with his lover. With so many kids, he had to take what he could get. Vanora had been the one to propose that they sneak into the back of the tavern, though he wouldn't lie and say that he wasn't hoping she would. Yes, it was a successful moment indeed.

There was a sound coming from just down the hall, where he was heading to get Dagonet so they could do a quick spar in the field, that caused Bors to stop whistling. His hand had gone to where his sword usually was and found himself unsurprised that it wasn't there. Vanora never liked doing anything with him if his weapons were too close by. Not that he minded, he would swear that she had tried to stab him before. Out of passion, of course.

The sound sounded like something was being slammed over and over again. Nothing sexual, though too constant to be fighting. He moved forward quickly at the sight of a hand peeking out from one of the rooms, slamming into the ground over and over again. It was Irissa.

She was in convulsions, covered in sweat and crying but her voice was silent. Bors bent down and lifted the girl up from the floor and shook her a little, trying to get her to focus, to answer him as he called out to her. As he raised her into his arms, to carry her to the doctor, she convulsed again and then she was sick down her front and over her arm, hitting the floor.

Bors propped her against the wall, wiping at her mouth so that she wouldn't choke on it, and noticed that she was mouthing something, her voice coming out as a whimper. He leaned towards her to catch the words. Once they registered, he hugged her to him tightly and took off as fast as he could down the hall towards the doctor.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you kindly to my patient readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters. I went from updating almost once a day to almost once a week. I've been playing plumber with my kitchen sink. It went from broken, to duct taped and clothes hangered, to even more broken. Also known as... I need to buy new pipes.  
Thank you to everyone who gave me song ideas. I've put them on my list to listen to.  
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It just hit me how close to 50 chapters I am. So beware, chapter 50 is going to be a very sappy Author's Note, haha.

This chapter is brought to you by Through the Pain by Madina Lake and In A Needle by The Used. Literally, I listened to those songs on repeat during this chapter. Both great songs.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Dagonet was still sitting stiffly at my bedside when I woke up again. His hands were clenched into fists by his side and his clenched jaw had caused his skin to stretch and turn white. I had seen him angry before, but it was more this time. The hazy memories of the small conversations I had caught during my hallucinations came back to me slowly. When I tried to sit up, a glare from Dagonet kept me still.

"What happened Dagonet? What happened to me?" His anger calmed and he reached out a still clenched hand until it hovered over one of mine. I opened mine, palm up, to catch what he dropped.


	45. Chapter 45

**A Burning Sky**

There were voices, though I couldn't focus on the words. They were jumbled, frenzied, chaotic. There was too much pain, seeming to just come in waves still. My throat felt like it was scrubbed dry and my stomach felt like it had been lit on fire. It felt like every few seconds I was propped on my side, trying my hardest to vomit. It would relieve the fire and the pain until I was able to rest again.

Finally there was someone prying my mouth open and pouring something down. It was soothing and cool, though I was still fighting the urge to just turn my head and let it back up. The voices were erratic, frenzied, but I couldn't make out the words.

And then there was nothing. No noises, no hands holding my head still, no cold cloth on my forehead, no pain. It wasn't the first time that I knew I was dreaming, though the last time was when I had been poisoned at Grent's. It felt almost as if my spirit had been pulled from my body in my sleep, to protect me as my body tried to purge the poison. There were no blurry faces, no hidden meaning in my dream. I was at peace, for the first time in a long while.

Voices came through first, and then other sensations creeped in. Someone was running their hand over my forehead continuously, a soothing motion. If my eyes were open, I wasn't seeing anything. There was an undeniable pain in my stomach and throat, but it wasn't as bad as before. It felt like I didn't have control of my limbs although I wanted to reach up to my throat.

Slowly words started to reach me, fading in and out without me able to grasp the entire meaning or even who the voices belonged to.

"-almost died-" and "-she isn't getting-" or once "-of course it was-", often followed by "-will she-" and sometimes even "-I don't care-". The repeated words and sentences were making it even more difficult for me to grasp what was going on but every time I thought I was well enough to open my eyes, to question what was going on, I'd lose grip and slowly go to that peaceful place again.

Finally the point came that while I was focusing on the voices, I could make out the ceiling. I blinked at it, expecting it to change or fade, but it stayed. I was actually awake this time. A burst of pain went across my abdomen as I tried to force myself up but that was stopped by a pair of hands pushing me downwards.

The face next to me was familiar, the scar on the side of his face pulling his skin tight. My brother.

"Dagonet." My voice was rough and scratchy, from screaming and throwing up no doubt. He shook his head and passed his hand over my forehead, pushing my head so that it hit the pillow again.

"Rest Irissa. You need rest." I wanted to protest, to tell him that I had rested enough. I had been sleeping for so long. That was when I realized that I didn't know how long I was asleep. It could have been hours, it could have been days. I wanted to ask but the glare that I got for even thinking about talking told me that now was not the time.

As I drifted to sleep again, I felt comforted that there was a hand in mind, squeezing it lightly.

Dagonet was still sitting stiffly at my bedside when I woke up again. His hands were clenched into fists by his side and his clenched jaw had caused his skin to stretch and turn white. I had seen him angry before, but it was more this time. The hazy memories of the small conversations I had caught during my hallucinations came back to me slowly. When I tried to sit up, a glare from Dagonet kept me still.

"What happened Dagonet? What happened to me?" His anger calmed and he reached out a still clenched hand until it hovered over one of mine. I opened mine, palm up, to catch what he dropped.

There was a tiny vial, like the ones that held the oils I bathed with or even that Dagonet or the doctor had with salves in them, in the palm of my hand. I turned it over to inspect it further but there was nothing to tell me what it was. However I was able to discern one important fact; that this was somehow involved in what happened to me.

"You were poisoned by what had been held in that vial. The entire contents had been poured into your drink." I dropped the vial when the words registered, not wanting the offending thing in my hand. Dagonet grabbed it and placed it into a pocket.

"Poisoned?" My voice, which was still scratchy and uneven, broke on the word and Dagonet winced, nodding lightly.

"The one who did it came forward, gave us the vial. He thought you were dead and seemed less than pleased to hear otherwise." My stomach churned and it had nothing to do with the fact that I hadn't eaten in a while or that I had spent the last however many hours or days throwing up. I could have died.

"Why am I not?" Dagonet clenched his eyes shut for a moment and then took a deep breath before speaking again.

"The only thing that saved your life Irissa was that you purged yourself of the poison quickly. When you got sick, it rid your body of most of the poison." I remembered someone picking me up and the feeling of my stomach just giving in and being sick.

"Who found me?" Although it was a serious predictament, I almost died, I didn't want to hear that it was Tristan that had found me. Even in my state, I would be mortified to hear that.

"Bors. He found you and carried you as far as he could but you were shaking and flailing. It took Bors and two Roman guards to get you to the doctor's chambers. When I arrived- Irissa. When I arrived, Paulus had declared that there was nothing he could do except to wait to see if you recovered on your own. I remembered what I did when we first found you. I found the solution amongst his things and poured it down your throat."

There were too many memories at once and I raised a hand to rub across my forehead to ease the headache. Someone had pried my mouth open and then poured something down it, I remembered that. It was what saved me. And that this was so close to what happened when the knights had first found me was strange of itself. I could have died.

"How long..." I couldn't finish my question. It hadn't felt real yet, not through everything, that I could have died. That my last moments might have been nothing but pain. There was a hand on my forehead, rubbing lightly. My brother's rough fingers felt soothing there. He knew what I was asking and knowing him, he probably even knew why it was too difficult for me to finish my question.

"You were in a feverish sleep for two nights. Since the fever dispersed, it's been two more nights."

Although it was difficult, painful still, I slowly manuevered myself into a sitting position. Even though Dagonet was pushing me back, I fought against him until I was sitting up fully. He moved to sit beside me, running his hand continuously over my hair and face before slowly moving to my shoulder and pulling me into him.

Crying onto my brother's shoulder was nothing new to me. I had done it enough times before, even as kids, that it was comfortable. And though it hurt, I was so physically exhausted already, I kept a strong hold onto my brother. The pain seemed to disappear as I realized that Dagonet was shaking. Shaking from fear, worry, relief, it didn't matter. My grip tightened and the tears fell faster from my eyes.

Once we both had a grip on ourselves, Paulus came in to check on me. He explained that I would be able to eat light foods, brothy stews or soups, for a few days before I would be able to hold down whole food, and that I should take it easy on physical exertion. And never, under any circumstances, was I to ever leave my drink unattended if I had plans to return to it. That was something that my brother agreed whole-heartedly with.

The first two people to come in while Dagonet was preparing me for my last night's sleep in the doctor's chambers were Lancelot and Arthur. Lancelot had taken a few steps in and reached out to me, shaking as he wrapped his arms around me. When he let go, it was Arthur's turn to embrace me. Although Arthur was more withdrawn, trying to keep the face of the leader, I could tell that he was as shaken up as the other two knights in the room.

"The person who poisoned you confessed to it. He will be imprisoned for it." I smiled lightly, although I wasn't sure what justice it was to have him imprisoned. He wouldn't be able to try again, but it didn't explain anything. Why had he poisoned me? Lancelot seemed to understand what I was thinking and when I caught his look, the look that he then shared with Arthur, I knew that they were aware of something that I was not.

"What? What is it?" Even Dagonet turned away, as if he too knew. As I opened my mouth, to again as what they were hiding from me, Arthur finally spoke.

"There might be a connection with the poisoning now and when we first found you at Grent's. The reaction you had was the same, if only increased this time. However the prisoner will not express one way or another. Even with such... persuasion."

The way that Arthur said the last sentence made me think that the knights were the ones doing the persuading, and they persuaded best with a sword in hand.

"You don't think... it couldn't have been Grent that poisoned me. He couldn't have had anything to do with it. The person at his house was poisoning him, not me." This time it was Dagonet that answered.

"Any person working in that house knew that there was testers before every meal. They knew that you tested his food."

The thought was disturbing but I wondered who there would want to kill me. I did not have many friends there the first time around, only Chauce, but none besides Grent hated me exclusively.

"I don't want to think about it right now. I just want to rest." Lancelot and Arthur bid me goodnight, with Lancelot pressing a kiss to my forehead. Dagonet finished getting me comfortable and moved to the door. Before he was out though, my voice called him back.

"Has... has Tristan been down to see me?" He paused, his back to me, before shaking his head once.

"I don't think he could stand to see you like that. It was... it was the closest thing to hell that I'll believe in."

I knew that it was hard for Dagonet, for all of the knights, to have seen me like that. So close to death. Dagonet told me that once or twice he was scared I had slipped away since my breathing had become so shallow. It didn't surprise me that Tristan had been unable to see me like that, in between life and death so precariously. It would have helped to hear that he had been by my side, like Dagonet and the others, but I knew that it was for the best. He might have lost control if that had been the case.

As I started to drift to sleep, I decided that when I saw Tristan, I would have to be sure to make him understand that I was not hurt or slighted that he had not visited me. I would tell him that I loved him.

* * *

**A/N: **I cannot begin to express just how sorry I am for having left you for so long my dear, dear, dear readers. Thank you to the ones that prodded be with loving words to write again.  
I have had... quite possibly the worse few weeks. Or at least they are up there on the scale. If you want to hear the details, you can email me. I don't mind talking about it, as long as I don't have to go through it again. Ever.  
That being said... chapter 45 is FINALLY here. Irissa was poisoned. Kudos to those that caught that, and double kudos if you caught the symptoms being the same as from Grent's.  
AAAND! Irissa is going to tell Tristan that she loves him? How is that conversation going to go?

I promise you that I am not, not, not, not, not going to end this story until _the end_. The events from the movie are still a year and a half away, little less. So please bear with me if I disappear for a few weeks at a time, which I hope won't happen again, because I will always come back. I promise you. No hiatus, just... mini-unannounced vacations.

And thank you to my amazingly-epically-awesome readers/reviewers/favoriters/alerters. You all deserve epic gold stickers for sticking with me and giving me the loving boosts I've needed to get out of that dark place and get back to writing. I mean it, I love you all!

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"I should have killed you myself instead of relying on the poison. Just stuck you when I had the chance. You should have bled to death on the floor. But you will die, you will." My hands were shaking as I fisted them into my skirt. Arthur told me to not let it get to me, that anything that he said was just air. He couldn't hurt me.

And in a flash, he launched himself towards me. His hands were shackled infront of him and as I turned around, to run from the room, I saw the shackle pass infront of my eyes before landing around my throat. He didn't have a weapon but he was going to choke the life out of me.


	46. Chapter 46

**A Burning Sky**

The next morning, Vanora was the first person I saw. I had seen the woman in many different emotional states, but that she was crying because of me almost tore me to pieces. When she saw that I was waking, she hastily wiped her eyes and sent me a smile.

"Finally awake. I'm to help you bathe and get dressed. Afterwards, you'll have a small meal, if you're up to it." She helped me stand and rubbed my back as I swayed, wrapping an arm securely around my waist. I was uneasy on my feet, swaying a little more than I had expected. The walk to the bathing room took half an hour because we had to continue stopping so that I could rest against walls. Vanora did her best to fend off anyone that wanted to ask questions, including a few Roman guards, but not everyone was so easily turned away.

A pair of Roman hands grasped me as I tipped over, feet away from the bathing room, when Vanora hadn't been able to support me herself. When I raised my head to thank the guard, I was surprised to see Virgil there.

"I heard what happened to you. I wanted to visit you but I've been on the wall for the past few nights. How are you?" My reply was cut off by Vanora.

"As you can tell by the fact that you had to catch her, she's a little weak. Now I need to get her into the bathing room and that is one place you are not allowed. If you will..." She grasped me around the waist and shoulder, pulling me towards the door again. Once inside, she set me in one of the chairs and pressed a hand to my cheek.

"Am I right to assume that that is the guard you spoke of?" I nodded, not knowing what it was that had given it away. The only thing I could imagine was that I had made a face when I had seen Virgil, it was the only thing that made sense.

She gave me a reassuring pat on the cheek before helping me to undress and bathe. Whatever modesty I usually possessed was taken over by the fact that I could barely keep myself vertical, much less bathe as well. Vanora helped me and then lead me to my room, wrapped in linens to keep me warm.

Once in my room, she pulled out clothes for me to change into. Afterwards, she sat me down and started to brush out my hair. I was reminded of my first day here, when Vanora was in charge of taking care of me. She had bathed me, careful of my injuries, and then fed me.

"I wish we could get something more solid than brothy stew in you, but it's not going to happen yet. We'll get you back to health soon Irissa." She was looking over my form which had gotten worse after imprisonment at Grent's. With that promise, I was lead to Vanora's rooms where a tavern worker brought a tray with a bowl and a mug.

The stew was more broth than anything but it still took me a while to get all of it down. The kids would come in sometimes and I'd do my best not to show that I was sick. Vanora would keep the kids from jumping on me and simply let them stand beside me and give me small hugs. Afterwards, without me even asking, Vanora stated that she was going to go find Tristan.

I had expected her to say that she was going to find Dagonet, or even Arthur or Lancelot, but not Tristan. Although I knew that I needed to talk to Tristan, I wasn't sure if I was ready for the conversation just yet. I hadn't even spent any time deciding how I was going to tell him of my feelings.

Not long after she left, Vanora walked in and winked. She gathered up the tray and left without another word. I was at a loss as to what I was supposed to do until the door opened a little further and Tristan stepped through. I wanted to stand up and approach him, perhaps wrap my arms around him. To reassure us both that I was right there, that the poison hadn't killed me.

Tristan stopped infront of me, dropping to his knees infront of me. There was a guarded expression behind his eyes, as if he was trying his hardest not to show me exactly what he was thinking.

"How are you feeling?" The first sound I made, which was the first sound I had made all day, came out as a croak. My hand flew to my mouth and I held back a small laugh at the sound.

"Better." He reached a hand to cup my cheek, rubbing his thumb against the skin just under my eye. Knowing how long I've been sleeping and without food, there had to be large circles around my eyes. He ran his hand over my cheek once more before dropping it to his side.

Now would be the time for me to come to terms with my feelings, to tell Tristan that I loved him. After the slightly traumatic events of late, I could show him exactly what he meant to me. And although I really wanted to tell him these things, to lay it out infront of us, it wasn't what came out of my mouth.

"I want to see him." Tristan's face altered and he stood up, shaking his head.

"That would not be a wise idea." I shakingly stood up, only to have Tristan have to reach out and grab onto my shoulder and waist to keep me from toppling over.

"You can barely stand Irissa. Seeing the person that caused this will not help." I gripped onto Tristan's shoulder and shook my head.

"It might help me mentally, to see the man that did this and to know that he cannot do it again. Please."

"No. That's final." The demand in his voice shocked me. Tristan rarely rose his voice, rather he kept his voice deadly low to get his point across, so that he almost yelled the words at me made me stumble just out of his grasp. When he moved to grab me again, I shook my head. I knew that he was doing what he thought was best for me, but maybe I knew what was best for me.

"I was informing you of my intent Tristan, not asking for your permission." To take the sting out of the words, I grasped his hand and squeezed it with my dwindling strength before skirting around him and making my way towards the door slowly.

I barely made it a few feet from the door before he was gripping onto my waist, keeping me steady. When I turned to face him, to tell him that he could not simply drag me away from doing what I want, I saw that his unreadable mask had dropped and he was now wearing a look of resignation.

"Talk to Arthur first. And then I will bring you to the holding cells myself." It was a compromise and I nodded to him before we turned and headed towards the meeting hall.

Arthur was alone, which I was grateful for. I didn't want word to immediately get back to Dagonet that I wanted to see the man that poisoned me. I had no doubt that he would throw me over his shoulder and lock me in a room for the rest of my life. He smiled tensely when we stepped in, motioning for me to have a seat since I was swaying precariously while holding onto Tristan's arm.

"The doctor told you not to be too physical for the first few days." I laughed while nodding, knowing that I would probably regret being this active when I went back to my room to rest later.

"She wants to see him." Tristan hadn't waited to get it out into the open. Arthur shifted uncertainly, looking from me to Tristan.

"That is your decision, Irissa. If you are up to it." I resisted the urge to glance over at Tristan and instead nodded, standing as I did so. As we headed to the door, I heard the chair scrape out as Arthur approached us, resting his hand on my arm while Tristan kept most of my weight on him.

"Before you go in there, you should know what to expect. There is a good chance that he will say things, things aimed to hurt you. He is shackled and will not be able to hurt you, everything he is saying is empty. You are safe."

With those words, Tristan helped me walk to the holding cells. It felt like a dungeon, if only slightly better kept than one would assume a dungeon would be. There was a guard at the door and although he held up a hand to stop us, one look to Tristan was all it took for the guard to rethink that plan. We made our way to the door that I assumed held the man. Tristan kept his hands around me as we stared at the wooden door, me gaining my courage before opening it.

"Do you want me to come in?" I shook my head and turned around, reaching up to trace a line down the side of his face with two fingers.

"I need to do this alone. Besides, he can't hurt me now." With a smile, I reached to the door and pushed the latch down before stepping in.

There was a man sitting on the straw pallet, a shackle on his wrists. His hair was matted to his head and he was shaking, as if he was cold. As the door closed behind me, he glanced up. He had to know who I was, he poisoned me after all, but his eyes didn't show any emotion. It was almost as if he knew that I would come down here to visit him.

I stood in silence while he stared at me, waiting for something. Perhaps he was waiting for me to make the first move, to speak up. I had questions, of course. Why he wanted to kill me, or even who had asked him to. I took a step forward and he lifted his head, all the while keeping eye contact.

"Why did you try to kill me?" The words came out before I could really think of a way to handle it. I didn't want to provoke him, merely wanted to get the information from him.

"I should have tried harder." I forced myself to stay still and not back away from him. I had to do this, I had to find the courage to face him.

"Why did you try to kill me?" Repeating the question seemed to anger him for his face started to turn a shade of red.

"I should have killed you myself instead of relying on the poison. Just stuck you when I had the chance. You should have bled to death on the floor. But you will die, you will." My hands were shaking as I fisted them into my skirt. Arthur told me to not let it get to me, that anything that he said was just air. He couldn't hurt me.

And in a flash, he launched himself towards me. His hands were shackled infront of him and as I turned around, to run from the room, I saw the shackle pass infront of my eyes before landing around my throat. He didn't have a weapon but he was going to choke the life out of me.

I wanted to scream, to have Tristan come in to save me. After the poisoning, I was still weak. I scratched at his hands and my throat, trying to get a grip on the shackle so I could move it. Finally, through a lot of pain, I was able to sneak my fingers under the metal and forced it just far enough from my throat to get a breath. With that breath, as my fingers were crushed to my throat as he tightened to pull around it, I let out a scream. It wasn't a word, just a loud sound that was cut off in the middle.

Dots sprang infront of my eyes as the door was thrown open and Tristan advanced. There was no simple way to go about this. Tristan was probably only armed with his daggers, since I hadn't seen his sword on him earlier, and I was in the middle.

Everything happened in a succession of seconds. Tristan nodded to me and I watched his hand go to his belt and upwards in a flash. Something whipped past my head and the grip on the shackle was loosened. Tristan grabbed me and was able to pull me out of the murderous embrace of my attacked before he fell to the ground, screaming and clutching at the dagger which was embedded into his shoulder. Tristan pulled it from his shoulder and tucked it into his belt before turning us away.

Coughing and wheezing, Tristan pulled me from the room and slammed the door behind us. He yelled something to the guards, but I was focusing on trying to get my breathing regulated. My knees were shaking, along with my hands, with the fear of almost dying. Tristan must have noticed that I was unsteady on my feet for he swooped me up and pulled me to him, holding me against his chest as if I was a breakable thing.

"This was stupid. I'm so sorry Tristan. Thank you. I love you, thank you." I clutched onto the shoulders of the man that had saved me, my face borrowed into his neck, and let myself start to cry. Nothing was registering, nothing that I was saying or where we were, just that I was alive and it was because of Tristan.

* * *

Tristan tucked one hand under Irissa's legs and pulled her up, hugging her to him as he started out of the holding cells after yelling to the guard on duty that the prisoner was injured. He hadn't given any more information than that; Irissa was more important.

She has under tremendous stress after her second near death experience in the past week. Her skin had turned white, except for the quickly bruising area around her neck, and there was a sheen to her skin from where she had broken out in a cold sweat. There were also tears starting to pool in her eyes.

He had told himself that he would protect her, that he would never allow anything to hurt her again. He couldn't even handle visiting her while she was ill before because of the way Bors had described it. She needed him and he hadn't gone to her, but he was supposed to make up for that by not ever letting her get hurt again. He shouldn't have brought her down here. He shouldn't have let her go in alone. He should have known something would happen. He failed her.

And then his girl started babbling into his neck, barely making any sense at first until the words started to become clearer.

"-stan. Thank you. I love you, thank you." She then started to apologize, but he didn't hear it. He didn't hear anything else she said. His grip became tighter on the woman in his arms. Had she meant the words or were they said in passing after what happened? He didn't want to think about it, not now, not those words.

He turned straight from the holding cells towards the rooms. He'd get her to her own room and then find Dagonet to stay with her while he went to talk to Arthur.

* * *

**A/N: **Poor Irissa. Nothing is coming out right today for her. What was with Tristan's reaction though? Hmm.  
I have epic rope burn on my hands right now and it's making typing VERY painful. But typing is part of my job (at the bank and as a writer) so I'm dealing with it.  
Thank you to my reviewers for showering me with love right now. It's absolutely fantastic and it really helps. Thank you.  
And thank you to all of my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters for not giving up on me yet. You guys are amazing.

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Vanora smiled at me sadly as she knelt down beside me, squeezing my wrist as she did so. I could barely look at her, not able to stand the pity in her eyes. I wanted nothing more than to bury my face in my hands and cry, to let it out, but I couldn't. I felt so dry, as if I had cried all that I had already.

"And what did he say Irissa, when you told him?"


	47. Chapter 47

**A Burning Sky**

Somewhere between the cell and my room, I had started to drift to sleep. Everything I had been through recently was taking my energy from me. The new exhaustion plus the gentle rocking of Tristan carrying me lulled me almost to sleep. When we arrived at the room and he set me down, I reached out to grab his hand and stop him from leaving.

"I need to get Dagonet." His words were short, as if he was restraining himself from something. The only thing that made sense was that he didn't want to run down to the holding cell and finish off the attacker. I shook my head, clutching his hand tighter. I was weaker than usual against him and I knew if he wanted to, he could pull away very easily. Yet instead of pulling away, he sat on the bed next to me. He ran a calming hand over my cheek and slowly I lowered myself to lay fully on the bed, still clutched onto his other hand.

I must have fallen asleep because I slowly found myself waking, a hand on my shoulder and shaking my lightly. Recounting my last memories, I opened my eyes as I rolled over to face Tristan. However it wasn't Tristan that was standing beside the bed, but Vanora.

"You poor thing. Look at that bruising." She reached up to her own throat so I knew what she was talking about. I could feel the thudding around my neck where the shackles had bitten into the skin so I decided not to touch it myself.

"Where's..." My throat scratched as I spoke. From the strangling and the crying no doubt. Vanora seemed to know what I was getting at though, for she lowered her head and moved over to the other side of the room to make herself busy with folding a dress that was laying out.

"You must have fallen asleep right before he left the room to find Arthur in the tavern. He told everyone what happened. Bors had to convince Dagonet to let me come up here. They had to leave Irissa. A mission came up."

Wth everything gong on, I had almost forgotten why we were here. The knights were just that, knights. They were here to perform duties for Rome. Those duties did not stop just because there were other things going on.

Vanora and I sat in the room in silence for a while, each lost in our own thoughts. Slowly my memory of what happened when Tristan was carrying me came back. Had I really said those words? I knew that I meant them, but the way that they came out was all wrong. I fought with myself, begging my mind to allow me to remember him repeating the words, but it didn't come. There was nothing.

"Oh my dear. What's wrong?" She approached the bed again, standing with her hands crossed over her chest while she watched me. I didn't ask how she knew that there was something wrong, she seemed to always know.

"I... I told Tristan that I loved him when he saved me."

Vanora smiled at me sadly as she knelt down beside me, squeezing my wrist as she did so. I could barely look at her, not able to stand the pity in her eyes. I wanted nothing more than to bury my face in my hands and cry, to let it out, but I couldn't. I felt so dry, as if I had cried all that I had already.

"And what did he say Irissa, when you told him?" It was the sad smile she was giving me that told me that she could guess what exactly he had said. I reached a shaking hand to cover her's, squeezing tightly as I did so.

"He didn't say anything. He was silent until we arrived back here and then all he said was that he needed to get my brother. Perhaps... perhaps he didn't hear it?" Although I was hopeful, I also knew it was doubtful that he hadn't heard my words. He had heard them and hadn't responded to them.

Vanora directed me to move backwards, so that my back was pressed against the back of the bed. She climbed in with me, facing me with her legs curled out to the side. She wrapped one arm around my legs so that we would fit comfortably, and used the other to rub my arm while I shook.

"A few years ago, Tristan came to me. I was surprised to see that particular knight at my door, but I let him in. He asked me the signs of pregnancy, how I knew each time I had been pregnant." My heart thudded painfully in my chest and the gasp of my breath made Vanora squeeze my legs tightly to her side, to keep me from possibly getting up.

"I'm not sure I want to hear this story Vanora." She shook her head and continued to rub my arm smoothingly.

"The girl had told him that he was the father but he suspected otherwise. He is very observant and he had observed the changes in the girl before he had lain with her." I did not want to go through his past relationships, not like this. Not after what I told him and his lack of a reaction.

"And?" I did not want to know, but I felt that I needed to know.

"He had cared for the girl and if she had been incorrect in knowing who was the father, he would not hold that against her. However she had fallen ill, months before the baby was due, and neither made it. She died, taking the baby with her, and he never knew if she was wrong or not."

Tristan as a father. I remembered during my first few nights, when I stayed with Vanora, how she told me that the knights had children besides her and Bors. I hadn't even thought of it until now.

"He cared for her?" She reached out and touched my cheek, her smile brightening just enough to make me smile back.

"He loves you Irissa. He may not have said it, he may never say it, but he loves you. And he does not want to lose you."

After our talk, which Vanora did her best to keep light for my sake, Vanora had left me to my own devices for a while. I kept thinking back on the talk, the knowledge that I had gained of Tristan. Would he have told me about the girl and the child on his own time, or would he rather I not know? I was not naive enough to think he had not been with someone, I had just thought more that it had not been very serious for either involved. Like the tales that Lancelot had regailed me with, though I usually stopped him before he said too much, I imagined the relationships as convinence and not emotion. Had I been wrong?

The knights were only gone for two days, which was shorter than I was expecting. When they arrived, I met them on their way to the meeting hall. Dagonet looked ragged, probably from being told that I had been attacked right before he was forced to leave, unable to see me for himself. He had wrapped his arms around me before checking me over, letting his thumb drag softly over the fading bruises on my throat.

Lancelot joined us, also inspecting my neck, before hugging me tightly to him.

"Do you know how to stay out of trouble?" I laughed as he picked on me good naturedly, though I could hear the sincerity behind the jest. Dagonet and Lancelot shared a look before sneaking into the meeting hall before I really knew what had happened. When I turned, unsure whether or not they wanted me to leave or follow, I ran into Tristan. His eyes were tired, as they usually were after missions, but there was something else there too. He pressed his lips against my temple before moving past me.

"The tree."

And then he was gone, behind the door, which shut behind him. The two words, the tree, didn't make any sense at first but then it clicked. The tree, our tree. I took my time walking to the tree, going the long way around the fort, so that I wouldn't be out there for long before he came out. The sun was barely pushing through the clouds and there was enough of a breeze to make the banners wave and the grass move on its own accord. I pushed myself against the tree and sat at the bottom, waiting for Tristan to come out.

When Tristan finally came, I had started to drift asleep. After the poisoning, I was tired more often. My strength hadn't returned yet. I so longed to hoist my sword again, to spar with the knights or potentially go on the missions with them again, but it was impossible. With the pattern of me getting injured every few days on top of everything, I wasn't sure I'd be allowed to go with them ever again.

Tristan knelt infront of me and cupped my cheek in his hand. I smiled at him as I slowly came to my full senses, reaching up to trace a finger over his face myself.

"When was the last time you slept?" He raised an eyebrow at me before turning so that he could sit beside me, pressing his side against mine.

"Sleep does not come easy when you're worried about someone." I turned my head and rested it against his shoulder. I had thought about how I would approach the subject of what I had said but right now, I was content with just resting against him. Feeling him breathe against me was more healing than anything the doctor had given me.

"Now you know how Vanora and I feel whenever you are called off for a mission." He smiled and tucked his arm around me, pulling me closer to him.

"I shall apologize to her for ever thinking light of her pain." I laughed and then turned my head into his neck. It reminded me of when he carried me and I had mumbled the words into his neck before. It was now or never.

"You must know how I feel about you Tristan. I think I know how you feel about me, but I'm not asking you to say the words. I wouldn't ask you to say them. But I want to say them. I'm ready to. I love you Tristan."

I didn't expect him to answer and he did not disappoint. Instead of using words to reassure me, Tristan tilted my face upwards and placed his lips against mine. The last kiss we had shared felt like years before, though it was only the day that I had told him that Virgil had kissed me. This kiss was soft and gentle, but I could feel him in it. He was giving me in his actions what I needed from words. He was giving me his love.

* * *

**A/N: **I have been attacked by inspiration that has changed where I was going with the story. Not a great deal, but enough that I had to rewrite this chapter three times before I was able to get it right. That's why it took so long to post. It's not the best chapter but it's definitely important.  
The next chapter will be a jump in the timeline. It's not a large jump and it will be segwayed, with more closure to this storyline (poisoning/strangling/attacker) before we jump.  
Thank you to my readers/favoriters/alerters/reviewers. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Also, I'm compiling a list of questions (either about myself or about this story or my other story/ies) to turn into a Fact page at the end of this story. If you have any questions, please send them in a review or message, private or signed. It can be anything from my thought process for the story to my favorite pizza topping, I don't care. All of them will be put on the Fact page. It will kind of be a documentation of our journey together through this story. Thank you kindly!

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

Since I once again have changed my direction with the story, I don't have a sneak peek. I plan on adding a scene with Irissa and Hawk though, so there's something to look forward to!


	48. Chapter 48

**A Burning Sky**

The next morning, I found my brother in the stables. He was repairing a tear in his saddle, seemingly focused on that task. I watched him work, remembering the countless times I had seen those very hands stitch together the knights. My knowledge in healing came from working at Grent's, but his seemed to be more than just needing it to be a knight. I never made the connection between Dagonet and our mother, who was the healer for our village, until now. He must have picked it up from her before he was taken.

When I approached him, Dagonet didn't even show that he had heard me. The only sign that told me he knew I was there was the smallest twitch in his hands while he worked, one that wasn't fluid nor right with the repair he was doing.

"Do you remember when mother had to stitch up my leg, when I tripped down that hill and snagged it on a stone?" Dagonet glanced over as I spoke but did not stop his movements nor look at me fully.

"She made you hold onto me because I wouldn't stop moving. You wrapped your arms around me shoulders and held me to you and talked to me, shifting my focus from the pain in my leg to the story you were telling me. You were always the one that could calm me down and make me forget about the pain. Even after you were gone, when I didn't know if you were dead or alive, I would tell myself a story to forget the pain." I had moved around my brother and wrapped my arms around his shoulders while I spoke.

"You always wanted to protect me Dagonet. From anything that could go wrong, any pain that I could feel." Releasing my brother's shoulders, I moved to stand beside him. He finally stopped working on the saddle and turned to face me fully. His eyes moved over my face and then down to my neck. The bruising was almost gone, but there was still discoloration that told of what had happened. I watched his face tighten as he stared at the marks, remembering what could have happened.

"Even as a child, you were always getting into trouble. Tripping down that hill, falling into the frozen spring, the time that the horse almost trampled over you." My luck at always being injured seemed to carry over through childhood to now.

Dagonet stood up, causing me to take a step back so that he wouldn't knock into me, and then wrapped his arms around me. For some reason, though it had been months ago and the circumstances were so different, I was reminded of the first hug I had shared with Dagonet when they had found me. Dagonet had thought he had lost me again.

"What will happen to the man that poisoned me?" Dagonet released me and moved to sit back down again, though not returning to the saddle infront of him. Instead he focused on me, his hands fisted and resting on his knees.

"He refused to tell us his reason for poisoning you. We tried every manner of persuasion to no avail. Arthur went to speak to him again when we arrived yesterday and found him dead. Self inflicted wounds." There could be any number of ways that he could have gotten a weapon with which to end his life. I was only glad that he had not come into the weapon when I had visited.

"So now we'll never know why he did it?" Dagonet nodded stiffly, not liking the idea any more than I did. If he was working for someone, they might try again. If he was doing it for his own reasons, than it was over. I didn't want to have to spend the rest of my life, or the next year and a half, looking over my shoulder.

With everything going on, I was a very skittish. The sound that came, a wooshing sound, caused me to jump sideways and fall into the table next to Dagonet. It didn't tip over, thankfully, but it swayed a bit. Dagonet was fighting back a smile at my reaction as he pointed to the stall door near us. Perched on top of it was Hawk, her head cocked to the side as she peered down at us.

Remembering the last time I let her rest on my arm, I grabbed a cloth from Dagonet and draped it over my arm before lifting it. Hawk leaned forward and then jumped down. The cloth wasn't very thick and I could feel her claws, but I was confident that they wouldn't cut into the skin this time.

Dagonet was watching us curiously, not having known that I was close to the bird now as well. He laughed and turned back to the saddle. Running a calming finger down Hawk's back, I started towards the back end of the stables and headed through the fort towards the wall. The looks that I got, walking around with a bird of prey on my arm, had me holding in laughter. Hawk seemed to be enjoying the walk for she didn't try to fly away, simply moved around if I was jostled about and pick at my finger the few times I stopped petting her during the walk.

When I reached the open space, outside of the wall, I sat down. The quick movement jostled the bird and she let go of my arm before fluttering back down.

"You are very well behaved, aren't you?" She made a movement that I decided was her nodding and I ran my hand over her again. Instead of talking to her, like I had the last time I had her like this, I simply ran my hand over her feathers and watched the wind blow the grass and trees in the distance. Hawk was content in letting me do so, nipping at my fingers if I stopped and every now and then, moving so that I could pet her in a different spot.

We sat like that for a while before she made a sound and turned to face behind us. I turned a little but could not see what would draw her attention. A few minutes later there was a shadow passing over us. Hawk gave a caw and lunged up. I turned around the moment her claws were off my arm, not knowing what the expect, and smiled up at Tristan. Hawk was perched on his arm, feeding her small bits of meat with his free hand.

"How did she know you were near?" He moved to sit beside me, Hawk not fluttering the way she had with me, and handed me a piece of the meat. Was he offering for me to feed her or answering my question?

We sat in silence after I fed her, taking turns running our fingers over her feathers. Although I hadn't seen him since our talk last night, it didn't seem strange between us. He didn't say the words but I was not afraid that he did not feel them.

"Your attacker took his life." I glanced up at Tristan, ripped from my happy thoughts of us together by that reminder.

"I know. Dagonet told me earlier."

"You need to be careful for a while. We wouldn't want something to happen to you." I raised my hand and ran it over his cheek, letting my thumb caress over the markings there, and smiled as he leaned into my hand.

"I promise."

Time started to move forward again, faster than I had been expecting. The knights returned to the routine of sparring and preparing for missions, and actually going on missions. Vanora took it upon herself to take care of me, bringing me back to life almost. Soon my clothes fit again instead of being so loose on me, and my energy had returned. Slowly I was allowed to join the knights in sparring matches. And slowly, they stopped holding back.

Somehow, months passed. Seven months turned into ten months at the wall so quickly. The knights now had a year and two months, for they were definitely counting, left on their contracts.

The three months that passed had left me a little more confident with myself. So much that had happened had taken my confidence from me and left me shaken. It slowly became evident that I was more of myself though in the way that I would joke with Lancelot, the times that I laughed so loudly with Gawain and Galahad that even Bors was put to shame, how often I would grab one of Bors and Vanora's children to go play in the fields, telling stories from Dagonet and my past, or just grabbing Tristan in the middle of the crowded tavern for a kiss.

Arthur had cornered me one night after I left the tavern, still laughing from the way Bors and Lancelot had tried to pick on Tristan when I had kissed him before leaving. His words had been simple and honest and had given me the last push that I needed.

"You seem so much happier Irissa, so much stronger than before. I was wondering if you would like to be able to come with the knights on missions again."

Those words had meant so much to me, his belief that I was ready for it again after having been pulled out of them because I was too emotionally invested making me almost skip back to my room. It was there, however, that it all seemed to hit me full force.

Going back on these missions would mean so much to me, would give me a sense of helping, but it would mean being in the same position as I had been in. Would I be able to handle it this time if one of the knights was hurt? Would I lose control like I had after my brother had been injured? Instead of answering that question, I made my way down the hall to my brother's door. I only had to knock three times before he answered.

Dagonet had been in the middle of cleaning his sword when I knocked. As I walked in, he had started to clean it again once he sat down.

"You missed an interesting night in the tavern." Dagonet looked up at me and smiled.

"Most nights there are interesting. What did Lancelot do this time?" I filled him in on the events in the tavern quickly, earning a few laughs for my efforts. Without a transition though, I jumped straight into the reason I was here.

"Arthur asked if I wanted to begin going on missions again." Dagonet stopped cleaning his sword for a mere few seconds before continuing.

"He approached me about it as well." I moved to sit next to him, picking up the ax that he sometimes used and running a cloth over the edge of it.

"What do you think? And do not tell me that it is my decision. I want to know what you think of this." Dagonet stopped cleaning his sword and placed it beside him. After a moment, he grabbed the ax from me and placed it next to the sword on his other side. We stayed that way, staring at one another with nothing else to occupy our minds until he finally spoke.

"The thought of losing you is constantly on my mind. I know you and I know how good of a knight you are. I think you should accept Arthur's request on this. He will have final say on which missions you are to go on, you will have to listen to us if we tell you to save yourself, and you will always put your life above any of the others at risk. However, it is your decision." The last bit was made to make me laugh, which it did. I wrapped my arms around my brother and sighed heavily into his shoulder.

"I worry more when I'm here and you're out there you know." He nodded and pressed a kiss to my forehead before using my shoulders to pull me away. From the small distance, I saw the smile slowly leave his face.

"You should probably tell Tristan before we are called for a mission and he sees you preparing with us." Tristan was the one I was worried about more than my brother. How would he react to hearing that I was allowed on missions again?

After telling my brother goodnight, I made my way towards Tristan's room and knocked on the door softly. I wasn't sure if he was even in there, nor was I certain how I could find him if he wasn't. I was saved in thinking more on it when the door opened to reveal Tristan preparing for sleep.

"Is something wrong?" I shook my head lightly, though I wasn't sure if that was entirely true. He opened the door more and I stepped in, watching him shut the door behind me. Once he turned around, he stood and watched me. It was something he had become very good at, staring me down until I finally broke and would tell him what I was thinking. Whether or not he knew he was doing it, it worked.

"I spoke to Arthur. He thinks I'm ready to be on the missions again." Tristan's expression was neutral as he moved forward and started to remove the top parts of his clothing. Knowing that I was there, he would not do anything to compromise me, but I had a feeling that he just needed to be doing something during this conversation.

"And do you think you are ready?" After he had removed all but his shirt and pants, I moved forward and grabbed his arm and turned him to face me. He crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for my answer.

"I do. I want to at least try. If I think that I can't handle it, I will be the first to say so. I spoke to Dagonet and he trusts me. I just... I want to ... I need to know if you're fine with this." I wasn't going to let whatever his answer was decide whether or not I actually went through with this. I just wanted to know what to expect.

Tristan reached up and pressed his hand against my neck and then wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me into him. The hand on my neck moved just enough that I lifted my head last second so that our lips touched. It was no more heated than the kiss I had given him before I left the tavern earlier.

"I want you safe." He wasn't telling me that he was fine with my returning to the missions, but I took it as his approval. With one last kiss, I made my way to my room and changed into my night clothes before curling up under my blankets and resting my mind.

Things were going back to normal, finally.

* * *

**A/N: **Not going to lie, I really don't know how I feel about this chapter. To me, everyone was out of character, even Irissa. Let me know what you're thinking on this chapter. And don't pull your punches, lemme know what you REALLY think. Please.  
I've got the next chapter on the cutting board but depending on the feedback I get, I might delete and re-write this chapter. So let me know.  
Thank you to my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters, as always. You guys are totally amazing.

Also, I'm compiling a list of questions (either about myself or about this story or my other story/ies) to turn into a Fact page at the end of this story. If you have any questions, please send them in a review or message. It can be anything from my thought process for the story to my favorite pizza topping, I don't care. All of them will be put on the Fact page. It will kind of be a documentation of our journey together through this story. Thank you kindly!

_**Sneak Peak at the next chapter:**_

"I've been looking for you." I stopped moving, the voice having caught me off guard. I hadn't heard anyone approach. And the voice was so familiar to me, though definitely Roman. I turned around slowly, readying myself for whatever might come.

"You!"


	49. Chapter 49

**A Burning Sky**

"Vanora? Are you in there?" I knocked a few more times at the door, waiting for Vanora to open up. She had missed three days work at the tavern, following a very public display of her kicking Bors out of their shared rooms. I had seen the children a few times and had asked them if their mother was okay, but they continued to say that she was just sleepy.

No matter how many times I knocked, there seemed to be no sound from behind the door. Finally giving up, I turned and made my way towards the tavern again. It was getting late and if she wouldn't answer for me, I would leave her alone. If she wanted to talk to me, she would seek me out. I just wanted to be there for her, as she had been there for me for so long.

"Irissa!" There was a chorus of voices that spoke my name and I turned my head to smile at the knights. They were having a relaxing night before riding out in the morning. We were pressed to make a sweep of the woods nearest to the fort, to expell any Woads or rogue barbarians that might be around in order to make for a safe passage for the villagers that would head this way before the weather became too bad for passage. I made my way to where my brothers in arms were sitting, planting myself between Gawain and Galahad.

"Vanora still giving our Bors the cold shoulder?" I nodded and turned to where Bors was drinking beside my brother. Although he looked jovial enough, I could see his eyes search the room, as if expecting his woman to appear.

"Have I ever told you the time that Galahad fell off his horse and had his foot stuck in the stirrup?" With a uproar of laughter and a few protests from a reddening Galahad, Gawain started to paint the tale.

A few more stories followed, with me even telling a few of Dagonet and I as kids, before the knights seemed to slowly disperse from the area. As they disappeared, I watch Bors give a longing look in the direction he would usually go before following Dagonet. He had been sleeping in my brother's room in the absence of being allowed in his own room.

I thought for a moment of perhaps trying to knock on Vanora's door again, but decided against it. Instead, my feet carried me away from the tavern and towards the fort walls. Running one hand along the rough stones, I slowed my steps. There weren't many people out, and those that were out weren't near enough for me to notice them. The wind was starting to pick up, bringing the promise of deep snow as it did, but I didn't feel the touch of the wind as I was protected by the fort wall. Tomorrow would be a cold day though.

"I've been looking for you." I stopped moving, the voice having caught me off guard. I hadn't heard anyone approach. And the voice was so familiar to me, though definitely Roman. I turned around slowly, readying myself for whatever might come.

"You!" Dressed in his Roman guard uniform stood Amicus, smiling brightly at me. It had been so long since I had seen him that I almost wasn't sure it was really him. The moment I was sure though, I launched myself at him.

"I promised that I would." I was hugging him so tightly that the armor was biting into my skin but I did not release him.

"Who did you promise? You left in the middle of the night!" He laughed and swung me around lightly before putting me back on the ground. There were tears of happiness in my eyes while I looked him over, as if expecting to see something very different with him. The only difference I could see was that he was no longer lying prone on the sick bed with a bandage over his side.

"That I did, but I promised the doctor that I would be back." I laughed and crushed him to me again, laughing into his neck when we pulled away.

"How is your wife?" He smiled fondly as I mentioned his wife, his Claudia.

"She is lovely. And will be even more lovely in the coming months, as she is with child." With the news, I restrained myself from hugging him once more and instead simply offering my congratulations multiple times.

We started to walk as we both filled the other in on the happenings in the last few months. He was shocked to hear all of what I had been through, mentioning a few times that he was surprised I had made it through as well as I had. I had also shyly told him that Tristan and I had become a public relationship, to which he had teased me. My happiness at seeing Amicus was cut short as I found myself covering my mouth in a yawn.

"I'm not going anywhere. Go to your room, get some sleep. We can continue our talk tomorrow." With a laugh, I bid him goodnight and headed away from the fort where he was on guard duty. I hadn't even thought of mentioning that tomorrow I would be out with the knights, but he would understand.

The next morning I was still half asleep while I prepared myself for the day. After my bathing ritual, which did well to wake me up, I dressed in the clothes that I had altered so long ago. The trousers were still a little long on me but I tucked them into the boots, wiggling my toes in the leftover space. The shirt was a little loose but I tied it tightly to me, grabbing the different armor that Dagonet had dropped off the day before. Once the armor was on, weighing me down, I strapped on my weapons.

Finally, after so many months, I had been giving me second sword. So both of them were strapped to my waist, one on each side, and then I tucked in my daggers. I then put on the quiver packed with arrows and my bow, strapping it over my back and making sure I could reach it. Once everything was gone, I stood still and felt the weight of everything on me. It would make me move slower, at least until I became accustomed to the feeling, but I would be better protected than I had been before.

As before, I was one of the first in the stables. Bors was brushing down his horse while I began saddling mine. My mare hadn't seen any action in a while as far as I was told, being used only a few times when I had been taken back to Grent's and not used often since then, so I talked to her while I prepared her. Bors looked distracted while he brushed his horse, which caused his horse to throw his head back a couple of times.

I wanted to ask if he had spoken to Vanora recently, if he had even seen her, but I knew it might not be the best time. This was only reinforced as Arthur and Dagonet stepped in, discussing different routes we were going to take. Arthur nodded to me and Dagonet excused himself to step over to where I was standing.

"How did you sleep?" There was no use in lying, so I shrugged and tried to fight back a yawn. He shook his head and then checked the straps on my weapons and armor.

"Dagonet, I'll be fine." He nodded and pressed his hand tightly against my shoulder before moving off to the stall that held his horse. The other knights came in at once, as if they had run into one another on the way in. Gawain was talking to Tristan, though they were talking too quietly to be heard, while Galahad continued to untie and retie the quiver over his shoulder. I had seen him do it enough to know that he was going through the motions, barely focusing on what he was doing.

Last was Lancelot who made his way over to me. We hadn't spent too much time together in the past few days, with us both busy in our own daily rituals and our paths not crossing often. Like my brother, he checked my weapons and the armor before giving me the half smile that he reserved for missions and being half awake. Both of which were taking place this morning.

"Too long at the tavern last night Lancelot?" He laughed and pulled his sword from its place on his back, swinging it a few times as if testing his adroitness. Once satisfied that he was under control, he replaced the sword and smiled at me, a more awake and alert smile.

"Do you know who I stumbled into last night on my way to my room?" His use of stumble didn't pass me but I raised an eyebrow while turning back to my horse, checking that the saddle was correctly placed and secured.

"Someone specific or just a lot of people?" He laughed and moved to the other side of my horse so that we were once again facing one another.

"Amicus." He said it, as if expecting a reaction, but instead I nodded and brushed my hand over my horse's neck.

"I saw him last night myself." Lancelot seemed disappointed that he wasn't the one to give me the news that my friend had returned, but sent me a shrug and a smile instead.

"I'm glad he's well." I nodded and mounted my horse, feeling the familiar feeling of vertigo while I situated myself. I would have to, at some point, give myself a certain amount of time a day to ride a horse and get used to it. It was still my weakest point.

"Knights. It will be as we talked about yesterday. After heading straight down the middle, Dagonet, Bors, Gawain and I will head up the east pathways; Lancelot, Galahad, Tristan and Irissa, the west. Good luck knights." With a nod and a quick burst of "Rus" from Bors, we set off towards the gate of the fort.

Once we entered the woods, we slowed our horses. We were still covering ground, though keeping our eyes open for any signs of movement. Villagers, traders, and people looking for refuge would come these paths and it was the duty of the knights to protect them. The straight pathway down the center that we were riding on now was shorter than the two curved paths to the east and the west, so it wasn't long before we met the fork in the path. There were still pathways infront of us, but we did as we were told and branched off to go to our designated paths.

Lancelot, Galahad, and Tristan were just ahead of me, though they all kept glancing over their shoulders at me. Tristan especially kept glancing at me, making sure that I was keeping up. I had a feeling, after the scouting mission that him and I had gone on all those months ago, he was the only one that knew just how unskilled on a horse I was.

We had just gone through a turn when I heard a noise behind us. I wasn't the only one. Tristan pulled his horse to a stop and the other two knights spaced out, still watching the area around us while Tristan and I dismounted, hand on our weapons, and headed towards the turn. The trees were too thick to see through for me, though something told me that Tristan had better eye sight than I did.

Voices were heard, a man telling someone to hurry up. When the voices became louder, Tristan stepped around the trees. I lurched forward, thinking the worse, but was calmed with the sight of villagers approaching slowly, as if they were the ones about to be attacked.

"Are you heading to Hadrian's wall?" The man who had been speaking before nodded, looking shaken at the four of us. Lancelot and Galahad had stayed mounted. It must have been a sight, three males and a female wearing armor and weapons, making for a threatening sight in the woods. Though any person, trader or villager or lowliest bandit, knew that the people infront of them would be Sarmatian knights.

After deciding that the people with the wagon were traders, Tristan and I mounted again and returned to our ride through the woods. It was a slow work, since the path was so long and winding, but soon enough we lost sight of the tradesmen behind us.

"How often on these runs do you run into Woads or bandits?" Galahad was the closest to me when I posed my question, voice low enough that only he would hear it, so he bent closer to me to answer.

"Usually by now we have at least had one incounter. It is strange that we haven't even seen signs of life in the woods." I knew he didn't mean animals because we had seen many animals, of all sorts. Something in his voice and the silence that had come over the woods had me gripping the sword on my waist while we continued on. Tristan had stopped, cocking his head to the right as if he was about to urge the horse to turn around. It was the same thing as the scouting mission with him. He looked as if he was looking for something, but he was listening for something.

And then it came. Screams and the sounds of wood splintering. We all turned our horses and galloped towards the sound. My heart was pounding painfully in my chest, half from nerves and half from the pounding of the horse. The screams were getting louder and finally we could see what was causing them.

The traders we had just lost sight of were being attacked by a handful of men, clearly bandits by their clothing. Although traders were generally never more armed than a large branch from a tree, these traders had swords and daggers and were holding their own against the bandits. They didn't seem to be attacking one another to hurt someone. It reminded me of the fighting that I had gone through as training.

One look at Tristan told me that he was thinking the same thing that I was. This wasn't an actual bandit attack. This was an ambush meant for us.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, so I have a legit reason for my absence this time. I am in the middle of trying to get some of my original writing published and the person we were going through had said that if I'm being published, I might not be able to finish any other writings, fanfiction or original, because of infringement of their contract. That being said, I decided to either find a new publishing company or just wait until I'm done with this story to go through this publishing company.  
So no worries, I'm not sacrificing this story for my own writing. But, wish me luck on publishing, now or later! Haha.  
I'm sorry for not answering reviews as well. FFnet was giving me some flack on replying to reviews for a few days and then erased all of my Outbox and Inbox so I don't know who I've responded to or not. Any one else having this problem, btw?  
By the way, I went to see 30 Seconds To Mars in Charlotte on Monday. Lemme tell you sumfin, that was amazing. Definitely worth the loss of my voice and serious soreness from jumping and dancing.  
Thank you readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters for being SO awesome, even after almost 50 chapters! And over 300 reviews? Yea, seriously, you guys are BEYOND epic. Love you all!

I'm compiling a list of questions (either about myself or about this story or my other story/ies) to turn into a Fact page at the end of this story. If you have any questions, please send them in a review or message. It can be anything from my thought process for the story to my favorite pizza topping, I don't care. All of them will be put on the Fact page. It will kind of be a documentation of our journey together through this story. Thank you kindly!

_**Sneak Peek at the next chapter:**_

No sneak peek because I'm a) lazy, b) uncreative, c) unable to pick just one part. Or d) all of the above. Sowwy! One cliffhanger is enough though, if you ask me! *smile*


	50. Chapter 50

**A Burning Sky**

The bandits, both sets, jumped apart and turned to face us. The only thing I could think about was my brother's words, telling me to stay on the horse as long as possible. We were at a standstill, with the four of us on our horses and pulled taut, ready to spring into action, while the bandits faced us with their swords in the air. Who would make the first move?

It was answered with a yell from one of the bandits, a man dressed as a trader, as he launched himself forward. Galahad had been just infront of us enough that he was the target. He swung his sword at once, catching the sword of the bandit. The sound it made, echoing in the silence of the woods, seemed to cause everything else to move. Suddenly the bandits were all launching forward, swords and axes raised to us. A voice reached out to me while I pulled my sword off of my hip.

"Defend yourself, but try not to kill them." Lancelot's voice had a tinge of humor in it while he spoke, which I ignored. Instead I focused on the man that was moving straight for me. He was shifting his sword from one hand to another, waiting for me to make the first move.

Although I knew that I had the best advantage on the horse, I dismounted with my sword still in my hand and faced my opponent. His eyes were shifting back and forth between my face and the sword I was holding in a firm grip infront of me. I could hear the sounds of the fight around us and it pushed me to move.

It was luck that just as I swung my blade upwards, one of the bandits that had been on the other side of my horse came around. Our swords caught and the bandit that had been infront of me lunged, as if expecting to make a clean cut. It took a mere heartbeat for me to swing out my left leg and kick the sword off its course. As the bandit that had lunged at me staggered, I pushed backwards at the one that had engaged me. My arms were starting to hurt from the sheer force he was using and I could see the other bandit moving forwards again.

Something spooked my horse and she reared up. The bandit that had engaged me was knocked onto his backside as she kicked out at him and with the lack of a foe on that side, I turned to the one that was advancing on me that I had kicked at. I swung and cut into his arm, not enough to severely hurt him but enough that he was stunned and when he looked down at his arm, I turned my sword so that I was gripping the blade and swung it, letting the hilt crash against his skull.

Out of the corner of my eye, I turned to see who was approaching and I barely had time to pull my sword back before it would accidentally clip Galahad's arm. He had raised his sword at the last second as well, so our swords barely connected.

"Is that everyone?" He nodded and turned to the two men near me. I had been at the far side and had dismounted on the left of my horse so I was away from the main fighting. The first man that had been knocked over was holding his arm and face, the first which was bent and the second which was bloody, after being kicked by my horse. I ran my hand over her mane before turning to the other man. He had a little blood on his forehead, some dripping from the wound I had put on his arm, and was unconscious.

"Prisoners." Once Lancelot and Tristan gave the final count- three had been killed, five were not too badly injured, and two were unable to walk for different reasons- we round them up and used rope and twine to bind their wrists and create makeshift chains with which to pull them along behind us. Galahad had tied his horse to the back of the wagon and guided it while Lancelot, Tristan and I watched the prisoners and the woods.

I wondered what we would do if we were attacked again, either by more bandits or even Woads, but the end of the woods soon came in sight. Once we were in the open, I rode ahead to the fort gate to announce that we had prisoners and would need the help of the Roman guards. The guard on duty was Virgil and although I looked around for someone else, I knew that I shouldn't waste time. The faster we could get the prisoners to the cells, the less chance they could do something stupid and hurt someone. He was on top of the fort and I had to call up to give him the information.

"We have seven prisoners." Virgil nodded and swung around to make a call down into the fort and soon the gates were opening up and a slew of armed Roman Guards came out, some on horses and some on foot, and we made our way back to the wagon. Galahad had already untied and mounted his horse, deciding rather to just watch the wagon and prisoners with the help of Tristan.

"Where did Lancelot go?" Tristan pointed towards the other pathway in the forest, on the other side, where the other group would be coming through. I could see that even Tristan and Galahad were itching to head that way too but were supposed to be watching the wagon. When I caught Tristan's eye, I nodded my head to tell them to head off. I could handle the prisoners with the guards.

Once all of the knights were back in the woods, I kept my attention on the guards and the prisoners as we started towards the gate. One of the guards, one that I recognized though I did not know his name, moved to walk beside my horse. I had seen the knights bring back prisoners before, to question or punish accordingly.

When we reached the gates, the guard beside me nodded and said that he would oversee the prisoners being moved to the cells. With no reason to say no, the knights usually departed at this point as well, I dismounted and allowed one of the stable hands to take my horse to her stall for a rub down. I had attached my spare sword, arrows and bow to the saddle and he told me that he would put them with the other weapons.

As I made my way back towards the gate, intent to wait there for any sight of the knights, I almost ran into a woman holding onto a small child. Once I steadied the three of us, I crushed the woman to me tightly.

"Vanora! Are you feeling well?" She smiled, bouncing Ten in her arms lightly and turning her eyes towards the gate. She was waiting for her lover.

"I will feel better when Bors comes home safely. The lout didn't even tell me he was leaving." I laughed and with one arm wrapped around her, we made our way towards the gate opening. I directed her sight to the pathway that they would be coming from and then grabbed Ten from her to give her a break.

"We fight and we fight and sometimes we even fight. I shouldn't have stayed so angry with him." Ten made a cooing sound that sounded almost as if he was agreeing with her and I shushed him lightly, bouncing him the way Vanora had just been doing.

"You were angry and you were ill. Even Lancelot would understand that those are two things that do not mix well with a woman." She laughed and then turned away from the path to look at me holding Ten. Though she was laughing and smiling, there was something missing. Something of the warmth and love that she always had seemed to have waned.

"What is on your mind?" She placed a hand on her stomach and then moved it quickly, as if she had been burned somehow. The pain came back into her eyes and I knew that it was not physical. I had seen it once before, that pain, in the eyes of a betrothed servant in Grent's household. The light had faded from her eyes when she found out that she had had a miscarriage.

"Oh Vanora." She shook her head with a small laugh.

"It is not my first one Irissa. It just hurts each time, the same pain in a place that no healer could ever reach. Do not worry about it. And please, do not tell anyone. I will tell Bors tonight, if all is well with this scouting." She had placed her hand on my cheek when she had told me not to worry and gathered her child in her arms, turning back to the path.

We only had to wait for a while longer before we spotted the knights riding towards us. Out of habit, I counted the number of men and horses heading our way and sighed with relief that I counted them all. Vanora's eyes gained a little more of the warmth that had been missing and I smiled at her reaction.

The horses had barely stopped moving before Bors had dismounted and gathered his lover and child to his chest, placing kiss after kiss on her cheeks, forehead, and mouth. It was not the usual passionate or sometimes brutal embrace that I had seen them in before, but it was just as loving.

Lancelot was the first to approach me, since his horse was closest when he dismounted.

"Did they guards take the prisoners?" It was a pointless question, but I nodded anyways. He patted my shoulder and made his way towards the walkway. The stable hands were gathering the horses and we were moving towards the meeting hall. I nodded to Vanora, giving her a smile as I did so, before following them.

Once we were all seated, the stories were exchanged. Apparently Arthur, Bors, Dagonet, and Gawain and come across what they believed to be a similiar ambush but there were only two bandits and they had taken off at the sight of the knights in the woods. After we detailed our ambush, explaining that we had seven prisoners, though one was still unconscious after I hit him in the head with my sword, and three dead bodies in the back of the wagon. They had been covered before brought into the fort, though I imagined they weren't the first bodies the villagers had even seen either way.

Arthur and Dagonet were to make their way to the holding cells to stitch up the prisoners before questioning them. At the door, Dagonet turned around and motioned for me to follow him. It wouldn't hurt to have another set of capable hands. I made my way around the table, pressing my hand against Tristan's arm before leaving the room and catching up to my brother.

He gave my arm a squeeze as we walked, silently asking me if I was alright. I smiled at him and let him wrap an arm around my shoulders as we made our way through the halls. My sword still sat on my hip and my daggers were stashed about my person, so I did not feel uncomfortable walking into the holding cells. As we stepped through the door, nodding at the guards on duty, Dagonet released my shoulder. It would not do well to show a weakness around these people.

Arthur found the one with the least need for medical attention and started to ask him questions while Dagonet and I started to work. It occured to me to point out the two that I had fought for him to work on, thinking they might become hostile if I was the one to look them over.

The second bandit that I moved to work on, checking the cut on his arm, was shaking badly. The few glances I had stolen of his face told me that he was young, probably younger than I was. I cleaned the cut and although it did not need stitching, I told him that I would sew it closed anyways. Although this boy was a bandit, I felt bad for the fear that was in his eyes.

"Please do not let them throw me in jail. Please." It was not up to me and I had no idea what Arthur would decide the punishment would be for the bandits so I kept my mouth shut while I sewed the sides of the wound together. He was wincing and his shaking had not calmed down any.

"I was forced to do this. I was starving and he fed me and told me to come here. I had no other choice." My hand stilled with a few stitchings left to go and I looked at the boy's face. Arthur had heard him speaking and stopped his questioning, turning to listen.

"Who forced you? What were you to do?" He shook his head, raising his free arm to wipe over the tears and sweat that had collected on his face.

"I don't know his name. He wanted me to tell him if someone was dead. A girl. He had her poisoned and wanted to know the result." I rocked back on my heels and stood up, moving to the other side of the holding cell I was in, before I could fall over.

He knew the person that wanted me dead.

* * *

**A/N: **I am sorry that I went away again. I've been having some legal trouble and have been spending a lot of time in court. Sorry sorry, again, sorry.  
The poisoning storyline is still in the mix, but it will not be mentioned again (more than in passing at least) for a while now.  
Not a lot of Tristan/Irissa romancing in this chapter. The next chapter has a dash more, plus more brother/sister time and even a little Gawain/Irissa and Galahad/Irissa time.

On the topic of Vanora. If you read **Freedom and Faith**, don't think that I like killing children off. Because I'm a mother. I don't. But I wanted to keep something of accuracy and children in that time had a high fatality rate. And miscarriages were up for many reasons. I didn't want to write something like that, it kills me to do it, but it's important to the time and that makes it important to the story. I'm sorry if anyone was offended by that part.

_**Until further notice, my sneak peeks have been disbanded. **_It sucks, I know, but because of the constant rewrites going on, I don't know much ahead of time where I'm taking the story at different times. I hope to continue the sneak peeks once I get a hang of where I'm taking the story. Sorry.


	51. Chapter 51

**A Burning Sky**

"There was a lot of strength behind that last punch. Have I angered you recently?" Gawain was rubbing his arm idly, giving me a small boost in confidence. I hadn't been trying to hit harder than usual, merely going through the motions of our usual sparring sessions. The last punch I had thrown was blocked when Gawain had lifted his arm, letting it catch him there. Better than if I had hit him in the face, though I know it did not hurt him as much as it hurt my hand to do so.

"Well, you did let one blow land close to my chin. Think what would have happened if you would have put a mark on my pretty face?" He rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. We were both drenched in sweat and neither of us smelt pleasing, but it came with the part of being a knight.

"I'm sure you're scout would have wanted to have a word with me." And I was sure the word he would want to have would be painful, but I kept that to myself.

Once we made it back to the sleeping quarters, we went our separate ways. I gathered my clothing and went to the bathing house, nodding to one of the women that was cleaning there. Once I had bathed, soaking in the warm water and soothing oils, I dressed and squeezed the water out of my hair, using a cloth to soak up the rest of the water. My walk back to my room, feeling the way my arms were not as sore as they used to be after sparring sessions, I wondered if I was getting used to the physicalness of fighting.

I still bruised easily, the bruises on my knees from falling at one point proving that, but I did not become exhausted nearly as quickly as I had once before. I was more tolerant to longer sessions. It happened over time, I imagine, but it was the first time I had noticed it for some reason. Had the knights felt like this when they first reached the wall? Going from little boys with only a little experience handling a sword to the men they were today must have been a short process, with the things they were forced to see and do at so young.

My musings made the process of drying my hair and preparing to go to the tavern go by faster and soon I was back on the walkway, nodding at the Roman guards that I passed. I had to remind myself to seek out Amicus soon, if we could both find a free moment, to catch each other up on our time apart. I had seen him a few times since the day we came across one another but we were both fairly busy and never had more than a few minutes to talk before we were called away.

Vanora was wiping down one of the tables, laughing along with the people at the table as one of them told a story. The color had come back to her cheeks and her smile was back to the brightness I had missed. Her lover was equally happy about her return to her usual ways.

"Oh, Irissa. Be a dear and get more drinks for the table in the back, would you?" I nodded to her and headed to do as I was asked. Although I was busy enough without helping in the tavern, I enjoyed it. Vanora told me that it made me feel like I was performing some of my womanly duties, though I still was not sure if she was joking or not.

As the sky started to darken and the wind started to pick up, more familiar faces started to arrive. Gawain and Galahad were the first, followed by Bors and Dagonet soon after. When my eyes met Dagonet's, I could tell that he was asking me if I was handling everything, so I smiled to let him know that I was more than well. He had taken a special interest in my mental well-being after we found out that one of the bandits from the woods knew the man that had wanted me dead. Days had passed and I had gathered my wits to overcome whatever worries I had, but as my brother, he would always make sure I was well.

"Irissa! Tell us a story." There was a few more voices joining Galahad's as he asked for a story, laughing while I swatted at him with the cloth in my hand. Vanora was known for her singing and it had come to my attention that I was known for my stories. A few more cheers, along with Vanora prodding me closer to the center of the group, and I finally gave in. Dagonet was watching with a smile with everyone else seemed to be waiting patiently for me to pick a story.

In mixed company, knights and guards and villagers alike, I decided to make up a story. The characters purposefully resembled the knights that were present, with an appearance from a woman with a beautiful singing voice. The story I told was meant to make people laugh, which it did. A few words of indignation from Galahad and Gawain as I made them the foes and more than a few laughs from Bors and Dagonet as I made them the unlucky saviors had me almost in tears before I even reached the end.

By time I reached the conclusion, with the warriors fighting off their foes and rescuing the beautiful woman only to have her leave them to babysit while she slept, there were even more people surrounding us. This included Lancelot, who was red in the face with laughter and alcohol.

"You remind me of the storyteller from my village." I gave him a hug and reached out, still wrapped in his arms, to clasp my brother's shoulder.

"When we were younger, Dagonet and I used to sit at the feet of the storyteller in our village, Mimora, and listen to her for hours. She told the stories of our ancestors, stories of nature, and stories of life. I think I always imagined that if things had been different, I would have taken over for her when she passed on." Dagonet smiled at me, the smile he reserved for the times when he knew I missed home the most, and placed his hand over mine on his shoulder.

"Perhaps in a way you have."

We were from different villages, different tribes and yet we were the same family. And it was in my charge to tell the stories, to keep up the morale of the men and myself. Yes, in a way, I had taken over for Mimora.

Not long after I finished with my story, I snuck out of the back of the tavern and headed towards the cemetary. I had not been out there in a while and like every time I saw it, it struck me with how many graves there were. There were a few torches lit on the graves, flickering in the wind and reflecting off the dew covered grass. It seemed to catch the area on fire, but it was still so cold.

For the first time in a while, as I sat on the cold grass, I thought about the family I no longer had. My mother and father, how loving they had been with one another. My father's laugh when I would hide behind him while playing with Dagonet. My mother's cool hands brushing over my face while I cried. And my little brother. Tonet would only be sixteen if he was still alive. Still young enough to only barely be called a man in the eyes of our village. But he would be older than Dagonet had been when he had been taken from the village.

Someone moved to sit beside me and I jumped a bit, not having expected anyone to be out here. My first thought was of Lancelot, the only person that I usually saw out here, but it was Tristan that wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"It is too cold to be sitting out here Irissa." His voice was low and I watched as steam rose from his mouth as he breathed. His skin was only a little cold to the touch so he must have only been out long enough to walk down here. How had he known exactly where I was? It was one of the things that I really didn't need to question. He just knew.

"I won't catch my death by just sitting out here for a while. I came here to think." He nodded and wrapped his arm a little tighter around me, as if he knew just what I was thinking about.

We stayed that way for a while longer, with us staring out over the cemetary, our minds occupied with different things. I wondered how many of the burial mounds held someone he knew, but I didn't dare ask. There were still things that I didn't want to approach yet, questions I did not want the answers to and stories I knew I was not ready to hear. We would have those discussions some other time, but this was not it.

"Walk me to my room?" He nodded and stood, offering his hand to help me up. Once he pulled me up, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead. The walk towards the sleeping quarters was quiet but fairly quick, with one of his arms around me at all times. Few people cast us more than a quick glance, but most people were used to our relationship by now. We were not overly affectionate, you would not catch us in a passionate embrace like Bors and Vanora on so many occasions, but it was obvious.

Lancelot had pointed out on more than one occasion, infront of the other knights as well, that Tristan rarely let me out his sight when we were in the same room and if it was at all possible, he would stay within arm's reach. Tristan never denied it but it did not bother me one bit.

At my door, I turned around to give him a kiss goodnight. However I had barely turned back to my door when he turned me back around once again and pushed me back against the door, lowering his mouth back to mine. It was not a slow or gentle kiss that we usually shared but I had quickly gotten used to how Tristan would take control of the kiss. When he started to pull back I made a noise of disappointment and fisted my hand into the front of his shirt, pulling him back down to me. We stayed that way for a while longer before we both had to pull apart, neither of us breathing normally anymore.

With one last quick kiss, like the first one had been, I stepped into my room and said goodnight. He waited until I shut the door to walk away and I pressed my forehead against the door and waited until I could no longer hear his footsteps. Once it was silent on the other side of the door, and I was sure that my heart had slowed to normal again, I started to move about my room to prepare for sleep.

* * *

**A/N: **Aw how cute. Or something like that.  
Let's see, what has happened since I last updated? Uhm, legal problems resolved. Hip hip hooray. I went to see Celtic Thunder in Durham. Amazing. And on Saturday, my dad got married to his girlfriend of like, five years. It was a small ceremony but it was really sweet.  
All that's left is Harry Potter tomorrow (my life, I know) and job hunting. Plus three papers due before Thanksgiving.  
In case I don't talk to any of you before then, for those of you that are in America, HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I'm thankful for a lot this year. My lovely family and friends, my children, my health (doctor says the cancer is NOT back!) and of course, to my lovely readers that keep me feeling loved.

Thank you all.


	52. Chapter 52

**A Burning Sky**

"How much longer before you're free of your contract?" Lancelot was using one of his duller daggers to carve something out of a piece of wood. I had been watching his minstrations for a while now, although I could not make out exactly what he was carving. My question had caught him slightly off guard and I watched as he fumbled with the blade for a moment before continuing his work.

"Just over a year, if all goes well. Fifteen long years." He ran his fingers over the little carving, clearing it up, before putting the last few touches on it.

I knew that this wasn't a conversation he wanted to have at the moment. So instead of continuing my questions, which I had a few more left, I grabbed the carving from between his fingers and inspected it. It was in likeness to a deer, though a rough likeness. That was how he preferred to carve, without things looking exactly how they were supposed to. It contrasted greatly with the carving that he kept with him at all times, the one that I associated with his sister for some unknown reason. Maybe because the first appearance of it was when he had told me about Deirdre.

"Now it is my turn to ask you a question." We had been sitting together in his room in a relative silence, alternating asking questions. Indeed, since I had asked the last question, it was his turn to ask one.

"Yes?" He grabbed the carving from my hand and put it on the shelf which housed the other carvings he had made. I had a few in my room from him as well. With nothing in my hands to occupy myself with, I turned to watch Lancelot as he fumbled with his words for a second.

"Have you thought at all what you will do if you become pregnant?" I blanched for a few seconds before standing up and moving about the room.

"Pregnant?" I repeated the word to myself, almost laughing although I was a little caught off guard. I hadn't expected that question at all.

"Yes, with child. Vanora has ten of them, if you need a reminder."

I had picked up a shirt of his which was laying over one of the spare chairs and at that, I threw it at him. He caught it with one hand and laughed, throwing it onto the part of the bed that I had just moved from.

"I know what the word means, Lancelot. I was just surprised. Tristan and I have not been intimate in that way." To be honest, I had not even given much thought that that. The day that I came back from Grent's, I had been ready to give myself to the man that I loved. However since then, neither of us brought up nor did we pick up where we had left off. And the more I thought about it now, the more that I realized that I was not ready for that step. And the more that I thought about it that way, I wondered what Tristan's thoughts were on the matter.

"I see my question has given you much to think about." I nodded and then after reassuring him that I was okay, I opened the door and left the room.

During my walk, which was aimless at best, I turned the idea over in my mind. There were times where Tristan seemed more amorous than usual, the late night and powerful kisses before I went to bed. Were those his way of hinting that he wanted to spend the night? And if so, was he seeing my ignorance as rejection? Surely if that was the case, he would treat me differently afterwards but he never did.

My anxieties were forgotten as I spotted a familiar face in the crowd of Roman guards dispersing from their posts. Amicus spotted me not long after I spotted him and broke away from the other guards to approach me.

"Our paths finally cross. You look well this afternoon." I laughed and rubbed a hand over my face lightly, as if to erase the worrylines that would have gathered after my hectic thought process before.

"As do you. Are you free from duties for the rest of the day?" He nodded and I smiled, linking my arm with his and directing him towards the tavern. Once there, one of the tavern workers asked if we wanted anything and we both requested a meal and something to drink. While we waited, Amicus filled me in on news of a band of Woads which had been spotted and attacked a few traders, unprovoked as the story went, although his tone told me that he did not entirely believe that.

"Whether this will require the knights or not, I'm not sure. That is up to Arthur, who was made aware of the attack earlier this morning." The woman brought our food and drinks and we turned our attention there. After eating for a while in silence, I turned to face him again.

"Claudia is with child." He nodded, a grin forming on his face faster than I thought possible.

"She is. We are both very happy." It was strange talking about this after my talk with Lancelot but I refused to think on that for too long.

"Have you decided what to name the child?" He shook his head and took another bite of his meal before speaking again.

"The doctor told her that she was with child only a few days before I left, so we did not have time to discuss it. But we have many months left in which to write one another with ideas, of which I'm sure she has plenty."

After our meal, Amicus and I started to walk again. We continued our catching up from before, discussing every thing that we came into contact with in the time that we were apart. It was on our way towards my room that we ran into Dagonet. He nodded cordially towards Amicus before turning to me with a stance and expression that told me everything I needed to know.

"We are going after the band of Woads that attacked the traders."

"Yes, in one hour. We are meeting in the meeting hall before we head out for Arthur to give us an outline of what to expect." He nodded to Amicus again before heading the way we just came from.

"I should let you get ready for the ride out. I, on the other hand, am going to go to sleep." I laughed and hugged my friend before sprinting up the stairs and towards my room. I passed Galahad who looked about to tell me the news until he saw my face. We passed one another with a nod and I slid to a halt infront of my room.

After dressing, I strapped on my weapons. I still was not used to the weight, but it was not uncomfortable or overbearing. Once everything was on, I braided my hair and then tied it back and headed towards the meeting hall.

Everyone was sitting around the table, except for Gawain and Bors, who were no doubt on their way. As I sat beside Dagonet, I sent Tristan a smile which he returned. I never sat beside him during the meetings but my position gave me the right angle to be able to watch his expressions during the briefings.

Once everyone was accounted for, Arthur gave us the layout of the attack. We would stay together, with Tristan in the front as a scout, until we came upon the Woads. The trader that made it through said that there was only five or six, but more equipped for fighting than they had been. It was never a question with Woad attacks, take no prisoners.

As one, we rose and made our way to the stables. My mare greeted me warmly and I brushed her neck before saddling and mounting her. Arthur made sure that everyone was mounted and ready before heading out.

When we reached the woods, Tristan rode ahead and we stayed just enough behind that we lost the sight of his back. We went at a fast enough pace that we were covering ground but slow enough that we were paying attention to our surroundings.

Tristan suddenly came into sight again and spoke to Arthur in a low voice. Arthur looked at us and nodded, pulling his sword from its sheath and charging forward. Taking that as our sign, we all prepared whichever weapon we favored before galloping after him.

When we came upon a small clearing, Arthur and Tristan pulled to a stop which had us all pulling up short. The clearing was a bad position for us to be in, waiting for an outflanking attack. Lancelot, Gawain and I were the only ones not fully in the clearing and we turned around and headed out the way we came in.

"Gawain, take the left. Lancelot, take the right. I'll head back out and come through again." They nodded to me, acknowledging that that was the best plan, and they set off to their sides. I doubled back and on my way in again, I spotted what we were looking for. I was not the only one that spotted them either, for a cry rang out from Bors as he dismounted and lunged for one.

The Woad that I spotted came straight for me, sword raised, and I let my sword swing out and meet his so that he would not potentially hit my horse. Once that was done, I swung my leg over and kicked him, catching his shoulder more than his head which I had been aiming for, and then jumping down while he shook off the blow.

The cries of the fighting around us gave way for our swords meeting, my arm shaking with the force at first. He was stronger than he looked, this Woad, and he was fast as well. He kept raising his sword and striking, with the intent to wear me out, but it was too predictable. So when he raised his sword to strike again, I thrust mine forward and caught the side of his head with the flat of the sword. It caught him offguard long enough for me to plunge the sword into his stomach.

When I turned around, there was only Gawain left fighting, and that ended with one quick strike from his ax. Once it was done, we met in the clearing again.

"That went well." Bors was cleaning his handblades, eyeing the carnage around us.

"An unannounced attack. It is possible that there was no provocation." Galahad glanced at Gawain and shook his head.

"Do these people ever need a reason to attack?" With that question on each of our minds, we headed out of the clearing and back towards the main path.

The main path was blocked off by spiked lines crisscrossing, seeming to have been shot by arrows. We prepared our weapons again as another wave of Woads rushed us. Although being on my horse gave me a height advantage, it was too difficult for me to successfully fight off my opponents so I dismounted before taking my first swing. Two men at once rushed towards me, with one carrying a sword and an ax while the other simply carried a sword, swinging all at once.

I knew it was too difficult for me to hold both swords at once during an attack. My swords were lighter for my benefit, but two of them taking the same amount of force tired me out twice as quickly. That in mind, I pulled out both of my swords and deflected the first blows. The one wielding both weapons swung them separately and the other Woad swung afterwards, making all three hit at different times. The ax nicked my hand causing me to drop that sword.

Just as the single weaponed Woad was about to strike, an arrow pierced his throat. Galahad shot me a nod as he notched another arrow and aimed for the other Woad that was attacking me. That arrow caught his shoulder and only caused him to drop the ax. In anger, he swung out with his sword and the tremor caused me to step backwards. It was a mess of limbs as my feet tangled with the feet of the Woad that had fallen just before and I started to flail, almost dropping my sword in my confusion.

The Woad stood almost above me and raised his sword to deliever a killing blow and I sunk my blade into his chest at the same time that an arrow shot through his back. I followed the line of the arrow and saw Tristan with his bow pointing in my direction. The noise of the fight had died out to the last dying groans of a few Woads and I pulled myself from my half tipped over stance and moved back to where my horse was standing a little ways away.

"You recovered very nicely." The compliment from Arthur, who was mounting his horse just beside mine, made me smile despite the circumstances.

Tristan came up to me while I was sliding my sword back into its sheath and handed me the sword that I had dropped earlier. I smiled at him in thanks and returned it to its sheath on my other side.

"Thank you." I was thanking him for returning the sword and for shooting the Woad. If I had not been able to manuever my sword, that arrow would have saved my life. He pressed his hand lightly to my uninjured one and then moved back among the bodies to find his own horse.

Once everyone was mounted, we headed around the obstacle in our path and continued our way towards the fort.

* * *

**A/N: **Benadryl, $7. Aroma therapy candles, $10. Writing a battle scene at seven AM when you can't sleep, priceless.  
I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving (for those of you that are in the US), or in general, a nice week.  
And uh, yea, it's December. Can you believe that? I started this story in June, and here it is December. Eesh.  
Busy day for Irissa. Not much romance in this one but I hope the fight scene/s make up for it!  
Thank you to my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters/messagers. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	53. Chapter 53

****

A Burning Sky

Vivid dreams were something I had grown used to having as time went past. The good dreams that I had while under Grent's rule never seemed to stay with me after I woke, only ever the bad ones. Not that I had many dreams anyways, I never stayed asleep long enough to dream it seemed. However, since finding my brother and coming to the wall, my dreams had become more clear and stayed with me for longer. I now had to grasp at the thin edges of my waking mind to help me establish between real and dream. They seemed so real sometimes.

What had my mind turning so effectively on the topic of dreams was the dream I had just had. I did not recognize the location, although my dreamself was very comfortable there. The knights were there, that I knew even though I only saw Dagonet. That was not the interesting bit. The interesting bit was that I had children, many children, that called me mother and Tristan father. All of the talk about childremn recently had my mind going in full force it seemed.

It had been days since my conversations with Lancelot and Amicus that had my mind whirling. Days since our ride into the woods and the two small battles that came from that. The cut on my hand had mostly healed, though it had not been deep to begin with. That was how I had taken to measuring how time passed, by how fast my injuries healed. With my injury list being as extensive as it had been since I had arrived at the wall, it was not a foolish way of doing so.

Vanora was working in the tavern, humming to herself while she moved about. It was reaching midday, since I had sat in my room for hours after waking, trying to make sense of my dream, so there was a steady flow of Roman guards coming in but not many villagers.

"You look like you had a very nice evening." Vanora grinned at my words but did not refute them, simply letting her gaze fall upon me.

"And you look as if you had no sleep yourself. Dare I ask if it is the same reason I will need a nap before tonight?" Although I was used to the comments that Vanora and others made so carelessly in regards to sexual relations, I still had to fight back the blush that was threatening to come. She would give me no rest if I blushed at that simple question.

"If your reason for not sleeping was because of a strange dream, perhaps." I sat in one of the chairs nearest to her and she took that as an invitation to sit beside me. There were enough people working in the tavern today that she was not desperately needed to attend to the patrons.

"A dream? Want to talk about it?"

Did I want to talk about it? That was a devil of a question, wasn't it? Of course I wanted to talk about it. I needed some sort of closure on the subject, at least with myself, before I could ever think of talking to Tristan about it. But there was something else to it, something that made me not want to talk about it. What if I did not like what I heard? What could I honestly expect to learn if I did talk to Vanora about my dream?

"Irissa dear, you're rambling." I felt my mouth pop closed and this time my face did redden, with embarassment. In my sleep deprived haze, I had spoken my thoughts plainly. And of course the other woman was grinning at my displeasure.

"Shall I ply you with alcohol so that you may loosen that swollen tongue of your's?" I didn't dare, that would only end badly.

"No, no. I'll tell you of my dream. Perhaps you can help me make sense of it."

And so I told her of my dream. There wasn't much to tell, simply that I had been in a place I did not recognize although that did not scare me. I knew that the knights were nearby although I did not see them in the dream myself. Dagonet had been present, although not for long. The part I stressed over was that Tristan and I had become parents to an entire horde of kids. I hadn't even bothered counting in my dream, it seemed useless because they seemed endless. We seemed at such ease with the parenting, so ease with each other and ourselves.

"You lost sleep over that? Girl, that is nothing to lose sleep over. Children are splendid things." Coming from the woman with ten of her own, I did not question that. Instead I questioned something else.

"Tristan and I have not reached the level of intimacy required to produce children though." Maybe it was my wording or maybe it was the incredulity of the idea that Tristan and I had not consummated our relationship as of yet, but Vanora started laughing and did not seem to want to stop.

She didn't even stop when I huffed and stood up, turning from the table and having every intention of leaving the tavern. My intentions, however pure, were drawn up short when I spotted Tristan walking into the tavern. He hadn't spotted me yet but with Vanora's uproarious laughter, it would not be long.

"Vanora, please, be sensible." That almost brought another bout of laughter but she heard the dread in my voice and stopped. Her eyes sought out Tristan's as quickly as mine had and she pulled me into the chair beside her's again.

"Now I'll tell you this before he spots you and you do something to make a fool of yourself. You care deeply for Tristan and he cares for you. That level of intimacy, without being physically intimate, will cause your maternal instincts to come out in dream form. It is nothing to worry about dear." She patted my cheek and then quickly made her exit, just as Tristan arrived at my side.

If I thought I would make a fool of myself the first time I spoke to him after the dream, no matter Vanora's words, I was saved the embarassment by him being the first to speak.

"Arthur is holding a meeting in an hour." He was curt as always and I did not have time to question why Arthur was holding a meeting today before he turned and left the tavern. He had days like that, being so standoffish that even I could not get a reaction from him. Today just seemed to get better by the minute.

The meeting hall was empty when I reached it, though I had left a little early by my count. And instead of simply waiting, I sat in my usual seat and curled my arms under my head, closing my eyes to rest. I would not fall asleep, though I definitely wanted to. Instead I waited and listened for anyone to approach.

The first ones in were Lancelot and Arthur, which was not altogether unusual. Their voices had quieted almost when they stepped in, as if they had seen me and assumed I was asleep. I did nothing to make them believe otherwise. It was a dirty trick, one that Dagonet and I had played on our parents more than once, to hear their conversations. I was disappointed however when Arthur and Lancelot were talking of nothing more than trade papers that had come through.

Soon the meeting hall was holding everyone and I felt Dagonet shake me softly. I had actually started to drift, for I hadn't heard everyone enter. I pretended to have woken from a more deep slumber than I had been in and smiled tiredly at my brother before facing Arthur.

"Knights. We have been... commissioned... to escort a Roman family from their home to a town three days ride away." Even though there was a certain distaste in Arthur's voice at the word commissioned, letting us all know that it was not his idea, Galahad did not seem to grasp that part.

"We are to be wetnurses for a Roman family for three days? What if something here were to call for our attention and we are too busy escorting this family?" Arthur held a hand out, as if that alone would quell the young knight's anger, but he returned it to his side.

"This particular Roman family is important to the people I answer to Galahad, or else we would not consider even considering doing such a task. However it has been commissioned of us and as our duty, we will do as asked before we are told."

"Is the Roman family in immediate danger?" Arthur shook his head at Gawain's question.

"No, but the road to their destination is less than friendly."

"So tell them to pick a different destination." It seemed best that everyone in the room ignored Lancelot's rejoinder to that, instead nodding our collective consent to the mission. Not that we had a choice.

The meeting ended quickly, with Arthur simply telling us that we would leave in two days time, but Dagonet put his hand on my arm and we stayed in our seats until all but Arthur was left with us. He saw that we had not left yet and turned to face us more completely.

"Should Irissa come on this mission with us Arthur? She has not been on an overnight ride with us, and this is three days either way." I had not seen it that way. All of my missions had been within riding distance. This would be different, three days each way to the destination and back and...

"It is entirely up to Irissa. If you think you can handle the ride, we could use another hand. If you are uncomfortable with the sleeping arrangements, you may stay." And without waiting for my answer, Arthur turned and left the room. He had made his point and said his piece, knowing that I would seek him out with my answer either way.

"What do you think Dagonet?" He shook his head before answering.

"I cannot answer this for you Irissa. It is your choice whether you come or not. You of course will be safe if you do ride out with us, but it is up to you."

I didn't even have to think about it that hard before I answered.

"I will come with you. I do sometimes become fairly useful." He laughed and nodded his assent before standing up and moving to the door himself.

"Are you coming Irissa?" I thought for a moment before standing and making my way to the door as well. The only thing on my mind was sleep. My little almost-nap before the meeting had been such a tease that I needed to actually curl up in my bed to let it come fully.

Dagonet and I parted ways halfway to the housing quarters, with him mentioning that he needed to check something in the stables. Without hiaving to match his long strides, I allowed myself the leisure of taking smaller steps and making my way more slowly towards my room. And within sight of my room, I was drawn up short when Tristan stepped out of his own room, almost directly infront of me. He stared at me as if he hadn't expected to see me and then nodded to me in greeting before turning and heading down the rest of the hallway.

Instead of doing what I normally would have done, which would be to go to my room and ponder on the cold shoulder from him, I sped up my pace and called out his name, causing him to stop walking. I was only just past my door now, reaching the corner where the hall extended to the other rooms, including Lancelot and Dagonet's rooms.

"Is there a reason you are ignoring me Tristan?" He didn't even bother to turn an face me, simply shook his head in the negative.

"So there is no reason for you to ignore me?" My voice shook with that, something I hadn't counted on. He was standoffish sometimes, I knew this about him. I didn't understand it, but I knew it.

"I am not ignoring you." The fact that he didn't even turn to face me when he said that said otherwise. I told him as much and actually expected him to turn around and face me, but again, he did not.

"My mind is elsewhere." The way he said it, so low that I barely caught it, had my defenses drop. He was suffering, I could tell. It was in the way he held himself, the fact that his hands were clenched at his side, the angle at which he held his head.

"Can I help?" The words that I said were not spoken confidentally which I had expected when I said them. Instead my voice was low itself, almost timid. With those words, or my voice, Tristan turned around to face me. He was a mere arm's length away but I did not want to reach out. He had to be the one to reach out today, to be the one to make that contact if he wanted it. He was always so patient with me, I would be the same for him.

Without warning, he reached a hand out and pulled me forward, letting me rest against his chest and tucking my face into his shoulder. It was as close as he would ever be to asking for help, to asking for someone to comfort him. His mind was elsewhere, lingering in the same place that all of the knights went sometimes. That dark place that took their childhoods and made them kill without thought.

"You're not alone Tristan." I wasn't sure what made me say those words, or if he would find them impertinent for what did I know of his pains, but he just seemed to hold me to him more tightly once I said them. I knew then that it was the right thing to say, the way I could help.

* * *

**A/N: **Aw, tender moment. I am fighting with myself to figure out if this portrayal of Tristan is out of character or not. I don't think so, but I'm not sure.  
Next chapter will be the ride to the Roman house and the main chunk of the three day ride to where they are dropping the family off. Conversations, humor, and fighting galore. And possibily, if I decide to leave it in, the inner-workings of one knight's mind. As in, someone-other-than-Irissa-POV.  
Thank you to my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters, as always. I truly hope that you enjoyed this chapter as much as you have enjoyed the rest of this story.

_**Sneek Peek at the next chapter:**_

"We heard tell of a woman riding with the knights of Sarmatia. I must admit that I imagined a fierce looking woman, but she is attractive and feminine. How is it, praytell, that she came to fight with Pagans as yourself?" She refused to even address me, even though she was talking about me. I was simply three feet away, it was not such a distance that even poor eyesight could be the cause. She was being purposefully rude, that was the only reason for her actions. And before I could call her out on it, another voice provided an answer.

"Because we are her family."


	54. Chapter 54

**A Burning Sky**

The two days before we were supposed to ride out passed quickly. Dagonet had come to my room to help me pack for the trek. They set out with as little as they could get by with; spare clothes, a bedroll, weapons, and the small but necessary items such as a makeshift sewing kit. Some of it they shared, like the food that Jols packed them. My pack was small, with two spare shirts and an extra pair of pants, along with the materials to mend if needed, cold weather and rain protection, and my bedroll. Vanora stopped by the morning that we were riding out to pass me a few extra bits of food. They were already wrapped in a cloth and I pushed it down into the bottom of my bag, resting just above my spare clothes.

I took a lesson from the knights while we prepared our horses, attaching my weapons to the horse so that they were easily accessible but so that I did not have to wear them for the entire ride. It would be a few hours to the Roman house and then from there we were to head to the town three days away, keeping in mind that we had a Roman family and their servants with us. It wasn't the entire household, for some of them were staying where they were, but it was more than enough.

So with simply a nod and no encouraging words, we took off from the fort. Vanora and her horde were at the edge and I sent her a wave before letting my horse pick up speed to stay in line with the others.

We slowed to not such a break-neck speed and continued on our way. Tristan had gone off ahead of us a couple of times, even though we were running through open fields. The sheer expanse of the fields we were traveling through reminded me of Sarmatia and the plains there, but I kept that pushed to the back of my mind as much as possible, so as to keep my mind open and on the mission. If I let myself become homesick, there would be a good chance that I would not be able to be alert for whatever may come.

I wasn't sure how long we had been riding but I knew that at this rate, I would feel it when we dismounted. Although we were mostly spaced out, every now and then a knight would either slow down or speed up just enough to be beside me. We wouldn't talk, merely glance at one another and nod, and continue about our way. Dagonet rode behind me and I knew that it was for my benefit, since I wasn't used to riding this hard. Though I wasn't sure what would come if I could not handle the hard riding, would they stop just for me? Even if it did get to be too much, I doubt I'd say anything and just suffer for it later.

And then it was as if I had conjured it out of nowhere, the Roman house slowly appeared infront of us. Even from such a distance, I could see that there were people bustling around and getting ready to leave, preparing for our arrival as well. Arthur beckoned a hand forward and Lancelot broke away from the group and rode ahead of us, to announce our arrival to the house so that they could open the gates without us having to wait around. I didn't have to question as to why Arthur did not send Tristan, as he was already a little ahead of us. The scout's personality and mere presence to a new person was usually overwhelming.

Everything seemed to be running smoothly as we watched the main gates swing open for us. Lancelot was waiting beside them as we approached and he joined the group just infront of where I was and we all slowed to a halt inside. The bustle that I could see from afar had stopped and everyone was staring at us, the great Sarmatian knights. A few people seemed to catch that I was a woman, but I was grateful that most people did not seem able to look past Arthur in the front.

A tall man, dressed in a way that reminded me of Grent, approached us from the doors that lead into the house. Behind him stood a younger man dressed in much of the same way, a woman that appeared to be the woman of the house with such jewels hanging from chains about her neck, and a very young girl that almost seemed to hide behind the younger man. Husband, wife, son, daughter.

"Welcome, welcome knights to our home. Please, please, bring these wonderous knights food and drink. We cannot even begin to thank you for this service." We slowly dismounted, with my grabbing hold of the saddle just a little longer than normal as I waited for my legs to stop shaking.

We made our way through the doors that the head of the house had appeared through. As we followed the family into their home, I tried to remember if Arthur had mentioned their names before. I could almost assure myself that he had, though I could not seem to remember what they were.

"I am Julius Arcenius. This is my wife Abellana. Our first son, Julius Major; our daughter, Julia Arcenia; our third child is an infant and with his wetnurse, he is Julius Minor." It was not customary, as far as I knew, for the knights to introduce themselves so it did not surprise me when Arthur was the one to speak.

"I am Arthur Castus and these are the Sarmatian knights. After our horses have rested, we will leave. If there are any last minute preparations, it would be best if you saw to them now." Julius Arcenius, for his worth, looked like a nice man. He smiled kindly at Arthur and then at all of us. I watched as he openly looked at me, as if surprised to see a female in the midst of the knights, and then continued to look over the other knights.

"My servants will provide food and water for each of you mighty, mighty knights, my stablehands are already taking care of your horses. If there is anything you need while you are here, please, please ask." And with a quick bow, he made his way from the room with his eldest son following him, followed closely by his wife and daughter. A few servants approached us and the one in the front, a fierce looking man, told us to follow him. We made our way through the house, a maze of what might have been complicated hallways if it was not so familiar to me. This house reminded me of Grent's house almost perfectly. The adornments were different but the layout seemed to be the same.

In the dining area we were shown where large amounts of food and drink were set out. There were more places than there were people in the room, telling me that the Romans did not know how many knights there actually were. We ate and drank our fill, not making more than idle chatter. It was Galahad who leaned over to pose a question to me in low tones, so that only I would hear.

"Have you noticed our kind host's habit of repeating his words?" Although he was being mocking when referring to our host, I was glad to know that I was not the only one who had caught on to Julius's repetition.

"Maybe it is a Roman thing." He laughed, though falsely, and continued his meal. Dagonet continued to shoot me glances, silently asking if I was handling being in another Roman house or if I was about to have a breakdown. I could only smile at him, since there was almost an entire table between us. A few seats down was the always silent Tristan who seemed to have the same question on his mind as my brother, but I shot him a smile as well and turned back to my own food.

It wasn't long before a stablehand came in, looking cowed to be speaking to Arthur, and said that our horses would be ready whenever we were. With a look to his knights, making sure that we were fed and rested enough, he nodded and then turned to the fierce servant in the corner.

"Send for your lord and lady. If we leave now, we can make good time before we have to make camp." The servant nodded, almost sneering as he did so, and disappeared through a set of doors that were made to look like a painting. Grent's house had a few of those as well, servant walks as we called them, that were shortcuts through the entricate hallways.

We followed another servant, a young girl that wore a green dress and a white cloth tying her hair back, to the main room where we would wait for the Romans. It was in my mind to ask one of the knights closest to me how many of these particular missions, relocating Roman families, they were involved in. Instead of asking, I bit my tongue and inspected the room. There were a series of chairs on the far side, the largest of those exactly like Grent's. All of the similiarities were making me a little nervous, but my quick glance at the other knights said that I was the only one that had that feeling.

Soon we were joined by Abellana and a larger woman that was holding a bundle to her chest, which I could only imagine was Julius Minor. Peeking from behind the larger woman was Julia, though I hadn't seen her at first. The lady of the house turned to face Arthur, regarding him politely, though when she spoke, her voice sounded cold.

"We heard tell of a woman riding with the knights of Sarmatia. I must admit that I imagined a fierce looking woman, but she is attractive and feminine. How is it, praytell, that she came to fight with Pagans as yourself?" She refused to even address me, even though she was talking about me. I was simply three feet away, it was not such a distance that even poor eyesight could be the cause. She was being purposefully rude, that was the only reason for her actions. And before I could call her out on it, another voice provided an answer.

"Because we are her family." The woman had the good grace to look chastised by Arthur's words while my heart leapt from its home in my chest to my throat. Arthur had not only stood up for me, but he had called me family. As the commander of the Sarmatians, he was close to all of us but there was a line between us that was drawn by duty. And he had proudly stated that that line was blurred. It warmed my heart.

While the woman of the house turned to face away from us, Julius and his son joined us. Arthur glanced at us and then nodded towards the door.

"Prepare your horses knights." We followed the stablehand from earlier out of the house and to the stables were our horses were waiting for us. My horse nudged against me as I approached her and I smiled, quietly checking to make sure that all of my weapons and bag were still attached. As it was my first time doing this, I followed Lancelot's lead as he sent a wink to me, leading his horse out of the stable and back towards the front gate. There we mounted and made our way out of the gate.

On the otherside of the fortified gate I looked at the wagons and horses prepared for the Roman family. Three wagons, though not very large wagons, and a handful of horses. A few of the horses were hitched to two or three seater hansoms. They were traveling lightly, which made it easier. Slowly a few servants either mounted or moved into the hansoms. And then the Roman family climbed into the second wagon. A few moments of being situated and then we started off down the dirt path that led away from the house.

Soon the path disappeared and we were left on our own. With hansoms and wagons were were not riding fast, though we were covering ground. We knights were spread out on either side, moving infront of and behind each wagon as we made our way forward, to keep our eyes open for anything that might cause a problem. In the second day of riding we would go through a series of forests that were cut through to make way for travel and that would be when we needed to be on our highest alert. Lancelot would constantly cut to the side that I was and wink or roll his eyes before continuing past me.

It was getting late, though the sun was still peering at us, and we would be stopping soon to make camp. A brief word with Gawain told me that we had made very good time, only because the Romans were more prepared than expected. There were no near trees for cover, only open fields of grass, so we would have to set up a circle of protection with us knights taking turns at watching.

As the wagons stopped rolling and we adjusted them so that the open backs were facing in together with an area in the middle for a fire, I dismounted and again clutched onto the saddle while my legs burned. The Romans had brought their own food and we separated so that we could eat the food we had brought as well. While the fire burned in the middle of the wagons, I opted for the first watch with my brother and Bors.

We grabbed a few weapons, with me strapping on my swords and one of my daggers, and made circles around the area, keeping our eyes open and turned away from the middle. Bors was grumbling every time I passed him though I couldn't make out about what exactly. Dagonet had reached out at one point and grabbed my arm, stopping me from moving. At first I tensed, looking to see if he was pointing out something in the distance, but one look at his face told me that this was just a sibling moment.

"How are you?" Because of the Romans or the riding? I kept that bit to myself and nodded, hoping that told him all that he needed to know. He shook his head and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him in a tight hug. I rested my head on his shoulder, my arms wrapped around him and hands fisted into the back of his shirt.

"Tomorrow, take a blanket and fold it under you." There was a little bit of humor in his voice as he pressed a quick kiss to my forehead and continued on his walk. I was confused at first but I thought about it again and realized that he was telling me to sit on a blanket while we rode. I laughed, wondering why I hadn't thought of that, and continued my own walk.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm really sorry about being gone so long again. On the 6th of this month, my grandmother went into the hospital to have two cancerous spots removed from her lung. After almost two long weeks of being in the ICU and being relatively unresponsive, we took her off lifesupport on the 18th and she passed away earlier on the 19th. It was, and is, a difficult time for my family. My mom and her siblings are trying to get everything in order and it has taken a toll on my mom who has been my grandmother's main caregiver for the past 10 years. With Christmas just around the corner and then my nan's birthday on the 26th, it's hard.

So without further ado, here is chapter 50something. 54? Yes, fifty-four. When I first started writing it, it was supposed to be humorous but it came out this way instead. I hope you still like it.  
Thank you for waiting with me through this. I cannot begin to explain how painful this time is for all of us and when I finally allowed myself to write, it felt a little better. So thank you, once again.  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope to have the next chapter up soon. Thank you to my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters/and really any person who is even reading this Author's Note.  
If I happen not to post before then, I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas. You all have been so terrific that I cannot express in words exactly what it means to me. Thank you.


	55. Chapter 55

**A Burning Sky**

When Bors, Dagonet and I gave up our patrolling of the camp and settled in four our sleep, I chose a spot close to one wagons to set up my spot. After I gathered my stuff from my horse and set up my makeshift bed, I settled in for sleep. It had happened before, everytime I tried to sleep while surrounded by other people, I found myself only half asleep. I wrestled with the party of my mind that was not allowing me to drop fully to sleep, knowing that a night of restless sleep would make for a difficult day tomorrow, but my body would not give in.

It was because of this little problem that I was able to hear the light footsteps that were approaching me before they even fully reached me. As they continued closer, I grasped the sword in my hand and allowed my reflexes to take over as I opened my eyes and sat up, the sword moving to tap the throat of the person who had just knelt beside me.

His credit was that Tristan's face was emotionless but his eyes were amused. The tattoos on his cheeks twitched while holding back a smile and that was enough for me. I lowered my sword, silently apologizing while trying not to let out a loud laugh. I was curled closer to the wagon that had only a few servants and most of the belongings but I still did not want to wake anyone up. Tristan was supposed to be patrolling, along with Lancelot and Arthur, but instead he was kneeling next to me.

"I hope the riding is not too difficult on you." I shook my head, although my legs were still aching. And even though I had shaken my head to say that the riding was not difficult, he raised an eyebrow as if to say he did not believe me.

"It was my first day of hard riding, but Dagonet has told me to fold a blanket under me tomorrow." Tristan touched my cheek and nodded his head once before standing up again and continuing his patrol. I had just curled back into my blankets when I heard Lancelot call out one word.

"Knights." I was up, clutching my sword in one hand and my bow and arrows in the other, and making my way to where Lancelot was standing. The other knights had made their way there as well and we stared in direction that Lancelot was pointing. In the distance, almost impossible to see unless you were looking in that direction, was a group of horses and riders heading in our direction. There was a commotion behind us and my strung nerves had me spinning around with my sword pointing out. This time it was a Roman guard to the family, one hand clutching his sword and his other hand covering his mouth as he yawned.

"What-" His sentence died out as Arthur started to call out orders.

"Stay here and guard the wagons, set men at each wagon facing out. Dagonet, Irissa, stay here. The rest of us will intercept them." While the other knights quickly grabbed their horses and headed off to where the horses were riding towards us, Dagonet and I set about to protect the wagons if necessary. There was too much cloud cover, hiding the moon and stars with no hope of their light to help us, so we were not sure how many riders there were.

Dagonet stayed facing the riders while the knights rode to where the riders were and I snuck back to the wagon where the Roman family was sitting together stiffly, as if poised for the attack.

"What is, what is happening?" I motioned a hand to my mouth to tell Julius to be quiet, for his voice was a little louder than he probably expected it to be.

"Riders. Until we are positive of their purpose, we are on alert. There is a guard right beside your wagon but if the riders get too close, my brother and I will fall back and protect you. But please, stay here and be quiet." I kept my voice authoritative, hoping that they would not balk at being told what to do by a female. Although the Roman woman, Abellana, looked as if she wanted to say something to me, her husband grabbed her arm and nodded to me. With that I made my way back to where Dagonet was waiting, his hand clutching his sword lightly.

We only had to wait a few more moments before something happened. A lone rider turned back towards us after no confrontation, which told us it was not something to worry about. Instead of backing down however, we stayed in position until Galahad made it to us.

"Merchants that travel by night. Lancelot, Bors, and Gawain are going to lead them to their road away from the Roman caravan." We noddeed and went about informing the guards that they did not need to be on guard.

After the merchants were led away from our caravan and everyone returned, I curled back into my bedroll and found that this time I was able to drift into sleep without a problem. My dreamless slumber was ended after what felt like only a few moments, but when I let my eyes adjust I could see that the sun was starting to rise. We ate in silence, though quickly so that we could get back to riding, and everyone prepared themselves for the long day ahead. Once we were mounted, with one of the blankets from my bedroll tucked under me, we started off again.

We started at a steady pace, slow enough that I wouldn't have even needed the blanket, but slowly picked up the speed until we were at the pace we had been at the night before. In the distance I could see a set of woods that we would be going through and I knew that at that point we would slow down and make a tighter circle around the wagons. Arthur had asked me to stay close to the wagon holding the Roman family when we were within the woods so I slowly started to move until I was beside said wagon.

The pace started to slow and the wagons, hansoms, and riders started to get closer together with less room between them. I moved to just behind the second wagon, still off to the side though, and we rode in more silence than before. As the woods started to envelope us, we knights kept our eyes open and on either side of us to see if we were to be ambushed. Tristan had gone ahead of us before we had even reached the woods to scout and make sure the path infront of us was open.

The little girl, Julia, was peering out from the back of the wagon at me while we made our way through. I found myself smiling at the girl, which she shyly returned after a while.

"What is your name?" Her voice was small and I barely heard it over the sound of the wheels and hoof beats.

"Irissa." She nodded and wiped her hand over her face before turning to watch me again.

"My name is Julia Arcenia. You have pretty hair." I hadn't had the chance to brush it much that morning, having unbraided it and not even gotten the chance to braid it back. Instead I had pulled it back and wrapped the cord around the whole mess, which left some of the length to fall over my shoulder.

"Thank you. Your hair is very pretty as well." I was amazed at the light color of her hair, something that was not common in the Romans I had met. When I complimented her, she ducked her head down so that I could barely see the crown of her head.

For a while after that I did not see her; she had been called back into the main part of the wagon by her wetnurse. The Roman woman had curled up for a nap in the back of the wagon, claiming herself weary from the travel.

After twenty minutes of silent riding, I was joined by Galahad who looked about as worn down as I was feeling. He had once confided in me that he had trouble sleeping on over night missions as well, though he hid it from his fellow knights for fear of them ribbing him mercilessly afterwards.

"Did you much sleep?" I shrugged, though I really did not sleep very well. I had slept without interruption once I had finally fallen asleep, but my body was not well rested.

"And you, Galahad? How did you sleep?" He shot me a half smile, knowing that I was remembering what he had told me so long ago, but did not answer. He stayed beside me for a while more in the ride, silent for the most part. He would sometimes ask me to look at something, to second his opinion that it was a deer and not a person in the distance of the woods.

"Is he your brother?" The small voice, again barely heard over the sounds of our travel, came from the back of the wagon and once again I saw Julia's face peering out. Although the question was directed at me, she was staring at Galahad.

"No, he's a friend. A very dear friend." She nodded and crossed her arms over the back of the wagon so she could rest her chin there.

"Are you very old?" Galahad, who was only a year older than my own twenty three, laughed at the question. His age was not very old, but much like the other knights, he felt older than he really was.

"No, not very." She nodded and wiped her face against her sleeve before turning to rest her head on her arm this time.

"I will be three soon." She said it so wistfully, as if being three was going to be such a chore.

Until we stopped for rest again a while afterwards, Galahad and I traded stories with Julia. She had a cute laugh, which we had won from her a few times, though for the most part she stayed just shyly listening to our stories. We told her of Sarmatia, though most of Galahad's stories were the ones that I had told him, and she told us stories about her family. When we finally stopped, she snuck back into the wagon after one last shy wave.

"If only all Romans were like her." I smiled and patted Galahad arm as we dismounted, knowing that he still did not like Romans. Not that I really blamed him, we both had our fair share of problems because of them.

After we ate and rested, we slowly mounted again. It was just as I was about to pull myself back onto my horse that I realized I was not in any pain from riding today. There was the left over aches from yesterday, but the blanket had really helped. I would have to thank Dagonet when I had the chance.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully, with us moving quietly amongst the wagons while heading forward. We finally emerged from the first set of woods only to quickly be enveloped in the second set, a thicker set of trees that made it almost impossible to see through as it started to slowly get darker. We found a larger area, wider than the path we were moving through, to stop the wagons and place them so that we could protect them to the best of our ability.

That night I had the first watch again but after we were relieved and I told Dagonet goodnight, I found that I did not have any trouble getting to sleep. We had one full day left of riding and then a few hours on the next day before we would get the Romans to their destination. As I imagined what the rest of the journey would hold, I fell asleep.

The next day was much like the previous. I followed the second wagon with the Roman family, sometimes joined by Galahad while Julia watched from the back of the wagon and every now and then asked us questions. We ran into another merchant group that was simply passing through but it was another uneventful day. Even though the blanket helped, when we dismounted that night for the first watch, I was starting to feel the ache in my legs again.

That watch consisted of me walking circles around the wagons in the little area that was left around it. The path through this particular area of the woods was so small that sometimes the wagons would get scraped by the branches. Tristan had been part of the first watch with me and when it was time for us to sleep and the other knights to take over, we dropped down against the same tree and propped ourselves against one another, covered by our blankets from our bedrolls and let ourselves drift off to sleep.

When the morning came, it was almost as dark as if the sun had not come all the way up yet. Besides the tree cover, there were clouds and rain slowly pattering through to us. Those of us on horses and not under the protection of a hansom or a wagon drapped ourselves with our rain protection and continued on the path. It was not long after we took off, barely able to see the end of the woods, that one of the wheels on the second wagon got stuck in the muddy ground. Everyone piled out so that we could lift the wagon and get it moving again and that was when we heard a call from the back of the caravan where Lancelot was.

"Knights!" His voice carried over the thunder that sounded and we all peered around as best we could. What looked to be a dozen men on horses, screaming and wielding swords and axes, were heading towards us. Arthur started to shout out orders, but his first ones gave me a start.

"Irissa, take the guards and the family on horseback ahead. Knights, set up a line of defense around the third wagon to keep them back. Anyone who cannot fight, stay with the first wagon. Go!" We had just enough time to get the Roman family astride the spare horses with the Roman guards, each family member with a guard. The only one left was the little girl and I pulled her onto my horse, infront of me, before pushing my horse forward.

I let the Romans get infront of me and continued to cast looks behind me to make sure we were not being pursued, urging my horse to put some distance between us and whatever those men were. We reached the edge of the woods and once we were in the clearing, I turned my horse around. Julia was facing me, pushing her face into my chest while my cloak wrapped just enough around her so that she would not be soaking. The guards seemed edgy, as if they wanted to continue, and it was up to me to make the choice.

"We are not safe here in the open. The only way we can protect the family is to keep going forward." The town that the family was heading was visible. If I could get them there, I could drop them off and double back. So with that we turned back around and headed as fast as we could manage towards the town just down the hill.

Once we pushed through, one of the guards going up infront of us to announce our arrival, it was a quick trip to the house that the family would now be staying. Once there and I made sure everyone was safe, though drenched, I pulled Julia off of me and set her on the ground. She grabbed ahold of my leg before I could ride off though.

"Stay, please." Her voice was small and scared, causing something in the back of my mind to start to hurt, but I pulled my leg away and shot her a tense smile.

"I will be back. You're safe here." And quickly pushed my horse away from the house and back through the town. I did not even make it past the town gates before I spotted the wagons accompanied by the knights heading our way. Instead of waiting, I nudged my horse to take off up the hill until I met with them. Arthur met me first.

"The family?"

"Awaiting their servants and belongings at the house." He nodded and pushed his horse forward and I fell into line with the other knights, casting a smile to Dagonet who had searched me out to make sure that I was not injured.

Once we made it back to the house, I was barely off of my horse before a small body wrapped itself around my waist. The light brown hair that was being pattered on by the rain told me who it was, even if I could not guess before. I bent down onto my knee so that my face was closer to her's and smiled.

"Thank you." She buried her face into my neck and I wrapped my arms around her, hoisting her up as I did so. In a way she reminded me of Bors and Vanora's children, but in another way, she reminded me of Tonet just a little. The pleading look she had given me, the fear that was in her eyes when I was about to ride off and leave her alone. It was the look in the eyes of my brother the day of the attack, when I lost him.

I pulled myself out of my memories and carried the little girl back to the house where I deposited her at the feet of the wetnurse that had Julius Minor strapped to her front. I hadn't even thought of wondering about the baby when we had gathered the family together, but he had been protected that way.

My brother's voice broke me from my wonderings and I made my way to the front of the house where the knights were standing or sitting. Dagonet was holding onto Lancelot's arm who was trying to pull it away, if only half heartedly.

"Small fingers are needed." He motioned to the cut that reached from Lancelot's wrist to almost his elbow. It was not very deep from what I could tell but I nodded and made my way back to my horse and rifled through for my kit to aid in healing. Dagonet made a move to let go of Lancelot's arm but I shook my head.

"I will need you to keep holding him." Lancelot grumbled but I ignored it and went about my business of cleaning the wound and sewing it shut. He winced and would occasionally try to pull away but Dagonet kept a firm grip and did his best to keep him involved in conversation and not focusing on the stitching.

Afterwards I made sure the other knights did not need my services, looking at a cut on Galahad's forehead which only needed to be cleaned and the gash on Arthur's shoulder that needed a few stitchings, before simply tying my kit to my belt. It weighed less than my sword on the other hip so it almost made me felt balanced again.

It was decided between Arthur and Julius Arcenius that we would stay the night at the Roman house before heading out in the morning back for the wall. Indeed he had urged that he would not allow us to leave without repaying us somehow, with treasures or gold or coins, but Arthur asked that we only be given food for the trip back to which Julius agreed.

That night I slept in a Roman house as a guest. At Hadrian's Wall, I never thought of it as a Roman house even though it was a Roman outpost. The villagers were not all Romans and the knights were there; to me, it was just a home of sorts. And when I woke up the next morning, I felt as well rested as possible in such a new environment.

While the other knights were eating, I ate what I had left in my pack and prepared for the travel back, including braiding my hair again. When I turned to leave the room I had been quartered in, I saw a little tuft of light brown hair peeking from the other side of the door.

"Come in Julia." She giggled as she stepped in and shifted from foot to foot before offering her hand to me. In her clutched hand was a bit of blue ribbon with a gold detail on the ends, a ribbon that was used to tie back one's hair. I took it from her hand lightly and examined it with a smile. I remembered seeing such a display a few times amongst the Roman servant girls at Grent's house, exchanging personal items in a way to begin a friendship. So I reached back and pulled my braid up and untied the leather cord that held my hair together and unwound it before holding it out to her. She took it delicately as if I was handing her the finest material instead of a bit of rough, braided leather.

"Thank you Irissa." I said the same and gave her a quick hug before ushering her out of the room. Once she was gone, giggling as she did so, I tucked the ribbon in my bag, tucking it under everything so that it wouldn't accidentally be pulled out, and ripped a small piece of the blanket to use to tie my hair back. I had many of the leather cords back in my room at the wall.

After gathering the food that we would need on the ride back and saying our goodbyes, we mounted our well rested and well fed horses and headed back up the hill to the thick woods we would have to travel through. We traveled in mostly silence, still as alert as we had been the first time through the woods. Gawain had told me that the men that had attacked us were bandits through this area and saw the wagons and thought we were merchants. I could only imagine their thoughts at attacking what they thought to be merchants and finding it to be the Sarmatian knights.

When we stopped for rest that night, close to the area where we had stopped the first time, I caught Galahad twirling a bit of blue between his fingers. A closer look told me it was the same type of ribbon that I had, only a darker shade of blue.

"She gave one to you as well?" He nodded, running his fingers over the gold stitching at the end.

"She gave one to all of us." I turned to where Lancelot was standing, holding a red ribbon with the gold stitching. I smiled and sat down at the fire to warm my hands, thankful that at least there was no rain tonight.

Tristan and I did what we had done the last time we had slept there, leaning against one another while propped against the same tree. When I woke up for my watch towards the morning, I was surprised to see that he had a black ribbon twisted around his hand a few times, the gold stitching reflecting in the little light that came through the trees.

The rest of our journey to the wall was quick with no sign of trouble, except for when Lancelot had gotten stuck in a bush while trying to relieve himself. That had given us all a laugh for the rest of our travels. Except for Lancelot, who could find no humor in the situation at all.

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**A/N: **So as a (belated!) Christmas present to you all, a chapter that is twice the size of normal. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, then it is simply a gift for all of you being so awesome. Haha.  
I am celebrating the first white Christmas in my area since 1947-48. Yea, that's a long ass time. I think I had more fun playing in the snow yesterday than my kids did. It was perfect though.  
I hope everyone (who celebrates it) had a great Christmas. And if something comes up between now and then and I don't update before New Year's, I hope you ring in the new year with style.  
Thank you to my reviewers/alerters/favoriters/readers. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wrote it in the span of about two hours so forgive any spelling mistakes or things that do not make sense. I changed a few things last minute so I'm just praying it DOES makes sense, haha.

Merci et merci et merci et bonne année.


	56. Chapter 56

**A Burning Sky**

Dagonet came to me a few days after we arrived back at the wall, found me running a brush over my horse's neck and side. At first he didn't speak, simply leaned against the stall and watched me, and that was how I knew that he wanted to talk. My brother said more in silence than anyone could put into words. However I stayed silent myself, merely shooting him a smile and continuing to look very interested in brushing my horse. It was then that I reminded myself that I needed to come up with some sort of name for my horse, lest I be stuck to calling her "my horse" for however long she was mine to call such.

"Irissa." His voice actually held a light trace of chastising. Was he very angry that I had not addressed him? A look at him told me that he was merely gently admonishing me. It was obvious to us both that I had been ignoring him, and by rights ignoring the conversation that he wanted to have with me.

"Dagonet." I used the same tone that he had just used on me which caused my brother to laugh and use one of his large hands to beckon me out. I placed my brush down and ran my hand over my horse's side quickly before making my way out of the stall. In the middle, my brother wrapped an arm around my shoulders and directed me towards the stable doors. We made our way away from the main part of the fort, slipping past the gate and standing in the open area just infront of the wall. To our right a fair ways away was the tree that Tristan and I so often frequented, but we turned left and headed down the path that was worn down from so much use.

"What is on your mind, dear brother?" His arm dropped from my shoulders and hooked itself around my waist lightly, in more a mock sideways hug rather than to just hold me to his side.

"How are you holding up after our mission?"

The question was a little random, since we had been home for a few days already. But perhaps that was the point, that we had been home and that had given me time to come to grips with any problems or concerns I had come to during the mission.

"I am grateful not to have to sleep in the elements anymore." That was not what he was asking, I knew this. I knew before he even halted our walk and turned me to face him that that had not been the answer he was looking for.

"Irissa, be honest."

Honestly, I hadn't given it that much thought. I had no problems being surrounded by the knights in the open like we had been; I was used to sleeping around other people after being at Grent's and I knew the knights would never hurt me, nor let any harm come to me. It was difficult being the only female in that particular situation, going deeper than the men to relieve myself and having to shield myself to change. It was the hazard of being a woman amongst men, but it was not something that gave me a lot of discomfort.

Perhaps the only thing that really bothered me about the mission was there at the end, when the bandits had attacked. Arthur had commanded me to ride with the guards to protect the family. That in itself was nothing, I almost expected it to happen, had found nothing particularly wrong with it. Arthur would keep me out of harm's way if possible and in that scenario, I would do better with the guards and the family. I knew this. What bothered me was the little girl pressed to my front, who later looked at me with the same pleading and fearful gaze that Tonet had held before I had pulled him onto my horse.

My brother had felt the change and I was sure that he knew the cause because he pulled me forward into him so that my face was pressed into his chest. We sat in silence like that, with him rubbing a soothing pattern against my back, for a while before I finally pulled away. Dagonet reached down and tilted my face upwards to face his, smiling sadly as he did so.

"Tonet was not your fault." It as something that I had slowly come to terms with, that my brother's death had not been my fault. Everything that came to me that I could have done differently seemed endless but dwelling on it would not bring my brother back. There are bad people in the world, people that killed others for their own gain, and no amount of self-loathing would change that.

"I miss it Dagonet. Little Dag and little Iri, being silly and without a care. Mother and father telling us stories while we drifted to sleep. Tonet's laugh. I miss it." So my brother once against pulled me against him and this time I did not pull away after a while. I knew that it was not fair, that Dagonet and I be reunited while the other knights suffered not knowing if their siblings were alive or not, but I could not help but be grateful that it had happened.

After my walk with Dagonet, I felt as if there was a small weight lifted off my shoulders. The last of the guilt and pain that I had for losing my family and being here while the other knights suffered seemed to have disappeared, retreating instead to the back of my mind instead of the top of my heart. It was there, just not something I had to look in the eye every day.

The days afterwards were normal, or as normal as possible at the fort. Vanora and I worked together in the tavern, I trained with the knights, I drank with my friends, and I even went so far as to scouting with Tristan one night.

When I had expressed my interest in joining him in a scouting trip into the woods, asking his permission over anyone else's for I knew that neither my brother nor Arthur would say no, he had appeared hesitant before agreeing. The actual ordeal had been anticlimatic after what had happened in our first scouting mission together, but for that I was grateful.

It was Vanora that announced that I had less than three weeks until I had been at the wall for a year. She had announced her revelation infront of the entire tavern one night, including all of the knights and Arthur, which had me near to burying my face in my hands.

"We should throw a celebration in her honor." I lifted my head up and groaned, turning to face Bors who was grinning as if it was the best idea he had ever come up with. It might have been.

"That is really not necessary." There was laughter and a few voices rising in agreement, though not if agreement with me. It was decided that some celebration would be held in my honor come my twelve month anniversary. The more I thought about how long I had been there, the more I thought about how long the knights had left. Almost a year. There was almost only a year left. And if I didn't want to celebrate for myself, I would silently celebrate that for them.

That night found me with my head on Tristan's chest while we were lying on his bed. The door was partially open, as we were doing nothing more than just lying with one another, and we had been silent for some time now. More than once I found myself drifting to sleep and would just barely refrain from doing so. It was not often that Tristan and I had time together so void of interruptions and I did not want to fall asleep yet. Although Tristan's breathing and heart beat were regular, I knew he wasn't asleep by the few times his fingers would slide over my arm lazily.

"Do you have any siblings?" I was careful to keep my tone light as I asked the question. Ever since the night that marked the four months of my being at the wall, we had barely spoken of his family. He had mentioned a few things, in passing or so small that I could not think of a question to lengthen the conversation, but we had never had a talk like we had that night. I knew that he kept his family close to his heart, I was grateful for the small things he did allow me to know, but I felt strange not knowing if he had any siblings.

"A younger brother and an older sister. Rowan and Muriel." Not only had he answered, he had volunteered their names. Rowan. Muriel. I said the names outloud, though just under my breath, and rolled so that I was facing Tristan. I wanted to know more about them, perhaps the age differences or if they looked much like him, but I knew that the knights had all told themselves that their family was gone, to make it easier for themselves.

Instead of asking any more questions, though I had a million more questions to ask, I raised myself onto my elbows and leaned forward, pressing my lips lightly to his. Once he returned my kiss, I smiled and fully raised myself onto my knees.

"I should retire to my own room for the night." He nodded and sat up himself, catching my chin and pulling me forward into another kiss. There was a little more passion in the kiss, but it was not a demanding kiss in any way.

"You can stay here, if you wish." He would not accost me if I stayed with him, I knew that. I could not help, however, the tiny bit of womanly worry that crept into my mind. We had been in our relationship for almost as long as I had been at the wall. I was not naive enough to not notice that the other knights often took female companionship. Even my brother was not an exception. Only Tristan was abstaining from sex because of me. Or at the least, I hope he was. How long would he continue to abstain, if I was not ready? Most females would have already slept with their counterpart if they were as committed as Tristan and I were. Was he angry that I had not given in yet?

As if he could sense the direction of my thoughts, he pressed a kiss to my forehead. It was a gesture that told me that he was not pushing me, a gesture that I was used to with him. He spent most of his time reassuring me it seemed. It was going to be a difficult conversation, but one I knew that we both needed to have to clear everything up.

"Tristan. What do you expect from this... from us... from this relationship?" From me. It was not added in my question, but it was there. What did he expect from me? He smiled, the type that went to his eyes and reassured me more than any kiss could. He was not, and would not, rush me. So I pressed another kiss to his cheek and moved to the door, shutting it and moving back to the bed. From there we situated ourselves so that he had one arm draped over my arms, his other tucked under the pillows and my back was pressed against his front. It reminded me, distantly, of our archery lessons but I kept that to myself, lest he laugh at me.

"What are your plans? After your contract is over that is." I felt his body stiffen if just a little and then he relaxed. He used his free arm to move my hair and pressed a small kiss to the side of my neck.

"I do not plan that far in advance." Of course he did not think that far in advance. It was almost a silly question for me to ask, since as a knight his life was on the line every day, but it was one I felt the need to ask. So I tried again, a different way.

"If your contract ended tomorrow, what would you do?" He laughed, one that I imagined did not hold much humor, and pressed his face against the back of my head.

"I do not plan that far in advance." I rolled my eyes and then rolled my body as well, to face him completely. It was a position I did not mind but I knew I would find it uncomfortable for sleep, yet I was still surprised when he grabbed my arms and rolled me just a bit so that I was lying on top of him, my head tucked against his chest and our legs locked together.

"Go to sleep Irissa." I once again rolled my eyes and did just that, content in the position we had found ourselves in, though not very content with the answers I had recieved.

* * *

**A/N: **HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know, I know, three days late or something like that. I also know that it is almost four AM and I have work at eight and... gah, I've started my lack-of-a-sleep-cycle again.  
Here's chapter fifty-six. I wish there was more going on but it was kind of an "I'm a real chapter in the guise of a filler chapter!" thing going on. Still a few points of 'worthy to read'ness I hope.  
To anyone I messaged/replied to within the past hour or so, begging your pardon. I had sugar and then no sleep so I'm fairly loopy. That being said...  
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Hopefully another one up soon. Can you believe that we've ONLY made it to ALMOST a year? 56 chapters and it's ONLY at ALMOST a year? Well, technically 11 months, one week, and four days. Yes, I figured it out that far, haha.  
If this story reaches 100 (or up! eek!) I might just pass out from being overly excited. Let's see, shall we? Haha.

Thank you reviewers/messages/favoriters/alerters/whatnotters. You guys are awesome! And thank you all for all you have done in the past few weeks. What with your condolences for my nan, the Merry Christmas/Happy Holiday wishes, and now the well wishings for New Years, I feel very loved. Or at least well liked, haha. Thanks again. Seriously.


	57. Chapter 57

**A Burning Sky**

"Move your feet Irissa, you have to move your feet." Lancelot was giving me directions as we circled one another, sweat dripping down our faces, my sword starting to hurt my arm. How long had we been doing this? The stinging in my arm plus the faintness I was feeling, I was going to say a few days.

"I am moving my feet." My voice was clenched through my teeth and he nodded, sidestepping my attempt to swing out at him again. The way we had decided to go about this was probably wrong. I asked him how often the knights found themselves in either long battles or a battle while extremely exhausted and this was his reply. To drag me to the training field and abuse me. With barely any sleep the night before, I was not sure this was the best plan we could have come up with.

I swung again and used what had become my signature move, swinging one way and quickly changing directions. The sword barely clipped his side and I watched his eyes grow wide. It was not the first time I had clipped him, we were wearing thick armor to not only wear us down but to protect us, but it was the best one so far. He had to have felt that through the armor.

"Truce." He held his hand out and I eyed it warily and then thankfully as I felt my legs start to shake under me.

"My brother is not going to thank you for running me to nubs you know." He laughed and moved to toss his arm over my shoulders but seemed to think better of it. It would probably hurt him to raise his arm, since he looked run down as well, and I was fairly certain that I would buckle under the pressure.

"Dagonet will thank me once we get into a long battle and you do not need a nap halfway through." I reminded myself to hit him once I had my full strength and we moved to the stables to deposit our armor and slowly moved towards our quarters.

Lancelot and I dragged ourselves to our respective rooms to which I collapsed deliciously in the folds of my bed. The bed, which was lumpy and a little stiff in places, felt like a cloud to the soreness I was feeling. However I was only allowed an hour on the cloud before there was a knock at my door. Instead of rising to answer the door, I simply called out for whoever it was to come in. When the door opened and I turned my head to see who it was, I found myself smiling tiredly at Dagonet.

"Training with Lancelot. Everything hurts." He nodded but looked unsure of something. He answered my unasked question.

"We have a quick mission, riding to check on a village just down the hill. No one will think less of you if you wish to stay here." I knew that they would not think less of me but I also knew that Lancelot would not be staying here and he had gone through the same thing that I had. Instead I rolled from the bed and shook my hair out before pulling it back again to tie at my neck.

"I'll be at the stables in a moment." He nodded and made a quick exit, giving me time to prepare. I was still wearing my training clothes which were the lighter version of my actual mission clothing so I was as prepared as I could be. I grabbed my swords and daggers, knowing that by bows and arrows were still in the stables.

Everyone was already preparing their horses when I arrived at the stables, including a tired looking Lancelot. Although I could see his shoulders slumped, his face was very alert. I envied that man his ability to bounce back after such a difficult training session. Though, I imagine all of the knights had the ability to live off of adrenaline when needed.

Once I was mounted, we headed out of the stables and towards the gate. It was a routine mission, a ride down to a nearby village to make sure that they were having no problems and were doing well. It was the lesser part of the knight's contract, to do checks on the local villages and make their presence known. Since I had started on the missions we had only taken part of two, though part of the reason that the knights visited Grent that first time was just for that reason.

When we approached the village, I was hit with a feeling that I had been there before. It took only one look to my brother, a glance which was going to be my way of asking if he knew why I felt that way, to remember. This was the village we had been to when my brother had been hurt. Although he outwardly was just as calm as the other knights, I could see the ticking of the scar just at his eye, the daily reminder of what had happened that night. I swallowed thickly and edged my horse a little further forwards so that I was closer to him, silently being there for him.

It was a routine check, as far as I could tell. The villagers thanked us profusely for our help so long ago, grateful that we had stopped a majority of the damage. After thanking us, they explained that some of the crops had been compromised because of the fire but not all of them. They would survive until the next harvest, since their crops were not sent out but majorly for their own consuming purposes.

The rest of the check up was brief, with us being nothing more than just standing there and smiling. Finally Arthur mounted and we followed suit, telling them that if they needed anything to send someone to collect us. And with one final look over, we headed back towards the wall.

The thought of reaching the wall and being allowed to sleep was almost too perfect, and the thought was shattered as we watched a Roman guard approach us. His voice carried just enough over the space between us that we could make out the important part.

"Band of Woads were spotted..." The rest of the sentence was said mainly to Arthur and he made a motion with his hand, sending us all to the right and towards the woods. Our horses picked up speed, all of us trying to match Arthur and stay near him in case he was to shout out any orders.

Through the woods, just enough that we could barely see the wall anymore, we slowed down. Tristan had gone ahead, as always, to find where the Woads might be. We did not have to wait long before he came back and motioned that they were just beyond the hill we were on, through the trees. When we broke through the trees, it was to surprise five Woads in the middle of a conversation. When they spotted us, each grabbed their nearest weapon and flung themselves forward.

The fight was over quickly, with me not even having to do more than draw my sword. Gawain and Galahad gathered the fallen weapons and strapped them to their horses before we turned and head back through the woods towards the fort once more.

My head was hurting, my body still sore from the training this morning, and now I was feeling a little light headed. I slowed my horse, just enough that I could keep up but that I was hanging in the back. It had been almost two full days since my last real night's sleep and it had been easily a full day since my last full meal. A mistake I should not have made, it would have been better if I had stayed back at the wall. They had not needed me today and if I had been needed, there was too much of a chance that I would have done something wrong that would lead to injury. I kept myself together by simply focusing on the gate and not allowing the exhaustion to claim me.

As usual, the knights dismounted just inside of the gate while Jols and another hand grathered the horses and spare weapons to place back in their proper places. My knees buckled under me as I dismounted and I reached out to grasp my saddle to steady myself, but Jols had already urged her forward. I flailed a bit and felt myself going down but luck came to my side and I felt a pair of hands wrap around my middle.

"Irissa, what's wrong?" Gawain's voice and face matched, concerned for the lump of a girl in his hands. I tried to right myself but his hands stayed firm on my sides, which came in handy when my legs buckled again. Instead of trying to keep my dignity, I turned myself and rested my forehead on his shoulder. He bent down and gathered me fully in his arms and I clamped my eyes straight, unable to take the dizziness anymore.

"What is wrong with her?" That was Bors and I felt a hand on my forehead. The ring pressed into my skin told me it was my brother.

"How long were you training with her Lancelot?" There was a mildly disapproving tone in his voice and I could almost picture Lancelot looking hesitant before his answer.

"A while. I was helping her build her tolerance to exhaustion." I wanted to laugh, to say that my tolerance was still next to nothing, but I also wanted to tell Dagonet that it was my idea and Lancelot was merely humoring me. However I could not open my mouth for fear of getting sick on Gawain.

The next few minutes went by quickly with a conversation going on above me that I was not paying much attention to. And then we were moving and I was squishing myself together as much as I could so as to not be sick. And then another voice joined the discussion, one that soothed me a bit to hear.

"What happened to the poor girl?" Vanora was then at Gawain's side, pressing her cool fingers to my forehead. It was silent besides the voices of the kids so we must have been at the rooms she shared with Bors.

"Exhaustion. She has not eaten or slept and has been training and out with us. We believe she might need a woman's hand for this." And so I was deposited on the bed that Vanora usually shared with Bors and the older woman shooed the men out, promising them that she would take good care of me. Once they were gone, Vanora told the kids to stay in the other room and moved to stand next to me.

"You trained and went on a mission without sleeping or eating? Is there anything but air in that head of your's?" It was said affectionately but I groaned and buried my face into the pillow under my head.

"You need to get something in your stomach before you sleep. You'll hate yourself when you wake up otherwise." I groaned again, with Vanora taking it as my agreement and set about to gathering some food for me.

After the meal, which made my stomach uneasy at first but soon I no longer felt as if I was about to be sick, I played with Ten for a while. He was walking and talking, though most of his words were still a mixture of mumbles and gargles and I could barely make anything out of it. The boy was bashful, smiling and hiding his face if I talked directly to him, which told me he had not spent enough time with either parents.

"I still cannot believe that you did not use a bit of common sense today." She went on for a bit more, patting Ten on the head every time he mumbled something which I took to be his form of "mother". After a while though she stopped scolding me long enough to sit beside me and grab my nearest hand. Ten was now waddling, falling over every few feet, towards the back room.

"What is on your mind girl? I can tell, an motherly instinct, that something is wrong with you."

No matter how many times I tried to tell her that nothing was wrong, that I was simply exhausted, I knew that she was right and in turn, she knew that I knew. She fixed me with a stern glare, one that I was sure would have her children or Bors, or any of the knights, cowering in an instance. For me, it just made me lower my head and chew on my bottom lip.

"Does it... does it hurt?" Although we had not been talking about anything other than my thoughtless mistake today, Vanora knew exactly what I was talking about. She gripped my hand a little tighter and laughed.

"Oh girl, is that what is on your mind? Well yes, the first time it will hurt, but only for a moment." I buried my face into my knees, knowing that my cheeks were tinging pink. It had not been on my mind since the talk with Tristan, but it was something that I had thought about a lot in the past few weeks.

"Your Tristan will take good care of you, Irissa. He will be gentle and loving, of that I am sure." My pink cheeks turned bright red and I found myself laughing. If just talking about it made me blush, who knows what would happen come time for the actual event?

"I cannot even understand why this is on my mind as much as it is. I know deep inside that I am not ready for that step. I just worry because Tristan... he is an experienced man and I feel almost cruel for making him wait like this." Vanora shushed me and wrapped her free arm around mine.

"He understands. The way your life has been, it was not something you had time to come to terms with. My eldest sister had two children by the time she was sixteen. For my family, birthing a lot of kids is natural and indeed praised. For someone that has lived the life you have, it is understandable that you would want to wait. And if he loves you the way I know he does, he does not mind waiting."

We sat in silence for a while longer, with her comforting me by simply holding me, when Ten walked into the room. He did not falter for a few steps and then he landed hard on his backside. He made a face and then stood up and tried again.

"What of childbirth?" Vanora laughed, rolling her eyes as she scooped up her youngest and held him close to her.

"The first few times is such an immense pain. You will feel as if your body is turning inside out. But to know that you are giving life and that after the pain will be a lifetime of love of the little one, that is enough to help you pull through." With another smile she handed Ten to me and I cradled him even though his little legs were kicking out and he was squirming.

And holding that child with the knowledge that Vanora had given me, I felt my worries cease for the time being. Perhaps they would come back and I would worry on these things, love making and child bearing, but not now. For now, I was content where I was.

* * *

**A/N: **Because I know a lot of my readers are teenagers, I'm going to give you a piece of advice. If you are in a serious relationship (or even a casual relationship), do not do anything that you are not ready to. I'm sure that sounds like something your parents would say but take it from someone who knows. One time is all it takes and nothing is certain, not condoms or birth control or anything. It is ultimately your choice but be sure you are completely sure and completely aware of what your choice entails.  
Done with the PSA, I promise, haha. I just wanted to give a little helpful advice to you all.  
That over and done with, here's this chapter. The middle bit may seem a little out of sorts but it's kind of supposed to, to give you a little insight into Irissa while totally exhausted and her dealing with it to do her duty.  
Thank you to my readers/reviewers/favoriters/alerters. You guys are awesome.  
The story is going to pick up once the "year" is over and it should be close to a wrap. If I have it planned right, the celebration should start at the end of the next chapter. Ta-da.


	58. Chapter 58

**A Burning Sky**

Dagonet was the first person that I saw when I was able to leave Vanora's room. She had forbidden me to leave until I rested for a full night and even told Bors to either sleep with the children or ask one of his fellow knights to lend a floor. I was surprised when he ended up sleeping in the room with the children, but I knew that he was full of surprises when it came to his bastard children. So when Dagonet found me, I was in a good mood and had fully come to terms with just how stupid my mistake had been. Lives could have been on the line.

"No use in berating me, brother. I have berated myself accordingly and any small surviving bits of my ego have been seen to by Vanora." He nodded as if that had been expected and wrapped his arms around me in a loose hug.

"I was worried about you." I smiled into his chest and returned the hug before pulling away and tossing a shy smile up to him.

"I hope you did not give Lancelot too much trouble. It was really my idea." Dagonet pulled himself fully away and gave me a stern look.

"I was not the only one that was worried about you Irissa. Tristan was enraged to hear that you had almost fainted and on top of that, Vanora refused to let him see you. It took reassurances from Bors and Vanora and a few words from myself to finally calm him enough." I had not known that Tristan had stopped by, though I was not surprised to hear that Vanora had refused him.

"Allow me to rephrase then. I do hope Tristan did not give Lancelot too much trouble." The look that Dagonet gave me had me gathering my skirts up and taking off down the walk ways towards the living quarters

Taking the stairs two at a time, I tried to decide if it was best to stop and see Tristan first, or Lancelot. I was saved deciding by running straight into Lancelot.

"Irissa, is something wrong?" I shook my head and found that I had lost my breath, from running and from running into Lancelot with such force. It was his strength and training alone that kept us from being sprawled out in a pain-filled lump on the ground.

"Are you... alright?" I took a deep breath in the middle of my sentence and Lancelot went from concerned at my actions to confused at my words.

"Why would I not be?"

"Tristan..." Lancelot laughed, the sound reassuring me and startling me in the same instance.

"Your scout gave me a look that would kill a lesser man, but no words were exchanged. I daresay that I will not volunteer to go up against him in training for a while though." I gathered my breath a bit more and gave him a hug, as if to tell him that I was sorry that he had the knights on his hide and to assure him that I was not holding anything against him, and then made my way down the hall.

I stopped at Tristan's door and knocked a few times, stopping only to make sure I looked decent, and then knocking once more when there was no answer. It was no use to knock as much as I had. If he did not answer the first time, it was because he was not there. Instead of looking for him, I did as I had promised Vanora and headed towards the tavern. It was just good luck that Tristan was stopping to gather his breakfast when I entered.

Vanora caught my eye and tried to tell me something, her hands motioning side to side as if telling me not to do something, but I could not grasp the meaning in time. Tristan had spotted me and crossed the tavern to where I was in what felt like a blink of an eye.

"What were you thinking?" I tried to smile in an innocent way but he was still staring down at me. I sighed when I realized that he was not being moved by my small reassurances.

"I have already heard this fromy myself, and Vanora, and myself again. I escaped it from my brother but just barely. Please do not tell me that I need to hear the same thing again? It was an accident, it was forgetfulness, it was a mistake. It will not happen again." Tristan seemed to wait and weigh my words for a few moments before nodding and bending his head down to press a kiss to my lips. Just as I started to return it however, he pulled away.

"It is good to see you well." I found myself wrinkling my nose and reaching up to pull him back down to me before I could fully remember that we were in a partially crowded tavern.

After we were both thoroughly kissed, following Vanora's comments that it was not breakfast and a snow, we went our separate ways. It had to be said though that if every bad decision I made earned me a kiss like that, I was hard pressed to make good ones. Though I did do well to remember after that not to train so hard that I was exhausted and to never take on more than I knew I could deal.

I was approached by Dagonet again just over a week later, a few days before the celebration to mark a full year of being at the wall, to discuss just that. At first we talked about normal things, training and an arrival in the coming week of some Roman of importance, but then he turned the subject to the party.

"I know that you would rather the day pass unmarked, but I agree that it should be celebrated. You have meant so much to all of the knights, giving us a little bit of the home that we had all but forgotten. Besides, it is not every day that we get to hold a celebration of a happy occurence. The knights... we... do not celebrate much at all." I had been mending a shirt that Gawain had dropped by earlier, with him only giving me the explanation of 'Galahad' and shaking his head, and I nodded to my brother without looking up from my work.

"I had already decided that I would suffer through being the center of attention for the sake of the knights. They deserve the chance to be happy and merry and not think about why they are here." Dagonet nodded and watched me in silence while I worked, noting in a proud voice that my mending was getting better with the time I had been there.

"If only I could say in honesty that my hands were better at mending clothes than mending skin." He laughed and reached across the space between us to clap his hand over mine and then stood up to leave.

The next few days were filled with Vanora chatting to me about the party. She was excited to have something big as such to plan, since her last celebration was a wedding of a guard to a villager that was interrupted by the village girl's father. She even talked me into wearing something more feminine than I had come accustomed to since starting to train with the knights.

"I understand why it is such a big to-do, but I do not have to like it." She laughed and started to twist my hair and pinning it on top of my head.

"Oh, but it will be a grand celebration. I hear that Sir Lancelot has even agreed to bathe for the occasion." I laughed at Vanora's little jibe at Lancelot, knowing that I should stick up for him but finding that it was more humorous this way.

"If I am going through all of this, I must ask you one thing. Sing. Sing something happy. The men love to hear you sing and I have not heard it in ages." That was close to lying, since I had overheard her sing to her kids the night I had stayed with her, but she did not need to know that.

"Yes, yes, of course. Now, how do I look?" I turned to look at the older woman and smiled. She too was dressed more femininely and her hair was beautifully braided and twisted to frame her face.

"I daresay your lover will try to work on number eleven tonight." Vanora let out a loud laugh that I'm sure was heard all the way to the tavern.

The tavern looked the same, although maybe a little brighter than most nights, but there seemed to be no shortage of people. Vanora walked in and was quickly pulled into her lover's arms who made it his responsibility to kiss the life out of her. My first greeting of the night was by my brother who wrapped his arms around me and pressed a kiss to my forehead, which I traded with a kiss to each of his cheeks.

"You look lovely tonight Irissa." I smiled and hugged him tightly to me before laughing.

"As opposed to every other night, you mean?" His answering laugh was joined by Lancelot's who was standing near enough to have overheard.

"Lovely in a dress, lovely in trousers. I imagine you would look lovely in anything or nothing." The last part was said cheekily with a smirk cast over to Tristan who was leaning against the nearby pillar. He raised his drink to his mouth to excuse himself from not saying anything, although I could see the smile in his eyes that told me enough.

"Do stop baiting him Lancelot, I do not think he would think twice before running you through." Lancelot had the good sense to look slightly abashed before catching me in a crushing hug.

From Lancelot I was passed to Arthur, who gave me a warm hug followed by an uncharacteristic kiss on the crown of my head. Dagonet had told me that Arthur had mentioned that he was glad that I was at the wall, because I did well to keep the knights' spirits up. After Arthur released me I was grabbed my Bors, who had only just then released his lover. He swung me around in a hug and gave me a kiss to the corner of my mouth, which smelt distinctly of the alcohol already.

Gawain gathered me next, giving me a tight hug with no words. I hugged him back, the memory of him taking care of me when I had been drunk so long ago in my mind, after my mission to Grent's. I had a feeling that I might end up the same way tonight, if Bors and Lancelot had anything to say about it.

Next was Galahad who made a face at me before hugging me, turning us around a few times as he did so. I felt a kindred to the youngest knight because of the many stories I had told him, sharing my memories with him to keep them fresh for us both.

Finally I was infront of Tristan and he placed his drink down to grab my arms, much the way he had in the basement of Grent's house so long ago. He pulled me to him, not as harshly as that night, and our mouths crashed together in a painfully blissful way. It felt as if he was trying to suck the air from my lungs but the way his fingers felt, running over my back and going through my hair, I did not think to tell him to stop. We had barely parted when his tongue came out to flick at my top lip and I laughed before pressing a lighter kiss to his lips and pulling away fully.

Vanora did her best to break the silence, as usual.

"I spent all that time on her hair and he ruins it with one kiss." We laughed and moved towards a large table where we all sat, with Tristan on one side and Dagonet on the other. Amicus stopped by after his patrol to have a drink and to celebrate my year, telling me that he had asked his wife to consider Irissa if they had a girl. I tackled him with a hug at that, feeling tears prick the insides of my eyelids.

"Thank you Amicus." A few others joined us, a few of the guards I had met and gotten to know, including some villagers. The only tense moment of the night was when Virgil approached me. Vanora, who was the only one to know who he was and what he had done, had done her best to keep everyone distracted by insulting Lancelot while he told me he was glad I was there. I returned it with a tight smile and moved closer to Tristan. I had not, and was not sure I ever could, forgiven Virgil for what he had done and said afterwards. Kissing me was bad enough, but to openly insult the man that I was involved with was a bold move that was borderline stupid as well.

If Tristan suspected anything, he did not show it, merely raised his drink and urged me to do the same. I looked around and noticed that everyone had their drinks up and my brother was standing.

"Irissa. Each of us are lucky to have had you here for this year, to bring a new light to our days and to remind us of the good. I know that we are the lucky ones to have you here." I smiled and stood up, shaking partly from the alcohol and partly from the emotion.

"I cannot think of anywhere else I would rather be, any other people I would rather have spent this past year, than right here with you all. For no matter where we are, as long as I am with you, I am home."

The emotion got to be too much and I felt tears trickle down my face and with them came the feeling of Tristan wrapping his hand around mine and standing.

"Home." The word was repeated by all of us as a cheer and after we drained our drinks, I turned and pressed a kiss to Tristan's lips before turning and pressing a kiss to my brother's cheek.

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and stories, a few songs from Vanora, and more love than I ever thought possible. A year ago I did not know if my brother was alive and even if he was, I did not think I would ever see him again. I was alone in the world. Now I had six brothers and one lover and so many friends. I sent a prayer to Arthur's diety, since most in this land respected that God, to protect these men for the next year and let them all see home again.

I think if any of us knew what was coming in the morning, we would not have celebrated just yet.

* * *

**A/N: **So the party was actually not supposed to fully be in this chapter, but I cut out a few pieces and sent them back to Plotline Boot Camp. Do not worry, they will come back, just in better shape and more disciplined.  
Yes, that was a crappy cliffhanger, but this almost felt like an ending and that kind of scared me. Action picks back up in the next chapter!  
Thank you to my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters. To the people who came to this story after reading _Freedom and Faith_, I thank you for sticking it out for so many chapters. There are many more to come. Stay tuned.  
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


	59. Chapter 59

**A Burning Sky**

Waking up the next morning was a battle, for two very different reasons. The first, and possibly more potent, reason was that my head felt as if I had been beating it on the floor for the night. Too much alcohol had been consumed in our nighttime celebration. The second reason, however, was definitely one that I was more comfortable with.

Tristan had an arm tossed over my waist, keeping me pressed tightly to his side, even though he was asleep. I was sure he would wake if I moved, for I had learned that he was a light sleeper, but I just could not find any will power to wake him so that I could leave. One of his legs was hooked just under one of mine, separated by the pair of pants he had given me, along with a shirt, so that I could sleep comfortably. Instead of fighting the urge however, I simply turned my head and pushed myself further into the knight and let myself drift back to sleep.

The next time I woke, we were in the same position but the room had a little more light pouring through the window, so I knew time had passed. Tristan's hand was pressed to my side and I could just barely feel that his fingers were drifting back and forth over the fabric of the shirt on my waist. Feeling this, I snuggled closer to the man at my side and turned to face him. His eyes were closed and his face relaxed, a look I'm sure he only had while sleeping, but I knew that he was awake.

"We should wake up, get ready for the day." He raised an eyebrow at my statement but did not move to answer at first. Then I realized that his lack of an answer was his answer.

"Tristan. Come now, up. You said we were to go scouting today. Up, up." My actions were going against my words since I was trying to get him to move but I, myself, had not moved from my position. I felt him laugh, a small laugh that he kept in for the most part, and then he gripped my side and rolled me into him. With my face now pressed against his neck and both of his arms wrapped around my waist, I knew I had even less of a chance of actually getting us out of this bed.

I was proven wrong when Tristan placed a kiss to my forehead, both cheeks, my lips, and then my neck before sitting us both up. It was then that I decided I did not want to leave the room, let alone the bed, but I was too late in discovering this since we were both now standing and stretching. I felt like a little kid wearing his pants and shirt, but they were comfortable.

"Go eat breakfast and prepare. I'll meet you in the stables in an hour or such." He kissed me once more and then I gathered my gown from the night before in my arms and made my way out of the room towards my own. From there I gathered some clothes and made my way to the bathing rooms, grateful that the water was still warm. After massaging the oils into my skin and hair, I dried my skin and hair enough to dress and make my way towards my room again. After folding Tristan's clothes, telling myself that I should bring them back instead of keeping them.

Vanora was looking bleary eyed when I arrived at the tavern and she was fighting back a yawn, although she smiled when she spotted me.

"I have it on good authority that you stayed the night with our Tristan." Although nothing that she was thinking happened, he had been a perfect gentleman actually, I still found myself blushing. On whose good authority?

"Quiet now. May I have breakfast before I go scouting?" She rolled her eyes at the blatant dodge of the statement, although I knew that she understood, and made her way towards the cooking area while I sat at one of the tables.

A few of the guards that I had conversed with on occasion nodded to me while preparing either for sleep or for their patrol shifts. A few even stopped to talk to me, but once Vanora dropped off my food, I was mostly left alone. After I was finished eating and talking to Vanora between her rounds of the tavern, I rushed back to my room and grabbed my weapons and then walked towards the stables.

Gawain walked past me, coming from that general direction, and he smirked at me as he did so. This told me that either he was the good authority that Vanora had mentioned, or he had heard from the same source. I rolled my eyes and gave him a smile, not letting him make me blush with the knowing look.

Once in the stables, I saw Tristan brushing and preparing his horse. He nodded to me as I approached my own horse, rubbing a hand over her neck and depositing my weapons against the stall so I could prepare her. We worked in silence until we were both ready and mounted, turning our horses to make our way out of the stables.

"Follow my lead." And then we were off.

It was not the first time that I had scouted with Tristan, it was something that I had gotten fairly used to in fact. At least once a week we would head into the woods together and check his tells for any sign of disturbance. He went more often than that, but I only went with him once a week. We rode just far enough from the wall that we could no longer hear the sounds from there and would dismount, heading from foot further into the woods. And besides the first scouting mission that him and I had gone on together, we had never run into anything, or anyone.

After we had dismounted and walked in silence for at least half an hour, Tristan seemed to be convinced that nothing had come this way. With a series of looks and hand movements, which I had slowly picked up on from him and our trips out here, I realized that he had only one last tell to check and then we could head back.

The first sound we heard was a twig snapping, causing us both to reach for our weapons and lay in wait. Tristan had explained that only one twig snapping and no other accompanying sounds usually meant human, since animals were graceful yet also more prone to making just enough sound to be distinct. We waited for another snap, or lack thereof, and when it did not come, Tristan started to move towards where it had come from. I stayed where I was, clutching my sword in a firm grip, and waited for him to give me instructions as to what to do.

His form disappeared between a few trees and I waited for him to reappear, listening for any sound like I had seen Tristan do so many times. He had a way with nature, a way of hearing or seeing things that were not readily available for the rest of us. I only had to wait for a few moments before I heard a distinctive clang of metal against metal and I flung myself towards the trees he had disappeared through.

My mistake was not taking my surroundings into account before rushing the fight. Tristan was moving fluidly, even amongst the four guys that were all swinging at him at once. As I stepped forward to help, I found myself with an arm wrapped around my waist and a sword pressed into my throat tight enough that I was scared to breath for fear of being cut into. I moved to swing my sword, knowing that I had to change the position, and winced as another man came from behind the one holding me and was able to grab my wrist and twist my arm just enough that the sword dropped. The sound I made as the second man twisted my arm backwards, pinning it to the side of the first man that was holding the sword to my throat, caused Tristan to glance up for just a brief second.

A brief second was all that it took. His anger caught him and he swung out defiantly, catching one of his attackers in the arm. When the injured attacker fell back, Tristan swung out again but his sword was caught between two of the others and the fourth man took his sword and swung it, just hard enough to catch Tristan's side. The flinch he gave after he was hit was enough for the attackers to wrestle his sword out of his hands and all of them get him in the middle, surrounded by the four men once again, this time weaponless. I could see the blood on his own sword, held in the hand of the man he injured, and his own blood on he sword of the fourth attacker.

His eyes sought mine, to see what had happened to me in the time it took him to become over powered. The two men that held me hadn't moved during the exchange, simply watching it unfold as if they had no care how it ended. They were all dressed in a similar way, the clothing a mixture of dark browns and greens, so they could blend into the scenery. How long had they been watching us, I wondered, before they sprung into action as they had.

"Take them both." Tristan was pushed forward by the tip of his own sword and he walked, all the while keeping his eyes on the men that held us both captive. With one hand twisted behind my back and the other pressed painfully to my side by the man with the sword behind me, I could not reach my daggers. My quiver of arrows, along with my bow, had been pulled from me and thrown behind me with my sword. Following them were my three daggers. Tristan's own bow and arrows were taken off and thrown away, plus the dagger that he kept on his side. I knew from experience that he had at least one other somewhere on him, but I could not see if they had taken that from him either.

I stumbled a few times, wincing as the sword was still pressed painfully into my neck and I could feel it breaking the skin, but I kept my eyes on Tristan as he was being pushed infront of us. I could tell from the few glances he shot me that he was working on a way to gain the upper hand, but with six men heavily armed and with us just relying on our physical skills and the hope that we could wrestle a weapon away, I wasn't sure if it could happen.

Finally our destination came into sight. A few wagons, which had probably either been stolen or left on paths after they had been broken down and salvaged by the group of rogue attackers that had captured us, were turned sideways and covered with large planks of wood. Inside, as we were pushed through, were three more men. I had also spotted one standing near where we had come through, a lookout of sorts. There might have been more lookouts, but ten men were more than I wanted to count. Tristan shot me a look, as if he had read my mind, and I was taken back by what I saw.

It was something I never wanted to see, something I never thought possible. It was not the comfort I had hoped I would find, but fear, in his eyes.

* * *

Dagonet splashed water into his face from the basin in the stables. It was not the cleanest water, but after the sparring him and Bors had just completed, it would do. It was just past midday yet he had not seen or heard from his sister and he found himself almost smiling at the memory of Galahad stumbling around and saying that Irissa had been seen going into Tristan's room. Part of him had, of course, wanted to barge into the room to disrupt whatever the two might have done, but the more important part of him, his heart, knew it was pointless.

Irissa was not a child anymore, these were her choices to make. Besides, Tristan cared very deeply for his sister, had made that clear when they had finally admitted their relationship to him, and Dagonet knew that the scout would not pressure his sister or hurt her, if it could be avoided.

Gawain came into the stables, followed by a slightly bruised Galahad, and washed his hands in the basin that Dagonet had just stepped away from. They had been fighting about something, with Galahad claiming that Gawain had no idea what he was talking about, when Gawain simply turned away from the altercation to face Dagonet.

"Have you seen Irissa? I have a question for her." Dagonet shook his head, once again almost finding himself smiling, and wiped his hands on the bottom of his shirt.

"She has not awoken yet." Confusion crossed Gawain's face and he turned to look at the horse stalls on the other side of the stables, looknig very much as if he was counting something.

"I saw her with her weapons, heading this way over two hours ago. Her and Tristan were to go on a scouting mission today." At that, Dagonet turned and scanned the stalls himself, counting the horses. A few were missing, most notably were Tristan and Irissa's. Two hours was too long for a normal scouting mission and although Dagonet wanted to tell himself that they had probably gone on a lover's escape for the day, he could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. Indeed, there was a coiling around his body, a cold dread filled coiling, that told him that something was very wrong.

"Find Arthur and Lancelot." Gawain and Galahad exchanged looks and took off at full speed out of the stables to search out Lancelot and their commander. Bors stepped over to where Dagonet was strapping on his weapons, placing a careful hand on his friend's arm to still his jerky movements.

"Dag?" He was asking if Dagonet was sure. Bors had noticed that his friend had developed a keen sense of when his sister was in trouble, probably since it seemed to happen so often, and Bors had learned never to question it if Dagonet said something was wrong.

"We need to find them."

* * *

**A/N: **I just spent over a week hunched over the commode and unable to stop throwing up. It was horrendous and when I was finally able to hold down food and go to work again, I was shipped off to a conference/seminar about hearing impaired banking, which may sound pointless but there was tons of points. Since I'm the only one at the office that does sign language, it was kind of obvious that I would be the one to go.

That being said, thank you for bearing with me. I think I answered all messages/reviews, but I'll check again to make sure.

Thank you for waiting with me guys, sorry I disappeared. Here you go though, chapter 59.

Thank you readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters. You guys rock, as always.


	60. Chapter 60

**A Burning Sky**

Sitting on one side of the overturned wagon hut, I let myself look over the surroundings. Nine men, besides Tristan and myself, made the makeshift room seem so small. I was against the back wall while Tristan was being held closer to the opening. Three men kept their weapons pointed to Tristan, daring him to challenge them. The other six men stood between us, armed but not pointing their weapons anywhere specific, except for the one that held me, sometimes tapping his sword against my neck.

In the distance, through the voids given by the bandits moving about the hut, I could see Tristan trying to check the wound on his side. At first I bit my tongue, not wanting to show our attachment to those that held us captive, but after a while, I finally had to ask.

"Do you plan on killing us?" My voice startled the men, drawing all eyes, even Tristan's, to where I was sitting. The man that had been tapping his sword against my neck lowered it and eyed me thoughtfully.

"Not yet." He was obviously the one in charge, his face stern yet somehow still calm. It was a look I had only seen on the knights faces, though perfected by Tristan. Calm on the outside, yet completely deadly.

"Then may I check his wound? It would give less trouble for you." I was not sure it would work, after I said it, as it was not a good excuse. The man seemed to think about it before making a motion to his comrades. Two of the men grabbed Tristan and pulled him towards me. Tristan was struggling to keep from resisting and causing a problem. I could see that he did not want to come to my side, fearful that we would somehow give away our involvement, giving way to leverage against us.

"After you see to his wounds, you can check our's." My back stiffened at the laugh that he let out but I did nothing more than nod. I had no choice. One of the attackers pushed Tristan down infront of me. His eyes relayed his worry, for me and my own wellfare, but I did not focus on that.

"Where are you bleeding?" I tried to keep the infliction out of my voice, knowing that emotion would give us away, and he nodded in understanding. He untucked his shirt and raised it enough for me to see the wound. It was not deep, but it was long, stretching from his side towards his back. I tore a strip from his shirt, smiling in apology as I did so, and ran it over the wound, frowning at his sharp intake of breath. I watched it afterwards, noticing that the bleeding was nothing more than a trickle now, and pulled his shirt back down. There was nothing I could do about it here, hopefully it would be fine until we got back to the wall. If we got back to the wall.

"Men, now is the time. If you have something you want her to look at, step up." Tristan was pulled backwards and I tried to keep from looking as fearful as I felt. It did not help that someone had stated very crudely that he had 'something' I could look at.

Hands shaking, I checked out the arm of the man that Tristan had hit. Besides the glare that was permanently on his face, he did not try anything. The other wounds I looked at were much the same. I checked them, telling them in a soft voice to clean often or not to worry, as was appropriate. When I was finished, the man in charge moved and sat infront of me. I tried to ignore to smirk on his face as he pulled his shirt and discarded it by our feet. His torso was littered with scars and bruises, along with a few nasty gashes.

The healer in me disregarded that this man was holding Tristan and I captive and I reached out with the cloth I had torn from someone's shirt but had not used and dabbed at a particularly nasty cut on his ribcage. I could tell he was still smirking at me but I ignored it to focus on my work. Until, that is, he reached up and grabbed my wrist.

"What is your name?" I did not answer at first, simply pulled my wrist away and sat back, just far enough that I could search out Tristan. He was sitting back near the opening with his own guards watching him, but he was watching me. The man infront of me turned his head as if to look at what I was looking at but never let his eyes leave my face. When I did not answer, he asked again.

"Irissa." I snapped back to my work and dabbed at another cut, noticing that most of them were old enough that I could do nothing.

"Irissa. A beautiful name. I am Walram." My head snapped to face him, my eyes searching his face as I did so.

"Walram is a Sarmatian name." I saw Tristan's head tilt the slightest at my words, but I tried to ignore him so that I could focus on what I was doing.

"It would be, seeing as how I am Sarmatian myself." I dropped the cloth in my lap and thought on the news I had just recieved. He was not a knight, but as a Sarmatian, he had to know of the knights. I had been here a year and it was said that people knew of the sister of the knights. Did he know who we were, and if not, would he change his stance if he became aware?

"You seem surprised."

Of course I was surprised, but I kept that to myself. Instead I let my eyes flick to Tristan in the corner and then back to Walram. I was surprised because unless he was a knight, most Sarmatian men would not be here in Briton. Yet there was no way he was knight because he was here instead of at the wall. Lancelot had stressed on many occasions that if a knight left their post, if or when they were found, they would be killed. However this meant that if he was an escaped knight, he would be more desperate than any of us.

And Arthur had once told me that a desperate man was a dangerous man.

"You both are from the wall, am I correct?" The question had a tone behind it that I could not place. This either meant he really did not know who we were, or he was trying to trick us to make us think he did not know who we were. My paranoia caught me, but instead of trying to lie my way out, I decided the best response would be to tell the truth, but speak as little as possible.

"Yes." He nodded and then stood up, leaving his shirt on the floor at my feet, and moved over to where Tristan was standing. He bent down and examined him, as if Tristan was something rather than someone. There was no way that the markings of Tristan's face could be anything other than what they were and if Walram was Sarmatian, he would at least recognize them for what they were. He stood up and looked around at the men in the hut.

"It seems, men, that we have caught us a Sarmatian knight and the Sarmatian woman." The men made a sound as one, a cross between a yell and a word that I could not make out, but did not make a move besides that. Tristan had stiffened at the announcement but kept his face blank and his eyes emotionless. I wish that I could that, that I could stop myself from being afraid as I was, but I felt the fear bubbling up in the pit of my stomach and slowly take hold of my limbs.

"The other knights will come for us." My voice was quiet, partly because I was scared and partly because I was not sure I should say anything, but it was heard by Walram and the others. Tristan did nothing more than tilt his gaze my direction, as if he had not heard me. I knew that he had though, by the tightening of his hands on his knees.

"Yes, beautiful Irissa, they will. And we will be ready for them." There was a shared grunt from the men and they set about the room, strapping on more weapons as they did so.

The fear that had been slowly gripping at my limbs seemed to take over and I felt myself shake with it. What had I done? Even though everyone in the room were armed and ready to fight, I stood up and made my way through the men and knelt beside Tristan, startling him and the others.

"So sorry." The words came out in a rush, barely able to hold them in, and I leaned forward and pressed my face against his shoulder. He lowered himself beside me and wrapped his arms around me. I could see the men watching us but as one approached, Walram told him to leave us alone. I raised my head just enough to press my mouth against his ear.

"We will make it." I was trying to reassure him, not that I thought he needed reassurance that we would make it out of here alive, but that I was not falling apart. The fear was tangible now, but I trusted the knights and knew they would not let something happen. Tristan bent us a little and slid his leg between us. It was an uncomfortable embrace and as I tried to pull out, he refused to let me. Instead, he grabbed my hand and lowered it, placing it on his boot. There I could make out the shape of a dagger. He was trying to get me to grab the dagger so I would have a weapon when the fighting started.

I slipped the dagger out of his boot but could not find a way to tuck it anywhere that would be easy to reach, since my boots were covered by my pants. He sensed my delimma and grabbed it from me and tucked it into the side of my pants, covered by the billowing of the loose shirt and cover that I wore. He glanced around and made sure that no one had seen before pressing his lips lightly to my forehead and standing us both up.

We stood in the hut while everyone prepared, with me trying to battle my fear and Tristan working out a plan, for what felt like ages. Walram had passed us a few times, looking very much as if he wanted to say something to me, but he kep quiet. Finally word came that the knights had been spotted, heading this direction and fast. Tristan squeezed me lightly and then stepped away to ready himself. I tried not to watch him, tried not to focus on anything, and just waited until I heard the first sounds of battle outside.

Tristan kicked at one of the men left to guard us, catching him off guard and as he fell, Tristan stepped on his chest a few times and wrestled his own sword from the grasp, stabbing the man in the stomach as he did so. The man grunted and rolled over to protect himself, but we both knew he would be gone soon and not a threat. Tristan pulled me behind him, swinging his sword at anyone that came near us, until we were out of the hut. The ten bandits had turned into what looked like twenty, making my stomach clench.

"Irissa!" I spotted my brother cutting down the men between us and I pulled my hand from Tristan's, in time for him to swing at an attacker, and moved to go towards Dagonet. I only had the dagger which I still had not pulled out, but no one seemed to notice me. I watched to make sure that Tristan still had the upperhand and that Dagonet was close enough for me to make it to him without getting attacked before I stepped forward again. This time I heard my name called out from both sides, Tristan and Dagonet, as a sword was pulled around and placed to my throat again.

"Call them off." Walram's voice was in my ear but he still sounded so calm, despite that Tristan and Dagonet were gaining on us. He pulled me backwards, with me almost tripping as he did so, and repeated his order, this time pushing the sword into my throat to the point that I could feel the blood dripping down my neck and into my shirt.

"I know who wanted you dead." Those words caused me to hold up my hands, halting the steps of the two knights heading our direction. They were both them distracted by various bandits who seemed to be moving towards us, as if to keep the knights from reaching where I was.

"Who?" The sword dropped and Walram turned me around to face him, so that he was still able to see the fight going on behind us.

"Your old master; Grent." I had thought it too, had questioned the boy that had been told to check up on me after I had been poisoned, although he did not know the man's name. However now I had confirmation, if the words of a bandit were anything to go on.

"Why should I believe you?" He smiled and turned to face the battle before turning back to me.

"He hired myself and this band of killers to finish it for him. To kill you." I stepped away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me forwards again.

"I never had any intention of killing you Irissa. I may be a killer, but he is Roman, and you are Sarmatian. I will not kill one of my own on his request, no matter the reward he promised."

"So why capture Tristan and I at all? Why lure the knights here for the battle?" I turned to look over my shoulder to see that they were still fighting, though slowly getting closer, no matter what the bandits were doing to keep them away.

"I want your knights to kill them of course. They were not my own choice and if one happened to get back to Grent, he would send someone out for my head." Walram tossed a look over my shoulder and then grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the fight, to the other side of the hut. There was a horse there, just one horse, that told me he was going to ride away soon.

"I saved your life Irissa, no matter that your knights will be lining up to run me through. Stay safe."

The rebel Sarmatian who captured Tristan and I so that we would kill his group in order to keep me safe then smiled at me again before mounting his horse and taking off at what could only be termed a break-neck speed through the woods. When he was out of sight, I moved from the back of the hut and watched the battle. Knowing what I knew now, I grabbed a fallen sword and started to fight through the bandits as well, the fear giving way to adrenaline as I fought with one of them.

I only had to kill two men before it was obvious that us knights were the only ones standing. My brother approached and wrapped his arms around me, not caring that he was dripping with sweat and blood. I returned the hug, dropping the borrowed sword and holding on tightly.

"Where is the leader, the one that took you?" Tristan was standing beside me and looking at the dead bodies. When he did not find him, he moved to go behind the hut but I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"I have so much to explain, but do not go after Walram. Please, I will explain when we reach the wall."

With a little more pleading, I was able to persuade the knights to leave. We made it to the area that Tristan and I had been taken and we gathered our weapons. Not far from there we came across Tristan's horse, after Dagonet mentioned that my mare had been seen closer to the wall. Tristan hoisted me onto the horse infront of him, wrapping his arms around me as we rode through the woods at a comfortable pace.

"Did he hurt you?" I raised a hand to the cut on my neck and winced, knowing that it was deeper from the repeated action of someone putting a sword to my throat, but shook my head.

"You may not understand it now, but he saved me." Tristan tightened his grip on me but nodded, remembering that I would explain at the wall, and urged the horse a little faster.

* * *

**A/N: **So I tried to keep it from being guessable, but ta-da. That was the plan all along. This was actually one of the first scenes I ever pictured but changed parts of it to fit the story as it is now.  
Don't hate me? Please. Haha. Lemme know what you all think, as always.

Thanks for the reviews, as always. You, my dear readers, are awesome. And two chapters this close together is thanks to my boss who threatened to dock my pay if I did not update soon, haha.


	61. Chapter 61

**A Burning Sky**

The meeting hall was quiet as we all moved to sit at the table, with Dagonet beside me and pressing a calming hand to my arm. It was over, or so I kept telling myself, but I found myself shaking with pent up emotions from the entire ordeal. Walram had no intention of hurting Tristan or I, but I had not known that until the end. I spent the entire time thinking that they were going to kill us, but that was not to be. As a whole, the expressions on the faces of the knights at the round table with me were a range between patience, worry, and anger.

"Do you feel like telling us what happened?" Arthur's voice was patient, but there was an underlying emotion, prodding me to give in and tell them what was going on. I knew that I needed to tell them what had happened, what Walram had said, but I had spent so much time trying to make sense of it myself.

"Walram... he said he knew who had tried to kill me. Who wanted me dead." This got everyone's attention, since it was something that continued to knaw at the back of our minds, and they collectively leaned forward to hear my story.

"He told me that he had no intention of killing Tristan or myself, that he had been hired by a Roman and would not take orders from him. He wanted the Sarmatian knights to find them so they would kill off the bandits that had been hired with him. Walram is Sarmatian as well." Tristan nodded, since he had heard that bit in the hut. It was Dagonet that posed the question that I knew was on all of their tongues.

"Irissa, who hired Walram?" I looked down, biting my bottom lip as I thought about what would come after I told them. I had no choice, since I knew they would not rest until I told them everything I knew, so I took a deep breathe and when I released it, I released one word.

"Grent."

Gawain cursed under his breath while Galahad shook his head, both of them looking murderous on my behalf. My brother sat frozen beside me, his once calming grip on my arm tightening. Arthur looked contemplative, most likely trying to think of what he could do with this information. Tristan's face was as calm as ever, although his eyes were closed and I could see movement behind the lids. It was like he was watching something going on behind them, most likely remembering something. Lancelot leaned over to say something to Arthur but it was interrupted by Bors slamming his hands on the table loudly, forcefully.

"So we prepare the horse, go and give the Roman lord a polite greeting." There was a mutual sound of agreement and disagreement. The knights were unable to react much beyond that. I knew they wanted to do as Bors said, to ride to Grent's home and greet him, but I knew as well as they did that such a thing was suicide.

"We will not do anything. We have no proof besides the word of a bandit that Grent was the culprit." This time Arthur was interrupted by Lancelot, which mildly surprised me.

"You cannot be serious. Arthur, we have to do something. What if he tries it again?" There was no way that he could think that I was dead. Word travels these lands quickly, much more so than one would think.

"I will set the guards to do a better job at questioning travelers. Until the time that solid proof comes to light, there is nothing that can be done besides keeping our eyes open."

After that was settled, with Lancelot looking very displeased with the verdict, Tristan retold the events of the day from our point of view. He was precise with his details, confirming what was already known and giving way to a few new bits of information, such as Tristan being injured. Dagonet had risen and moved to his side to check the wound while Tristan continued the retelling, explaining the few bits of conversation that he overheard or was able to make out.

To their knowledge, I learned from Arthur's recounting after Tristan was done, the other bandits were Britons. Walram had been the only Sarmatian, and by that right, in charge of the men.

The meeting only lasted a little while, with Arthur explaining that we had a mission in the coming days, before we were dismissed and Arthur was left the to the maps as usual. He poured over them daily, enough to make me think that he could draw them in his sleep.

In the hallway, I parted from the knights with the excuse of going to my room to rest, but as I made my way there, I took a turn where I normally would have gone straight and began wandering through the grounds. Villagers and traders nodded to me as we passed one another, not stopping our separate movements to make conversation. Finally I broke through the masses of people and the fort gates and moved just far enough that the sounds from the fort were muffled. As I stood there, my eyes closed, I felt a few drops of rain hit me. It was a light rain, but a cold rain. I started to shiver and regret my choice until I felt something warm pressed over my arms and back.

Gawain stood beside me after wrapping the spare jacket over my shoulders, facing forwards and watching the rain fall infront of us. I smiled and leaned sideways to push my arm against his and rest my head on his shoulder.

"He's a Roman. Anyone else and we would have the right, but since he is a Roman and we happen to be contracted by Romans, he is untouchable." I turned to look at him, keeping my chin on his shoulder, and sighed.

"All I can do is, as Arthur said, keep my eyes open." Gawain smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist, tugging me a little closer to him and nodding.

"We will be keeping our eyes open as well."

We sat for a while like that, with my head on his shoulder and his arm around my waist, in the light rain before I finally started to shiver even with the jacket over my shoulders. Once he noticed, he used the arm on my waist to direct me back towards the fort. Once there, he squeezed my waist and turned towards the stables while I turned towards the tavern.

I was served by one of the women, but I only ate half of it before pushing the plate away and making my way towards my room. Halfway there I ran into Galahad, who asked if I was feeling alright.

"I am fine, Galahad. Honestly, if you all start to walk on tiptoes around me, I am going to start feeling suffocated." I said it with no animosity, smiling to soften the blow, and pressed a kiss to his cheek before heading past him and back towards the living quarters.

Once I reached the room, I looked back down the hall to Tristan's door and thought about knocking on it to see if he was in. I thought better of it feeling the water drip from my hair into my shirt and pushed my door open, rummaging through my clothes while drying my hair with a spare towel.

I untied the shirt at the top and noticed the blood that had been dry on the collar but became damp when it had been exposed to the rain. My fingers ran lightly over the wound on my neck, making me wince at the sudden pain. No one had mentioned it, since the shirt was dark enough to hide it, and just high enough that the injury would not be seen if you did not know it was there. I grabbed a cloth from my water basin and approached the mirror, trying to get a good enough look to scrub at it and see if I needed to ask Dagonet or the doctor to look at it.

"Let me." I dropped the cloth, hearing it splatter against the table as it hit, and turned to see Tristan standing at my door. He had somehow opened the door, stepped in, and shut it without me noticing.

"You snuck up on me." He nodded and stepped forward, picking up the dropped cloth and turning me so that I was leaning against the table. He moved the collar of my shirt out of the way, running the cloth over the cut to wipe away the dried blood. He would stop when I winced or pulled away, but only for a moment before beginning again. Once that was done, he lightly pushed on either side of the wound and nodded.

"It does not need stitching." I pressed my hand to it and then pulled it away quickly, smiling as my hand dropped to my side. Tristan dropped the cloth into the basin beside the table and then reached his hand to cup the side of my face, rubbing his thumb against my cheek.

"You were worried about me." I kept my voice light, in case he did not want to approach the subject, and leaned forward so that I could wrap my arms around his neck and press my face into his chest.

"Walram wanted you." My breath caught as he said it, wrapping his arms possessively around my waist. It was not something that I noticed, whether Walram had wanted me or not, but it was something that I was sure Tristan would notice if it came up.

"Was that what you were worried about?" I felt him laugh and shake his head, turning us around and walking backwards until my legs hit my bed. He lowered us down so that we were lying next to one another, my face still pressed into his chest. I turned my head to face him to pose my next question.

"Did it bother you?" He reached his hand up to run through my hair, catching on the tangles but it did not seem to bother me. I waited for his answer while he simply ran his hand through my hair. It was slowly making me sleepy, my eyes closing without my permission.

Tristan never answered me, but I suppose that was his answer. He let me sleep there on his chest wihle he played with my hair, both of us content to be together and in one piece.

* * *

**A/N: **Dude, seriously? I had to almost force myself to write the last few lines of this chapter because I could. not. do it. There was less than no motivation. I knew how I wanted to end it, I just could not string two words together to save my life. So I'm sorry if it sucked. And I'm sorry it's short. I've been up since 1 AM this morning throwing up, again. Tried to write to distract myself and ended up hating it. Sorry! Please, no flames. Pwease?

Thank you to my awesome readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters. You guys are epic-awesome-amazing, as always.

Also, eleven years later, I've started watching CSI. My boyfriend is a criminalist and I'm studying psychology so we sit down after basically every episode and talk about it from professional points of view. And then we are both film geeks so we talk about it from that standpoint. (Read: We are nerds.) Dunno why I wanted you all to know that, haha.


	62. Chapter 62

**A Burning Sky**

Lancelot sat beside me with his arm wrapped over my shoulders, for warmth and support, while we looked over the cemetary. A few fires flickered on the mounds, smoke curling up from others, but it was quiet and relatively still. The air was cold but there was no wind, almost as if nature was holding its breath, waiting for something.

I had stumbled upon the knight sitting out here by himself while I was walking around the fort, my mind not lingering on any particular subject. The outline of the man I saw in the distance was folded, as he was sitting with his legs folded close to him, but I knew who it was without question. I had seen him there many times before and he seemed to complete my image of the cemetary. Not as an occupant, but as a watcher, a guardian of sorts. He thought more about the knights that had passed than the other knights. He seemed to connect with them on a level that pained me, made me worry about him.

Without a word I had dropped beside him, leaning into his shoulder for warmth as the temperature seemed to drop drastically in that spot, the same spot we usually occupied when we were out here. Lancelot had not needed me to ask, simply lifted his arm and dropped it over my shoulders, pulling me closer to his chest. His skin was freezing, me being able to feel it through the material of the long sleeved dress and jacket that I wore. And so we sat there, in silence for the longest time, watching the fires burn out.

"Was Walram a knight here?" It had been a question that had been irritating me, burning behind my eyes every time I thought about it. Deserters from their post were considered, to Romans, fugitives from their God. They were killed instantly. If there had been a fugitive knight, I am sure that I would have heard about it by now.

"It is not uncommon for Sarmatians to find their way to Briton without being contracted to do so. Many Sarmatians men near to my age had taken off before the Romans could reach them." The icy tone in his voice made it feel as if water had been dumped on me and I shivered into his embrace.

"Why did you not?" He rubbed a cold hand over his face and then tucked it around himself, trying to keep the warmth inwards.

"My father was hopeful. Hopeful that they would not find us, not come to take us away. Hopeful."

We fell silent again after that, Lancelot's eyes getting a far away look in them that I tried not to focus on. Not long after our voices had died down, he turned his head to face me. His eyes were glossy, as if he had been in another state of mind and had not noticed that I was beside him, no matter that we had just been talking. And in an instant, his face morphed into the smile that it took when he was ignoring or avoiding something.

"We should get you back to the fort. Your brother would never forgive me if I let you freeze to death." With that, Lancelot stood up and pulled me along with him, keeping his arm around my shoulders and fighting back a shiver as we made ourselves bigger targets for the cold to tease. We walked up the slight hill and through the pathways heading into the village until we reached the tavern. From there, Lancelot eyed a table of gambling off duty guards before pressing a kiss to my forehead and stumbling over to where they were sitting.

Confused, I turned and headed out of the tavern and towards the rooms. A few of the other occupants in the nearby wings passed as I made my way through the hallways, up the stairs and down two more hallways until finally I reached the hall that my room was in. Something about the day, lazy for the most part, had made me tired earlier in the evening. After being distracted and nearly frozen with Lancelot earlier, I had forgotten just how tired I had become. Instead of my tiredness disappearing altogether, it seemed to intensify as I reached the door to my room.

When I pushed it open, I had to sigh. My name was being called from just down the hall, opposite of the way I had come through. Turning my head, I smiled tiredly at my brother as he approached. We had not had time to talk since the capture, although I know there was much he wanted to talk about. It was the first time our paths had crossed in a full day and I could barely keep my eyes open.

"Irissa. Are you feeling well? You look..." He seemed to search for a word that would fit my current state and I laughed, leaning against the wall as I did so.

"Exhausted fits nicely." He nodded and motioned for me to go ahead into my room, with him right behind me. He merely pushed the door part of the way closed and ushered me towards my bed so that I could lay down. He sat on the side of the bed and smiled at me, the scar next to his eye crinkling as he did so.

"How is your neck?" The dress I wore had just a low enough of a neckline that the cut was visible. He did not seem surprised to see it, even though I had completely forgot about it the first time. I raised my hand and fingered the cut there lightly before shrugging and turning on my side to face up at him.

"Nothing life threatening." He nodded again and ran his hand over the side of my face, in a caring gesture that he did every so often. Especially after I worried him, which happened fairly often it seemed.

Half asleep, I asked Dagonet about our mission in the morning. He told me that we were going to ambush a band of woads that were spotted not too far from the wall. When I asked about how they had been spotted, and how we knew they were still there, Dagonet explained that some traders had spotted them.

Woads, although definitely cruel in battle, did not often attack innocent people that made their way through the woods. There were times when the woads would attack people minding their own business, but they usually did nothing more than scare the people. That did not change the fact that they did sometimes attack without reason and if they came upon us knights they attacked without provocation.

"Sleep, Irissa. I will look in on you in the morning to see if you are up to the mission." My brother pressed his hand lightly to my cheek and then kissed my temple before standing and leaving the room, the door shutting fully and me being left alone. Finally I drifted into sleep.

There was a voice in my ear which I attributed to my dream, which was confusing at best, and I tried to cover it by burying my face into my pillow. This was stopped by a hand on my arm and I was shaken from my half asleep state, left to blink up tiredly at the face above me. My brother was looking down at me, eyebrow raised, and the hand on my arm moved to my forehead. He shook his head and leaned back into a fully standing position.

"Perhaps you should stay here this time." I shook my head and started to sit up, intent on telling him that I was going with them, but as I did, my head started to feel too heavy and I fell backwards again. With a groan, I raised one of my own hands to my forehead and felt what it was that Dagonet had felt. My skin was burninh.

"I will have someone send for Vanora to check on you. Rest well, eat well, and do not try to over exert yourself. We should be back by tomorrow morning." And with that, my brother pressed another quick kiss to my forehead before turning and heading out of the room.

Soon after there was a sound, coming from the door, that had my head pounding. I made no move to get up, making no sound either, and buried my head further into my blankets. I heard the door open and soon the bed dipped under the weight of someone else. Peeking out, I smiled lightly at Vanora before retreating back into the covers.

"I heard that you were running a fever. I brought food and something to drink. Now sit up, let's get something in your stomach." She helped me sit up, humming patiently and comfortingly when I reached up to grasp my head in my hands. It was a change from last night and this morning when I simply felt exhausted, now my head felt as if I had slammed it against something multiple times.

Vanora set about cleaning the room while I struggled to eat and drink more than just a few mouthfuls. She made a few comments that I did not pay attention to, deciding to groan in response to the comments I did hear, and then I finally pushed the tray away and curled into myself. She sighed and moved to the edge of the bed, running her hand over my forehead. After making a sound in the back of her throat, she headed to the water basin and grabbed the cloth there, dipping it into the cool water and ringing it out before handing it to me and forcing me to press it against my forehead and neck.

"This must have something to do with your habit of standing in the cold rain for undetermined amounts of time. It is not healthy, Irissa dear, and I know that you know that." I made a sound, somewhere between a scoff and a laugh, and then winced as my head protested.

"I hate that they had to go without me." Vanora had to lean forward to hear my whispers but she smiled and she continued moving about the room to clean while I felt my eyes slowly close.

"What use would you be to them now besides a distraction? Now sleep some more. I will stop by later."

I twisted so that I was under the covers again with my head on the pillow once more and did not even wait for Vanora to leave the room before I closed my eyes and allowed myself be taken away in dreams. My dreams were confusing again, making no sense while I tried to navigate them to get back to the present. I was aware enough of myself to know that my dreams were as strange as they were because I was sick, but that did not make them any easier to escape.

The next time I woke, it was to a man's hand on my forehead. I struggled to open my eyes, feeling very much as if they had been painted shut. Everything felt tight and sore, from my toes to the crown of my head, but I could not escape the sleep that I had found myself in. Slowly, a voice started to break through the haze. The voice was muffled and did not make sense at first, but slowly I was able to grasp what they were saying. Instead of responding however, I simply closed my eyes tighter, since I could not seem to open them, and burrowed into my bed more. The voice that had been saying something stopped, sighed, and then seemed to address someone else.

"She is not fighting it nearly as much as she should be." Another voice joined in, one I did not expect.

"Is it poison?" What was my brother's voice doing here? That had to mean that the rest of him was here as well, but he had only just left. He was not due back to the wall for a full day at least.

"No, not to my eye. Illness is natural but this is the third time I have stopped to see her and she has not woken that I know of. Her body temperature is staying high, which is worrisome. If you will give me a hand, I want to bring her to the baths to try to cool her off a bit. It should help to wake her as well."

Paulus, the doctor. That was the voice I could not place. I felt my body being lifted and I moaned, feeling the soreness in my limbs start to ache. A voice in my ear shushed me, soothing me as he started to walk. I recognized the voice and the smell as belonging to my brother. The rocking motion as he carried me from the room made me feel sick and I clutched onto his shoulder, finding it hard to breathe. And then there was a cool sensation on my feet.

"We need to introduce her to the water slowly, so not to shock her body. Does she wear a shift under her dresses? Well, it is only us three present. Vanora, would you help us with these buttons and ties?"

I felt a pair of shaking hands start to untie the strings helping to hold my dress up, then starting to untuck the buttons there as well. Vanora's hands were not known to shake. She pressed a hand to my back, as if testing to see if it was warm, and it drew back slowly.

"She is soaked compeletly through the dress. Drenched."

The three of them, for I had to guess which hands belonged to which person, started to lower me into the water. My brother was holding me above water while Paulus wiped a cloth over me, with Vanora helping every now and then. Vanora was still shaking as far as I could tell, once being accompanied by a small sob. Slowly they lifted me from the water and dried me off, wrapping me in a set of towels and Dagonet lifting me up, carrying me once again. My body no longer felt sore and I could open my eyes, but I wanted to talk and just could not get any words out.

"Vanora, the door." I could barely see the woman through my lazily opening and closing eyes, but she looked so pale and sick. Had I somehow infected her with my fever? My worries were stopped by Dagonet's voice.

"You did everything you could Vanora, and you fetched the doctor when she did not respond. You did well." She was worried about me, not sick herself.

Vanora and Dagonet dressed me in a light dress, not bothering to tie or button the garment, and lowered me onto the bed. Paulus explained that he would come back to check on me, but that if my fever worsened that he needed to be found immediately. Vanora and my brother sat in the room for a while after he left before Vanora mentioned getting something for them both to eat and telling the knights how I was doing, slipping out of the room silently.

Not long after Vanora left I felt my brother shift from the foot of the bed closer to my torso. He reached out and wrapped his hand in my smaller one, squeezing it lightly and running his free hand over my forehead. I made a sound and, with all of the strength I could muster, squeezed his hand back.

* * *

**A/N: **Aaaaaand that was exhausting. No, that was not what I had been planning. Originally, Irissa was supposed to go on the mission with the knights. But with my own experience being sick recently, she just started to get sick too... sympathy pains, I swear. Haha. But there you go, a nice sized chapter 62.  
By the way, has anyone seen my reviews? I have, at this moment, 399 reviews. So the next one is going to be 400. Holy Batman, that's a lot of reviews. For me. And sixty two chapters? Shiznit. I'm flabbergasted.

Thank you, darling darling darling readers. I love that my phone constantly goes off because of my email alerting me to reviews, alerts, and favorites. You guys are awesome!

Oh! Remember how I asked everyone ions ago for their favorite movie? Well, it's not a movie but it is AWESOME. BBC's _Sherlock_? Three 90 minute episodes, starring Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock and Martin Freeman as Watson. I cannot wait until autumn for the next three episodes. But serious, that show is amazing. And very well might be my next story, whenever this one is finished. Eek.


	63. Chapter 63

**A Burning Sky**

The next morning I was able to push myself up to lean against the back of the bed. Dagonet and Vanora took turns bringing me food and checking to make sure that my temperature was not as high as before. After meeting with the doctor, who urged me to be easy on my body for the next few days, Dagonet told me that he would allow the knights to visit at their leisure.

Galahad and Gawain came first, laughing while telling me a story about a drunken Lancelot trying to sleep in the hallway while I was sick. Bors came afterwards, asking if he could have his woman back yet. Vanora had barely left my side since I had fallen ill. Bors also mentioned that Arthur would have visited but he had taken a heavy blow to the head on the mission and was resting on the orders of the doctor.

The reminder of the mission had me waiting for the next knight, whoever it would be, to come into the room so that I could ask what had happened. My plan to do so was halted when the door opened and Tristan stepped in. He looked around the room first, as if looking for something, before stepping in and closing the door behind him. I struggled to raise myself more fully to see him but a stern look from him stilled my attempts.

"How are you feeling?" I shrugged at first, trying to figure out exactly how I was feeling.

"Better, definitely. I should be back on my feet within a few days. I need to take it easy, will not be doing any missions if they come up in the meantime." Tristan sat to my right, placing his hand on my knee.

"Your brother thought it might have been another botched attempt on your life." I shook my head, smiling and placing my hand over his. Tristan turned his head to look further into the room. As he turned his head, I saw a bruise surrounding a cut on his cheek. Using my other hand, I pushed his hair away from the cut to inspect it.

"Hilt of a woad's sword caught me off guard." I laughed as I smoothed my fingers over the wound.

"Something caught you off guard? You, Tristan, caught off guard?" Tristan leaned forward and pressed his lips to my still warm forehead.

"I am only human, Irissa. Contrary to popular belief." I smiled again and turned my head to press a kiss just under the cut on his cheek.

We sat in silence for a while afterwards, Tristan fingers running lazily over my leg. The silence we often found ourselves surrounded by was never uncomfortable. After a while, Tristan moved to lay beside me, on top of the blankets, and wrapping his hand around my own and closing his eyes. His breathing steadied out and I concluded that he must be going to sleep.

An hour or so later, with Tristan and I both having fallen asleep, I woke up in time to see the door opening. Lancelot poked his head in and smiled at the sight that greeted him. He waved a hand at me, as if saying he would be back later, and left the room again. After the door shut, I turned to my right and wrapped my free arm around Tristan and allowed myself to be pulled into sleep again.

The following day, I was finally allowed to leave my room as long as I was only out for a little while. The knights hovered around me in turns, which was somewhat sweet and somewhat annoying. Vanora also stayed by my side, since I was in the tavern. When she sinced my annoyance towards my fellow knights, she did her best to shoo them away from the table I had occupied for most of the morning and left me to my thoughts while she worked.

The knights were going on another mission, this one a little farther than the previous one, going to a Roman household a day's ride away. Dagonet mentioned that the mission was not likely to be dangerous, which was the only thing that comforted me. While the knights were out fighting, I would have to stay here and wait at the gates like everyone else. Although I knew it was for the best, I did not have my strength back yet, it did not stop me from feeling restless.

I kept one hand stretched out towards the wall while I walked, knowing that I was still unsteady on my feet, and I headed towards my room. A few people gave me strange looks, people that did not know me well enough to know that I had been sick, but most of the people in the fort just gave me room to walk. As I approached the stairs, I felt a hand clasp around my elbow lightly and give me the lift to get up the first few. When I glanced at the person holding onto my elbow, I found Lancelot smiling at me.

"You looked as if you needed a hand." He helped me up the rest of the stairs and at the top he allowed me to lean against the wall to rest a bit.

"Once, a while ago, you asked if I could go a day without something happening to me. I really wish you had not asked that." He laughed and released my elbow as we started down the walk, although he still walked close enough that if I needed to grab ahold of his arm I could.

"You are not like other women Irissa. I have known my fair share of women, but you never cease to amaze me." I laughed and bumped into his shoulder as we came to a stop infront of my door. I ran my hand over my forehead as if the walking had tired me out, which was partially true, and turned to face him fully, leaning against the wall.

"What time in the morning do you head out?"

"Early, before the sun rises. If the sun rises in this cursed land. A few days and then we will be back. At that point, you should be prepared for training. You have ignored it long enough."

He jokingly stuck his hands up, as if we were going to spar right there in the hallway, and then leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my cheek before heading down the hall towards his own room. If the knights were going to be leaving early, I would most likely not see them before they headed out. Since I had seen them all today, I did not fret on that fact. Instead I busied myself in my room until I had worn out my last bit of energy before curling into my bed and going to sleep.

It was a long two weeks before I was able to go on a mission with the knights again. Once they returned from their second mission without me that one morning, they were granted with a full week with nothing requiring their attention. By that time I was able to train with them in the fields again, feeling grateful to participate and no longer feel caged in my room. Vanora, of course, had taken to watching what I was eating after the sickness had finally left to make sure that I was doing everything I could to gain my strength back up.

Arthur sent Jols to fetch those of us still in the fields training, our clothes sticking to us from the sweat and light rain that was falling, and let us know that he was waiting for us in the meeting hall when we finished. Knowing that our commander was waiting, we put our weapons in the stables and headed up to the meeting hall.

The contrast between Arthur, Bors, Gawain, Dagonet, and Tristan compared to Galahad, Lancelot and myself had me laughing as I moved to my seat. The first five were dry and clean (or as clean as the knights can get) while Galahad, Lancelot and I were drenched and covered in mud. The people that had to clean this room after us were going to hate us.

The mission was much like ones we had been on before, going to rid the woods of stray woads that had been reported to the Roman guard by a few of the traders that had come through the day before. Since there was still enough daylight left in the day, we talked over the plan quickly before dispersing to grab out effects and heading to the stables. I ran to my room to grab a thicker shirt and then strapped on my bow and arrows. My swords and daggers were still in the stables so when I arrived down there, I strapped them on as well.

Dagonet handed me a riding cloak, to help fight against the cold and the rain. I twisted it over my shoulders and lifted the hood to cover most of my head and sighed. It was warmer and definitely more dry than I was expecting.

The ride through the woods was rough, with the horses sliding in the mud, but we stayed close and kept our eyes open. When we reached the area that the woads had been spotted wer halted. We waited for a few minutes before Arthur motiioned for half of us to move into the woods while the others would continue a litte further down the path before coming into the woods as well. The plan was to try to circle the stray woads.

Galahad was in front, with Bors and Dagonet out to the sides, and then me carrying up the rear. There was just enough room for our horses to make it through the woods without a problem but as we made our way further in, the trees started to get closer together and we were forced to dismount and make our way on foot. We did not have as far to make it though, as we heard the clangs of swords come from just past a string of trees. On the other side were the rest of the knights, dismounting and going after the woads that had been taken by surprise.

From the woods beside us a woad came rushing, ax raised and heading straight for Galahad who was turned away. I fumbled with my dagger, my fingers cold and wet, before throwing it and watching it sink into the side of the woad. He grunted and turned towards me, pulling the dagger out and throwing it in my direction. Seeing what he had been planning, I ducked just in time for the dagger to fly past me and as I rose up, I pulled my sword out and flicked it forward, throwing all of my weight into the lunge. It went through his stomach and his hands unclenched and the ax dropped, narrowly missing my boot.

I turned at a grunt and saw another woad with my dagger in his shoulder moving forward. The woad had thrown the dagger at me and when I ducked, it hit the woad standing behind me. WIth an inward laugh at the possibility, I swung my sword and allowed him to approach me a little more. Once he was in closer range, I swung my sword once more in my hand before swinging it forward. He raised his own blade, wincing with the pressure that the force must have caused in his shoulder, and when he pushed upwards, I kicked out at him. Him stepping back gave me just enough time to swing my sword once more and let it cleave into his side. When he fell, I pulled my dagger from his shoulder, using the toe of my boot to keep his shoulder down.

When I turned around to face the rest of the fight, I watched as Arthur and Bors teamed up to take down the last standing woad. Dagonet was checking the ones already on the ground to make sure they were actually dead while everyone else gathered anything that we could possibly use.

Afterwards we made our ways back to our respective horses, mounting up and heading back to the path. Once we were all together again, we started out at a good pace back towards the fort. The rain had picked up again and was pounding through the trees, though at this point our clothes were so soaked that it was simply rolling off of us.

We kept our eyes open, as always, but nothing else came at us. With the knowledge that we had done our duty, since that was why the knights had been brought here, we all made our way to the stables and then separated to go our own ways. Some of the knights went to the tavern, some went to their rooms, Lancelot mentioned something about finding a woman, but I had something else on my mind. A bath and then sleep.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh hello! I promise I didn't forget about you all. I've been a little busy. And by "little" I mean... holy crap how have I not just given up on life at this point? Needless to say, past two weeks have been HELL. However that's over with and everything is better (kinda sorta almost?) and here is chapter sixty three.

So happy early Valentine's day. I hope to be posting again soon, hopefully. Until then, I'm going to finish working on my Valentine's day plans with my boyfriend and maybe get to sleep at a normal time for the first time in two weeks. Sorry for the wait, hope you liked the chapter.

Thank you to my readers and reviewers and alerters and favoriters. I know I've been slacking the past few months but it really means a lot that you all are still here for me and this story.


	64. Chapter 64

**A Burning Sky**

The days seemed to be going faster now, as if time somehow had started rushing forward. Two weeks, three weeks, and then it had been a year and a month since I had first arrived at the wall. It was then, with roughly eleven months until the knights were to be released, that we recieved the bit of good news. And the good news had everything to do with their release.

Arthur had walked into the meeting hall where we were all perched, drinking and trading stories to pass the time. We were supposed to be meeting in order to plan out the next few travels to neighboring Roman families, something I had not been involved in before for various reasons, or various injuries I guess. However we all stopped our stories, some drinks half raised to our mouths, to stare at our commander who was grasping onto a rolled parchment very lightly, as if he thought it would turn to dust if he held it too tightly.

"Knights. As we have reached past the year mark, the first word of our release from our duties has reached us. The Bishops write of our exploits with pride and express their hope to meet you all in person in less than a year."

The faces of each knight looked the same, holding the same emotions. A year, even just eleven months, was enough time for one of them to get injured. Eleven months was long enough for one of them to catch an arrow, blade, or ax. If that happens then there would be one less leaving this land and one more staying, buried under a mound of dirt with a flame and their sword. I felt sick just thinking about, seeing their faces as they imagined the possibilities. None of them wanted to think about going home until they had the leaving papers in their hands. Then, and only then, would it be true.

Arthur placed the parchment at his seat and then lowered himself into it, pushing the parchment away for now and pulling up various maps. He started tracing his fingers over the marks he had made, signalling moved families, and traced them back. We waited while he planned the next few travels, all of us trapped in our own thoughts.

Mine lied with that rolled parchment and what it meant. In eleven months the knights would be freed from their duties and would be allowed to return home. The thought had my stomach clenching, remembering what Lancelot had told me so long ago. All of the knights had told themselves that their families were gone so that they would not miss them so much, that it would not hurt if their families really were gone. Dagonet himself had thought that I was dead and when he found me in Grent's home, he had been surprised, delighted, and yet painfully shocked. Thirteen years of telling yourself that someone was dead only to have them back again was difficult.

And with everything going on, I still had not given much thought to what my plans were after the knights were released. Would I go with my brother? I knew that he wanted to visit our old homestead, to see where the village had burned down and where I had roughly buried some of the bodies. The bodies of our parents, our little brother Tonet. Did he want to stay there or did he want to set out somewhere else, maybe join another village? As much as we talked, we had never talked about where he wanted to go.

There was the possibility of me going with Tristan, but every time I asked him what his plans might be, he always said that he never planned that far ahead. Maybe he did and just maybe his plans did not include me. A glance at the scout proved no help, since his face was unreadable as always while he fixated on the apple he was carving.

"One of the families we will be needing to ride out to is the Arcenius family. We will take the same route, as it is faster than scouting out a new one. We may also need to visit Grent's home, much to my displeasure. Irissa, that will be a mission you will have to stay back on." I nodded, not even bothering to think otherwise. Grent did not want me there just as much as I did not want to be there, so it worked for us both. I would have to ask one of the knights to find Maia for me though, to make sure she is doing well.

I returned my attention back to Arthur as he finished outlining the next few months. These were the planned visits and rides that the knights made every year, not including missions that were requested of us. It felt strange to hear that they would be going back to Grent's house without me, especially with the news from Walram that Grent had been the one to want me dead.

After the meeting, which did not last much longer, I made my way to the guard towers where I intercepted a tired looking Amicus. We had made plans the day before to have lunch together and when I opened my mouth, to tell him we could postpone, I was quieted when his face lit up.

"I thought for sure that you would stand me up in favor of your fellow knights. Come, come, before the tavern is overrun." We made our way to the tavern, which was not much farther from where we had met up, and sat at a table near the main entrance. Vanora came by and put two drinks infront of us without us having to ask, and then asked us what we would like to eat. After we requested our meals, we were left alone to catch up.

"How is your wife?" Amicus smiled, his eyes getting a tired yet dreamy look to them.

"She wrote recently to say that she is as large as a house. Knowing her, however, she probably has barely started to show." We talked a while longer, with me telling him what Arthur had told us about our planned visits. I had told Amicus about the attempts on my life and the proof we had that it was on Grent's orders, so he shared my hesitance at hearing that the knights would have to go there.

When it looked like Amicus was about to pass out on the table, I sent him to his quarters and I made my way towards the training fields. There I came across a few Roman guards and some of the knights sparring. Since I was weaponless, I joined Bors in a spar of hand to hand combat. We only fought for a few minutes before a guard stepped in, asking if Bors needed a break. Bors agreed and I turned to face the guard that had offered to spar with me, frowning at the familiar face.

Virgil smiled and flexed a little bit before getting in stance to fight. I cast a glance around the field to see that no one was even watching us, more caught up in their own fights. He seemed to notice my hesitance because he smiled again, pointing towards a pile of swords that were there in case someone needed another one.

"If you feel better, we can spar with swords?" I shook my head, knowing that if I was near a sword and Virgil at the same time, something would end badly.

While we fought, with both of us staying on the defense for most of it, since he seemed unable to actually hit me like the knights would do, Virgil decided to fill the silence with his apologies.

"I have been meaning to apologize for what happened. I had not thought my actions through, and you were right, I should not have kissed you." I pulled my arm back, waiting for him to apologize for then insulting Tristan, but when nothing came, I swung out to just barely miss his face. He blinked and his smile wavered, but then it was back.

"And Tristan? Do you apologize for what you said about him?" He moved forward and I lifted my arm to protect another faked left but a force at the back of my legs caught me off guard and I fell onto the ground, my breath knocked out of me as Virgil also fell forward, barely holding himself above me.

"I stand by what I said about the scout. He is dangerous Irissa, very dangerous." I grunted with the effort of pushing him off of me, pulling my legs out from under him and glared.

"And yet I still trust him more than I would ever trust you." With that I cast a look to the field and shook my head when Lancelot seemed to be stepping forward, to stop whatever was going on, and turned to make my way to the stables.

I made my way to my mare, smiling as the animal nuzzled against me as I came into her stall. The thought that I still had not named her came into my mind but I ignored it, devoting my attention instead to brushing her. Of course Tristan was a dangerous, all of the knights were. But there was more to them than murder and battle, I had seen that side of them. Virgil and the other guards had not because they were not around them as much as I was.

Being so caught up in brushing my horse, I did not hear the footsteps of someone following me into the stables, nor did I see or sense someone standing just outside of the stall I was in until I turned around to put the brush up and saw Lancelot there. I bent my head down and slowly made my way out of the stall, shutting the door and rubbing my hand over my horse's nose before turning to face Lancelot fully.

"I know you well enough to know that you did not storm out of there because you lost a fight. What happened?" Lancelot knew that a guard had kissed me, but like Tristan, I had not told him who it was that had kissed me. I tried to smile, to laugh off his worry, but the raised eyebrow told me that I was not getting out of it.

"The guard that I was sparring with, he's the one that kissed me a while back. He simply said something I did not appreciate." He nodded, looking over his shoulder as if to remember exactly who I had been sparring with, but I grabbed his arm and shook my head lightly. I did not want this to be blown out of proportion. Tristan and I had already talked about it and had gotten over the entire ordeal, together and in one piece.

"If it is possible, I would try to put the ordeal behind you. Ignore the Roman, and if he comes towards you again, walk away. It is easier than having one of us follow you at all times. Unless you would like one of us to sit him down instead." I bumped into Lancelot's shoulder and walked past him, smiling as I did so.

"Not needed, but thank you. I just did not want to stay there while he was there. Now, if that is all, I think I am going to go back to my room and start on the rest of my mission clothing." Gawain and one of the laundry women had stopped by to deposit some old and torn men's clothing for me to turn into clothing for me to wear during missions and training. I was grateful, for it gave me something to do and more to wear. Since I had been on more missions and knew what all I would be doing, I also knew more that I could do to insure that I would be comfortable.

"Irissa?" I turned back from where I was and faced Lancelot. The look on his face was one that mirrored one that Dagonet had often after talking to me. As if he was asking himself, and me, if I was really comfortable in the lifestyle of a knight. If it was something that I really wanted or if I was doing it because I felt I owed them or because I wanted to be near them.

My answer was a smile and a wave as I headed out of the stables and towards my room to start on the clothes.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh snap. Touching on all the bad parts of this story in one, aren't I? Arcenius, with Abellana the evil. Grent, with the poisoning. Virgil, with the kiss of death. I can tell you that Grent comes first and then they will ride to the Arcenius household.  
Sorry that it's been about a week since I posted last. On the 14th, I got engaged. That was good. Then on the 15th, my new house got broken into. That was bad. And then recently I've been working on papers for midterms and... it's hell. Haha. But everything and everyone is fine, so here is chapter 64. I hope you liked it.

Thank you to my readers. Of course, as always, a thank you to my reviewers, alerters, and favoriters as well. Hoping you all are well!


	65. Chapter 65

**A Burning Sky**

Dagonet and I were leaning against a tree, as still as possible, waiting for the signal for us to join the others. Arthur had sprung on us a retreat into the woods, camping just out of sight of the wall. The knights had done it a few times in the year I had already been there but this was the first one I had participated in. Part of it was each of us separating from the campsite and keeping watch for a while. Dagonet had gone with me since it was my first one, leaning against the tree with me.

My fingers were frozen, since the temperature significantly had dropped the moment the sun had disappeared, and my breathing was coming out in painful bursts. The others had shown the same signs of freezing lungs, our lips chapping and turning blue. It was the first time I had actually hoped something would come up and we would have to spring into action. At least that way I would be able to get a little warmth flowing through my veins.

Finally Bors came into view and motioned us to go with him. Dagonet had to help me stand for I had become rooted like the tree we were leaning against. I wondered then, as I tried to maneuver my legs to move one infront of the other, if any of the knights had died of the elements instead of all in battle as I assumed. When we returned to the campfire, a place was made for the both of us as close to it as possible and even though I still felt frozen, I moved as quickly as I could to feel the warmth.

"No matter how long I have been here, I have not gotten used to the freezing cold weather." I nodded at Lancelot's admittance, for I am sure that it was true for all of us, and looked around.

"At least it is no longer snowing." The few inches on the ground was enough for me. The kids in the village had loved it when it had started to snow, as they always did, but I personally had no love for the stuff. It covered everything, it froze you; it felt like fear to me. A white fear that was unpredictable and untamed.

We sat there for a while longer, no one on watch since we were packing up and heading back to the wall soon, just enjoying the fire and the silence. The stories that we had started off telling had died away as the conditions we were in worsened, for we could barely get our tongues to work in our mouths. Gawain and Galahad were sitting close together, each wrapped with their cloaks and blankets, with Galahad tossing a few stray twigs towards the fire with no real aim. Bors was sitting on the other side of Dagonet, huddled in his blankets and his face tucked into the top so he became a large, dark lump. Lancelot and Arthur, on opposite sides of the fire, each were covered and sat staring at the fire, yet I could tell that each of them were alert to anything that needed to be done. Dagonet was pressed to my side, his arm twisted through my blanket and every now and then rubbing against my arm or side to keep us warm. Tristan was on the far side of the campsite, leaning against a tree and turned away from the fire, watching the woods for any sign of movement.

When Arthur called for us to prepare, I was amazed at how quickly the knights could get ready. No one wanted to be out in this weather. We all gathered our things and started walking, since we had walked here instead of riding, the way we had come. Our footprints from the trek in so many hours ago were covered but we all knew the way. What was strange to see was that we seemed to walk in the same way that we would have ridden, with Arthur near the front and the rest of us spread our just enough to keep an eye on things, and Tristan so far in the front that we lost sight of him a few times.

Once the wall was spotted, we all seemed to speed up just enough that we were not running but not walking. Everyone had their hearts set on something warm, either a warm meal or bath or bed. That was what I had my heart set on, and in that order as well.

Vanora had prepared meals for all of us, since we all went straight to the tavern. She gave Bors a brief kiss, as if afraid she would freeze to his lips otherwise, and set about to make sure we had all that we needed. Ale was placed infront of us to speed up the warming process.

While the knights joked around about their frozen bodies, I ate quickly and gave a brief nod to Dagonet before making my way towards the walkway that led out of the tavern. The knights had been given a small reprieve, since we had not been called into duty for almost two weeks. Of course what I called a reprieve, the others probably did not agree with. To them, it meant that something a lot worse was preparing itself.

Distracted in my thoughts, I did not see anyone coming towards me as I started up the stairs until I hit the armored chest, flailing my arms out to gain my balance and in turn grabbing a hold of the person I had run into. The guard, for I could see his Roman uniform in my slightly blurry vision while trying to regain my senses after the vertigo stopped, held onto my arms and steadied us both.

"I am very sorry, I seemed to have been in a... oh." Virgil seemed a little deflated at my reaction to realizing it was him that I had run into.

"Are you going to be like this every time we come across one another?" Someone cleared their throat behind us that stopped me from answering and I let go of Virgil's arms as I tried to turn and look behind me. Virgil had yet to let go of me, which was probably best for when I saw Tristan standing behind us, I probably would have fallen. Tristan's face was unreadable, and from the tightening of Virgil's grip I could tell that he knew what that meant, but I could see the expression in his eyes that anyone else would have missed. He was only slightly angry, he was more concerned than anything.

"This guard was nice enough to steady me when I ran into him." I kept my tone light, not knowing if Tristan was able to put it together that this was the guard that kissed me all that time ago. This was not the first time he had seen me react strangely to the man and Tristan was not blind, he had to have realized by now.

Tristan moved up to the step behind me and reached a hand out, putting that on my lower back as if that alone would steady me should I fall again. And knowing Tristan, I firmly believed that it would.

"You can let go." He was not looking at Virgil, but his eyes were on my face. I schooled my features, something I had picked up on after being with Tristan for so long, and looked up to Virgil. His grip only seemed to tighten and he turned to face me, seemingly ignoring the man at my side.

"If he is angry, I do not want you leaving with him." I had just enough experience to reach a hand out and stop Tristan from advancing, although bending my arm the way I did with Virgil still gripping just above my elbows hurt a bit.

"Let go of me, please. I am not afraid of Tristan." I was afraid for Virgil. Although I did not particular like the Roman anymore, I did not want to see him dead just because he could not understand that I was in no danger.

Virgil must have either heard the sincerety in my words or decided that he was gambling with his life, because he let go of me and rushed down the stairs past us so that he was not near Tristan for longer than safe. I allowed Tristan to guide us up the rest of the stairs and down the hall, his hand still placed at the small of my back. When we reached my door, he turned me around and I allowed him to roll up my sleeves and inspect the places that Virgil had been gripping.

"Just leave it, please Tristan. He would have let go if you had not been there. He thinks that you are dangerous and will hurt me." I saw the flash in Tristan's eyes, anger, and I waited to see how he would react. He reached his hand up and rubbed his thumb across my cheek and then let it fall onto my neck and pulling me forward, pressing his lips to mine and kissing me so gently that I felt like I would break. When I tried to deepen the kiss he refused and I had to fight back a smile, letting him take the lead. The kiss was slow and soft, like the hand on my neck that was lightly caressing me.

Tristan finally pulled away, just when I thought I was going into shock from too many sensations at once, and pressed one small kiss to my forehead. I knew where the anger was aimed after that kiss, he was angry at himself. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest. Less than a second later he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him.

"I love you." I had not said the words since I had confessed it to him, even though we both knew that the feeling was there. The man that I was holding onto pushed me back just enough that I could see his face before leaning down and pressing another kiss to my lips, this one more heated than the one we had just ended. When we pulled away this time, Tristan was smiling the smile he reserved for me. I smiled back and then turned back to my door, twisting the handle and stepping in.

Nothing was said, just a nod from Tristan and another smile from me, as I slipped into my room and closed my door. I did not worry that Tristan would do anything to Virgil, me asking him to leave it alone was enough for him to listen to. Instead of preparing for a bath, I simply curled into my blankets and let myself slip into sleep. It was not yet dark outside, but I was tired and cold and a nap would do me some good.

A few days later, the knights got word that they had their first Roman visit. As it was, the first visit would be to Grent's home and I would be staying back for the duration of that mission. I gave a hug to all of the knights, being present when Arthur informed them that they were not to react towards Grent for what had happened to me. If Grent brings it up, Arthur would instruct them on what to do, but otherwise it was going to be ignored. I hugged Lancelot, my brother, and Tristan especially tight before they mounted their horses to ride out.

The knights rode out while Vanora and I clutched onto her children, trying to get them back into the village so that they would not have time to roll in the snow again. Three of them were sick already and it was too much to ask to have more than that sick at one time.

"What do you think is going to happen?" Vanora was filling a few drinks for some of the guards when she asked me and I shrugged, shifting Ten from one hip to the other.

"I honestly do not know. I hope nothing because I could not stand to think that something happened to them because of me." Vanora nodded and sent me an encouraging smile before heading to the tables. Still with Ten on my hip I started to move around the tavern, as he was slowly starting to fall asleep on me, and I drew up short when Virgil stepped into my line of sight. He had a bruise around his eye and a cut on his cheek. When he spotted me, he looked hesitant and then moved to stand infront of me.

"I wanted to... to apologize. For the things I have said and done. It is none of my business and if you are happy, that is all that matters. I will not bother you anymore." I shifted from one foot to another, Ten gripping and letting go of the top of my shirt as he fell asleep, and watched his back. The change of heart could have only been brought on by whoever gave him that shiner. I wanted to believe that it was not Tristan but I just could not be sure.

With that, I turned back to the tavern and shook my head, still unable to figure out why Tristan would do that when I had asked him not to, and decided to just let it go until after the knights got back in one piece. If all was well, then I would sit Tristan down and give him a piece of my mind.

* * *

**A/N: **So basically I decided that since I hadn't posted in a while and I won't be posting for a while, I'd give you a chapter before I leave. I'm such a silly little author, aren't I? Anyways, so this is the last chapter I will be posting. I fly out on Tuesday and I'm not exactly sure when we're supposed to come back, but I do know that it will be before the end of the month. I can't be away from work for that long, nor school (spring break end on the 21st). Also, the twins turn three this month and although I'm sure they will love a birthday in England, I know they wanted to have a party here with their friends. So we'll see.

I'll still be getting online so if you want to email me, feel free. I will be able to respond to messages and reviews. I just won't be posting because I won't have much time to get on the computer and write.

Thank you all for being so understanding. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I hope it will kinda hold you over until I come back. As always, to my readers/reviewers/favoriters/alerters, thank you times infinity. You all are awesome.


	66. Chapter 66

**A Burning Sky**

The mission was supposed to have been short, that was what Arthur had said during the briefing, but it had been almost two weeks with no sight nor word from the knights. After the first full week, I had started to feel the beginnings of worry but as the second week was coming to a close, I had all but taken up a permanent post on the wall with the guards to look out for the knights. Finally word reached us that the knights would be a few more days, as something had come up that made them decide to stay.

Of course my mind turned over every possibility, over and over until I had imagined every possibily outcome. What could possess the knights to stay with Grent, because I knew that it would not be his hospitality. I knew they would send word if I was in any danger, even though I had stuck close to Amicus and some of the other guards since the knights left.

One guard that had been mysteriously missing was Virgil. I had not seen him since our run in at the tavern the day the knights left, even though I had been looking for him. He expressed that he was sorry and would not bother me anymore, but I had to know just who had hit him. If it was not Tristan, who could it have been? Between worrying why the knights were not back, I worried about that little fact.

Finally the announcement came that the knights had been spotted heading this way. Vanora and I gave each other a smile before heading from the tavern towards the main gate. Arthur rode through first, nodding to us as he dismounted. While the rest of them came in, I moved to Arthur's side.

"Should I be worried that you were gone for such an extended period?" Arthur looked tired and yet very pleased with himself. He shook his head and then motioned to the men.

"Your brother has something for you." I tucked my cloak more tightly around my shoulders and moved through the other knights, not really focusing on them as I did so, and stopping infront of my brother. He had dismounted moment prior to my reaching him so he smiled down to me, wrapping me in a hug.

"You were worried." I rolled my eyes at his stating the obvious and pulled away.

"Arthur said you had something for me?" The only thing that could make the knights this happy, although I had only seen Arthur and Dagonet at this point, would be if they were carrying the head of Grent back in a sack. However I saw no bloodied sack, and that would be bad for the knights, so I imagined that was not what was going on. Instead Dagonet looked around and called Gawain over.

Gawain was still on his horse, but a second glance told me that he was not alone on that horse. There was a set of hands wrapped around his waist, clenched tightly together, that made me curious. He smiled and whispered something over his shoulder and then angled the horse so I could see the face of the person riding with him.

The brown curly hair was not something I had seen before, at least not that I remembered. The girl was wearing an overly large wrap, borrowed from one of the knights no doubt. Her eyes were green and a little frightened, but when they spotted me, they lit up. Indeed when she smiled, I recognized her immediately.

"Maia!" The girl squealed and unclenched herself from Gawain and threw herself off the horse, a dangerous feat for which she stumbled a bit. Once she regained her footing, she launched herself at me. I twirled the younger girl around, pulling away to focus in on her face.

"How is this even possible?" She smiled and looked up at the knights, her eyes taking on the almost frightened look again. I had not had the fear that she has facing the knights, since I had been aware that one was my brother, but I understood the look. These men were larger than life to her, scary because of the killing they did without batting an eye. Lancelot was the one to answer my question.

"Grent has lost his contract here and will be returning to Rome. He released his slaves. Maia here was one of the few that had nowhere else to go so we insisted they be brought to the wall." I laughed and hugged the girl to me again, aware of the looks the knights were giving me. It was then that I noticed the other people present besides the knights and the villagers, workers and slaves from Grent's home that had no other place to call home. Some of them looked familiar, but none of them were even paying attention to me.

"Come with me. We shall get you cleaned up and then fed. We have much to catch up on." As we turned, with me directing her infront of me, I caught Tristan's eye and smiled. He motioned for me to go ahead, that we would have our reunion after I settled the smaller girl in. That reminded me that I had to talk to Tristan about Virgil, but I decided that it could wait.

Maia stuck close to my side, her eyes wide as if wanting to drink in every inch of the fort. It was then that I realized how little I knew about the girl. What had she called home before Grent had roped her into servitude and how had he been able to do that? I wrapped my arm around her and smiled, leading her up the stairs and past various people who either ignored us or waved.

I stopped us infront of the door that housed the bathing area for a moment and then continued down the hall until we reached my room.

"This is my room. We will have to find something that can fit you out of my clothing. You are smaller than I am but we should be able to work something. After that, you can bathe and then I will bring you down to get something to eat."

Her eyes adjusted to the poor light in my room and she looked around at the different things I had on shelves. While she looked over everything, I went to the chest that held all of my clothing from when I first came here. Those dresses were made for me when I had been neglected and starving, so I imagined that they would be the better choice for her to wear. After finding a dress that I thought would fit, and grabbing anything I would need for when she bathed, I grabbed the brunette again and pulled her with me towards the bathing room.

I made a show of locking the door so she knew that no one would come in. Once there, she slowly undressed while I focused on the clothing in my hands. I rolled the sleeves a few times to accomodate the size difference, but everything else would have to be adjusted after she put it on. Once she was submersed in the water, her eyes closed and enjoying the comfort and warmth of the water, I joined her at the side of the pool. I motioned to the small jars and vials on the edge.

"This is for your skin and hair. I brought along a thick comb so we can untangle your hair." The blush could have been passed off as being from the water, but she also averted her eyes and tried to hide it.

"Thank you, for doing all of this for me." We were silent while she washed the dirt and muck off of her skin, with me cleaning a few cloths for her to reuse. Then she dipped her hair into the water to dampen it first and used the oils in her hair. Once she had worked it in fully, I motioned for her to come to where I was so that I could comb through it.

"I will try to make this hurt as little as possible. How about you tell me how you came to be here, to keep your mind off of it?" She nodded and closed her eyes while leaning back, letting me run the comb through her hair. The oils helped, the smell calming and the actual oils themselves helping to smooth her hair.

"The knights arrived the day before Grent recieved word that he had lost his contract. It was frightening, to hear how loud he was screaming when the messenger brought the word. Arthur had asked those of us workers in there to leave and of course we wasted no time to spread the word. One of the knights overheard us talking about how some of us no longer had any family and therefore would have nowhere to go. I did not catch the knight's name, the one with the longer reddish hair?"

"Gawain. No worries, I will help you learn to tell them apart." I remembered how Dagonet had told me stories to help identify them and that was what I would do for her.

"He told Arthur and they decided that they would bring those of us with nowhere else to go to the wall. Here we can try to work, either in the fort or in the fields. Very few of the girls are here and those of us who are, we are all very young. So we will be working in the fort, cleaning rooms or in the kitchen I imagine."

It was hard to remember that this girl, this young girl, was only fifteen or sixteen. It was also hard to imagine that my brother Tonet would only be a year or so older than her if he was still alive.

Her hair slowly became untangled and I held out a cloth for her to dry off with before helping her into the dress and other things I brought for her. The dress was a little large and we tied it off with small strips of cloth so that it looked presentable before I sat her down infront of me and combed through her hair one last time and tied it up to dry.

"Now this will be up to you. Would you rather I bring food up to you in my room or do you want to try to eat in the tavern?" She thought about it while I gathered the items I had brought into the bathing room and made my way to the door. I had to stop by my room first anyways so she followed me after I unlocked and opened the door.

"I think I would like to eat in the tavern, if you think it would be a good idea?" I nodded and smiled, depositing the stuff on an empty table and linking my arm through her's to guide us to the tavern.

When we reached the tavern, after pointing out various things on the way to Maia so she could one day do this for herself, I made a point to motion Vanora over. I knew if I did not introduce the older woman to the young girl, I would never hear the end of it. Once Vanora set eyes on Maia, her eyes gleamed in a way that reminded me of the first time she met me.

"Oh my. No worries girl, we will get you healthy in no time. Sit, please sit. Good of you to bring this to my attention Irissa. Are you hungry as well? I shall bring two plates, an extra large one for this young girl. What is your name dear?" Maia's eyes had grown once again and she mumbled her name before I lightly elbowed her and she said it louder.

"Maia? Lovely name. I am Vanora, that oaf over there is my lover Bors. I will be right back with your food." As she disappeared through the tavern, Maia turned to look at me with wide eyes.

"Is she-"

"Always like that? Yes. She has ten children and seems to adopt those of us that show up here in such poor form." Maia nodded and bent her head down to focus on her interlocked fingers.

"My mother died. That was how I became a slave with Grent. I was simply a boarder at his house while my mother worked there but when she died, before her own servitude was over, he forced me to work there. It was better than being thrown out, but not by much." I wrapped my arm around the girl and smiled sympathetically at her.

"I am sorry Maia. Here is my proposition for the duration of your stay here, no matter what comes. You can look to me as a friend or a sister, someone to confide in and get advice from if needed. Is that alright with you?" She smiled brilliantly and wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

Vanora came back and deposited the food infront of us. We ate, with Vanora watching us. I had eaten not long before the knights had arrived but since I was to make a good example, I still finished the entire meal. Maia ate slowly at our urging, so that she would not make herself sick, but she ate most of her own meal. Vanora and I traded stories with the girl, telling her ways to figure out the layout of the village and the fort as well as to how tell the knights apart.

The only knights present in the tavern at the time were Bors, Gawain and Galahad. The guards were coming and going, with Maia watching them warily. I wanted to comfort her, to tell her that these guards were not like the guards at Grent's household, but I also did not want to give her false hope. Some of the guards here were nothing like the guards at Grent's, but some of them were just like them if not worse. With that thought, I looked at the door and remembered that I had wanted to talk to Tristan.

Vanora noticed my wandering gaze and tossed the cloth that she carried with her onto the table and tossed a smile my way before directing her next comment to Maia.

"How would you like to meet my children?" Maia, who not long before had mentioned how good she was with children, jumped at the chance and I shot a grateful smile to Vanora before rising myself.

"I will meet you in your rooms Vanora. I need to talk to someone." We had not explicitly mentioned my relationship with Tristan in our conversation, although it had to be suspicious that all of the stories that were told about him had me involved in some way. Maia nodded and allowed herself to be herded forward by Vanora who tossed me a wink before disappearing with the younger girl.

I stopped by the stables first and upon finding only a few guards, I made my way to the rooms and knocked on his door. There was a silence on the otherside of the door and since I knew how light of a sleeper he was, I decided that he must not be in. The only problem with that is that I could not really imagine where else he could be that I could find him. So instead I started to walk aimlessly around the fort, telling myself that if I did not find him soon I would simply wait until I ran into him to ask.

I was spared having to wait as I ran into him, almost literally if he had not grabbed my shoulders to stop our colliding, as I turned a corner in the guest's wing.

"What are you doing down here?" I had been thinking while walking, not paying attention to my own path, but Tristan had no real reason for being down here. In fact, I was not sure I had ever seen him down here besides when I had been attacked by the guard Galenus and he came to save me.

"I was checking on the progress of the rooms being prepared." I nodded and then smiled, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tightly. My smile grew wider as he wrapped his arms around me as well.

"I missed you." He tightened his grip at my comment and pulled back to press his lips to my forehead. We stayed like that in the empty corridor, arms wrapped around one another and his forehead pressed to mine, for a while before I remembered why exactly I had been looking for him.

"There is something I want to know. Why did you go after Virgil after I told you to leave it be?" Confusion came over his face and he pulled back, though not releasing me entirely.

"What are you talking about?" I sighed and looked off to the side.

"Virgil came up to me after you left. He apologized for what he did and told me that he would not bother me anymore. He had a black eye Tristan. Why did you do it?" He shook his head and the movement caught my eye, bringing my gaze back to his face.

"I have not seen the guard since the day on the stairs. I was not the one that hit him Irissa. You asked me not to and I did not, despite wanting to." I was confused for a moment, trying to decide who had done it if not Tristan, and then smiled. At least Tristan was not the one to do it.

"I am glad that you are back." He gave me a small smile, almost not even fully there, before lowering his head and pressing his lips to mine.

* * *

**A/N: **SO. FREAKING. SORRY. Oh giddy gracious, I'm so sorry that I've been gone over a month. That wasn't even my choice in the least. Here's the short version of what happened in England.

When we arrived to his parent's house after being in London for four days, the four of us (him, me, twins) went in and left all of our stuff in the rental car. We were just going in for a moment, before lugging all of our crap inside. When we stepped outside to get the stuff from the car we discovered... the car had been stolen. That included all of our luggage, my purse with my phone and wallet and our passports, and my laptop.

Our car was found three days later. Our luggage was there untouched. My purse was there, though my wallet had all of the money taken out. Cancelled my credit and debit cards. Our passports were still there too. But my phone and laptop had been stolen.

So I've been home for a little while but without a laptop or cell phone. Finally bought a new cell phone and laptop and that's where we find ourselves. So I've lost everything. Pictures. Stories. Documents. Everything. It breaks my heart.

Besides that, the trip was lovely. The twins turned three. We did a lot of touristy stuff. Went to Hadrian's wall and it was... amazing. The entire trip (besides the whole stolen rental car fiasco) was great.

So here is chapter 66, soooo late but longer than usual. I hope you liked it. Reviews, messages, alerts, favorites, and general reading of this chapter is appreciated and loved. You're all amazing.


	67. Chapter 67

**A Burning Sky**

The next day found me once again training with the knights, an activity that I had sorely missed in the time they had been gone. Maia had taken it upon herself to watch Vanora's children, even though I imagined watching ten children of various ages at her own young age was not going to be easy, so I did not have to worry about that. Although I tried to pay attention to the way that Galahad was advancing on me, my mind was elsewhere. Most of our sparring was pretty routine anyways, so I did not think twice about letting my mind wander.

I had run into Virgil that morning, something I did not expect since he made a big show out of not wanting to cross my path again. To give him his due, he did not run as I imagined he wanted to. Instead he breathed deeply and waited for me to either confront him or continue on my way. I decided to do the former, knowing that I needed to find out who had hit him if it was not Tristan.

"Virgil, I am grateful that you are no longer being over assertive, I want to know. Who gave you the black eye?" There was only a little left of the bruise, barely noticable except that I was looking for it. When I mentioned it, he raised his hand and pushed around his eye, testing the soreness.

"It was not any of the knights. It was one of the other guards. It really is not that important. He knocked some sense into me, that was all that mattered." And then he disappeared around the corner and I had not seen him for the rest of the morning so I was unable to continue to question him.

I was brought back to the present by Galahad as his fist collided with my temple. He was pulling his punches, thankfully, but I still ended up on my rear in the dirt, clutching the side of my head.

"Irissa! Are you alright?" Either Galahad calling my name or just simply me falling drew the attention of the other knights. Seeing from the corner of my eye that they all seemed to be waiting for my response to decide whether or not they should stop their own spars or continue, I waved them off and slowly stood up. My head was throbbing and I just knew that I would have a bruise there later. Galahad stood up and reached to inspect the area.

"I did not break the skin. I am sorry about that Irissa, but in my defense, you moved into the swing instead of away. Are you feeling well? You seemed distracted during the fight." I nodded, wincing inwardly at the pain that came with that, and then smiled.

"Everything is well. Now, prepare yourself Galahad, for I will not let you get another easy shot in." His uncertain smile grew as we continued sparring, with me being an active participant this time.

The headache that was blooming in my right temple did little to distract me for the rest of the spar, but after we were done and everyone had split to go their separate ways, I found the pain to be a little stronger than at first. I raised my hand to the point of origin of the pain and winced at the knot that was there. I pushed past the pain and focused instead on making my way to Vanora's rooms to check on Maia.

Before I even made it part of the way there, I saw a familiar face in the crowd, although he had not spotted me yet. Amicus looked tired, telling me he was coming off of duty, and as I made my way towards him, something hit me. Virgil had said that it was a guard that had hit him and the only guard that I was close to was Amicus. My feet gained a little speed and when I reached him, I caught him off guard by grabbing his wrist and pulling him away from the crowd. The looks that this gained from the people around was lost on me, wanting to have this conversation away from prying eyes.

"Now was that very necessary? I promise you, if your scout hears about this, I will never see the light of another day." I paused on that and told myself that Tristan would know better than to believe idle village gossip before turning to face Amicus fully.

"Did you hit Virgil?" I decided not to ease into the conversation, not to give him time to come up with a story, and the look on his face when I sprung it on him told me everything I needed to know.

"You did. You did hit him. Why?" He sighed and then shook his head lightly.

"I saw what happened on the stairs, with you and him and Tristan. After he ran from the stairs, I confronted him and asked what he was doing. He sprouted off something about how you needed to be protected from Tristan and that it was irrational for you to be with him. I honestly did not mean to hit him Irissa. You know me, you know that I am a very calm person. Yet I could not just let him continue the way he was, so I told him that he was making a fool of himself and the only thing he would succeed would be to have Tristan come after him one night when he least expected it. After a few more choice comments on his side, I snapped and swung and hit him. Afterwards I apologized and told him to leave you and Tristan alone."

I laughed and ran my hand over my arm, noticing the slight chill that was in the air, before sighing loudly.

"Well it worked. Virgil now seems more afraid of me than of the knights, if that is possible. I want to thank you, for standing up for me as you did. If something like this happens again though, you really do not need to step in. I would rather there be animosity between the knights and the guards rather than the animosity be between the guards themselves." Amicus nodded, understanding my reasoning, and pulled me to him in a hug. I rested my forehead on his shoulder and smiled.

Later, while sitting in Vanora's rooms and watching Maia play with the children while Vanora struggled to get Ten to go to sleep, I realized that I had gained more family here at the wall than I ever would have had in Sarmatia. It made me worry, that perhaps I was forgetting my family, but I pushed the thought to the side and laughed as Seven and Gilly jumped onto Maia's back at the time, almost collapsing the poor girl. She looked happy, her hair tied in a braid to the side and wearing slightly better fitting clothes that I imagined Vanora had bartered from the other girls in the village.

"I think I am going for a walk." My announcement seemed to startle Maia who was tickling Seven, although Vanora barely even noticed I had said anything since Ten had taken off running into the other room.

"Can I join you?" Maia stood up, dusting off her dress as she asked and I waited for Vanora to come back so we could inform her that we would both be leaving. She smiled, thanking us for our help, and set about to entertain the children on her own.

We set about the fort for a while, smiling cordially at guards and villagers alike as we did so. Most of our conversations were of me pointing out various bits of the fort and telling her how to get there or what it was used for. Her eyes had taken on the wide quality that they had done when she first arrived, childlike in her wonder.

"Have you met any of the knights formally yet?" She looked down, her fingers interlacing themselves, and I smiled as I tucked my arm through her's. She was so nervous to be here, to be around the knights.

"Only Bors." I laughed and squeezed her to my side. She had informed me that her interactions with the knights on the way from Grent's to the wall had been short, mostly just Gawain asking her if she knew how to ride a horse or if she would mind riding with him.

"The knights are loud, crass, and usually fairly vulgar, but they are not all bad. Come with me and I will see if we can introduce you to a few of them." The girl's face took on a red tint and I squeezed her softly once more before directing us to the tavern. Once there it was easy to spot a few of the knights, huddled together and relaxing, so I brought her with me.

The first to notice us was Dagonet who caught my eye. A shared look told me that he would keep the others in line around Maia, who had begun shaking like a leaf. Her only interactions with men before had been at Grent's, where the guards were not opposed to hitting a servant girl to get out his own frustrations. Now not only were there men around, but they were larger than life Sarmatian knights that were well known for how well they fought.

"Maia, these are my friends and fellow knights. Dagonet is my brother, the one I told you so much about. Gawain is the one you rode with, Galahad is the one with the silly grin. How much have you allowed him to drink Gawain? And you already know Bors." Maia nodded to them, not trusting her voice, and I directed her to sit beside me with my brother on the other side.

"How are you adjusting Maia?" That was from Gawain, who I shot a grateful smile to before grabbing my brother's drink and taking a sip. A barmaid made her way to us with some drinks, none with alcohol thankfully, and asked if either Maia or I was hungry. After we asked for food to be brought to us, Maia addressed the question she had been asked.

"It is different. I think I feel safer here." No one missed the phrasing and they all seemed to look at me questioningly. I gave them a forced smile, grateful that the barmaid had dropped off our food and Maia missed the look, to say that I would explain it later.

A few more questions were addressed to the girl next to me and she slowly opened up more, even venturing to laughing at a few stories that were told. Galahad, for being inebriated, was very calm and not at all his usual loud or fumbling drunk. Even Bors toned down his stories or comments. It warmed me that they were doing this to help Maia feel comfortable, much as they had when I had first arrived. Slowly she would be introduced to the hectic life that was living at Hadrian's wall, but not today. Today we were all just grateful to be there, in one piece.

* * *

Tristan watched the group from one of the back entrances to the tavern, watching as they laughed and exchanged stories and comments. The girl sitting next to Irissa had gone from sitting board straight and leaning towards Irissa, as if scared to be around the group, to looking a little more relaxed and even laughing a few times. It was the look that passed over her face a few times that kept him from advancing into the room. The look whenever one of the knights would reach out in story, or to jokingly point or tap Irissa, as if she was waiting for the worse.

Irissa had told him the stories of living at Grent's, the physical abuse endured from his hands and the hands of his guards. The physical abuse that ranged from beatings to rapings, although Irissa had never dealt with the latter. Tristan watched the girl the few times she flinched, unnoticed by seemingly the entire table, and wondered if that was what she had gone through. If those were the horrors she had faced at her young age.

His sight strayed from the scared young girl to the woman next to her, laughing at something Gawain was telling to the group. Irissa had grown in her year at the wall, that much was obvious. No more was the girl that actually squeaked when she looked at one of the knights, gone was the wary look in her eyes if one of the knights approached her without her brother beside her. Now she was stronger, more understanding, and more adapting. She had not broken when she had been forced back to Grent's and had come back stronger, if that was possible. If his girl could do it, then Maia could too in time.

* * *

**A/N: **Fillerchapteralert. So this really was just kind of a filler chapter. Not much going on, besides finding out about who hit Virgil. Be honest, who thought that it would be Amicus? Also, on the topic of Maia... she's not going to be in every chapter. She's going to be like Amicus, showing up and being important to Irissa, but she will not be featured in every chapter. Right now she is because I mean hey, she just arrived to a new place surrounded by scary people and she needs something familiar.

Action picks back up in the next chapter. Thank you to the reviews and alerts and favorites. You guys are all kinds of awesome. Hope you're enjoying the story. And a little insight to Tristan at the end there, aw. That kind of wasn't meant to be in this chapter, but I like it!

Also, because I promised I would do a shoutout, go check out _Lady of the Knight_, by **Fierce Lady**. It is an in progress story but I think you will enjoy it.  
fanfiction(dot)net/~fiercelady


	68. Chapter 68

**A Burning Sky**

The next few days were routine. We knights trained in the early morning and then separated for whatever we wished to do, but we all seemed to gather in the tavern for either lunch or dinner. Maia joined us sometimes, slowly getting used to being around the knights. And after being at the wall for a week she even started working in the laundry. I was proud of her for overcoming her fears and integrating herself so well, more quickly than I had acclimated myself.

It was pushing a few weeks later when word reached the wall that the nearby village was under attack. I breathed out harshly as I rushed to my room to change from my skirt to a pair of pants quickly, grabbing my swords as I did so and making my way down the stairs and towards the stables. We were six days from only having ten months left before the knights would be dismissed and every time a mission came, I found myself holding my breath. I knew that it was not logical, that if something was going to happen, it would happen regardless of what I did. I just could not shake the feeling that something big would happen before they would be free.

In the stables as I prepared Horse, for I had decided to just do for her as Tristan did for Hawk, I caught the glance my brother had shot me. It was a look that I decided was his way of making sure I was up to the mission, since it had been a while since I had been out with them.

With a nod to him, I mounted Horse and waited for the other knights to do so as well. Arthur was already mounted and moving his horse in small circles, anxious for us to ride to the village just down the hill. Once the rest of us were mounted and ready, Arthur spared us no quick talk before heading towards the gate.

We could hear the sounds of the attack before we even made it to the hill, urging our horses faster at the screams of villagers. It sat at the back of my mind that this was a poor place for these people to live if they were being attacked so often. I pushed it away as we rode further into the village and encountered the rogue fighters.

I drew my sword and took a deep breath before jumping off of Horse, wincing at the way my ankle fell, and swung towards the first fighter that I could see. He blocked it and advanced, eyes widening when he realized that I was a female. It was an advantage that I had only had a few times, catching someone off guard in battle because of my gender. I stepped forward, further than he would expect, and swung my blade into him, catching him off guard. When he moved to block the next one, I swung again in the other direction and caught his side deeply. When I pulled the sword from his side, the blood splattered up and hit my arms, feeling warm in the cool air.

As the first fighter fell, I turned and caught the sight of a rogue advancing on the turned back of a villager, trying to protect his family. I moved quickly, thankful that my ankle had not been hurt in my dismounting, and plunged the sword into the man's back. The villager turned and I shouted at him to make his way towards the wall.

"Irissa!" I turned at the voice of one of the knight's, although I was not sure which one it was, and caught the sight of a rogue swinging his sword at me. I lifted my own and winced as I almost lost my grip at the meeting. The steel vibrated in my hands and I lifted my other hand to grasp it, swinging to meet the sword coming back down to me. The man let go of his sword and swung out with his fist, catching me in throat. My breath seemed to stop at the pain and I swung my hands, gasping, and then wincing as he swung his sword and connected it with my own. With labored breath and surprise, he was able to knock the sword from my hands.

Still unable to fully catch my breath, I ducked the next swing that he took, feeling the blade just graze past my head. I moved to grab my sword, cursing myself for attaching my second sword to Horse's saddle and not to my waist this time, and fell forward as the man kicked into the back of my knee.

My knees crashed onto the metal of my sword and I turned myself, hoping to roll out of the way and grab the hilt, but I misjudged and ended up still sitting on the weapon. The man moved forward and swung out, the tip of his blade knicking my neck as I rolled backwards. He yelled loudly, frustrated at how many times I had dodged him, and moved to plunge the sword into my stomach. I moved my hand from my side, my dagger sitting firmly in my palm, and plunged it into his leg and rolled away, taking the dagger with me as I did so.

I glanced up and saw the other knights engaged in their own fights before turning back to my fight. He limped and seemed to test his weight before moving back towards me, raising his sword as to bring it down straight onto my head. If I had my sword, I could block the blow, but all I had handy was my dagger, already covered in the man's blood. As he came for me, the sword still held above his head, I rushed forward and plunged my dagger into his stomach. He made a sound and moved as if to still bring the sword down and I retracted the dagger, thrusting it into his chest where his heart was this time. He lost his footing and we both tumbled down, the lifeless body falling on top of me and making me fall with my back against the ground.

I screamed, half in annoyance and half in pain, and tried to shove the brute off of me. He would not budge, feeling heavier in death than he probably did in life. I pushed again, in vain since my arms were pinned in an awkward position. The dagger hilt was digging into my stomach, although the blade was still sticking in his chest, and I could feel his blood soaking my shirt. His sword had fallen to the side, still gripped in one of his hands.

With a few more fruitless shoves, I looked around and noticed that the fighting had died down. The sounds were now of pain and dying, with a few raised voices in the mix. It was not long however until I heard my name being called, nearby enough that I recognized the voice and then the face that followed.

"Gawain!" The knight looked around for me, but he was not looking at the ground. I tried to push the body off of me again and bit back a growl at my inability to do so.

"Either this one is still alive or Irissa is pinned underneath him. Which would it be?" I tossed a half-hearted glare up to the smiling face of Gawain, and sighed gratefully as he grabbed the man's shoulder and rolled him off of me. His eyes widened at the large amount of blood on my white shirt and I shook my head, letting him know it was not mine.

I pulled my dagger from the man's chest, frowning as I did so, and wiped it off on the side of my pants before sticking it back into the leather strap. From there I looked around and moved to where my sword had fallen, strapping it back to my side.

My entire body ached from the fall, helped by the dead body that decided to use me to break its own fall, but I put that to the back of my mind as I moved forward with Gawain to where the other knights were gathered. Everyone seemed to have faired well, except Lancelot who had a nasty cut on his forehead and Bors who had a few on his cheek and neck. They all seemed to want to rush forward at the sight of me but a shake of my head, much like I had done for Gawain, told them that there was no need.

We set about to making sure the villagers that had survived would be able to make the trip to the wall before gathering up as many people as we could and heading back up the path. A series of guards would come down here later to move the bodies of the attackers and move the bodies of the villagers to a place to await proper burial. Horse was waiting for me where I had left her and I winced as I pulled myself onto her back, smiling tightly as Lancelot stopped his horse next to mine.

"How are you?" Besides being drenched in blood, completely sore, still unable to fully breathe without my throat hurting, I was relatively in a good position. So my tight smile morphed into a more honest one as I replied, slightly raspy because of my throat.

"I am still alive." He nodded his head, his eyes drifting down the the blood on me, and smiled tightly back to me. The look in his eyes was one that I had not seen in a very long time, since I first came to the wall.

"That is all any of us can ask." And then he spurred his horse onwards and I was left to ponder on his words and the look.

We were closing in on the gate, most of the villagers being ushered in first, when my horse was pulled to a stop by a hand on the reins. I had not even noticed anyone riding up beside me so I jumped a little, grasping onto the saddle and the arm infront of me before following the hand to the knight next to me.

Tristan was staring at me straight in the eye, not looking at my neck or my bloodied shirt. It was the penetrating gaze of his that I often found myself on the recieving end of, but it was never something I had gotten used to. Just when I thought he was not going to say anything or even move, he raised a hand to my neck and traced his thumb gently around the cut. I winced, half at the pain from the cut and half at the pain from the blow before it, but leaned into the hand all the same.

"It is not a deep cut." I had felt the blade go into my neck, although just a small sliver, but it still was something I could barely keep from seeing over and over again in my mind. An inch in either direction and the knights would be dragging my dead body up this hill and into the village.

"You should have your brother tend to it all the same." I nodded and then pulled away lightly, pulling at the shirt that was starting to stick to my stomach. It was warmer today than it had been in a while, warm enough that I was not wearing nearly the amount of padding that I should be. The sweat from the fighting had dried and the blood was doing the same. I would have to burn this shirt, there would be no saving it.

I grabbed his hand and raised it, kissing the palm and smiling. There were a few little cuts on the inside of his palm, barely breaking the skin, and I wondered how he got them. I kissed his palm again and then turned to move my horse forward.

I would bathe, throw away my ruined clothing, and let my brother tend to my wounds if he had the time. If not, I could handle it myself. And I would do my best not to focus on the fact that I might have died. I would close my eyes and not imagine the blade going into my neck. It had not happened.

If there was something I learned from my time here, it was that you cannot look at what had not happened. You have to look to what may happen. And I had no idea what would happen next.

* * *

**A/N: **Lots of action, little talking. Not sure how I feel about that. It is taking me longer to get things written right now because I have a sprained wrist and two broken fingers. Typing does not equal my friend. So excuse any typos in this chapter (and coming chapters).  
Let me know what you think of it. Hope you're enjoying it. Thank you to my readers, reviewers, alerters, and favoriters. You guys are awesome.  
Anyone watching Game of Thrones, by the way? I am, and I am absolutely loving it. It is doing the books justice, something I was worried about when I first heard they were making it into a show.

Thanks for reading.


	69. Chapter 69

**A Burning Sky**

Once we reached the wall, I dismounted and smiled as Jols took Horse, ignoring the look he gave my neck and shirt, and started past everyone towards the stairs. All I wanted to do is to get to my room to grab a change of clothes and go to the bathing room for a few hours. My neck could wait, but I could not sit there with the blood on me for any longer than I had to. It was thick and weighing me down, it felt like the man was still sprawled over me.

In my rush, I almost ran into Maia. The poor girl's eyes grew three sizes as she took in my state, moving as if to grab my arm but I pushed past her, unable to take the look in her eyes. It was fear and worry and not what I needed right now. I would have to apologize to her later, she knew that I went out on these missions with the knights but I was not sure if she knew just how dangerous they tended to be, but right now I needed to clean myself.

Stepping into my room, I first made my way to the chest where my clothes were folded neatly. The first few dresses were too tight and I needed to let them out, so I put them on the floor next to it. The next shirt was torn from a fall I had taken in training a while ago, so I put that to the side to be mended. The next dress was too thick for the weather today so I put that to the side as well. I kept tearing the clothes out of the chest, finding something wrong with each and every piece, throwing them to the side as I did so. Once the chest was empty, I made my way to the far side of the room where the rest of my clothes were. There too, I found something wrong with every article.

I bit my lip, trying hard not to scream in frustration, and sunk to my knees. The blood was only a little damp now, but the shirt was sticking to me in a way that made me feel physically in. The smell was wafting up and I knew I could not look down at it, could not stand the sight. Instead I closed my eyes and tried to breathe through my mouth but I was reminded of the feeling of the corpse laying on me, trapping me against the cold, hard ground. I stood up, knees shaking, and moved towards the door, tripping over various articles of clothing. I was nearly halfway there when my foot caught on a stray strap of leather, a makeshift belt, and I fell to my knees.

I cried out in pain, my knees groaning from the fall, and simply leaned forward so that my forehead was resting against one of the shirts on the floor. I could stay there like this, with my face pressed against the floor, until I was able to handle everything once again.

With how loudly my thoughts were, I did not hear the door open. However when a hand dropped onto my shoulder, I did not react. There were very few people that would have made their way into the room without knocking, even fewer that would have placed their hand on me in this state. The only ones that came to mind were any of the knights, since the hand felt too heavy to be Vanora, and they were more than welcome to see my small breakdown. I had seen most of them in various stages of their own breakdowns, it was only fair.

"Irissa, look at me please." Tristan's voice was soft, causing me to peer up at him. He helped me stand, untangling my foot and then leading me out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind him. We moved down the hall to his door which he opened, letting me go in first. From there he moved me to the chair perched next to his washing basin, steam rising from it that said it was fresh, and a stack of fresh cloths.

He had me lift my hands as I sat on the chair so that he could remove the shirt. Under that I wore a thick shirt, and then a shift under that, so I was not completely uncovered. He motioned for me to take the second shirt off, which was splotched red itself, but the shift was clear of blood. He folded the shirts together and put them on the floor, grabbing one of the cloths and dunking it in the water. Once it was wet, he rung it out before moving to touch it to my neck.

The pain was still there, but as he methodically cleaned my blood from the area, the pain seemed to dwindle out of exsistence. After that was clean, he put the rag down and gathered another one and started to scrub at my hands. He had not spoken since asking me to look at him while in my room so I decided to break the silence.

"I am not sure I handled that to the best of my ability." My voice was still raspy, but it was enough to bring a small smile to Tristan's mouth, one that did not reach his eyes.

"Perhaps not." His voice was curt and I could tell he was unhappy, although I was not sure to what extent, or even why. Was he upset that something had happened to me, or was he disappointed in my reaction to it? I could handle the former, I was not sure I would be able to handle the latter.

"Tristan, I-" He shook his head and continued to wash the dried blood from my skin. The entire thing was rather ridiculous. I was sitting in Tristan's room in a pair of altered men's pants and my shift while he cleaned me of blood from a battle where I almost died, but survived by only having a dead body crush me into the ground. I wanted to break the tension, maybe to ask what Tristan was thinking, but I stayed silent and waited. I knew that with Tristan, you had to give him time.

"Lancelot was going to check on you. He was halfway up the stairs actually. He asked me to do it." It was not what I expected Tristan to say, a little while later, but it was more than he had said so I took what I could.

"I wonder why." Tristan's hands stilled and then he tossed the rag onto the floor with the other one.

"Cannot you not think of a reason?"

I remembered the look that Lancelot had, the one that had been missing from his array of expressions ever since the conversation about his sister. He saw me covered in blood and thought of his sister, the sister he had already told himself was dead. I was not sure if Tristan knew about that, but I did. I could understand why he had not come to check on me, he was not sure if he could handle the sight again. Off of the battlefield where it is a sight he is used to, it was something that could possibly end badly.

Now that Tristan was no longer washing the blood off of me, I felt inappropriately dressed and moved to wrap my arms around me. Tristan seemed to notice for the first time that I was barely covered and he turned around, moving to his wardrobe and pulling out a spare shirt. He handed it to me and busied himself with gathering the rags and putting them on the side of the basin and then moving the shirts out of sight. I pulled his shirt over my head, tying the top as tightly as the rough cords would allow, and moved to start tucking it into the waistband of my pants.

Once I was done, and Tristan had decided it was safe to no longer be busy, he turned back to me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. The first time that I had lost control of myself after a mission was when my brother had been hurt. Since then, things had been easier to handle. I had taken time off of missions, allowed myself to adjust, and then continued on with life. This time it was not my brother that had almost died, it was me. It was my blood that had almost stained the grass. And it was the blood of some savage person that had stained my skin and shirt.

"There was just so much blood." I had not intended saying that, had not intended on saying anything actually, but the words came out anyways. I sighed, letting my head fall forward until it fell on Tristan's shoulder. He moved to wrap his arms lightly around me, pressing a kiss to my hair as he did so.

I did not expect Tristan to say anything, and I was not disappointed. Instead Tristan slowly let us move in a swaying motion, my face pressed against his neck. It was soothing, just us like this, and I did not want it to end. Instead of staying in that position for the next few minutes, or hours, or even days, I pulled away and smiled up at the man that was holding onto me. His eyes flicked down to my neck and I saw his jaw tighten a bit before he spoke.

"You should let your brother look at that. I cleaned it, but it would not hurt to have a salve put on it." I nodded, ignoring the slight twinge of pain that came with the movement, and pulled away from Tristan fully. He leaned down just enough to press a kiss to my lips. Instead of pulling away, which had been my intention that time, I found myself stepping closer again. Tristan pressed a small kiss to my lips, then to my cheek, before resting his mouth against my ear.

"You look good in my shirt." I felt my face start to heat up, since this was the first time Tristan had ever said something like that to me, and pulled away to give him a mockingly stern look. He laughed lowly and kissed me once more before pushing me lightly towards the door. I laughed, still blushing, and shut the door behind me and moved down the hallway. I would first check Dagonet's room and if he was not in there, there were a few other places I could check.

When I knocked on Dagonet's door, I had not expected him to answer so quickly. He opened the door and stared at me for a moment before pulling me into the room and over to his bed.

"Sit." I winced at his tone before doing as told. When my brother resorted to one worded comments, I knew he had something on his mind. He set about the room and gathered a few things before turning back to me, looking at the cut on my neck before grabbing a small thing of cloth. When he approached again, I opened my mouth but a quick look from him had me closing it with an audible snap.

He looked at the area and after deciding it did not need to be sewn, he gathered a little bit of a foul smelling salve onto his pointer finger and rubbed it over the area. I bit my lip, the stinging pain that came from the salve and the smell from it making my eyes water a bit. Dagonet did not even look up, simply kept rubbing it in before grabbing the cloth and wrapping it around my neck, pressing against the cut in a soothing way, before tying it on the side.

"Is that the only injury?" I nodded, clasping my hands together and waiting for him to say something else. He wiped his hands and put everything back in its rightful place. Once he was done, he gathered my hands and pulled me up, wrapping his arms around me in a loose hug.

"It is not that bad Dagonet. Just a cut." He nodded and pressed his lips to my forehead, tilting my head up so that he could make sure the cloth would not fall from normal movement.

"It was not the cut that worried me Irissa, it was your face. You were pale and shaking. Sometimes we cannot handle what we see or do and I was just worried how you would handle it." I smiled and returned the hug, my smile growing as he tightened his grip on me.

There were two more people that I needed to check on but for right now, I was in no rush.

* * *

**A/N: **What in the hell is this chapter? Like, it came out of nowhere. So much fluff. Too much fluff? Let me know.  
Happy (belated) Mother's day to all mothers. New mothers, old mothers, all mothers. My fingers are slowly healing but I have to take my time typing. Sorry for the wait.  
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for reading it. It means a lot to me.

Oh. And I've been trying to post this for 13 hours now. It's 5:40 AM and I should be asleep because hey, I've got work at 8:30 and even though I can't type, I still have to be functional, but whatever. This is more important, haha.


	70. Chapter 70

**A Burning Sky**

Once I left my brother's room, I made a quick decision as to who I should try to find first. I had a feeling I would end up having a longer conversation with Lancelot, so I set out to find Maia. She was working in the laundry, but I had a feeling she would be with Vanora right now. With that in mind, I made my way to the tavern and took a quick glance around. There were a few knights in there but I slipped out quickly before any of them could spot me. Not that I didn't want them to see me, I just had my mind set on where I was going and what I was doing.

I paused at the door of Bors and Vanora's quarters for a brief moment before knocking, letting my hand fall to my side once I had knocked twice. It only took a few minutes for the door to open, revealing Vanora with a stern look on her face. Upon seeing me, the look disappeared and she smiled tiredly, pulling me inside.

"You gave the girl a bit of a scare." I sighed and glanced around, not seeing the younger girl in the first room. Vanora, who I hadn't noticed was holding Ten on her hip, motioned her head towards the back room where the kids slept. I nodded my thanks to her, pressing a light kiss to her cheek as I moved past, and stopped in the doorway.

Maia was sitting on one of the small cots, running her fingers through the hair of one of the younger girls. When the younger ones spotted me however, they all launched themselves in my direction. This brought Maia's attention to me, biting her lip as she looked me over. I shooed the kids away, feeling bad for making them all rush into the other room with Vanora, and moved to sit next to Maia on the cot. Her eyes automatically went to the cloth that was wrapped around my throat and I reached up, untying the knot that Dagonet had put there less than an hour ago.

"It looks worse than it is." Her eyes widen as I lowered the cloth, letting her see the cut to its fullest. I was no longer covered in blood, but I knew she could probably still picture me from earlier.

"You... I forgot that you trained and rode with the knights." I nodded and wrapped the cloth around my neck, smiling in thanks as the younger girl leaned forward to tie it back.

"I should have warned you before the mission, before any mission. You are old enough though, it is something you will not be able to ignore here. The knights and I, what we do is dangerous. We are constantly sent into the face of danger. And yes, sometimes we come back worse for wear. You have seen the scar on Dagonet's face, have you not? I was there when that happened. I stood outside of his door while they sewed it together. And my Roman friend Amicus, the one you met? I stayed by his bedside after he was stabbed in the side. And me? I am always injured. Sometimes by my own stupidy, sometimes in the missions. Here, at the wall, it is not something that can be ignored."

Maia listened to my words silently, her eyes on my hands which I knew were still speckled with blood. As it had been since I had first arrived, I had never fully been able to get the color off my hands. Lancelot had tried to warn me.

"It is not the first time I had seen blood, that I had seen someone injured. I just have not seen someone that I looked up to as family in that position in a very long time." Not for the first time, I wondered what the girl had seen in her life.

I stayed for a while longer, escorting the children back into the room, and helped Vanora and Maia get them to sleep. Once most of them were down, I said my goodnights and left, thinking on Lancelot. I made my way around the tavern, after glancing in for the knight, and towards the stairs that lead to our quarters.

At Lancelot's door, I took a breath and knocked. I waited for a few minutes before knocking again. I waited only a little while longer before deciding that he was not in his room. If he was not in his room and he was not in the tavern, that only left a few places. After deciding he probably would not be in the stables, I decided to check one other place before asking someone if they had seen him.

The cemetary was just as I remembered it, even though it had been a bit since I had been down here. There were a few fires flickering on the mounds, playing off of the steel of the swords that stuck out from them. And at the edge of the hill, perched and peering down, was a familiar form. While wishing I had thought to grab a cloak before coming out here, I made my way to where the person was sitting. It always felt colder at the cemetary than it did anywhere else, no matter what the weather was like. Even the fires did not seem to give off heat, as if they burned bright and yet cold at the same time.

When I reached his side, Lancelot glanced up and then back to the cemetary. It was a brush off, as if he did not care that I was standing beside him, but I did not heed it. Instead I bent down onto my knees and sat beside him, with enough room between us that I could not even feel the heat from his body.

"How are you?" It was a stupid question to ask, but it was the only thing I could think to ask at this time. I knew he would be struggling with how I had been, I knew that I could probably not even imagine the things that had gone through his head at the time, but I also knew that I was the only one that could calm his worries about the entire ordeal.

"It is cold out here Irissa. You should be inside." I did not bother informing him that it was barely warmer in most of the rooms, since we did not have fire pits in our rooms upstairs, but decided against it. Instead, I leaned closer to him and reached out, pressing my hand against the crick of his elbow.

"I asked how you were Lancelot, not what you thought about the weather." He shot me a look, one that had just enough of the brotherly affection that I was used to that I felt comfortable leaning completely against him and untucking my legs from under me, bringing them to my chest.

We sat in silence like that for a while, with me pressed against his side and his hands grasping the small carved figure that I associated with his sister. His fingers were not even running over them, as they did when he was simply thinking of home or his past, but merely clutching onto it tightly. When I thought that nothing would be said, for I could not come up with something to say, Lancelot broke the silence.

"I know that the chances of you getting injured are high. It comes with the territory, it is something I have accepted. That does not mean I have to like it." His voice was low, gravelly as if he had been holding it in, but soft. He was not shaking or angry, for which I was thankful. A thoughtful Lancelot was easier to handle than an out of control Lancelot.

"It is ugly. I feel it every time that I am left at the wall when you ride out. Only I feel it seven times over. The only thing we can take comfort in is that we all ride through that gate together, that we all made it in one piece."

Lancelot released the carving with one hand and wrapped it around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. I curled myself around him, pressing my face against his shoulder. We stayed like that for a while longer, with nothing between us but the cold, until Lancelot felt me shaking and pulled us to stand.

"If we stay out here any longer, we will become statues."

I felt as if we had already become statues there, watching over the cemetary so often, but I did not voice that thought. Leave death to the dead and living to the rest of us. With his arm wrapped around me, we made our way back to the fort. One of the guards that passed us was Amicus, giving us both a friendly smile as he did so. We waved back, although with less enthusiasm, before moving towards the tavern.

As we sat down, joining Bors and Gawain, we pulled apart and cast small smiles to one another. Nothing was simple with the knights, everything hurt to some extent, but we handled it well. We had each other and that was the only way any of us made it through the day.

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**A/N: **This chapter. GAH. This caused me physical pain to write. Half because of my hand, half because it just would not be written. Like, honestly, it was a bitch.  
Sorry it's been so long between chapters again. Things at the bank are getting hectic and I'm in the middle of applying for work at the hospital so I can quit the bank, but we'll see how that goes.  
This chapter is also 400 or so words SHORT of my 2,000 minimum word limit. But I'm just... so annoyed and cannot get it to fit and I feel like I'm failing all of my lovely readers. Excuse me while I pout in a corner, please and thank you.

I hope you enjoy the chapter. Readers, reviewers, favoriters, alerters, you are all awesome. Seriously. Hugs and kisses and seriously large amounts of baked goods to you all!  
Also. Chapter 70? Say what? Holy hell, how did it get to be that many chapters already?


	71. Chapter 71

**A Burning Sky**

The next few days went back to routine. Training in the morning, relaxing in the afternoon, and gathering either in the tavern or the meeting hall to discuss missions or just talk in general. Arthur joined us a few times in the tavern, but he kept himself holed up more often than not. He spent most of his time pouring over those maps, going over every mission they had completed in their almost fifteen years. As well, we had the looming trip to the Arcenius family ahead of us, although not for a few more weeks.

The tavern was full of loud patrons when I made my way in, looking for Vanora. I had not helped in the tavern for a while and since training had been cut short that morning, I felt the need to be productive. I found the older woman carrying a tray of drinks towards a handful of guards that were relaxed enough to make me think that they were not on duty. She caught my eye and winked, tossing a smile my way as she placed the drinks down and moved to the next table.

I fell into what I was used to, grabbing a rag and a tray, shooting a smile towards the guards that I recognized as I asked if I could get them anything. It was simple and it was something that I was used to, something I did not have to think about. I went through the motions, laughing and smiling at the patrons that I served, joking with Vanora the few times that we passed each other.

As luck would have it, the next few girls came in to work the tables and Vanora and I were able to leave at the same time. With her arm looped in mine, we started to walk out into the fort. The weather had finally let up a bit, giving us just enough warmth that we were not shivering yet.

"There is something that I have been meaning to tell you." Vanora was smiling, a light tint to her cheeks that I had a feeling had nothing to do with the weather.

"And what might that be?" She sighed, a sound that turned into a laugh halfway through, and then back to a sigh.

"I am pregnant." I felt my eyes grow larger and I laughed, pulling her into a loose hug. My eyes strayed to her midsection and noticed that, indeed, there was a little bump there.

"Do you know how far along?" She shrugged and rested her freehand against her stomach.

"Few months at most. I am doing my best to be careful, now that I know. Paulus wants me to start eating mint leaves if I feel like I am going to be sick." I asked if she had told Bors yet and she had laughed, explaining that he was the one that offered the suggestion that she might be.

The conversation strayed from there, going to a few other topics, before we were interrupted. It was not often that Vanora and I were able to just talk, and even if the time was short, I had enjoyed every minute of it. However it was cut short by Jols, nodding to us both as he approached.

"Sorry to interrupt. Irissa, Arthur is calling all of the knights to the meeting hall at once." I saw the fear in my dear friend's face as I turned to face Vanora before leaving, the fear that I saw in her face everytime a mission came up. The fear that one of the knights, especially her Bors, would not make it back through the gate. I gave her hand a brief squeeze before heading off, in the opposite direction of Jols who had mentioned something about finding the other knights.

When I reached the meeting hall, only Arthur and Lancelot were in there. I made my way to my usual seat, squeezing Lancelot's arm as I made my way past him and nodding to Arthur as I did. The apprehension that I was feeling was reflected on Lancelot's face, telling me that whatever the reason for the meeting, Arthur had not told him about it. Although Arthur was supposed to be the commander, I knew as well as everyone else that he divulged and confided in Lancelot often. That he had not confided this to Lancelot was the only indication that this was important.

The other knights slowly trickled in, with Dagonet bringing up the rear. He nodded to Arthur before taking his seat next to me, asking me with a look if I knew what was going on. I did not even have time to shake my head before Arthur addressed us.

"Knights. As we all know, we have a ride coming up in a few weeks to check on the Arcenius family, the family we relocated a few months ago. Orders have come in that we are to relocate them once more, back to their original house." There was silence as we let the information sink in, and then there was a slight uproar.

"This has to be some sort of prank. What was the point of moving them in the first place if we were just to move them back?" Galahad's voice was raised and shaking, as if he was doing his best to reign in his anger. I wanted to reach out to the younger knight, to catch his attention and ask him not to make a scene, but I understood. He was young, he was angry, and he wanted nothing more than to get to Sarmatia and forget that this entire thing had happened.

His anger towards Arthur was misplaced anyways. Arthur commanded the Sarmatian knights, but there were Romans above him that commanded him. Sometimes I think that Galahad forgot that part.

"This is not a request, Galahad. It is our duty and we will do it. It will be the same layout as before."

From there, Arthur outlined the plan. We were to ride out to the far village that we had relocated the Arcenius family to, escort them through the woods and back to their original house, and then come back to the wall. Strategy was not that important since he did not expect any problems, but he reminded us of the order and how we situated ourselves around the wagons and hansoms that would be riding with us.

"The same number, or do you think there will be more?" Dagonet's voice was low and respectful, a vast difference from what Galahad's had been. Arthur thought on the question, staring down at the map infront of him along with the other papers, what I could only assume to be missives and the order for this particular mission.

"Assume the same number, plan for more. Cover every option and prepare for anything, that is the best way to go about this."

After making sure that we all knew what was going on, although the mission still was not for a couple of weeks, we were dismissed. For the first time that I could remember, Arthur left the room before the rest of the knights. I watched their faces, trying to figure out how everyone was handling the news.

Gawain was whispering, loudly but still not loud enough to understand what was being said, to Galahad who looked like he was trying to keep from retorting. Dagonet had moved to the front of the room and was now standing behind Arthur's chair, looking over the map that was sitting there. Tristan nodded to me as he left the room. Bors had had his head in his hands and slowly stood up, shaking off the mood and making a few comments as he left the room, with Galahad and Gawain trailing after him.

Following was Dagonet, the map rolled up, with a nod to me. I could only assume that he was taking the map to Arthur's room, since he had left in such a hurry that he had grabbed the other papers but not the map. This left only Lancelot and I still in the room, which he noticed.

"It is not the worse mission we have been sent on. Just maybe one of the most pointless of them." I made my way to his side and squeezed his shoulder again before wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"We cannot leave this family to defend itself on their way, it would not be right." He nodded, turning to rest his head against mine, and sighed.

"Better these pointless missions than suicide attempts." I pulled away and made my way to the door. When I noticed that Lancelot had not moved, I turned back to look at him.

"Are you coming Lancelot?" He was staring at the table and seemed startled out of his thoughts when I spoke. He looked around the table once, looking at each chair in turn, before standing up and nodding briefly.

After he left, I shut the door to the meeting hall and headed out of that wing of the fort. I let my feet carry me without me dictating, getting a little lost in my own thoughts and paying more attention to not walking into anyone that where in particular I was heading. It was not until I was standing in a patch of wet grass that I realized I had walked out to the cemetary. Instead of turning back around, I looked around, half expecting to see Lancelot.

I did see a figure, a familiar figure in fact, but it was not Lancelot. Spotting Arthur at the cemetary made me want to leave, not knowing if he would want to be alone or not, but I found myself walking towards him anyways. And soon I was stood beside him, staring down at a mound with no sword sticking from it. He glanced at me when I stopped beside him but did not ask me to leave, nor did he invite me into a conversation. Instead we both stayed to our own thoughts, with him staring at the mound that I now assumed was his father and me staring out over the other plots of land. I had not ventured into the cemetary before this.

"What do you believe in, Irissa?" The words shocked me, half because I had not expected him to speak and half because of what he had asked. I thought on the question, rolling it over in my head and trying to figure out the best way to word what I was thinking.

"I was raised as all Sarmatians are, believing as they do. However I spent six years in servitude under a Roman who believed as you do. So I guess I do not know what I believe in anymore. Maybe I believe the way that the knights do. Maybe I believe as you do. Or maybe I just believe in whichever serves me best at the time."

"Heaven is supposed to be a paradise, with eternal love and forgiveness for sins. I wonder though, what place is there in such a paradise for those that kill? Eternal love, forgiveness, security. For the things we have seen and done, washed away and made clean once again. Is it as simple as that?"

I could feel where Arthur was going with the questions and I grabbed his wrist, hoping that with that little contact I could help him understand what I was about to say.

"Cling to your religion, trust in your God, believe in your paradise. I have learned much in my time here at the wall but one thing that I have learned is that you need to believe in something. I believe in Sarmatia, one that may not even exsist anymore but in my memories. So believe, Arthur, for that is what will get us through the rest of the year. Belief in the knights, belief in yourself, and belief that all of this was done for something, for your God." Arthur tore his eyes from mine and back to the mound before flicking back up to mine.

"Thank you Irissa." There was something underlying in his voice, a plea not to tell anyone about this conversation. The knights did not need to know that their commander was losing faith, it would not do to keep everyone's faith in him. Yet in that moment, Arthur did not see me as one of the knights. He saw me instead as a kindred spirit, as someone who might be as lost in faith as he was.

Because no matter how much I thought about it, I was not sure what I believed in anymore. I believed in the knights, I believed in Arthur, I believed in myself, and I believed in a Sarmatia that I could sometimes only remember in my dreams. And those beliefs were enough for me.

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**A/N: **I honestly believe that Arthur would struggle with his faith in light of everything they went through, would question it sometimes. If anyone is offended by that, I'm sorry. I kind of wrote through myself on that because I'm struggling with my own religious beliefs. It's important to the characters and therefore I decided it was important to the story.  
So here is chapter 71. I like this one a lot more than I thought I would. It was slow to start but once I got over the hump, it just... came through my fingertips.  
First acknowledgement of Vanora being pregnant. Since there was an infant in the movie, I'm sure no one is surprised by that declaration. Going back to the Arcenius family to relocate them again. Goodness goodness, what ever could happen? Knowing me, chaos. Bruhaha. *ahem* Anyways.

It's 5 AM and it's Memorial Day. So happy Memorial Day aaaaand I'm going to sleep. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews, alerts and favorites are lovely. Thank you for reading.


	72. Chapter 72

**A Burning Sky**

The morning that the mission was to take place found Vanora in my room once again, holding a cut of cloth with some pieces of bread and fruit wrapped in it. She smiled as I pushed it into the bottom of the bag that I was carrying, the same bag from before. And just as before, the bag held extra clothes and an extra cloak along with an extra blanket, my mending and healing items wrapped carefully in the second blanket. Dagonet's advice to use a blanket as a seat came to mind and I left one out, folded just enough to be comfortable for the ride.

"I hate that I am going to be worried again." I focused on that while I checked my bag one more time, grabbing the leather strap that held my daggers and sheaths for my swords.

"We will be back in a week. Do not worry about us. I will make sure your lover uses his head." I turned, my bag over my shoulder, but was stopped by Vanora's hand on my shoulder.

"It is not only Bors that I worry about out there Irissa, and if you pretend that it does not matter, I shall have to slap you." I wrapped my arms around the older woman, smiling at the feel of the swell that rested between us, and sighed against her shoulder.

It had been a while since the knights had been out for a real mission, a real mission with real encounters. The last one that I had participated in, besides the one where we rode to the village at the end of the road and I got cut in the neck, had only been three woads and we took them out without any problem. My last real mission had been the one where I could have died, an inch in either direction, but I was alive. When we pulled away, I offered Vanora the most convincing smile I could muster.

"Of course it matters. We take care of each other. You just need to take care of yourself, of that child, of your other children, and of Maia if you could spare some caring." Vanora smiled, one hand resting affectionately on her abdomen and the other grasping my elbow.

"I look at her as a younger sister, much as I look at you. I will do my best." It was all that we could ask, that we all tried our hardest to do our best. So I pressed a kiss to her cheek and turned, my bag and leather strap in tow, and headed from the room. Vanora followed, shutting the door behind us, and we made our way silently towards the stables.

Once at the stables, I parted from Vanora and made my way to Horse who Jols had already started to prepare. When I smiled at him, he nodded his head and moved further down the stalls to help the other knights. Once I attached my bag, draping my leather strap the way Dagonet showed me, I grabbed my swords and bow and arrows from the weapons corner, strapping them onto the saddle. Tristan moved behind me, placing a hand on my hip and looking over my shoulder at my handiwork.

Even though I had not heard him approach, nor had I seen him in the stables when I first arrived, I did not jump nor was I surprised to find him behind me. I had this uncanny ability to just know when Tristan was near, although it did not always seem to work.

"Are you prepared?" I looked over my things, glancing out of the stable door and frowning at how much snow was pouring down. It was a good thing then that I had already converted most of my training and mission clothes to more warmer things. We had all felt the cold in the air approaching and word had spread amongst us to dress warmly for the trip.

"As I ever will be." He nodded, squeezing my hip before moving off to his own horse with Hawk on his free arm. I had not seen the bird in a while, although Tristan had told me a few nights ago that she disappeared often, and I smiled despite the seriousness of our mission. I often remembered how he had compared Hawk and I the first time I ever met her, how we had both been muted and beaten at first.

Arthur moved into the stables with a nod to us all, his voice low as he conversed with Jols, before moving to his own horse.

"Knights, it is three days to the hold where we will pick up the Arcenius family. Ration our supplies and bring extra cover. Jols, have you prepared the extra horse?" Indeed there was a riderless horse in the stalls with us, holding the blankets and cover that we did not want to bog our horses down with. Once it was assured that everything was tied down tightly, Galahad offered to lead the second horse for the first part of the trip.

Arthur ran over the plan with us once more, watching our faces as he did so. I had a feeling that he felt the same that Lancelot did about this particular mission, pointless but better this than some dangerous mission. Our anger at having to relocate the Arcenius family was outshined by the fact that we knew we had to do it. I was actually looking forward to seeing the little girl, Julia, again. She had reminded me so much of Tonet, although he would be Maia's age if he was alive.

When we rode out, not long after everyone had made it to the stables, I nodded to Vanora and Maia, along with Vanora's children that were waving frantically from the gate, and forced my eyes ahead of me. We had a long ride, a hard ride if the heavily falling snow was anything to go by, and I needed to focus. We rode at a steady pace, with the knights changing position every now and then. We had to make use of the sun for as long as we had it, the days were shorter and nights were longer and Arthur had already told us that we would have to move slower on the second half of the trip because of the wagons.

We rode at night, although never long and never far, camping with ourselves huddled close together for warmth. The fires we started did wonders once we got them going and we did our best to keep our eyes open but as the days slinked on and we found ourselves in the close line of trees where the wagons had trouble passing through, we were almost afraid to light a fire.

Finally the trees became denser and daylight broke through again, the village just down the hill. I remembered riding down this hill in the rain with Julia pressed against me, the memory of the fear clear and resting in the pit of my stomach making me feel uneasy. The village was buzzing, the movement clear even from the distance. I could spot the wagons surrounding the house as well, slowly gathering snow on the tops. There looked the be four or five large wagons, a handful of smaller hansoms, meaning their caravan had grown in size.

"Lancelot, ride ahead." Lancelot nodded and spurred his horse forward, heading towards the village. We set off behind him at a more dignified pace, gaining our breath and looking forward to resting our aching bodies if only for a little while. We still had enough daylight that we could get to a good stopping point in the forest if we pushed the wagons and hansoms and their occupants to move at a little less than leisurely pace.

At the first gate, we rode through with no trouble. The second gate, before the house where the Arcenius family would be, we were held back with Lancelot. Once we were all there, Lancelot urging his horse in circles, we were allowed through to the stables. A few stablehands met us, urging us off of our horses and leading them away to be seen to. A servant, one with a sour face that I remembered vaguely from our first mission, met us and ushered us forward with a glare.

Julius Arcenius was seated in the recieving hall, his fingers steepled infront of him and his head bowed. He was alone, neither of his children nor his wife in sight, and when we made our way into the room, he snapped to attention.

"Oh, my my, I had not been made aware that you had arrived. Of course, of course, Herald! Make sure they are well fed and made warm. It is freezing, absolutely freezing outside. Arthur, if there is anything, anything, that you or your knights need, please do ask." Arthur glanced at us, weary and cold and hungry, before turning back to Julius.

"Warm food and drink is all we ask. The way is packed with snow and will make for difficult travel so the less time we spend here means the more time we can be heading out." Julius nodded, clapping his hands as Herald, the sour faced servant, ushered us towards the door with another glare.

Galahad came to my side, pressing his hand to my shoulder with a small smile.

"Our host has not lost his penchant for repeating his words." I laughed, remembering our first meeting with the Roman. He was so unlike Grent, kind and courteous to us where Grent had been cruel and looked down on the knights, that I could not help but hold a place in my heart for the man that often repeated his words.

As we sat down at the table to eat our fill, I wanted nothing more than to melt into the wooden chair. It was warm and comfortable in the room and I knew that we would be back out in the snow in no time. For now though, we were warm.

* * *

**A/N: **I may have just realized that it is almost a year since I started this story. The 29th of this month will mark the one year anniversary. I'm so, so, so happy that this story is still going strong with such great readers. Honestly, you guys are amazing. I love each and every one of you.

So here is chapter 72. I was going to make it longer, but because the next chapter is going to have a lot more action and will be drawn out more since it's the traveling, I decided to cut it short.

Reviews/alerts/favorites are, as always, awesome. Just like all of you are.


	73. Chapter 73

**A Burning Sky**

We had progressed no further than reaching the densely packed woods before we had our first problem. I rode behind the wagon holding the Arcenius family, feeling Abellana's hateful eyes on me every inch of the way, while Julia still tried to pepper me with questions. When she had first seen me, she had not recognized me. Once the recognition set though, she had thrown herself at me to give me a hug. The reaction had shocked me and I stumbled, trying to hug her but also not drawing attention to us. Her mother had glared at me, yelling for her daughter to get away from 'that', and pulled her away from me.

The first problem that we encountered, barely ten minutes into our travel, was the first wagon getting off the trail and becoming stuck in the ditch. I could see the irritation on Arthur's face, plus the memory that we were disturbingly close to where we had been ambushed the first time, but there was nothing we could do about it now.

"Do they think we will be stuck here for long?" Abellana's voice reached my spot behind the wagon, keeping my eyes open in the woods for anything suspicious. Instead of taking my eyes off of the woods, where I was trying to decide if it was an animal or a tree in the distance, I replied.

"As long as it takes to pull the other wagon out of the ditch." I refused to address this lady with a title, although I assumed she had one.

"You will look at me when you speak to me, heathen. I do not take lightly to being ignored and spoken to like a child." I tightened my grip on my sword, trying to decide if the figure in the distance really was a tree. It was too tall to be an animal and I could have sworn that it was heading this way.

"How does one ignore and yet speak to someone else at the same time?" A gasping sound came from her and I was sure that if there had not been such a distance between us, she would have raised a hand to strike me.

"Gawain!" Gawain, who was only a little distance away from me and inspecting the woods opposite from us, glanced over before urging his horse towards me.

"Does that tree look like it is moving to you?" Gawain's hand went to his ax as he sought for the tree that I motioned to subtly. If it was a person, I did not what them to know that we could see them. Not yet.

"The falling snow will alter our perception but no, I do not think so. I will keep an eye on it, you can take over my spot."

He was allowing me to leave, since he probably had heard the interaction between the lady and myself. I nodded to him in my thanks before urging my horse over to the other side. Tristan was riding through from the front of the caravan, pulling to a stop beside me.

"They have almost pulled the wagon free. How is everything back here?" I glanced over to Gawain who seemed to be inspecting the wagon nearest to him. With a quick glance into the woods, although I could not see if there was anything moving out there from this distance, I turned back to face Tristan.

"Just waiting to move forward." He nodded, glancing over his shoulder before moving his horse a little closer to mine, grabbing my hand and squeezing it lightly before taking off the way he had come. When I looked up, red cheeked that had nothing to do with the cold, it was to see Gawain rolling his eyes.

"Oh leave me alone." He laughed, turning it into a cough when I mockingly glared at him.

Finally we were able to move forward again, with Arthur coming through to tell each person in charge of the wagons to try to stay as centered as they could. The snow was falling thicker now, with sporadic rain mixed in between. But we pushed forward, with me once again behind the wagon holding the Arcenius family, ignoring the glares of Abellana and shooting smiles to Julia. Julius Minor was curled up with his wetnurse again whiel Julius Major shifted between trying to look all the man his father was and wanting to fall asleep.

"Close in around the wagons!" Arthur's voice rang out and I pushed my horse as close to the wagon back as I could, watching as the guards scrambled to do the same. There was no utterance of an attack, no orders for us to do anything, so I sat and waited for an order. One hand was on my sword and the other gripped at the saddle under me, tensely waiting for some one to explain what was going on.

Just as I began to think to maybe ride ahead just a bit, to let the guards protect the family, I heard hoofbeats coming towards us. A second later, Lancelot came into view, out of breath.

"Traders ahead, Arthur wanted to be safe. Bors and your brother are going to ride with the traders past us a little ways." Sure enough, not long after Lancelot had moved to go back to his position, Dagonet and Bors rode through with a handful of men on a small and battered wagon. The traders looked at us with huge eyes, as if they had not seen something like this before, but I ignored them.

We were forced to make camp earlier than we had hoped, with the snow and the wagons weighing us down too much. Like we had coming throught the first time, we kept the wagons close and took turns doing watches. Bors, Gawain and I took the first shift, moving as quietly as we could amongst the wagons. There was no room for a fire so instead we urged the occupants to wrap up as much as possible. The only saving grace was that the snow had stopped.

I wrapped a cloak around my shoulders, stepping over a large branch that had fallen down, and stopped when I heard something snap in the distance. It had come from the distance infront of me so I knew that it was no one from the caravan. I waited, hand poised on my sword, for another sound.

I could hear someone walking up behind me and I glanced back, the moon giving me just enough light to recognize my brother. He moved to stand next to me, facing forward.

"You are supposed to be sleeping." He shrugged, but did not deny it.

"There is something that I do not like about tonight." Just as I opened my mouth, intent to tell him about the image I had seen earlier and the noise I had just heard, there was an uproar of screams from infront of us. The screams were accompanied by footfall, clanging of swords in the distance. Dagonet pulled me backwards, making us fall back to the wagons. The noise had woken up those nearest to us and slowly word was getting down the caravan. Arthur came to stand next to us, peering over our heads but I knew it was useless. There was not enough light to tell us who they were, or even how many there were.

"Three guards at the door of each wagon, five at the wagon holding the Arcenius family, the rest of you up here now! Irissa, stay with the family. Gawain, position yourself halfway through the caravan. Now!" Everyone sprung into action, the knights rushing forward while I and a few guards rushed backwards. I tripped over my feet for a second before regaining my footing and launching myself faster, climbing onto the back of the wagon that the family was in.

"What is-" I clamped my hand over Julius Major's mouth, pushing them away from the front of the wagon.

"Quiet. We are under attack." Abellana yanked my hand from her eldest son's mouth and I could barely make out the glare as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.

"And you are our protection?" I stood up, unsheathing my sword and pointing it out of the wagon, so as to not make them feel threatened.

"It is me or you can fend for yourself. Now quiet!" I hissed the words and leaned out of the back of the wagon, glancing at the guards nearest to us, before pulling down the flap.

I could hear the sounds from the front of the caravan, yelling and the clanging of swords. My hands gripped at my sword and I mentally berated myself for not going to where I had tied Horse up to get the rest of my weapons. I had only one of my swords and one dagger attached to my hip. There was a motion in the wagon and I held my hand out, grabbing the little girl just as she stumbled over someone's feet to where I was crouched at the front.

"Shh. Stay still." I wrapped an arm around her, feeling her shake against me. I pushed the thoughts that threatened to take over away, refusing to dwell on things that I could not change. The fighting was getting louder, closer, and I had a duty to perform. I had to protect this family.

A guard poked his head into the flap, saying something twice that I could not hear before repeating himself just loud enough that I could make out the words.

"The knight beside us says they are breaking through. There are too many." My stomach clenched and I pried myself away from the little girl, which was difficult as she did not want to let go of my arm.

"Do any of you know how to wield a sword?" Julius raised his hand, as well did Julius Major. I pushed the guards out of the way, shouting for them to move forward to counter the incoming attack, and moved to the next wagon, grabbing the spare weapons we had stashed there. I weighed them in my hands before carrying them to the wagon.

"Here. Only use them to defend, not to attack. My lady, here, a blade for you as well." Opening the flap let in the moonlight and I could see her face, one that I expected to see anger or even fear on, and I saw only gratitude. She accepted the blade, her hands shaking. The sounds were getting louder and I jumped out of the wagon again, leaning up to press something into Julia's hand.

"Stay with your mother and father, but keep this with you." She palmed the dagger, my dagger, and nodded fiercely, her eyes wide. After urging her to sit back down, I slammed the flap back in place and moved to where I had tied Horse to one of the wheels.

I untied her after I pulled off my other sword, bow and arrows, and my other two daggers. She tossed her head a few times before staying beside me, stomping at the ground every few seconds. I had expected her to run, that had been my intention for I knew she would come back if I called her, but she was going to stay with me.

I twirled both of my swords, regaining my grip just in time as someone burst through screaming, moving his sword down at me. The moon glinted on his sword and gave me enough time to raise my own, cutting off his attack. With my free sword, I swung up and let it go through his stomach. The gutteral groan that came from him did not disrupt me as I pulled the sword out and swung at the next person that came into sight. Gawain was a few feet away hacking at the men that came into sight.

I slammed the hilt of one of my swords into the wrist of one of the men who reached for the flap, hearing the bone break as I did so. He pulled it back and craddled it to his chest, raising the sword in his other hand but I swung out, still with the hilt of my sword, and smacked it into his face. His nose broke and he bent down. As he fell, I slammed the hilt into the back of his head, knocking him out.

The sounds were not as loud as before and I could see Gawain running a hand over his face, wiping off a layer of sweat and some blood from a gash on his forehead. When I opened my mouth to ask if he saw any more, all that came out as a scream. The man I had thought I had knocked out had stuck a dagger into my leg.

Gawain came at my scream, using his ax to kill the man that had stabbed me, before bending next to my leg. The dagger was short, the top of it broken off, and sticking out of my calf.

He opened his mouth to say something, but another man came forward. Behind him were two more. I could barely stand, all of my weight being shifted to my left leg while my right leg bled. Gawain spun, landing on his back, and threw his ax so that it embedded into the chest of the first man.

I dropped both of my swords and pulled out one of my daggers, throwing it with simple accuracy, watching it sink into the second man's throat. He fell, the next man stumbling over him as he continued, two swords raised. I reached for my other dagger, fingers curling over the hilt, as the man screamed and fell before us, an arrow sticking out of his back.

* * *

Tristan was in the distance, his bow aimed the direction of Gawain and Irissa. When he was sure the man was not going to get up, and that man had been the last of the attackers, he began to move to where Gawain was lying, Irissa leaning against the wagon. He had seen her throw the dagger with deadly precision, something he was grateful for.

As he got closer, he noticed that Gawain was now sitting up and looking at Irissa's leg while she clutched at the back of the wagon, visibly gritting her teeth. Had she twisted her ankle again?

A few steps closer he saw what was causing the pain in Irissa's leg. The hilt of a dagger was sticking out of Irissa's calf. Tristan glanced over his shoulder, yelling for Dagonet, before running the rest of the distance to where Irissa was slowly sliding down into the snow, stained blood by her blood and the blood of the man at her feet.

* * *

**A/N: **I am cruel and unusual. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get this up. A week, but a long week. I have a lot going on. My fiance and I are _finally _planning the wedding. Cue the epic nerves.

Aaaand yea, definitely can't let there be a chapter where Irissa doesn't get hurt. That wouldn't be fun. And hey, this is only the first night of their journey. I think the next chapter will probably be the rest of the journey, but it might get split up into more chapters.

Thank you, as always, for your lovely reviews. I'm glad that you guys are still enjoying the story.


	74. Chapter 74

**A Burning Sky**

It felt like a fire had erupted in my leg, Gawain trying to get me to keep still so that he could look at it. I heard my brother's name being called out but it did not fully register until he was grasping my arms, shaking me to look at him. I could tell that he was worried, his fingers digging into the skin of my arm, but my eyes moved past him to the people surrounding us. Tristan was the first that I saw, staring at me with unreadable eyes. I tried to open my mouth to say something to him, anything at this point, but all that came out was a yell as Dagonet started to poke around at the wound.

"I have to remove the blade Irissa. This is going to hurt." Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around my waist, pinning my arms to my sides and keeping me from flailing. Gawain held one of my legs while Dagonet straddled the other to pull the blade out. All of this meant that I did not know who was holding me down, since I was staring at Tristan. I wanted to turn and look at whoever was holding me down, but the fire seemed to get hotter in my leg.

Once the blade was out, Dagonet was yelling for the guards to bring him clean cloths and for Galahd to run to his horse and grab Dagonet's healing kit. My eyes were clenched shut, having seen the blood covering his hands as he reached out for them and not being able to handle the sight and the pain at the same time. Whoever was holding me was whispering to me, words that I was not quite catching and a voice that I could not identify through the haze.

"Hold her tightly. This will burn." Something was rubbed into the wound and I screamed, biting down on my tongue right after the sound was let out. The most movement that I was doing was clenching and unclenching my hands, knowing that the pain would only intensify if I moved or tried to pull out of the grip of the three knights.

When the pain started to subside into just a throbbing sensation, I was released. Dagonet stood up first, followed by Gawain and lastly was Lancelot, who had been the one to hold my waist. They helped me stand from my half sitting position I had fallen into, with Dagonet telling me not to put pressure on my right leg.

"The blade was broken at the tip, making it only an inch or so long. Any longer than that and this could be worse. You will need to try not to put too much pressure on it for the rest of the mission Irissa. Are you listening to me?" I looked at my brother where he was wiping his hands on his legs before reaching out and tilting my face to look up at him fully.

"Do you want to try to ride in one of the wagons?" I pulled away, wincing as I leaned on my leg but thankfully, it did not collapse. I righted myself and forced a smile.

"Thank you Dagonet. I will be fine. What happened?" Lancelot answered from behind me.

"The single largest band of rogues we have ever come across. Sadly I am not sure any of them survived the attack so we could question them." I glanced at the one that had stabbed me in the leg and frowned. Gawain had killed him, which I was grateful for, but I almost wished he had left him alive.

After the knights were assured that I was not going to bled to death before their eyes, they started to disperse. Dagonet told me that he would explain to Arthur what had happened, saving me the trip. He also told me to get some sleep and not worry about finishing up my watch. Tristan moved to where I was standing, wrapping one hand firmly around my waist and started to pull me away from the wagons.

"Stop, Tristan, please. I need to check on the family." Tristan stopped walking for only a moment before continuing to pull me away. He was supporting me enough that my injured leg was barely touching the ground, but I still pulled away from him.

"They have their own guards Irissa." I held my arm out, effectively fending off his next advance.

"And I am in charge of their safety as much as their guards are." I waited for him to move out of the way before hobbling past him, heading towards the wagon that I had been standing next to only a few moments ago. There were no guards nearby and I wondered if anyone had even told them that it was safe yet.

When I pulled up the flap, I barely had time to duck before a sword was thrust through the opening, barely missing my cheek. The startled face of Julius met me when I stood back up.

"Oh, dear dear, I am so very sorry." I smiled, feeling tired and sore.

"The attack is over, however I will have a series of five guards at this post for the rest of the night." A collective sigh of relief sounded and I motioned away when Julius and his son tried to hand be back their swords.

"Keep them with you. Better safe than sorry." Julia moved to the door, glancing quickly at her mother, before wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"I heard you scream. Are you hurt?" I smiled at the four year old, possibly five by now, and shook my head.

"Not much. Go, get some sleep. And keep that dagger close to you." She squeezed it in her hands, her knuckles turning white, and turned back to her mother. Abellana was watching me warily, before giving me a simple nod and pulling her daughter close to her side.

I shut the flap behind me, limping my way over to where Tristan was standing. He wrapped his arms around me and helped me over to his bedroll, sitting me down and moving away. When he came back, it was with my own bedroll from my horse. After making sure we were both covered and warmed, one of Tristan's arms wrapped around me and my head pressed into his neck, I started to relax.

There was not so much burning in my leg now, although it was still there. I knew the pain would intensify when I had to clean the wound in the morning, but for now it was just a dull throb. I was lucky that it was not deep, although my luck seemed to be very short on most days. If I had been lucky, I would not had been stabbed at all.

And when I woke up a few hours after sleeping, it was to a deep burn in my leg. Tristan was gone, so he must be on his watch. I moved the blankets away and peered at the wrapping around my leg, my pants leg torn and the bandage wrapped on the inside. It had gotten irritated in my sleep and started to bleed again. I could not see any of the knights or guards from my position but I knew that I would have to have someone sew it or it would get infected.

With no other choice, I rummaged through my bag that Tristan had brought over before we fell asleep and rummaged to find my own healing kit. I bent my leg awkwardly, trying hard to ignore the burn as I did so, and started to sew the skin together. My breath was coming out in gasps as I tried to hold back sobs, my hands shaking almost too much for me to be able to get anything done. Just as I thought I was going to have to stop, or pass out trying, a shadow came over where I was sitting.

"Irissa." The tone was soft, and only slightly chastising, and I looked up with tears in my eyes to see Tristan shaking his head, dropping his sword next to me and grabbing the items from my hands, telling me to lean back.

He waited for me to calm down before he took over where I left off, handing me a rolled up cloth to bite down on. The pain was beyond what it had been before, thanks to my sad attempts before, and I could barely keep from crying out. However every time he could tell it was getting to be too much for me, Tristan would stop and grab my hand, whispering softly to me that he was almost finished. And when he did finish, wrapping a clean bandage around it and positioning my pants leg so that it was not open to the elements, he moved to lean with me against the wagon wheel we were propped against.

"You should have waited, or asked someone to help you."

"I thought I could handle it. I will not be making that mistake again." I winced at the pain in my leg again as I tried to roll over and Tristan stopped me, pulling me so that I was in his lap instead.

"You need to stop getting injured Irissa." I laughed, tucking my head under his chin.

"It is not like I try to get injured all of the time." Tristan did not laugh, simply pulled me closer to him and pressed his lips to my forehead. I tilted my head up, silently asking for a real kiss, to which he relented. When he pulled away, I tucked my head under his chin again.

"I feel like I will slow the entire caravan down when we start moving again."

I felt more than saw Tristan shake his head.

"The snow and the wagons will do that enough on their own, it will be easier on you that way. Try not to put pressure on it and do not keep from asking if you need to ride in one of the wagons to take the pressure off of it from riding."

The next morning, I had to have Dagonet help me mount Horse. Once there, the burning returned to my leg but I kept my face blank, something I had picked up from Tristan. Dagonet, after assuring that I was fine, returned to his own horse. I felt bad about lying to him but I did not want him to worry about me more than I knew he already would.

I stayed a few lengths back from the wagon that held the family, deciding that I should probably not try to start a conversation with Julia today with how much pain I was in. Instead I kept my eyes anywhere but the wagons, watching the trees for any sign of movement, and ignoring the pain in my calf. This also meant I had to reassure every knight, and even a few of the guards, that I was fine.

"How long until we are out of these woods?" Lancelot glanced at me from his place on the other side of the fire, where we had stopped for the night. Dismounting from Horse, I had nearly collapsed which caused Lancelot and Bors, the two nearest knights, to ban me from performing a watch tonight as well.

"We should be camping in the open again tomorrow night, if we make the same speed as we did today. How are you feeling?" I tugged at my hair before wrapping the blanket around my shoulders a little closer.

"I will be happy when I can bathe again. Other than that, and the fact that I feel like an invalid, I am doing very well Lancelot." He laughed, leaning towards me to wrap an arm around my shoulders.

"That is the spirit Irissa." I pulled away from him, trying to glare but laughing instead, and then leaned back against him.

"I just do not want you to have to worry about me during a mission. It is not safe nor smart."

Lancelot sighed and glanced down to my leg, although it was covered and the bandage could not be seen from the angle he was at.

"Can you blame us for worrying about you?" I thought about what would happen if things were changed, if one of the knights was in the positin I was in, and sighed.

"No, I daresay I cannot blame you at all."

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know, it's been forever. I wrote this one in one sitting though, so sorry for any typos. I am no longer working at the bank, but I am now working at the hospital and for an agency that sponsors people that can interpreter sign language so I'm a busy bee again. Which is good in this economy, bad for my writing. Sorry again.

I also am sorry it has taken so long for me to get some replies out to you all. FFnet was being very, very special recently. Sorry again.

Thank you, as always, for your lovely reviews. I'm glad that you guys are still enjoying the story.


	75. Chapter 75

Author's Note: It has been a year and... I wanted to give you all something I think you've been wanting for a while now. Enjoy, and thank you for this past year.

**A Burning Sky**

The next day and a half went by with relative ease, with us knights spread amongst the wagons once we finally hit the open road again. I stayed with the wagon holding the Roman family, forcing a smile so that no one would know just how much my calf was bothering me. Dagonet pulled me to the side every few hours to check the bandage, to apply more salve, or just to ask how I was feeling. It was the constant rub of my leg against the saddle and the bounce as we quickened our pace that was causing the pain, but I ignored it as much as I could.

If we could get the family to their destination and get back to the wall in one piece, I would gladly sit down and tell Dagonet how much pain I was in, but I could not do it while we were on a mission. Everyone was already keeping their eyes open for another attack, plus Bors and Lancelot were still refusing to allow me to do our nightly watches, and I was slowly starting to feel like a burden.

Julia watched me from the back of the wagon, my dagger still clutched in her hands. She slept the least of her family, staying near the back of the wagon and making sure I was within earshot at all times. If I strayed too far, I would come back to see her clutching the dagger to the point that her knuckles would lock around the hilt and I would have to pry it from her fingers. The attack had scared her, had made her attach herself to me because I was the one that had protected her this time and the last time we had been together.

"Irissa, you have to be wary of the attachment. Think about what will happen when we leave them. It would be a disaster for her to try to follow us, try to stay with you." Arthur had not talked down to me, was not lecturing me, simply telling me how things were. Of course it was something I already knew, it was not a thought I had not had a few times already. I would have to try to get her alone when we reached their house, even if the conversation would hurt me as well as her. No matter the difference, I still looked at her and saw Tonet. I still saw the boy that I failed to protect.

"Irissa, ride ahead with Lancelot, Gawain and Dagonet to check the area." Arthur had also been giving me more tasks for the past few days, as if sensing my restlessness. The wagons and hansoms, along with the snow, had caused us to lose time. More time than we really felt we could afford.

I rode forward, letting Horse do most of the work, to meet up with my brother and Gawain, Lancelot having already headed off. We branched out, fanning infront of the caravan and looking in every direction for any sign of life. Since we made it to the open, we had not seen any sign that people were near. The weather gave us some hope, not a lot of traders would try to travel in such deep snow, but that did not mean we would let our guards down. Especially after the large scale attack from the first night, our guards were twice as thick as before.

A section of trees, thick and dark, were off to my right and I stared at them, trying to make out any forms in the darkness. After a bit of staring, I was satisfied, turning Horse back the way I had come, but something caught my eye. At first I thought it was a trick of the light, the sun going down and reflecting off of the snow, but then I realized that it was actually there. In the distance, partially hidden by the trees, was a fire. The size was too large to be a torch, even too large to be a campfire.

Gawain rode up beside me, glancing in the direction I was staring and then at me.

"Are you in pain Irissa?" I shook my head and pointed my finger.

"There's a fire behind those trees." Gawain looked again, staring at the trees with as much intensity as I had been. I knew the moment he saw the fire for he spurred his horse, nearly running into the backend of Horse as he did so, and rode back to the caravan. Only a few minutes later, all of the knights were lined around where I was standing, staring off at the trees. The fire had grown, to the point that I did not need to point it out to the knights. There was also smoke billowing upwards.

Arthur barked a series of orders, for the knights to ride to see what was going on, and for me to stay with the family. I had expected it, seeing as how I had been left with the family for everything, so I rode hard towards the caravan, shouting orders at the guards that I passed to protect the wagons in equal parts.

Julius Arcenius was leaning against the back of the wagon, trying to peer around the side to see why we were not moving. Abellana was leaning against the back wall, one hand holding onto Julia's shoulder and the other resting solidly on the sword next to her. The wetnurse held onto Julius Minor and Julius Major was leaning next to his father, a sword in his hand.

"Is it another, another attack?" I shook my head, dismounting onto my uninjured leg and winced as I stood on both of them. Once I was sure I was not about to collapse, I pulled myself up against the wagon.

"Back, get back. There's a fire in the distance, the knights rode to see what is going on."

"And if it is another attack? You are our protector again?" Although I could tell that Abellana was grateful for how much I did for her and her family, there was still a sneer in her voice that I could not overlook.

"I think I have done a good enough job at protecting your family. If you would rather, I can go protect the wagon with the rations in it and you can defend yourselves." The glare that Abellana gave me was meek compared to the glare that Julius and even the wetnurse sent her.

"You have done a splendid splendid job of protecting my family, lady knight." The praise coming from the head of the Roman family threw me off guard, making me fumble a bit on the back of the wagon. It was unheard of, for someone of his position to stick up for someone deemed below them, but I nodded.

"Her name is Irissa, father." All of us turned to look at Julia, sitting under her mother's hand with a smile on her face.

"Of course, of course. Irissa. We are very thankful for your service Irissa." I nodded to the Roman but before I could say anything, although I was not really sure what I could say at this point, I heard my name being called out from the distance.

I jumped from the back of the wagon, wincing as it sent a shock of pain up my right leg, and made my way to the side. Tristan was riding through, weaving through the lines of guards that were around the wagons. When he got close enough to where I was, he shot a pointed look to my leg before looking back up to me.

"There is a small village on the other side of the trees, bandits set the blaze. Only a few survivors. The first wagon is being empited to go and fetch the survivors." I nodded, turning back to the wagon. I could feel that Tristan wanted to reprimand me for standing, knowing that I had to be in pain, but he would not do it now. He would wait until we were all out of danger and there were not any prying ears to listen to us.

I told the family what was going on, watching Abellana scowl as her husband urged me to tell Arthur that they would take them in, that the family would help the survivors and allow them to build anew in their village if they wanted to. After promising Julius that I would tell Arthur of his offer, I moved back to where Horse was and pulled myself back onto the saddle. Julia was pressed against the back of the wagon again, her head resting in her hands, and I wondered how she was able to fight her way out of her mother's grip.

"When we get home, I will not see you again, will I?" I situated myself on the saddle, trying to find a way to answer that. The truth of it was, I probably would not see her again. Deciding that the truth was better than lies, I nodded sadly.

"I think this will be our last adventure together Julia Arcenia." She nodded and looked into her lap, reaching down and pulling up the dagger that I had given her. I stared at it and then smiled.

"You keep it." She smiled, a brighter smile than I had seen her show this entire trip, and moved it back to her lap.

I rode out from behind the wagon and pushed forward, moving around the guards until I was in the front and could see the wagon in the distance, heading towards the trees to gather the survivors. Everything came down to timing, because if we had ridden through here only a day earlier, we never would have seen the fire.

When the wagon came back, I saw Dagonet's horse attached to the side. That was my clue that he was inside, doing his best to help them in any way he could. More people meant more time we had to spend to get everyone to the village in one piece, but we were thankfully on about a day's ride away from house at this point.

Arthur announced that we would make camp where we were, allowing the guards and drivers to adjust the wagons so that they were in a circle again. A fire was started in the middle, to help everyone get warm again, and I moved so that I was on the outside. Dagonet found me, leaning against the wheel of one of the wagons, and knelt down beside me.

"Are you putting too much strain on the wound?" I shook my head, rolling the leg of my pants out of the way and checking under the bandage. A few of the stitches had torn but it did not look like it needed to be redone. Dagonet inspected it, shaking his head with a sigh and tying a new bandage over it.

"If you promise to take it easy, you can do first watch." I stood up quickly, nearly tripping over Dagonet in the process. He watched me, gesturing to my leg to tell me to put weight on it. When I did, I was happy that I did not buckle. There was an ache, but it was dull compared to what it had been earlier that day.

"A brief warning, I think Tristan wishes to have words with you." I opened my mouth but snapped it shut because Dagonet was gone, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Some days it felt like Dagonet only gave his blessing to my relationship with Tristan because it meant someone else to scold me for my bad decisions.

It was halfway through my watch, doing small and then wider circles around the wagons, when I ran into Tristan. First watch was Dagonet, Galahad and myself, so I imagined that Tristan had been waiting to get me alone. The wind had picked up, howling around the wagons and my cloak was not doing very good at keeping the wind from biting at my skin, so I shivered from the cold and the apprehension of whatever conversation we were about to have.

"Have we not told you on multiple occasions that you are supposed to ask for help? You cannot do this by yourself Irissa." I wrapped my arms more tightly around myself, bowing my head to look at our feet. He was only a foot or so away, his voice low and rough, telling me that he had been holding this in for most of the day.

"I do not want to slow us down, I do not want special treatment. Am I not a knight like the rest of you?" Being a woman made me feel like I had to strive twice as hard to make myself as good as the knights, made me feel like I had more to prove.

"And if it was one of the other knights that had been injured, we would all try our hardest to make sure we did our mission but still kept him safe. It has nothing to do with that Irissa. We do not want you to strain yourself."

I stepped backwards but a gust of wind actually blew me closer to him than I had been in the first place. He seemed to notice and stepped forward, our bodies now only inches apart. A wave of warmth, the warmth of another person's body heat, washed over me.

"I am not a weakling Tristan. I can take care of myself. I do not need to be babysat." Tristan shook his head, reaching down and tilting my face up to his.

"We are not trying to smother you Irissa. We do it because we care about you, we love you."

The words came out softly, confidently, and I felt my mouth dry up. Tristan had been very careful never to use the word love around me, not in reference to anything. I tilted my head back down, his hand moving to cup my cheek instead. I wanted to apologize for acting childish, I wanted to continue to argue the point that I was not an invalid, I wanted to tell Tristan that I loved him. I wanted so many things, but the only thing I could do was think about the fact that the man I loved had come as close to saying that he loved me as he ever had.

"I love you." I spoke softly, settling with saying that instead of anything else that I could. When I looked back up to look into Tristan's eyes, I could see the emotion that he never voiced, I could see the words that he never said. But as I went to wrap my arms around him, to silently reassure him like I usually did that I did not need him to say them back, his voice stopped me.

"And I love you." Those words, the words I had been holding my breath for all of this time, seemed to crash into me and make me feel warmer than any fire could ever do. Instead of crying, and believe me when I say that I felt the urge, I leaned forward to press my cold, chapped lips to Tristan's and smiled. When we pulled apart, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him tightly against me. His arms came around my shoulders, holding onto me and keeping that warmth locked between us.

I knew that I needed to get over my insecurity of being a woman amongst the knights, I knew that I needed to learn how to ask for help and how to recognize my limitations, but that was all in the back of my mind. All there was now was just Tristan and myself, holding onto one another and knowing that tomorrow was another day.

* * *

**A/N: **It has been a year, such a long and yet short year. I feel blessed to have kept everyone's attention this long, blessed to have had the amazing repsonse to my little (little, it's 75 chapters long!) story. I want you all to know that I love you dearly and I can never begin to explain just how grateful I am that you all take the time out to talk to me, to read my story, and just... how great you all have been. It has been an amazing year. You all have been there for me through the good and the bad and the ugly and I just cannot begin to explain how much it means to me. Thank you.

And, because it has been a great year and I wanted to give you all something, this update holds three little words. _I love you._ I felt like it was time that Tristan step up and give Irissa just as much as she gives him. I hope you liked the chapter dears!


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